Set Me Up Please...

In the past, I’ve commented to a small set of friends that I sometimes wonder why no one ever attempts to set me up with eligible men in their circles. Now to some of you this might sound like a silly complaint or a pathetically pitiful thing to whine about, but I’m sure that others have had similar thoughts on this subject before. Let me set the scene for you…

What If...
You’re single, and you’re having dinner with some friends and during the course of the evening, they tell you all about this guy they know. I mean they really sell him to you—“He’s a real gentleman, he’s never been married, he’s a writer with a charming British accent and he just won 1st prize in a Clive Owen look-a-like contest…”

So by now, you’re sold. In your head you’re picking out fonts for your wedding invitations and contemplating where to have the rehearsal dinner. [OK, maybe you’re not that far gone, but your curiosity has definitely been piqued!] You’re thinking quietly to yourself, hmmmm…this guy sounds interesting! I wonder how I could arrange to meet him. Do I look like I am too interested in this topic? Am I drooling? You find yourself naturally intrigued, and you’re dying to know more about this mystery man, and besides, your secretly thrilled that your friends decided to tell YOU about him.

And then your dear friends finish their engaging conversation about Mr. Right with: “So do you think he and Kelly would be a good match? I mean we’re hoping to introduce them at our cookout next month. What do you think? She deserves someone nice after her heartbreak over Jason, don’tcha think?”

You politely smile, nod your head and finish chewing your bite. But inside, your heart just let out a gasp, and you wonder why no one heard the sound! There is a complete whirlwind of activity brewing in your mind, and while you don’t want to appear rude or desperate to your friends you have to wonder…Why wouldn’t this man be a match for me? Am I invisible here? Did they forget that I’m single too? Do they ever consider me? Has the thought never crossed their minds that maybe just maybe I might be interested in someone nice like that myself?

And while you don’t want to be blatantly mean, you have to confess that you are also thinking that Kelly, Kimberly, Karee, Kiki or whatever the heck her name is has had a lot of dates in the past few months, while you have had none. You don’t want to seem uncharitable, but K---- has had her fair share of eligible men over the past year. You don’t begrudge her for the pain she has gone through as she has endured several broken relationships, but at the same time, you wonder when she is going to take a time out? When will it be your turn? Your turn to be the girl that someone introduces to this great guy they know. And YOU don’t need 5 or 10 referrals sent your way—you’d settle for just one--disaster date or not. Maybe it won't work out as a happily-ever-after like in the fairy tales, but you'd still like to be considered. You'd like to make the list at least.

Well until recently, I didn’t think anyone was paying attention…

Partying with Bono and Flirting with Waiters!
Well, then along came my co-workers. I’ve been in my new job now for nearly a year, and lately, I have been the hot topic of conversation during our lunch breaks and office discussions.

One of my bosses has been teasing me for months about my “secret rendezvous” with celebrities or rock-n-rollers visiting our city. For example, if I come dragging in on a Monday morning, he “accuses” me of partying all night with Bono from U2. And the next week, he’ll swear that he saw me out with Brad Pitt the night before. It’s rather hilarious week-to-week to discover who I am “seeing” that week. [It’s definitely more exciting than what I actually WAS doing that week! AHEM!]

Well, last week, my boss joined me and my regular lunch buddies for a trip to our favorite Mexican restaurant for chimichanga day! [Bring on the queso! WOOHOO!] At the end of the meal, our twenty-something waiter brought out our checks and my boss decided to quiz him for a bit. He’s always asking silly questions, and so I don’t usually pay much attention, but this time was different.

So are you seeing anyone? --- No.
Are you interested in blondes? --- Sure.

And after that, my boss didn’t miss a beat. He quickly turned to me and said, “Hey, Mel, he does like blondes!” And of course, I instantly blushed, which was the point. And who knows what the poor waiter must have been thinking. I must say it was rather hilarious, and ever since, my boss has been talking about it. The story has changed several times. Lately, he recounts how I was flirting and leading on the poor waiter.

Of course, I’ve tried to defend myself and re-tell the story minus the hysteria that my boss has created. Well, one day last week while recounting the “true story” to a fellow coworker, she confessed that she has been pondering introducing me to her son’s friend for a few months now. She’s known him for years, and somehow I’ve come to her mind as a possible match with him.

Now I doubt I’ll ever meet my co-worker’s son’s friend and I even more seriously doubt that the friendly waiter is going to look me up, but that’s not the point. It’s funny that just when we think we are alone in the world, GOD brings along some reminders—some sincere people who are deeply interested in my future, almost more than I am some days. In the midst of the teasing and the laughs, I’ve discovered that I am blessed, and I need to focus on the dear ones around me. They have made me laugh again and see the delight in being single. They’ve been showing me daily how special and exciting life can be, and it’s that rekindling of life in my veins that makes each step just a bit lighter.

On the Outside Looking in...

We all know what happens when we are on the other side of a glass window looking in, right? We get too close to the pane, and it's starts to fog up with each breath. And suddenly, we aren't really seeing things on the other side very clearly at all. We see a somewhat smudged and foggy representation of life on the other side.

Now, I think we are all a bit fascinated with experiences outside of our own. DUH! We're wired for interaction. We are made for relationships--with GOD and with others, and so it shouldn't be a shock to hear that people are interested in people...this is certainly not a new concept.

What does shock me sometimes in talking with my married co-workers is that just as I am intrigued and yes, slightly envious of their marital bliss, they are just as curious and envious about my single life.

As a single person, I know I tend to look at married life longingly and with more than a bit of a rose-colored aura. The truth is that my idea of marriage is over romanticized! It's like an end all to me. Yes, I can see the lack of validity there. I know that is not the way it is, but yet from the outside looking in, it seems like the most important thing, and I wish so much to have "crossed over" to the other side.

On the flip side, my married co-workers remind me of the realities of marriage. They feel cramped some days having to share their space. They tire of having to think of their other half before making dinner plans or wish to be able to be more spontaneous. I see the wistful looks in their eyes after I return from an impromptu weekend trip with friends or recount the holiday parties I've gone to. In fact one of my co-workers recently announced that she likes to "live vicariously through my experiences." Now, I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but it has gotten me thinking.
We're not so different on either side of that glass window. Both sides want what's on the other side. We singles want the sharing and depth of relationship that comes with marriage, while our married counterparts long for the space and freedom of the single lifestyle.

So when it comes right down to it, it's not so bad being right where I am. Sure, I long for more, but then who doesn't?!?! And finding out that I have more in common with people than I think is a good thing! We're not alone...