Monday, August 30, 2010

Classic ISTJ

Last Friday, I attended an all-day team building event that involved getting a copy of my results from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality profile. I didn’t know quite what to expect at all, but I found myself enjoying the day.

Three weeks ago, I completed the paperwork with more than a slight suspicion of how in the world my personality was going to be assessed based on whether I preferred one word over another. So admittedly I was skeptical as I opened my assessment packet on Friday, but as I read the report, I discovered a lot of truth within. I was an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking and Judging or better known as someone who is most often "doing what should be done." (NOT my words here, but the definition of my profile type. AHEM!)

INTROVERT: not really a huge surprise here, but I was curious where I would fall on the scale between 1 and 30. I was a 5. The basic premise at the heart of the introvert vs. extrovert question is where a person gets recharged. Some of us get refueled by spending time with others while others prefer to slip away on their own to recover from the blur of the day. I fall into that latter category. Yes, I enjoy being with people and can actually be a social butterfly if the occasion calls for it, but the truth is that at my core, I enjoy the solitude just as well.

SENSING: this one was not a surprise either. I ranked in as a 9 on sensing vs. intuition but it was interesting to see my wide range on the breakdown of this dichotomy. Yes, I definitely prefer more concrete ideas to the abstract, and while I have a vivid imagination, I do live in the real world on most accounts. However, I ranked high on the “conceptual” side for intuition vs. the “practical” side on sensing, and I also had a preference for “original” (intuition) vs. the “traditional” (sensing).

THINKING: this one was another curiosity for me. I was not exactly sure where I would find myself in the thinking vs. feeling realm. I was a 3 on the scale, and so this is a slight preference for me. Honestly, I think this is a newer trend for me in my adult life. I think I’m harder on myself and others than I used to be. I’m more cynical and less likely to base a decision on feelings vs. the facts. I guess I would rather be logical than follow my heart sometimes, which is perhaps not always the most compassionate route. See, even here I am waffling. HA!

JUDGING: now this one made me laugh, even though this "judging" is not quite what my sister and I joke about all the time. AHEM! Sure, I knew that judging would be my diagnosis here vs. perceiving, but I didn’t know exactly where I would pan out on the scale. Well, I was a 28 out of 30. HA! My personality preference is very clear on this score. I definitely prefer decisiveness and closure, and while I can be a bit flexible and am able to adapt as I go, I am hard-wired for a more planned and scheduled routine vs. spontaneity. Yeah, this is certainly not news to anyone.

One final thought, I loved the ISTJ prayer that was shared with me at our event: GOD, help me to begin relaxing about the little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 AM. That is classic me, and I know my sister would agree with that! Hee hee!

HE Just Said, "Follow ME"

I have switched gears officially now and am attending a completely new church for me, not to mention a new denomination. It’s all rather exciting and intriguing for me, albeit a bit shocking for my parents. I think they are concerned I’ll lose all of my fundamentalist upbringing, but these dear people I am now worshiping with are ALSO part of the body of Christ, and I feel very strongly that GOD led me there.

Yesterday’s message was on how JESUS called HIS disciples by simply telling them to follow HIM. There was no formal process of church membership, no charter or constitution to wade through, no 5-bullet points, no lists of do's or don'ts, no debate on modes of baptism or how to do communion. JESUS just sought HIS disciples out and said, “Follow ME," and they did.

Why don’t we do more of THAT?
Why don’t we simply follow HIM, the MASTER and TEACHER?

I love how the majority of the first apostles were NOT elitist or part of the upper echelon of society. They were common folk, less educated and rough. They were hardy fishermen and blue-collar workers, and yet look at how GOD used them to ignite our world. WOW! It’s rather humbling and perhaps a little bit scary to realize that HE wants the same of each one of us. HE just says, “Follow ME.”

How would our current world change if more of us did just what HE asked?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Restoring Harmony

The balance between good and evil has been brought back into alliance if only for a brief few seconds, as I hastily ended the chances of a larger spider to gain entrance into my domain. We were NOT mean to coexist in this little space. It just wasn't gonna happen. One of us had to go, and it wasn't gonna be me.

I know that my arachnid loving friends will be disappointed to learn of yet another violent turn on my part. But I highly doubt that I ended the entire species of *ruby gargantuan grotesqua* by spraying and then smashing to bits the remains of my eight-legged villain with my shoe. Overkill is probably a good description of our encounter, but it was entirely necessary for the sanity of this present inmate.

