I Am Blessed...

This weekend, I spent LOTS of time with some of my favorite little peeps. Saturday was my youngest nephew Harrison’s 4th birthday, and I joined my sister and her family to help celebrate the joy that is Harrison.

I had a blast watching that energetic, hyped up little boy run around the house. We shared my frozen Mountain Dew, which might have helped contribute to the hyper activity now that I think of it. OOPS! We played Legos and did some car crash testing with his new cars (HA!). We all went to Taco Bell (Harrison’s expensive dinner choice) for his birthday meal and then had yummy chocolate cake together afterwards. On Sunday, we had a BIG birthday party with lots of friends and family gathered together. It was awesome!

I came home last night pretty exhausted from my full weekend, but it was worth it. And today, I woke up feeling quite blessed.

I’m not a Mom myself, and I think those chances for motherhood are slipping past me. And I’m not being negative when I say that. I’m being real and honest. The clock is ticking after all. 

But while I’m not a mother, I am an aunt, and I love that role. I love spending time with any of my 5 nieces and 4 nephews! I love those precious moments! I’ve watched them develop from infancy to where they are now…

• one is married and living in another state
• one is getting ready to graduate high school and head to college
• one is more than ready to get a driver’s license
• one is singing in the school choir and trying not to be too boy-crazy
• one is in junior high and psyched to be a teenager now
• two are in the third grade - one is into fashion; the other is into Legos
• one is in kindergarten and starting to read
• one is getting ready for preschool and loves all things Darth Vader (Harrison).

Yes, I’m blessed to have such amazing “little people”** in my life. I have the opportunity to get the youngest ones hyped up on sugar and then send them back to their parents. I get to have fun with them and spoil them in my own way. I get to bond with them and hear their dreams as they share their hearts with me. I’m very fortunate. Thank you, LORD!

**DISCLAIMER: I probably need to stop calling them “little people.” I’ve been passed in height by 5 of them now, and the other 4 (all under 10 years old) are not far behind. YIKES! It’s rather sad that I am the height target they are all shooting for, which at just over 5 feet is not much of a goal. HA!

Thoughts on Aging

Another year has gone by again, but I refuse to mope about my age. In fact, from now on, I will be choosing to embrace it. After all, I can’t stop the clock from ticking. OK, so a vampire could bite me and grant me immortality instantly, but I’m not counting on it. How many Edward Cullens could there possibly be out there? HA!

So, here I am at 37. I’m not gonna panic at that next decade marker, which is swiftly approaching. I am not afraid of you, big “4-0.” You don’t scare me any more. You are just a number after all.

“Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever. You just have to live.” ~from Tuck Everlasting~

Be-Gratitudes II

Today I am choosing to be grateful for...

File Folders. Don't laugh, but I’m obsessed with organizing projects, and file folders help me do just that. I set up tiers of folders to keep me on task or sort through the files. I am just as fixated on organizing my personal files as well. OK, I don’t really function well outside of an organized system, and so I can’t imagine living without those tabbed manila folders, which help provide some measure of sanity amidst the chaos. This girl likes everything filed in the appropriate place, and that includes my email in-box. I have lots of virtual folders set-up to help me wade through my emails, too. Yes, file folders are something I am grateful for today.

Be-Gratitudes

Lately, I've been struggling to enjoy the lulls in my life – the quiet, still moments between the next best thing. I’m restless. I’m fidgety. I’m uncomfortable. But while I fuss and squirm in my present state, I’m missing the magical moments of every day life. I’m failing to acknowledge the beauty and joy of the present while I look ahead to the good stuff – my future adventures and the dreams I have. I'm ungrateful and not realizing how good I have it.

So starting today, I’m gonna try and tackle some be-gratitudes* [pronounced: bee-GRAH-tih-toods] or things I am grateful for that are part of the mundane or average day.

*Disclaimer: someone has probably already coined the term“be-gratitudes.” I confess that I didn’t really research it much. I Googled it and got nothing, and so for now, I’m gonna claim it as a fit of my own creative “genius” and use it. Hee hee!*

Today I am choosing to be grateful for…

Meetings. Yes, I probably have too many of them in a given week. Some of you do as well, I am sure. But whether I agree or disagree with the agenda or content, whether or not I enjoy attending – fact is that in most cases my opinion is being sought, and that is not half bad. It’s nice to have someone seeking out my insight into a particular project area or pulling me in to work as part of the team. It’s a good thing to be needed and to be considered as a contributor to the process. And so today, meetings are something I am thankful for.

