A cell phone? Nah! I don't think so...

I'm considering getting my phone disconnected or my phone number changed or something. My phone has been ringing a lot lately, and now I've completely stopped answering my phone period. [So if you call, please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.] I'm sure people have valid reasons for calling, but they aren't leaving messages, and I just figure that if it is important, they will leave a message. And since my phone has been ringing and ringing a lot lately, I’m trying to keep my sanity level stable!

Why is it that people don’t like answering machines or voice mail anyway? I don’t get it. I love both. But then I’d much prefer an email or writing someone a letter or actually being face to face with someone over a phone conversation. So phone mail messages work well for me. It’s quick, easy and to-the-point. I like that.

It’s not that I hate talking on the phone. It’s just that I'm in a creative phase right now (i.e. my living room floor is once again covered with card layouts, papers, etc.) And like other creative types will tell you, it’s hard to stop the creative juices to take a phone call. I can’t do it. I’ll lose my train of thought. And since, it's not every day that I have this creative buzz going on, I like to work while I feel this good about it.

I'm sure part of this is a selfish impulse and the old hermit drive that is alive and well in my spirit. I can't deny that THAT is part of me. I love being on my own. I really do. I arrive home at night and cry “SANCTUARY.” I try to relax and unwind after a long tasking day only to be inundated with phone calls….not all that different from what I experienced all day at work. So forgive me if I don’t pick up your call or if I delay at calling you back. I’m OK. I’m not depressed. I just need space!

I'm not hiding away. I'm back volunteering at the IMA, volunteering at my church this spring and summer and getting involved once again with my singles group, etc. I'm very active right now. I'm stretching myself out again with other things. And so it would be wrong to say that I’ve become a complete hermit that is avoiding people. That’s just not true! The reality is that I’m reemerging from my cocoon and adjusting to my new wings. But like all butterflies, I need space to fly. And this butterfly [or moth, if you will] just needs some time on her own, too. We all do.

I'm feeling content again for the first time in a few months, and I’m happy with who I am and where I am. And I'm not quite sure how to get that message across without hurting people...is it not a good thing to be content alone? Why must it always be considered selfish?

Yes, "no man is an island." I get that. I must interact with others, and believe me when I say that I’m getting plenty of interaction with other people. I’m rarely alone these days. But when I do have a moment to myself, I've stopped trying to fill it with busy activities to pass away the time. I’m just learning to once again enjoy those rare moments of solitude. After all, we are each responsible for our own happiness. I can’t live off the happiness of others alone. I have to make my own, too. And this is me happy!

So, I think the whole cell phone idea is moot. I mean I don’t like to be interrupted now as it is. Imagine if I had a cell phone…it would only be worse. Maybe some of the pleasures of being unavailable are lost on some people, but not all of us want to be found all the time!