There will be others. There always are. The battle will continue, and I won't always come out on top of the creepy, fang-bearing arthropods, but I must savor this small victory and revel in the moment. DEEP CLEANSING BREATH! Yes,it feels right. All is right with the world again. SIGH!

*Yes, I'm now coming up with my own variations of spider identification terminology.*

Monday, August 23, 2010

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! !

10 days ago, I was privileged to be a bridesmaid in my niece Janet’s wedding. It was an amazing day! Congratulations to Chris and Janet!! I love you guys!

People Fascinate Me

I am fascinated with people. I love people. It’s a good thing really. GOD has called us to love others as ourselves, and I think a healthy interest in other people is part of just that. I love connecting with people, and the social media blitz of today is all about making those connections. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Friendster and others allow us instant access to people near and far, celebrities and close friends, relatives and co-workers, etc. So it’s all good, right?

Hmmmm…I’m not sure. Like anything, I think moderation is key. Too much of a good thing can be bad for us just like large quantities of chocolate, donuts and ice cream, and I think I’ve reached that point. Over the last few months, I’ve been noting an alarming personal trend. I’ve experienced more loneliness, more utter dissatisfaction and unrest in my life. And all of this angst while I’ve been more “plugged” into the lives of others via social media than ever before.

I think my life has somewhat become a “keeping up with the Joneses” scenario. I’m struggling to keep up on the lives of 400+ of my “closest friends.” HA! I’m following several authors on Twitter and learning about their lives and projects. I’m laughing at the antics of my friends on Facebook. It’s fun. It’s enjoyable, but it’s not always healthy or at least, I’m finding it less so. I’m too preoccupied and pulled into too many different directions, and I feel like my “live” relationships are suffering.

Social media should NOT replace actual face-time with friends or catch-up phone calls with relatives across the country. It shouldn’t be a substitute for actually giving of my time to get to know someone better in person. Just knowing a factoid about them or where they had breakfast doesn’t usurp my friendship responsibility to take a more active interest in their lives and have a real one-on-one conversation.

Social media in a way allows us to disengage from people’s lives. We might know more about a person’s daily activities and in some cases, how they are feeling, but somehow, we’re reaching out even less to our “neighbor.” At least, I feel like I am. That’s sad. I don’t need to call my friend to check on them because they seemed just fine on Facebook, and no one would lie on Facebook or tell less than the complete truth, right? I don’t need to schedule dinner with my friend because I got caught up on his life via Twitter, and so we're good for a while, right? Not really!

So while in theory, it seems like I should feel more connected than before, the opposite is true. My relationships feel more fractured, more disjointed. Almost as if I’m experiencing information overload, but it’s not quality stuff. I know more details about someone else’s life, but I know less of the real them. I’m giving less of myself really.

So what does it all mean? I don’t know. Am I bailing out from Facebook? Not yet. Am I done with Twitter? I don’t think so. I did recently opt to close MySpace account though for good reason. It was my least favorite outlet, and I grew tried of the trash-talking and cheesy come-ons. No thank you!! And honestly, I’m just trying to re-think how I use these social media outlets. I like them. I really do, but I think I need to more thoughtfully weigh and pursue my time options…

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Alaska Is Sounding Better And Better…

It’s hot out there. I walked to my car in sauna-like temperatures and humidity this morning just before 6:30 AM. That’s craziness! This girl doesn't handle high humidity well at all.
  1. Have you seen my hair lately? WOA! I ran into a friend the other day, and he was like: "Hey, Mel, is that you under all that hair?" NOT a pretty sight.
  2. My skin is naturally oily anyway, but all this humidity is giving me more than a healthy glow. Southern girls might glisten, but up here, we Yankee girls sweat. Again, it's not quite the charming visual one would hope for.
  3. I can't breathe. Seriously, it's like you want to hold your breath on the way to the car because the air feels toxic and unbearable. It's not that attractive to always be gasping for breath really.
All this Midwest heat and humidity madness is making me think about moving across the country. Alaska sounds pretty good. I like nature (minus the spiders and bugs). I could survive in the wilderness, right? Although, I might be somewhat intimidated by the idea of running into a bear. Hmmmm...it’s not sounding like a very good story to me. Thrilling and more than a bit exciting, but I might not survive to tell the grandkids.

Bears or humidity? I'm still pondering the choice...is there an option B?