Did You Know…

That we lose 1,000 U.S. World War II veterans every day?

I sure didn’t, but now I do.

I called my 85-year-old Uncle Gilbert (aka Gib) this week to catch up with him. I am going to be traveling to St. Louis this weekend, and I’m hoping to connect with him. He’s a charming gentleman, and I could listen to his stories for hours. We got to talking about his service in the Navy during WWII, and he shared his recent excursion with the Honor Flight, which involved an all-expenses-paid day trip to our nation’s Capitol to visit the monuments and spend time with fellow WWII veterans. I was intrigued and eager to find more about it.

“Honor Flight Network is a non-profit organization created solely to honor America's veterans for all their sacrifices. We transport our heroes to Washington, D.C. to visit and reflect at their memorials. Top priority is given to the senior veterans – World War II survivors, along with those other veterans who may be terminally ill. Of all of the wars in recent memory, it was World War II that truly threatened our very existence as a nation—and as a culturally diverse, free society. Now, with over one thousand World War II veterans dying each day, our time to express our thanks to these brave men and women is running out.”

I had never heard of the Honor Flight Network, and so I wanted to pass along the knowledge. If you get the opportunity to donate to this cause, please do so. It sounds like a wonderful way to express our gratitude to these brave men and women who risked their lives for future generations (that’s us).

Little Class Goes a Long Way

Growing up, I didn’t really feel there were many advantages to my small, private, Christian school education. In fact, I would say that the reverse was my focus. I fixated on the negatives and the downside of being outside the norm. I wanted to be like everybody else -- dress similarly, know the same people, etc. But that wasn't in my cards.

From kindergarten through 8th grade, my sister and I were bussed 30 miles from home to a medium-sized Christian school along with fellow students from our church and surrounding areas. I think originally there were about 25-30 students per grade, which was a perfect size really. But then when I was in the 5th grade, the church that held my school had a large number of families leave the church, and they pulled their children from the school rapidly. Over night, I lost several great friends and classmates. And every year after that, our numbers dwindled down even further. I think there were 5 of us when I graduated from the 8th grade. It was sad.

As a further twist, the families at my church decided to make a big switch after my 8th grade year, and so for high school, I attended an even smaller school. The transition was hard at first, but I soon adjusted, and four years later, I graduated at the top of my class of 3. Yep, you read that right. There were 3 of us that marched that May evening in 1992, where I gave an inspirational, sentimental, suck-up Valedictorian speech. HA! Hard to believe it was more than 18 years ago now that I walked down that aisle with my 3” inch bangs and my cheap white pump shoes. Those were the days...

This weekend, I mused with friends who could relate that one advantage of graduating from a small Christian school is that it can sometimes be easier to keep track of your former classmates. Hee hee! Yes, I am proud to say that I have kept in touch with both of mine: Doug and Keven have not been forgotten. And I haven't forgotten the other "kids" from school either. I’ve found and been found by a lot of former classmates and alumni from both schools on Facebook. It’s funny how memories flood back when you get a friend request from an old chum. Oh the stories that could be told...

So maybe it was NOT a perfect childhood. Maybe it was a bit quirky and dysfunctional in a way. Maybe it felt a bit isolated and off at times. But during those years, I made some long-lasting attachments in our minute, tight-knit community. Friendships were forged that are following me still, and today finds me grateful -- grateful for every one.

I’m sure there are other advantage to a smaller-sized graduating class or school. Can you think of any? Feel free to share!

A Tribute to My Parents

I’m spending Easter back home in Michigan, and I’m psyched. I chatted with my Mom last night, and she giddily asked if I would help her color Easter Eggs on my visit. I told her that I would be delighted to. Sounds like fun to me! I love mixing the colors to make new colors. Yes, usually I wind up with some sort of brown shade, but hey, brown is one of my top 3 colors (right up there with orange and green – can you tell that I love fall?).

