My Life as a Chic Flick!

There's an old family joke about me. I don't remember actually when it started or what set it off as a comedic precedent, but I must have remarked somewhere along my journey that my life was so much like a movie.

I guess it has to do with my analytical brain. I tend to take every novel, every poem, every movie, every TV episode and apply it to my life. It's not a big deal except when I get obsessed like I have a tendency to do and over-analyze a film. Such was the case with Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea and Dead Poets Society. Those are 3 films that come to mind from my high school days...and are probably related to the family joke.

The truth is that I continue to analyze films and novels every day. I keep a journal of good quotes...a bit odd perhaps, but I love a good line and if I watch a thought provoking film or read a brillian novel, I'll progressively think it through for days. Guess words really are my ON button! And in all actuality, I'm probably not all that different from most people...I just get more carried away with it. I can't turn my brain off sometimes, and it keeps me up late at night as I continue to delve deeper and deeper.

All of us can't help but see things through our own lenses. Every film, every TV episode, everything ever written whether prose or poetry is filtered through each person differently...that is unless we have managed to become mindless and merely flip through what we watch or read with little internalization, but even that person is still filtering what they see or hear in one form or another. Refusing to think on something deeper is still a filter! And so while one person gleans one thing from a sonnet, another person can gain something different upon hearing the same verse.

And so now, back to the present, I've watched a couple of films recently and have pulled out my favorite bits and clung to them. One line from The Wedding Date struck me with it's incredible emotion.

"I'd miss you even if we'd never met."

Ironic and poignant isn't it? I love that line. It brought to heart my recent blog about how I'm longing to share with my own special someone. It summed up what I had to use 500+ words to say...I miss him. I don't know him, I doubt we've ever met, but I miss him all the same! It is possible to miss someone you haven't met...

In I Capture the Castle, a British film I purchased, the young heroine ends the film with a reflective thought...

"I love. I have loved. I will love."

I think its a beautiful line that sums up deliciously the cycles of the human spirit. A delicate hope of more to come without lingering in the past or ignoring the present. I like that.

Today is Valentine's Day, aka Single Awareness Day or S.A.D. I think I took this day off as a sick day last year...and rightly so, what else should a single girl over 30 do on the one day of the year where people are celebrating what I am lacking? But the truth is, I'm not lacking it and this year, I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I have wonderful co-workers that are helping me finish off my chocolate stash and get all the sugar out of my house. I have a darling sister that sent me a lovely card to remind me that I am loved. And I spent my Saturday night before V-day with some of my dearest girlfriends in the world. We laughed and cried together over chic flicks and inhaled more sugar than 1 person should have in a year, but it was all good. I'm blessed. I truly am.

So today I'm at work. There's a whole week ahead of me. And while I can't see tomorrow and don't know if there is a man on the horizon, I see today as it is...a day of love. A day to show love to others and to be reminded of those in my life that I love and am loved by.

I love. I have loved. And I WILL KEEP loving.

Is It Time To Share Yet...

I've asked friends before if they are dying to share stuff with their future spouse. And the reaction I usually get is rather comical! I think they instantly question my sanity. I don't mean it to be a reflection of madness, but apparently, it hints at my delusional state or something.

That doesn't change my desire. I still long to share with him. In college, I started a journal for him to read, but I wasn't very good at keeping it up. I guess to me, Communication is vital! I want to be known deeply by that special someone. And I don't mean that we will have regular discussions on Nietzsche or Voltaire...I just mean that I want a relationship of mutual sharing. I want to find a kindred spirit that I can share my life with.

Thus there are moments, and I confess that I have a lot of them, where I am eager to share with him. Some days, I'm bursting at the seams to recount a humorous moment in my day, to give him the 4-1-1 on a person he hasn't met yet, to discuss my favorite ice cream, etc. Maybe that sounds warped, but it's not really a need to talk about myself as much as it is an eagerness to share myself with someone. I'm eager to share my memories, my dreams, my thoughts and just as anxious to hear his!

I've been blessed with several incredible friendships over the years. One with the person nearest and dearest to my heart--my sister. If any ONE person really knows the real me--my sister does. She has seen me at my best and worst. She has heard nearly every story there is to tell. She's listened patiently to the drama of my life unfold. I'm so thankful for her presence in my life, and me wanting to share with someone other, doesn't take away from that communion of spirit and openness in my relationship with her. I simply want my own other self!

The longing to share builds when I go home to Michigan or spend time with my family. I have watched in amusement as my sister showed her husband Jonathan all her old haunts--the Lexington pier, the Swinging Bridge, the pen aisle at Ben Franklin's, the chunk missing from the foundation of our house [AHEM!], etc.

I long to do the same. I want to introduce him to the Croswell Stockyards, walk with him along the Blue Water Bridge, take him out for a bike ride around my old neighborhood. I want to introduce him to my family--see him laugh with my sister, play games with my nieces and nephews, and listen thoughtfully to my Mom. I want to share my favorite spots in Indianapolis with him--take walks through the historic district, stroll through Holliday park, tour the Indianapolis Museum of Art and wander through the gardens there. I'm a simple girl. I don't need a lot. I just want to share my life with someone else!

I want to hear his stories, too. I want to know what it was like for him growing up, who his first crush was, what his favorite place to visit is, etc. I want to meet his family, see his hometown, and visit his favorite places. It's not an obsession with the past, but more of a thirst for knowledge. Your past is your past...but it has also shaped who you are now and who you are growing into. I want to hear about him!

When it comes to photos, I imagine that I'm probably going to scare the poor man should he ever come upon the scene. I'll be so ready to share that I'll freak him out. Here's my babybook. Here's the book from my weekend in DC. Here's book 1 of 3 from my week long vacation in Charleston, etc. I love my photo albums, and I think it's rather obvious that I enjoy putting them together. They are definitely something I do for me! But sometimes, I'm just as eager to share them with him. I want to explain the story behind a silly snapshot, to point out how this person or that person is connected to me, to describe what was happening in the scene, etc.

And so I continue on my journey--reveling in the happy moments of the present, chronicling the travels of my past, and occasionally letting myself dream of the future. It's my hope to share the past, present and future with him. I just hope he arrives soon before the madness takes me completely over...