I hear it a lot...you need to get out more. Put yourself out there, and you'll find him. Stop burying yourself away, etc. How do you expect "it" to happen if you never go out? It's not like GOD is just going to drop him in your lap! Get out there!
But what I can't quite comprehend is that people are asking me to be less than my self in order to snag a man! I don't get that. I mean what if you are really the type of person that is OK with staying home a lot? What if you prefer being at home curled up with a good book or snuggling with your favorite comforter alone while you watch an interesting movie? What if that is who I am? Because that's me in a nutshell.
Yes, I'm more extroverted than I used to be. I do have a wide circle of friends, and I spend quite a bit of time out with them. Usually not a week goes by when we don't do something, and I enjoy those experiences, but the truth is that I still love being alone, too. In fact, sometimes there is too much social activity, and I get burnt out by always going here and there, and so I'll pull back for a couple of weeks and just enjoy the solitude.
Recently, an opportunity came up, and I tried the other side of the coin. I did something that I don't do much of. I went to a bar and played pool with another girlfriend. OK, let's rephrase that...I did something I never do! I played pool, and I went to a bar! I've played pool only one other time in my lifetime, and that was with my 10-year-old nephew. [Probably doesn't count, does it?] And as far as going to a bar...I'm out with friends a lot, and we typically are at a grill and bar or something like that, and so that's not really new. But I'm usually out with a crowd of people I know, and this night was different. I felt more self-conscious, more on display or something like that, and it was a funny feeling. Normally, I'm oblivious to who else is in the bar, but this time was different. I was really out of my element. And all in all, I think it was a good experience.
I opted to forget that there were 40 other people standing around in the room. I just pretended that I was there alone with my friend, and it made me less self conscious.
I KNOW...I'm warped. I'm weird that way, but believe it or not, I'm less of a reclusive spinster than ever before. I am OUT there far more than I used to be. I just don't do the act of looking very well. I don't believe that I should pretend to be someone I'm not just to get people to like me or to get someone to take notice of me. I am who I am, and eventually, he's gonna have to like me -- the person I am -- unless I consider faking my personality for the rest of my life, which would be completely unbearable. HA!
So to my critics who claim I am far too withdrawn, I AM OUT THERE! I just prefer to remain under the radar, away from the blaring lights...but if you look closely, I'm there!
Not quite like the small, square yellow sticky notes at all really...think legal size post-its!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Monday, December 13, 2004
I don’t consider myself to be like Bridget Jones in every way...
I mean, I’m not into casual get-to-you-know sex, that’s for sure. I don’t have a job where there is a risk of me scattering down a fire pole and showing my bum to the entire viewing area. I don’t chain smoke or drink heavily. And I’m rarely given the opportunity to choose between dating Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, which is sad because they just don’t know what they are missing.
But aside from those minor distinguishing details, I can sometimes identify with Bridget more than I’d like to admit. I catch myself constantly saying the wrong thing and sticking my foot in my mouth. My hair is almost always atrocious. I wear underwear that helps me hide my stomach because I too am a double digit size in a size 4 world! [Yes, I confess, I wear granny panties!] And sometimes I too run into situations that remind me that I live in a married world and am part of a dying minority of non-breeding singletons.
My first corporate holiday party is now behind me. It was this past Friday evening. When I arrived, I had no idea what to expect. I work in a thousand person facility, and I had heard that 670 people had RSVPed. And so when you know 40 people tops in a company that large, you’re definitely curious how things will go. I arrived early, which is my habit, and hoped to see some familiar faces.
Well, the first person I spotted was another newbie with the company. She greeted me, introduced her husband and then said, “You came all by yourself?” And she asked it with that delicious emphasis on ALL and YOURSELF as if it was shocking that I came alone. [Ah yes. That’s one of those fun questions that single people like to hear…thanks for asking!] I grimaced inwardly, nodded and started asking her husband what he did for a living. (Now in her defense, she doesn’t know me all that well, and for all I know, she may have assumed that I was married or what have you. But it just reminded me of the inquisitive glances I get when I tell the waiter I only need a table for 1...)
Anyway, I made small talk with them for a few moments, and then opted to get away from the crowded entry way and get a table. I chose a table near the door so that I would hopefully spot my friend and her husband who had offered to sit with me. She arrived soon after, and introductions were made. Her husband was very friendly and both of them made a lot of effort to include me in on their conversations. I met other co-workers’ spouses and enjoyed my meal as I listened to the vivid discussions at our table. Eventually the band started playing and it became more like a shouting match across the table, which was rather comical.
After dinner, we walked around a bit and chatted with some people. It was then that I spotted him…Mr. Just Glancing Over (or JGO for short). [See previous blog entries in November for the details…] And yes, you guessed it—he was there with a date. And upon second glance, she was more than a date. She had a rock on her finger. [BIG SIGH!]
Well, he saw me and even glanced my direction a couple of times, which just really ticked me off. I mean it’s one thing to admire someone who you think is single and free, but when you make the discovery that there is ANOTHER in there life already, it’s immediately over for me. No chance of anything! So stop looking!
We returned to our table for some dessert, and I confess I was winding down and was more than a little bit pensive at this point. Maybe I had imagined Mr. JGO’s attention? It wouldn’t have been the first time I had misinterpreted signals. I suddenly wished to have asked George Clooney to be my escort after all… I mean what else would he have to do on a Friday evening in Hollywood. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere but there in the middle of a crowded ballroom sitting at a table with several beaming couples.
But I remembered my holiday goal to have less Mel-o-drama this season and just enjoy where I’m at as I am! So I snapped out of my funk and was once again determined that I could still have a good time at this party. I was with new friends, and it was all good. Besides I had some awesome cheesecake in front of me, and it would make everything better.
