For years, my sister Barbara has complained that I’m always on her husband Jonathan’s side. Even before they were married, I was usually taking his side or at least seeing his point of view in an argument. I’ve learned since to just step aside from those discussions and not take a side, if you will, or at least keep my mouth shut if I have an opinion!
I guess I’ve always thought I was merely trying to see the other person’s side because my Mom’s really good at that, and I figured maybe some of it carried over from my experiences with her. But then this last year, it has come up several times in my discussions with friends, too.
A girlfriend will be relaying a story about a guy she is interested in, or how she’s been waiting on a guy to call her, etc. I try to be as sympathetic as I can be, but inside, I’m asking: why does everything have to be on his shoulders? or why don’t you just call him? or did it ever occur to you that he might be nervous, too? I have these questions going round and round in my head, and sometimes they just pop out. I mean, I want to be honest, and I don’t always mean to play devil’s advocate...
But somehow I think that men (especially in regards to relationships) have it rough! I know that this goes against everything in the girl code that we live by...where we all stick together and stuff. I’m sure I’ll get emails from friends asking me to re-read my girl handbook again, but I can’t help the fact that I truly think that some men get the raw end of the stick.
We women seem to think that men should have us figured out by now. I mean, come on, we’re women. We’re lovable, adorable, giving creatures. All we ask for is that everything in our lives to be PERFECT!!! And the instant a man doesn’t fit into that mold or dream he needs to live up to--well, it’s time to write him out of our lives.
He called too late one evening (so inconsiderate)…
or he forgot to call at all (rude and a liar)…
or he calls too much (needy and clingy).
Verdict: Time to end it!
He mentioned his ex-girlfriend (pathetic—get over her already)…
or he forgot to mention that she was going to be at the same party you were attending (liar and inconsiderate).
Verdict: Time to end it!
He did not pay for my meal (cheap and rude)…
or he paid for my meal without even asking (conceited)
or he asked if he could pay for my meal (pathetic ploy).
Verdict: Time to end it!
He failed to open the car door (so unchivalrous)…
or he forgot to introduce you to his friend at the restaurant (unpolite).
Verdict: Time to end it!
He asked to meet you at the restaurant (unchivalrous)…
or he wants to pick you up at your house (stalker).
Verdict: Time to end it!
So I read over those items above and I have to laugh. I mean, we’re asking men to do things we don’t even expect from our best friends. I’m not going to stop being friends because my friend fails to call me back when expected or doesn’t think to introduce me to another friend she runs into. Yes, I’m sorry my friend forgot to call me back, but then, I’ll just call her or email her later anyway. And yes, it would be polite for my friend to introduce me to her other friend that we’ve bumped into, but sometimes it’s easy to fall right into conversation, and it gets forgotten. Just one of those things...
Women are NOT that easy to understand. I know I’m not. I’m highly changeable about what I think from one moment to the next, and half the time I don’t understand myself. Why is it that I’m expecting another person (a man especially) to just get me from day one? It’s like we women are out to test the man from the first date to see if he can withstand our antics. It’s important to be ourselves, but it’s another matter to act as if men are the only ones with the issues that we have to discover ASAP.
OK, women...what about our moods? What about our playing hard to get or the way we act coy? Why is it that we hold back and don’t reveal anything of our true selves until we think we’ve caught the guy? What about how we love to gossip and share things with our friends that should stay private – especially about men? Why is it that we have these unrealistic expectations about men, but we ourselves refuse to change our own habits?
I don’t think dating should be all about learning the other person’s faults as quickly as possible so to eliminate that person from the running. I think dating should be about getting to know the other person (the good, the bad and the ugly) just because you want to! You like them, and you hope they are learning to like you, and so you date to get to know them better…not to find a reason to cross them off your list!
OK, so I’m no dating expert. I don’t claim to be an expert at relationships at all. I’ve just been observing a trend lately with my friends, and I start to wonder if maybe we just don’t make it all more complicated than it needs to be. Why couldn’t it be like grade school again? Hi, I’m Mel. I think you’re cute. Can we be friends?
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