Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Have a wonderful, safe and happy holiday season! I'm out of here...see you next year!

The Day Before You Came...

I love ABBA’s music. Their feel good tunes are especially awesome for roadtrips. Yes, most of the songs are melodic ballads or romantic tunes, but hey, I’m a diehard romantic...it’s good stuff!

I put in my favorite this morning to listen to on the way to work. I leave the office in another hour and head on my way home to Michigan, and so ABBA is a must for a long day of travel, and I wanted to get myself prepped for the ride. I heard my favorite track and couldn’t help but smile...

Must have left my house at eight, because I always do
My train, I’m certain, left the station just when it was due
I must have read the morning paper going into town
And having gotten through the editorial, no doubt I must have frowned
I must have made my desk around a quarter after nine
With letters to be read, and heaps of papers waiting to be signed
I must have gone to lunch at half past twelve or so
The usual place, the usual bunch
And still on top of this I’m pretty sure it must have rained
The day before you came

I must have lit my seventh cigarette at half past two
And at the time I never even noticed I was blue
I must have kept on dragging through the business of the day
Without really knowing anything, I hid a part of me away
At five I must have left, there’s no exception to the rule
A matter of routine, I’ve done it ever since I finished school
The train back home again
Undoubtedly I must have read the evening paper then
Oh yes, I’m sure my life was well within its usual frame
The day before you came

Must have opened my front door at eight o’clock or so
And stopped along the way to buy some Chinese food to go
I’m sure I had my dinner watching something on TV
There’s not, I think, a single episode of Dallas that I didn’t see
I must have gone to bed around a quarter after ten
I need a lot of sleep, and so I like to be in bed by then
I must have read a while
The latest one by Marilyn French or something in that style
Its funny, but I had no sense of living without aim
The day before you came

And turning out the light
I must have yawned and cuddled up for yet another night
And rattling on the roof I must have heard the sound of rain
The day before you came…

It’s sentimental and more than a bit cheesy, isn’t it? But I love it! [Incidentally, it is the last song the 4 Swedes ever recorded.] Did you notice that the word LOVE isn’t even in the song, and yet we all know what the song is about? (SIGH!)

Howard, where are you?

From the Man's Point of View...

For years, my sister Barbara has complained that I’m always on her husband Jonathan’s side. Even before they were married, I was usually taking his side or at least seeing his point of view in an argument. I’ve learned since to just step aside from those discussions and not take a side, if you will, or at least keep my mouth shut if I have an opinion!

I guess I’ve always thought I was merely trying to see the other person’s side because my Mom’s really good at that, and I figured maybe some of it carried over from my experiences with her. But then this last year, it has come up several times in my discussions with friends, too.

A girlfriend will be relaying a story about a guy she is interested in, or how she’s been waiting on a guy to call her, etc. I try to be as sympathetic as I can be, but inside, I’m asking: why does everything have to be on his shoulders? or why don’t you just call him? or did it ever occur to you that he might be nervous, too? I have these questions going round and round in my head, and sometimes they just pop out. I mean, I want to be honest, and I don’t always mean to play devil’s advocate...

But somehow I think that men (especially in regards to relationships) have it rough! I know that this goes against everything in the girl code that we live by...where we all stick together and stuff. I’m sure I’ll get emails from friends asking me to re-read my girl handbook again, but I can’t help the fact that I truly think that some men get the raw end of the stick.

We women seem to think that men should have us figured out by now. I mean, come on, we’re women. We’re lovable, adorable, giving creatures. All we ask for is that everything in our lives to be PERFECT!!! And the instant a man doesn’t fit into that mold or dream he needs to live up to--well, it’s time to write him out of our lives.

He called too late one evening (so inconsiderate)…
or he forgot to call at all (rude and a liar)…
or he calls too much (needy and clingy).
Verdict: Time to end it!

He mentioned his ex-girlfriend (pathetic—get over her already)…
or he forgot to mention that she was going to be at the same party you were attending (liar and inconsiderate).
Verdict: Time to end it!

He did not pay for my meal (cheap and rude)…
or he paid for my meal without even asking (conceited)
or he asked if he could pay for my meal (pathetic ploy).
Verdict: Time to end it!

