And he has a magnetic personality. He really does. People seem to be naturally drawn to him. I have several friends that regularly confide in him. He has become one of their main sources of advice. They turn to him for consolation and comfort regarding relationships, employment struggles, family stuff, etc. And while I am glad for their sakes that he fills that role in their lives, he and I just don't mesh like that. I don't feel the need to confide in him or share anything deeply personal with him. I guess you could say that I don't share much of anything with him at all.
Truth is, we're not really all that good of friends at all. I'd like to say that we're opposites and that's why we just don't click like others do, but I think the truth is that we're more alike than we are different. Both of us like to be needed.
Just as he likes to be the person that people turn to when they need someone to talk and listen, I like to be doing something, anything to feel needed. I am at my best when I feel that I'm participating in the lives of those around me--whether I'm listening to a friend sharing or volunteering to tackle a project. It's all the same. He and I like to be needed, to be contributing members of society.
But since we are both busy filling that role of service in others lives, we don't need each other. It's almost as if we've entered some competition with each other, and it's rather odd. On more than one occasion, I've wondered if he resents me in some way, and I've concluded that he does. Just as I think I tend to bait him and provoke him, too.
Since I don't share with him or confide in him all my dark secrets, he sums me up as less than I am. I don't need his services, thus I'm merely taking up oxygen. He sees me as a prude. I bore him. I'm too innocent, too self-righteous to suit him, and so he strives to make me uncomfortable in his presence so that I'll leave his space. He tries to embarrass me and make himself appear superior. You see, he thinks he knows me. He thinks he sees all there is to see, but he doesn't.
I'm secretly amused at his taunting antics and mind games. In fact I tend to be the prude in his presence just to get on his nerves. When I'm with him, I rarely speak my mind or talk much at all. I play my part well and become exactly what he thinks I am. I guess on some playing field, it helps me feel in control of the situation. It makes me feel better to know that he doesn't see the real me and that I control what he does see.
Rather sad, isn't it...We're quite the pathetic pair! I guess it's smart to own up to what is really going on. We will probably never be the best of friends, but there is no reason we can't collaborate together more.
Hopefully it's not too late to teach 2 old dogs a couple of new tricks!