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Countdown

We are now at T minus 12 days before my oldest niece gets married at the age of 20. I’m psyched and giddy with excitement for Janet and Chris. It’s really big news for my family since it has been a few years since we have had a wedding to celebrate. It will be like a family reunion of sorts as two lives merge into one. I can’t wait.

However, as the single, never-been-married, never-been-close-to-marriage aunt of the bride, I confess that I have some personal concerns that I feel the need to get off my chest.
  • When you get lapped by the next generation, are you down for the count?
  • Are your chances of matrimonial bliss gone for good?
  • Should you just get 5 house cats and call it a day?
I hope not. I mean, for one, I’m more of a dog person really, and secondly, this “old maid” with romantic inclinations doesn’t want to stop dreaming of the possibility. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. In fact, I am currently willing to review any and all applicants and referrals that present themselves as eligible candidates.

My requirements are not too rigid, I don’t think:
  1. Single: I am no home-wrecker, and polygamy doesn’t really appeal to me either. 
  2. Male: Non-negotiable. Sorry, ladies, I’m just not that into you.
  3. Human: I’ve considered the android idea, but I don’t think I’m there yet.
  4. Mortal: Vampires relationships might make for great fiction, but I’d prefer that my spouse and I grow old together. And then there is that whole “will he or won’t he bite me” thing that would nag at my very soul.  
Look at how broad-minded I am. I've left lots of room for potential options. :)

So, yes, it might be a little weird watching my niece get married before me, but, hey, I’ll have a great view of the whole event since I am one of her bridesmaids, which is pretty special. Fact is, I’m one lucky aunt really.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Blur That Has Been July

WOA! Where has July gone? It’s been a busy few weeks.

Michigan Weekend: Over July 4th, I joined my sister and her family for a long weekend in Michigan. We had a blast, even though Michigan was experiencing unseasonably HIGH temperatures. YIKES! It rarely gets above 100 degrees F, but it did while we were there. HA! We caught fireworks along Lake Huron, shopped at the Croswell Stockyards, played games, had our own fireworks show in the side yard, and just had a great weekend together with my parents and my Grandma. I also got to catch up with my friend Melissa over lunch at Junction Buoy. We hadn’t seen each other in years (too many to count really). It was great to reconnect and enjoy laughing together again.

Newport Aquarium: My friend Becky and I drove to Newport, Kentucky to take in the amazing aquarium there. Tickets are a bit pricey ($22 for adult tickets), but it is worth it for an occasional visit, in my book. If I visited more frequently, a membership would be the way to go. They have lots of shark and tropical fish. Of course, I especially liked their turtles, but that's just me. I'm a turtle girl! I’m also crazy about the jellyfish exhibit. I think jellyfish are beautiful creatures...deadly but beautiful!


Weekend with Jacob: My 7-year-old nephew Jacob came to visit me last weekend on his own. We bowled together on Saturday morning, where Aunt Mel won both games but not by much. Yes, I confess, we both used the bumper rails. I'm rather fond of the bumper rails myself. HA! Saturday afternoon, we toured the IMA's contemporary collection. He liked the Untitled exhibit by Tara Donovan, which was one of the reasons I wanted him to visit the IMA. But in truth, he loved the Jeppe Hein's Distance more. It's an amazing "indoor rollercoaster track for a series of white, plastic balls." You can follow the balls as they make their way along the track, and it is fascinating to say the least. [By the way, both of those exhibits close soon, and so check them out.] We did walk through part 100 Acres as well, but the heat soon sent us heading back to the car for some needed AC. On Sunday, we saw Toy Story 3 in 3D, which is one of the best films of the year, I believe. It was a great end to our incredible weekend of bonding. OK, so I spoiled him a little bit. He got to eat the foods he wanted and watch lots of Scooby Doo movies on Netflix, too. But, hey, I think it is an aunt's right to spoil nieces and nephews! I think of it as my job really...

Part 3: Stretching Out

Three years ago, after months of praying and struggling, I left my church and went out searching for something more. I wallowed a wee bit (I confess), visited other churches, and 12+ months later, came back to my former church determined to make a fresh start.

I immediately tried to get busy serving and doing. I’m a doer, one of those people that can’t just sit still. I’m a Martha. I had struggled to get involved in the church ministries in the past and thought that the church membership class might help me get more involved. I enrolled and took a spiritual gift surveys. I guess I should NOT have been surprised at the results, but I was disheartened to discover my gifts nonetheless. My top 2 gifts were leadership and administration. Not missions or evangelism. Not teaching or serving. No. GOD didn’t make me that way. Fact is that GOD made me to lead, organize and direct. Those are my gifts, and I’ve struggled to embrace them as a woman, especially in church.