I love that about my Mom. She is still a kid at heart. She always gets a kick out of life. She gets pleasure in the big and little things. Every moment has potential for joy, and she finds it – whether it is in finishing a crossword puzzle, completing a HARD Sudoku puzzle, beating my Dad at Mexican train (again), experimenting on the family with a new recipe she found, reading books to my 94-year-old Grandma, jetting off on her bicycle for a ride around the block. And if there is no happiness to be found, she makes it.

I didn’t always appreciate my Mom’s way of making me look at life. My melancholy tween years were a trial on both of us. Looking back now, I can see that she was just trying to make me see that joy was always within my grasp. I had a choice, two options lay before me. Now I typically chose the other path and wallowed or sulked, but her attempts to make me laugh in my misery often won out in the end.

My Mom is a heroine in my book.

Now I often brag about my Mom, and maybe it seems like I don’t say enough about my Dad. Let me remedy that.

My Dad is pretty special.

I always thought of myself as a Daddy’s girl. I had 3 older brothers, and I wanted to be one of the guys, too. I would often “help” my Dad in the basement as he worked with his tools, and I was his “assistant” when it came to our family camping trips (notice that I am using terms very loosely here—HA!). My Dad and I had a system of specific tasks we each would do when setting up our pop-up trailer on location, and nothing made me prouder than to please him. I know I tried his patience more than he ever let me know.

My Dad is a pretty direct man. He has opinions and deep-rooted beliefs, and he instilled in his daughters the need for character and the courage to stand for something. He’s a strong Christian leader and a tower of strength, but he is more than that as well. He is a gentle man who loves his grandkids. He is so smart. He’s full of facts and history and remembers dates like no one else I have ever encountered. He has a dry sense of humor and an appreciation for wit. Yes, he can appear to be rough around the edges from time to time, but as his daughter, I’m well aware that his occasional gruffness hides a deeply generous and kind heart. He’s actually a romantic, who loves surprising my Mom with gifts or tokens. She’ll mention something in passing, and that very item will magically appear. I love that quiet sweetness he shows.

Growing up, I concentrated so much on bettering the father-daughter dynamic that it is as if I missed out on the fact that I had 2 amazing parents. As an adult, I’ve worked to correct that and learned to appreciate my Mom more and more. Not more than my Dad but more of the same. Now I am finally able to see exactly how loving, strong and amazing both of my parents were and still are. They didn’t change. My perspective did.

Mom and Dad: You are the best! Thanks for everything! I love you guys. XOXO

Struggling with My Own Insignificance

Sometimes, just sometimes--mind you, I struggle with my own insignificance. I want to be doing more. There are so many things I want to take on. I want my life to mean something, and I start to compare where I am in my life to where others are. I start to ponder how small my life is, weigh how insignificant my contributions to society are, question my own value, etc.

Now I used to think that only single people struggled with this. After all, a married person has someone ALL the time who needs them or would notice if they came up missing, right? Spouses have each other, parents have their children, but as a singleton I didn’t have that buddy system. But I think my earlier thoughts on this subject were more than a bit tainted. I think MOST of us (if we are honest with ourselves) struggle with validation from time to time. We would like an attaboy or attagirl, a bit of affirmation, recognition for a job well done, a thank you for our contributions, or just a plain acknowledgement that we matter. We WANT someone to tell us that we matter, that our existence is not random, that we have a purpose we were placed here for. We seek validation, and unfortunately, we often turn away from GOD to get it.

We throw ourselves into relationships, hoping that it will give us a more meaningful life. We become problem solvers and try to fix everything that needs fixing around us. We drive ourselves to betterment in our careers or hobbies. We become doers, always seeking out the next best project to get involved with.

All of these things can be wonderful, challenging opportunities that GOD can bless and use in our lives. These things are not bad in themselves, but if we are seeking validation through our projects or through other people, we are missing out on the real satisfaction that comes from knowing that we are not insignificant to GOD. Our existence is relevant to GOD. We matter to HIM.

Yes, YOU matter. And I matter.

