The fact is that most single people want to be married. We long for it. We agonize over the hows and whys we haven’t found that special someone to commit to. But we can’t force it. We can’t make it happen. And we tire of the seemingly endless tirade of well-wishing couples that give us advice.
The whole “I wasn’t looking for it when I found it” type story is one of the most annoying. RIGHT! The majority of my single girlfriends will join me in a hearty laugh at that idea. It’s not something you can turn off. We singles think about it all too often. Unless we live in a bubble or a vacuum, we’re surrounded by paired off people in the malls, the church, work, etc.
Or the young 20-something who feels compelled to tell you to trust GOD like she did. I mean she had to wait exactly a year after finishing college before she met the man of her dreams. Can you imagine—she waited 12 whole months on her own!! Amazing, isn’t it? I’d like her to step into the shoes of a 30 or 40-something-never-been-married woman for a few weeks and see if her perspective changes. Waiting for 12 months isn’t quite the same thing as someone who has waited for 5, 10, 20 years or more.
Stepping back out of the sarcasm, I’m glad that my 20-something friend has so much optimism. It’s refreshing. I hope she is able to maintain it, and I’m trying to learn from her that there is always something good to pull out of everything. And as for my other friends that have shared their stories on how GOD surprised them with a significant other when they were least expecting it, well, I’m glad it worked out that way for them. I am. I find their stories fascinating, but their life story isn’t mine. GOD doesn’t work in cookie cutter fashion.
I think that people need to be careful when trying to encourage the singles in their lives.
You’ll be next, dear. Such a heartfelt platitude, isn’t it? Do you know how many times we’ve heard that? If I had a dime for every time I heard that, well, let's just say that maybe I'd be searching for a mail order groom. AHEM!
Just when you stop looking, GOD will bring him along. Show me how to stop looking, short of joining a convent, and I’ll give it a try. I’ve started thinking that the only way to turn off my desire for marriage would be to join a convent. There away from the world of men, I think I might finally be able to stop thinking about what it would be like to meet the man of my dreams.
Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. Don’t pamper our egos. Don’t expect us to always be cheery about our single status just as you aren’t always thrilled with being married either. Just be a friend as we want to be your friends. Be real with us, and we’ll be real with you.
From time to time, we’ll need a hug to get through another Valentine’s Day on our own or yet another bad first date. Just as you will need a hug from a friend when your husband is away on business or you’ve had a bad day at work. Whether single or married, we need each other!
I heard a pastor friend of mine once say, “We all need more love than we deserve.” I find this more true every year. We all long for love. And while my need for love grows, I hope I can grow in giving it year to year, too.
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