I shocked a friend recently when I told her that I didn’t have a list--a list of what I was looking for in a potential mate. It’s not the first time that I’ve caught friends off guard by revealing my lack of planning in the area of dating. I mean some girls just seem to know what they want...
He needs to be so tall, have X amount of money, be a gentleman, etc....
And while I can appreciate their willingness to list out the qualities they are looking for, I’m not so much into pinpointing exactly what captures my heart maybe because I actually just don’t know. I guess my philosophy is simply that I’ll know what’s for me and what’s not for me when it happens, and that’s been what I’ve been living by. It’s the ONE thing I’m spontaneous about. Me--the ultimate planner, the organized freak, the detail queen--I’ve just been sitting back on this one. I guess this is one area of my life that I don’t seem to be completely in control over, and I’ve certainly never written down a LIST. It’s too risky.
I fear putting it down on paper. Seeing my thoughts on paper like that would taunt me. I’d have to face who I am and what I want, and that seems to be constantly changing! So why make a list? What was attractive yesterday might be repulsive tomorrow! And should someone come into my life, I don’t want to cut him out instantly because he doesn’t fit into my 12-point checklist. Yes, I believe that there are things that you can’t waiver on--such as faith and relationships with GOD, a person's overall character, and other foundational things like that. But as for the rest, I’m afraid to think about it too much. I guess you could call me a cynical idealist. I believe that the ideals in my head can exist but ONLY in my head. Once on paper, they diminish rather quickly and somebody else’s list starts to look even better than my own.
Runaway Bride haunts me! Julia Roberts’s character in the movie tends to change who she is and what she likes with the man she is dating or rather leaving at the altar. Richard Gere’s character confronts her about eggs and how she has changed her favorite style of eggs with each man she has been involved with. He challenges her to take a deep look at herself and determine who she is on her own before she can define what she likes and dislikes. I can see lots of truth in that, and I’ve thought about it more than I care to recount.
Now for me, there hasn’t been all that much chance for experimentation on eggs. My dating life has pretty much been non-existent. There have been a few dates here and there, but I’ve never seriously dated. Never really been in what I would call a relationship! I’ve had as many as 3 dates with the same guy, but all my dating “attempts” have had one thing in common. Every guy that has come into my life has been looking for someone else. Oh, a couple of them have thought I WAS that someone else, but I wasn’t, and I knew it right away before they did, and so it didn’t go anywhere.
And so I guess you could say that I don’t exactly know how I like my eggs! [OK, actually, the eggs, I have down. Fried, over hard, don’t break the yokes, a little bit of salt and pepper, and it’s all good!] But with guys, I don’t know exactly what floats my boat.
My ideal changes too often. I can’t decide whether he should be tall or short, thin or bulky, bearded or bald, type-A or melancholy, aggressive or complacent. He’s Vin Diesel one day--the eye candy tough guy with a softer side if you just get to know him better. He’s Bill Murray the next day--not a lot to look at, but he makes you laugh. He’s Clive Owen the following day--tall, attractive and smuggly British.
His personality changes regularly, too. Sometimes, my ideal is the adventurous life of the party. Next, he’s the reclusive thinker that challenges me and dares me to dig deeper. Other times, he’s the man of mystery that keeps me guessing. Still other days, he’s the quiet caring man who would give the shirt off his back if he could.
Combine all those ideals, and if you’ll forgive me for saying so, you get a real “scrambled” mess. The irony is that I can’t commit on the subject of what I am looking for! So for now, I choose not to draft my list. It’s safer that way...
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