I am not just another face to HIM. I am unique. I am special in HIS eyes. I am noticed by my MAKER. And it is through the sacrifice of HIS only SON, that I am validated. Through the cross, I became a legitimate member of the Family of GOD, and I belong. I may not be worthy of HIS love, and yet I have it all the same.

I did not earn my significance, my relevance to GOD. No amount of accomplishments or good works could bolster my own significance before HIM. HE simply chose to love me and to draw me to HIMSELF, and it is my response to that overwhelming love that continues to plot my path.

This is better than a fairy tale. I didn’t need a fairy godmother to transform me from the wretched Cinderella into a lovely princess just to catch the eye of prince charming. No, this story is even more remarkable. The PRINCE saw me in the gutter from the first. No need for a magic slipper or a pumpkin couch to make me relevant to HIM. HE saw me, wanted me as HIS own just as I was, and even now continues to transform me with HIS neverending love.

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

GOD loves us! What could be more significant than that?

The Writer In Me

Sometimes I think I am afraid to speak (aka blog) unless I have something brilliant to share, something insightful to relate, something deeply compelling or amazingly profound to discuss. HA! As if, I’m afraid I will scare away all 10 of my readers if I don’t give them something gripping, but my life isn’t that kind of novel. There have been some amazing chapters, and I optimistically think there are more ahead.

REAL LIFE isn’t always breathtakingly beautiful, whimsically interesting or overwhelmingly exciting. Those moments exist, but life is also lived out in the mundane: the silly happenings, trips to the grocery store, filling up the gas tank, going to work 40+ hours a week, watching too much TV, happily snapping photos of objects in my apartment with my new camera, jamming with my i-Turtle, etc. It’s good. It’s interesting to me. It’s just not always like a Friends episode. My story is my own.

I have a magnet on my fridge with one of my favorite quotes of all time:

“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” — Souza

Isn't that amazing? I love it. I think I'm going to blog more or make an effort to recount the journey. Maybe my life won't be a page-turner every "episode," but I embrace it all the same, and I'm grateful for each moment.

Just Visiting

While waiting for my apartment door to be repaired, I have been staying with some friends of mine on the North side of the city, and it’s really been quite fun. Fun for me at least. Hee hee! No, we’ve really had some great laughs, and I am so grateful for Barb and Lee’s generosity, warmth and kindness to me.

We’ve cooked together. Barb is an amazing cook. I’m hopeful that just by hanging out with her a few days, that I can soak up just a bit of her knowledge. Lee likes to experiment in the kitchen, especially with the oils, spices and cheeses. You never know what he is going to whip up next.

We’ve shared stories together. Barb and Lee have been married for 34 years, and it is great to watch them interact. Maybe one day I will be so lucky to meet and marry my own best friend.

We’ve had a few drinks. I’m not a big drinker, but I enjoy a sip now and then. Barb and Lee introduced me to ChocoVine, a chocolate wine from Holland, and it is amazing! And the other night, I tried a shot of some Bristol Cream sherry. It was much better than the stuff we had in York, Jess, and I could actually taste some distinct flavors in it. Pretty cool.

We’ve had many entertaining moments. We’ve watched some TV, cried together over the Hope for Haiti telethon, cheered on the Colts, and went to an off-Broadway musical comedy called Smoke on the Mountains (which we enjoyed immensely).

All in all, I feel blessed to have such amazing friends that have provided a safe haven to me. Thank you so much, my dear friends! I hope to not trespass on your kindness for too much longer.

Never a Dull Moment

The past 10 days have been anything but dull for me.

I came home last Friday evening to find that my apartment had been broken into. The front door had been kicked in, and the door frame lay at my feet. YIKES! Naturally being a curious, control freak, I went into my apartment to check things out before making any phone calls. DISCLAIMER: Don’t try this at home! I would recommend those in a similar situation to return to their car and dial 9-1-1 instead. Don’t follow my zany methods. I wasn’t thinking clearly.

Within 10 minutes, the apartment complex staff, the maintenance guy, the courtesy office and a police officer all arrived on the scene, and the investigation was underway. The thief appears to have been after mostly large ticket items, which would sell quickly and fetch the most money. He absconded with electronic goods such as:

flat screen TV (sigh!)
DVD player
laptop (BIG SIGH!)
2 digital cameras (sniffle, sniffle!)
some of my DVDs (68 are missing).