Armed with the spiritual gift knowledge, I tried to get involved in the church ministries again, but alas with the same results as before. So I decided to look elsewhere and get actively serving outside the church. I joined up with LDM (Lutheran Disability Ministries) for 5 weekend SonRise Retreats from November through April and loved it. My spirit soared as I rediscovered what “church” should look like – a community, a family of believers coming together out of the bonds of sin and into the arms of Christ to serve together and spread the light of the Gospel in both word and deed. I experienced more community in those weekends working mostly with high schoolers and college age adults than I had encountered in years of attending church.

Then a friend suggested I join her and some of her fellow choir members for monthly hymn sing-a-longs at an area senior living center, and I decided to try it out once and loved it and kept going back for more. Again, here was community in action - a community of senior citizen saints that included me! I was blown away by what GOD was revealing to me and teaching me outside my own concept of church.

I was glad to be actively serving again, but I was struggling with my own church again, and I found myself right back where I started 2 years ago. If I couldn’t find ways to serve at my church and couldn’t find avenues of fellowship there, was worship truly reason enough to keep going? What's that saying about trying the same thing over and over, hoping to get new results? AHEM!

I debated for months and wrestled with GOD about it, but HE just wouldn’t let it go. My friends thoughtfully listened to me and encouraged me. My parents lovingly counseled and prayed with me. And finally, I faced facts. For whatever reason, I have not been able to settle down in my current church assembly, and it is time to move on. I believe that GOD wants to use me elsewhere.

My friend encouraged me to join her church choir and sing with them on a regular basis. This is the same friend that got me singing at the senior center. It sounded great, but I wasn’t sure I could make the switch. I was raised Baptist and was going to a conservative non-denominational church that was once aligned with Baptists, and so attending a Methodist church seemed like a pretty big stretch.

One day my sister shared her own family’s struggles with finding a church and said: “Attending church isn’t like a marriage, Mel. You aren’t committed for life.” I thought long and hard about what my sister said and about all the ways GOD had been leading me over the past few years in such unconventional styles. HE has stretched me, broadened my horizons and broken down my reserves. It’s been quite an adventure, and now I feel HE is leading me into another one.

I don’t know what the future holds, but this is just one step along the path. I'm just following the LEADER, and we'll see where HE takes me. Here I go…

Part 2: Admitting Flaws

OK, I admit that I’m not perfect. I’m completely and heartily flawed, and some of the loneliness I have experienced in church is my own doing. I got burned a couple of times and simply stopped trying. I gave up. Plus, I had my own baggage, and that was probably the root of my problem.

I was jealous of what those paired off people had. I wanted to belong to another person myself. Most singles do. Most of us aren’t single by choice. Fact is that I have yet to turn down a marriage proposal. HA!

I didn’t like the fact that a whole month of services was dedicated to marriage and the family. I didn’t have a family or the marriage, and so I sat through the sermons for a year or two, but then I bailed out each year afterwards. It didn’t apply to me. After all, where were the sermons on singleness or sexual purity? Fact is I didn’t want to spend a whole month studying something I wanted and didn’t have. It sounded like torture!

I was distracted and ticked off when I would sit behind a couple that were massaging each other in the service. I was irritated with their inappropriate behavior, and I struggled to concentrate on the message. Fact is that I wanted someone rubbing my back, too.

I got tired of answering the same questions all over again: why aren’t you married, have you ever been married, aren’t you dating? So I started getting creative with my responses. Sarcasm became my ally, and I let bitterness take over at times. Fact is that I was annoyed with my single status, annoyed that no one had my back, annoyed that GOD didn’t write me a personal letter explaining my single status so that I could hand out copies when asked.

I secretly envied the newly engaged couples and the wives with their sparkly anniversary rings. I struggled to relate to the housewives and soccer moms. I didn’t understand spouses complaining over dirty laundry on the floor, home improvement projects, or lack of alone time. Fact is that my desire for marriage and my idolatry of the same tainted my views of their situations, and I wasn’t always good friend material.

I can readily admit that part of my church issues and struggles have been my own self. AND I CAN DO BETTER. I know I can. I still can. I wasn't content with the status quo then and I'm not now either, something’s gotta give...