He failed to open the car door (so unchivalrous)…
or he forgot to introduce you to his friend at the restaurant (unpolite).
Verdict: Time to end it!

He asked to meet you at the restaurant (unchivalrous)…
or he wants to pick you up at your house (stalker).
Verdict: Time to end it!

So I read over those items above and I have to laugh. I mean, we’re asking men to do things we don’t even expect from our best friends. I’m not going to stop being friends because my friend fails to call me back when expected or doesn’t think to introduce me to another friend she runs into. Yes, I’m sorry my friend forgot to call me back, but then, I’ll just call her or email her later anyway. And yes, it would be polite for my friend to introduce me to her other friend that we’ve bumped into, but sometimes it’s easy to fall right into conversation, and it gets forgotten. Just one of those things...

Women are NOT that easy to understand. I know I’m not. I’m highly changeable about what I think from one moment to the next, and half the time I don’t understand myself. Why is it that I’m expecting another person (a man especially) to just get me from day one? It’s like we women are out to test the man from the first date to see if he can withstand our antics. It’s important to be ourselves, but it’s another matter to act as if men are the only ones with the issues that we have to discover ASAP.

OK, women...what about our moods? What about our playing hard to get or the way we act coy? Why is it that we hold back and don’t reveal anything of our true selves until we think we’ve caught the guy? What about how we love to gossip and share things with our friends that should stay private – especially about men? Why is it that we have these unrealistic expectations about men, but we ourselves refuse to change our own habits?

I don’t think dating should be all about learning the other person’s faults as quickly as possible so to eliminate that person from the running. I think dating should be about getting to know the other person (the good, the bad and the ugly) just because you want to! You like them, and you hope they are learning to like you, and so you date to get to know them better…not to find a reason to cross them off your list!

OK, so I’m no dating expert. I don’t claim to be an expert at relationships at all. I’ve just been observing a trend lately with my friends, and I start to wonder if maybe we just don’t make it all more complicated than it needs to be. Why couldn’t it be like grade school again? Hi, I’m Mel. I think you’re cute. Can we be friends?

I’m not ambitious…

At least not in the most common use of the term. I don’t have that inner drive to make exorbitant amounts of money or climb the corporate ladder. To me, success means a job well done. I am a hard worker (and sometimes a bit of an over achiever), and so I feel successful now even without the large bank account and oodles of stress. I’m doing what I’m paid to do. I’m achieving my goals and making my deadlines. Is there room for improvement? You better believe it. I have lots of places I need to work on. It’s just that I feel successful in my job because I feel that I’m putting forth my best effort, and that’s a good feeling. Sure it would be nice to have more of a disposable income and a nicer job title with perks. Who doesn’t want that, really? But I don’t feel like a failure because I don’t have those things.

Lately, however, I’ve started to doubt my lack of ambition due to conversations around the office. One of them involved a young lady who did a co-op internship here at DAS. She will graduate this May with a Bachelors degree in Business and has received offers from 2 different firms—one position has a starting salary of $60,000 with a $5,000 signing bonus and the other position has a salary of $50,000 with a $1,000 signing bonus. Sounds awfully nice to me!

When I hear stories about new grads starting out with salaries like that, I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have my Bachelor’s degree—not in business, but in journalism, and when I left college, there were no jobs to be had. I started out at a day care taking care of infants, moved on to be a bank teller, eventually became an assistant to a college advisor, then on to an administrative assistant for a quasi-state entity, and now here I am 10 years later… I make decent money, but it’s not $50,000 a year. I make enough to pay my bills and do most of the things I like to do. I’d like to travel to Europe and see more of the world, but right now my money is going towards other things like paying off debt and such. But over all, what I have is sufficient. I’m content, but should I be?

Why is it that I don’t dream about riding up the corporate ladder so much? Instead my dreams are of meeting a man with a British accent. Why don’t I have visions of a bigger bank account? Instead I imagine having a small little home and taking care of my family.

Hmmmm…I think it’s all about perspective. Money isn’t the bottom line for me, and rising to the top in my company doesn’t give me a tingly feeling at all. I guess I’m ambitious in other ways. I’d like to travel, I’d like to get married, I’d like to have a little place of my own, I’d like to finish my book, I’d like to take photography classes, I’d like to do a lot of things...

I guess, you could say that I have oodles of ambitions! HA!