I am completely over the missing TV, the DVD player and the DVDs. It’s just stuff. All of which is totally replaceable. And hey, I wasn’t crazy about all of those movies anyway, and so I’m not sure I will replace them all.

I am slowly coming to terms with the missing cameras, too, but I confess, it has been a bit harder to adjust to my missing appendage. HA! Most of you know, I usually have a camera with me at all times, and so a couple of times this last week, I have reached for my camera only to recall that I no longer own one. SIGH! Fear not, that will soon be remedied, I am sure, and I will be back to my photo-crazed frame of reference, so to speak.

However, there is one item that I am struggling to cope over its loss, and that is my laptop. I had not downloaded all of my photos from 2009 onto thumb drives yet or uploaded them to share, etc., and so now some of my pictures from 2009 and 2010 are lost to me. Fortunately, my sister and I frequently share photos, and so a lot of my family pictures from 2009 are already in her possession, which makes me quite happy because now she can share them with me. In addition, I had the England photos backed up onto CD already. WOOHOO!! I was elated when I remembered those additional copies.

But the second big whammy is that it isn’t just the pictures that are now gone from view. Truthfully, I have been on a writing frenzy the last few months (most of which I have not shared), and a lot of that was on my personal laptop. DEEP BREATH, MEL! That is hard to swallow. Now don’t laugh, but I had recently started putting together chapters for a book. Seriously what are the odds! Now, I don’t think it was ever going to be published. It was simply a collection of my thoughts, dreams, conversations with GOD, etc., but no matter what I intended to do with it, those pages are lost to me now, and that saddens me. I’ve been scribbling down the the fragments still floating around in my mind, but I fear that in my distraction of late, most of the good stuff is gone for good.

BUT honestly, I keep coming back to the fact that I have loads to be thankful for…

That I was not home during my recent visitors excursion into my home.

That the stuff taken was mostly replaceable items, and that the damage to my apartment itself was limited to the door frame.

That GOD kept me safe. I don’t know exactly when the robbery took place, but regardless, GOD kept me away from the scene until it was all done and over with.

That the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department arrived on the scene within minutes and took charge of the situation.

That GOD kept me calm for most of the evening and has given me peace. I can’t explain it. I can’t define it. I can be high-strung and a wee bit intense, but I’ve been pretty calm the last week. I have had a moment or two of panic and fear, but I have honestly sensed GOD’s presence, and I have known that HE has been right here with me.

That the apartment office and maintenance staff along with the courtesy officer have been kind and considerate.

That my visitors were so careful with my furniture and the other belongings they chose to leave behind. Seriously, they seemed to know exactly what they were after, and removed the items without damaging anything else, which I do appreciate. They did not ransack my apartment either for which I am truly grateful.

That my friends and family have responded with such amazing support and love. I have truly been blessed by their generosity and kindness to me.

Tuesday Thanksgivings

I'm just feeling particularly thankful today for some things I often take for granted...

Car Heaters: I love heat lately. Somehow the thermal girl who is always burning up has found herself chilled lately. Not sure if it is age, loss of body fat or the fact that the temps have been below freezing since before New Years, but no matter why, I have been chilled more often. So I am extra thankful for a car heater that heats up before I get too far from home. I love it.

Cell Minutes: I’ve never used all of my cell minutes in any given month. Hmmmm...maybe I should try that some month. Anyway, I had a 100+ minute late-night phone conversation with my sister last night, and I love that we can do that without it costing extra, especially now that I am not calling from England. Hee hee!

Car Ports: I know I have to pay extra rent every month on my lease to have a covered parking spot, but I am so glad I do. No scraping of windows. Less shoveling of snow. Just start up your car and drive. I love that.

Christmas Music: I can’t stop listening. I got addicted to Relient K’s Christmas album from 2008. OK, so it's "old news" to some of you, but I am getting slightly more caught up on my tunes. Anyway, I just discovered this album on Amazon this past holiday season, and I love the whole album, especially their song I Celebrate the Day. It is so good. Don't judge me. I just can't bear to remove my Christmas play list for a few more weeks yet.