The Quick Scan and See...

I call it the quick scan and see. It’s that initial sight check to determine if there is a significant other [better stated: does the man have a ring on his left hand?] And I’ve been catching myself “checking” more often lately, and I’m not quite sure why.

Maybe it’s a rise in hormones—an insurgence in estrogen or some other hormone that has me more keenly interested in scoping out the current stats of males I encounter. Or maybe it’s that biological clock that is tick-tocking as I write this! Time is running out on my body, and I know it. Or perhaps it’s just simply a change of venue—I’m working at a bigger company now, and I’m encountering more people every day, and it’s just that environment change that has me noticing more. Or maybe it’s just something else! Whatever the reason for the growth in my “quick scan and see” scoping, it has me laughing!

I’m single and I’d like to be married. [There I said it. WHEW! What a load off my mind!!] So when I meet people, it’s natural for me to be curious about their marital state…especially if they are interesting. The trouble is that lately I think EVERY ONE is interesting!

Maybe he has an awesome laugh, a winsome nature, and an incredible smile that catches me off guard!

Maybe he’s more of a loner, off by himself during lunch and pensively deep in thought and I wonder what keeps him so occupied!

Maybe he’s a brilliant scientist that reminds me of an absent-minded professor--in need of a serious over-haul on his wardrobe and schedule, but so incredibly smart that it's hard not to be intrigued!

Or maybe one random day 2 months back, he sat and talked to me for 10 minutes while I was sitting on my own, and I can’t seem to help wondering more about him. What makes him tick, what does he like, what makes him laugh, what are his hopes and dreams, does he like chocolate or vanilla? [Oops!! I launched from hypothetical to reality there. AHEM!]

To sum up, I’m finding lots of people to be interested in, and I’m feeling a bit unfocused at the moment. Some days I drift away from the lunch table repartee as I scope out the room or look for a somewhat familiar face. Often my patient co-workers catch me and retrieve me back to the subject at hand with a laugh.

And it is comical, I admit. I suppose I could be making better use of my time some days rather than always scoping for that special someone, but at least I admit that this is where I am at, and that has to count for something.

Organized Spontaneity...it's possible, right?

I’ve been musing lately about my organizational skills. I’m so organized with my bills—what is due, when to pay, etc.; I’ve got a monthly plan of what to recorder on my VCR; and I usually have to schedule getting together with friends days or weeks in advance. I just like to plan in advance. People laugh at me, but I’m not a naturally spontaneous girl. Spontaneity to me means arranging plans the week of an event! I’m wired for a schedule.

I think I’ve always been a bit of an organized anal freak in some sort of fashion…whether it meant sorting my jelly beans and eating them alphabetically by color, arranging my closet by color with sections for dress or casual wear, or creating a comprehensive alphabetic list of all my DVDs and videos…I like to have things in order. I’m not quite OCD about it, but there is some potential for it.

However, the one thing I can't seem to organize is my personal life—as in planning for marriage! No matter how hard I try, there’s not a lot I can ahead of time. I mean, realistically how much planning can a single woman do on the subject? I mean if there isn’t even a man in the picture, I don’t have any business picking out the ring. And without a ring, I really shouldn’t have my bridesmaids lined up yet and be setting a date. And without a date, I really shouldn’t be reserving the church and talking over the menu with a caterer. So see, there’s not a lot I can do now, and that fact sometimes irks me. I can’t even plan on it happening!

I was joking with a friend recently that I’ve been on a card-making craze lately. Seriously, I’ve made over 300 homemade greeting cards in the past month, and with no end in sight (since I am still really enjoying my work on them), I told her that I was going to start working on my wedding Thank You cards now. After all, I have the time to make them now and wouldn’t it save me and my future mate money when the time comes?!? And since I think it might be a bit much to start working on my wedding invitations instead, I joked that starting on making thank you cards was more practical! I’m sure she just thought I was nuts!

But it’s a real fact of my life! I joke about it, but the truth is that there isn’t any sign of a man in my life. And sometimes, I’m curious what to do about it. I mean what is a single girl to do? Where is that line in the sand between doing too much to secure your own happiness and letting GOD work it out for you? And without seeing the future and what lies ahead, it’s hard some days for a planning girl to know what to do! But I think I’m starting to see past it now…

In my mid to late twenties, I was still in what I call my “what-if” stage. I’d make plans with people, schedule vacations, etc. but in the back of my mind, a little voice would be saying: “I can make those plans, but if something better comes along, I can change my plans…” Well, those days are gone now! I’ve become far more independent. I’m less dependent on the what-ifs or the possibilities of what could happen. I schedule days, weeks and sometimes months in advance for the real people that are all around me. I’m interacting with them all the time. And should that someone special enter my life, I’m hoping I still have room for him because I won’t be breaking my weekend get-away with girlfriends or canceling all my other plans just because he exists.

I guess I’ve stopped pretending with my self that I need to leave space for him to fit in should he ever see fit to come upon the scene. I’m filling that space up! And if he does come along, he’ll find me living a full life. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be space for him at all. He’ll just be another part of my life…a part I am still hoping for, but not an empty space that I’m reserving should he ever arrive. I’m through holding a seat for him when there is so much more I could be doing! There are some things you can’t be ready for…some things that are still going to catch you off guard. And as an over-planner, it kills me that I can’t have all my ducks in a row for my future. But then, nothing outside of GOD’s love is really certain anyway.

And while I’m still that anal retentive girl that does plan months in advance, I think I’m softening a little...a very little maybe. I’ll never be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl. Not gonna happen! But some days, I’m open to throwing aside my organized life and running out the door, camera in hand, ready to explore my world.

Am I ready to completely give up my organized life for some carefree mayhem? Will I toss my calendar aside for a maintenance-free lifestyle? NAH! Don't hold your breath!

However, I am going to plan for some spontaneity now and then and see what happens!