I've asked friends before if they are dying to share stuff with their future spouse. And the reaction I usually get is rather comical! I think they instantly question my sanity. I don't mean it to be a reflection of madness, but apparently, it hints at my delusional state or something.
That doesn't change my desire. I still long to share with him. In college, I started a journal for him to read, but I wasn't very good at keeping it up. I guess to me, Communication is vital! I want to be known deeply by that special someone. And I don't mean that we will have regular discussions on Nietzsche or Voltaire...I just mean that I want a relationship of mutual sharing. I want to find a kindred spirit that I can share my life with.
Thus there are moments, and I confess that I have a lot of them, where I am eager to share with him. Some days, I'm bursting at the seams to recount a humorous moment in my day, to give him the 4-1-1 on a person he hasn't met yet, to discuss my favorite ice cream, etc. Maybe that sounds warped, but it's not really a need to talk about myself as much as it is an eagerness to share myself with someone. I'm eager to share my memories, my dreams, my thoughts and just as anxious to hear his!
I've been blessed with several incredible friendships over the years. One with the person nearest and dearest to my heart--my sister. If any ONE person really knows the real me--my sister does. She has seen me at my best and worst. She has heard nearly every story there is to tell. She's listened patiently to the drama of my life unfold. I'm so thankful for her presence in my life, and me wanting to share with someone other, doesn't take away from that communion of spirit and openness in my relationship with her. I simply want my own other self!
The longing to share builds when I go home to Michigan or spend time with my family. I have watched in amusement as my sister showed her husband Jonathan all her old haunts--the Lexington pier, the Swinging Bridge, the pen aisle at Ben Franklin's, the chunk missing from the foundation of our house [AHEM!], etc.
I long to do the same. I want to introduce him to the Croswell Stockyards, walk with him along the Blue Water Bridge, take him out for a bike ride around my old neighborhood. I want to introduce him to my family--see him laugh with my sister, play games with my nieces and nephews, and listen thoughtfully to my Mom. I want to share my favorite spots in Indianapolis with him--take walks through the historic district, stroll through Holliday park, tour the Indianapolis Museum of Art and wander through the gardens there. I'm a simple girl. I don't need a lot. I just want to share my life with someone else!
I want to hear his stories, too. I want to know what it was like for him growing up, who his first crush was, what his favorite place to visit is, etc. I want to meet his family, see his hometown, and visit his favorite places. It's not an obsession with the past, but more of a thirst for knowledge. Your past is your past...but it has also shaped who you are now and who you are growing into. I want to hear about him!
When it comes to photos, I imagine that I'm probably going to scare the poor man should he ever come upon the scene. I'll be so ready to share that I'll freak him out. Here's my babybook. Here's the book from my weekend in DC. Here's book 1 of 3 from my week long vacation in Charleston, etc. I love my photo albums, and I think it's rather obvious that I enjoy putting them together. They are definitely something I do for me! But sometimes, I'm just as eager to share them with him. I want to explain the story behind a silly snapshot, to point out how this person or that person is connected to me, to describe what was happening in the scene, etc.
And so I continue on my journey--reveling in the happy moments of the present, chronicling the travels of my past, and occasionally letting myself dream of the future. It's my hope to share the past, present and future with him. I just hope he arrives soon before the madness takes me completely over...
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