So we sat there listening to the music. It was still a bit loud for conversation, but the tempo had decreased and people had taken to the dance floor. I told myself this isn’t so bad. You can do this. And then it happened.
The band began to play and sing another song, and suddenly I understood Bridget Jones more than ever. I knew what had led her to drinking, chain smoking and singing loudly to music in her apartment. I knew why she could eat a box of donuts in one setting or why she jumped at the first man that threw attention her way. Everything was vividly clear as I sat there in silence choking back tears as All By Myself rang in my ears.
One couple at our table immediately smiled at each other and headed for the dance floor. And I could tell that Barb and Lee wanted to be out there, too. In fact I saw her husband lean over and gesture that they go out for a spin on the floor, but Barb motioned no. And I could tell that Barb just didn’t want to leave me alone at the table. She was sitting there just for me. She’s a Mom of two single daughters. She knows what it’s like.
And that was when I knew I needed to leave. So I politely excused myself, keeping my composure the entire time. I think I said something about needing to get home and get to bed—a complete lie. [On Friday nights, I’m up until 1 or 2 AM every week.] I said my goodbyes and walked out the door with that song still playing in my head.
Of course, the tears hit before I made it to my car. And GOD and I had yet another chat about me being single, as if he needed another reminder. It’s me, GOD, Melanie! Don’t know if you noticed or not, but I’m still single down here. Just wanted you to know…
As for the corporate holiday party, will I go again next year? The jury is still out on that one. What I have already decided is that I won’t go alone again! I just won’t do that to myself. I’ll rent a date, ask my sister or beg a friend to come with me. I almost did this year, but I thought I could brave it on my own. I thought I could manage All By Myself. But there are some moments, that are always better in pairs…
But aside from those minor distinguishing details, I can sometimes identify with Bridget more than I’d like to admit. I catch myself constantly saying the wrong thing and sticking my foot in my mouth. My hair is almost always atrocious. I wear underwear that helps me hide my stomach because I too am a double digit size in a size 4 world! [Yes, I confess, I wear granny panties!] And sometimes I too run into situations that remind me that I live in a married world and am part of a dying minority of non-breeding singletons.
My first corporate holiday party is now behind me. It was this past Friday evening. When I arrived, I had no idea what to expect. I work in a thousand person facility, and I had heard that 670 people had RSVPed. And so when you know 40 people tops in a company that large, you’re definitely curious how things will go. I arrived early, which is my habit, and hoped to see some familiar faces.
Well, the first person I spotted was another newbie with the company. She greeted me, introduced her husband and then said, “You came all by yourself?” And she asked it with that delicious emphasis on ALL and YOURSELF as if it was shocking that I came alone. [Ah yes. That’s one of those fun questions that single people like to hear…thanks for asking!] I grimaced inwardly, nodded and started asking her husband what he did for a living. (Now in her defense, she doesn’t know me all that well, and for all I know, she may have assumed that I was married or what have you. But it just reminded me of the inquisitive glances I get when I tell the waiter I only need a table for 1...)
Anyway, I made small talk with them for a few moments, and then opted to get away from the crowded entry way and get a table. I chose a table near the door so that I would hopefully spot my friend and her husband who had offered to sit with me. She arrived soon after, and introductions were made. Her husband was very friendly and both of them made a lot of effort to include me in on their conversations. I met other co-workers’ spouses and enjoyed my meal as I listened to the vivid discussions at our table. Eventually the band started playing and it became more like a shouting match across the table, which was rather comical.
After dinner, we walked around a bit and chatted with some people. It was then that I spotted him…Mr. Just Glancing Over (or JGO for short). [See previous blog entries in November for the details…] And yes, you guessed it—he was there with a date. And upon second glance, she was more than a date. She had a rock on her finger. [BIG SIGH!]
Well, he saw me and even glanced my direction a couple of times, which just really ticked me off. I mean it’s one thing to admire someone who you think is single and free, but when you make the discovery that there is ANOTHER in there life already, it’s immediately over for me. No chance of anything! So stop looking!
We returned to our table for some dessert, and I confess I was winding down and was more than a little bit pensive at this point. Maybe I had imagined Mr. JGO’s attention? It wouldn’t have been the first time I had misinterpreted signals. I suddenly wished to have asked George Clooney to be my escort after all… I mean what else would he have to do on a Friday evening in Hollywood. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere but there in the middle of a crowded ballroom sitting at a table with several beaming couples.
But I remembered my holiday goal to have less Mel-o-drama this season and just enjoy where I’m at as I am! So I snapped out of my funk and was once again determined that I could still have a good time at this party. I was with new friends, and it was all good. Besides I had some awesome cheesecake in front of me, and it would make everything better.
So we sat there listening to the music. It was still a bit loud for conversation, but the tempo had decreased and people had taken to the dance floor. I told myself this isn’t so bad. You can do this. And then it happened.
The band began to play and sing another song, and suddenly I understood Bridget Jones more than ever. I knew what had led her to drinking, chain smoking and singing loudly to music in her apartment. I knew why she could eat a box of donuts in one setting or why she jumped at the first man that threw attention her way. Everything was vividly clear as I sat there in silence choking back tears as All By Myself rang in my ears.
One couple at our table immediately smiled at each other and headed for the dance floor. And I could tell that Barb and Lee wanted to be out there, too. In fact I saw her husband lean over and gesture that they go out for a spin on the floor, but Barb motioned no. And I could tell that Barb just didn’t want to leave me alone at the table. She was sitting there just for me. She’s a Mom of two single daughters. She knows what it’s like.
And that was when I knew I needed to leave. So I politely excused myself, keeping my composure the entire time. I think I said something about needing to get home and get to bed—a complete lie. [On Friday nights, I’m up until 1 or 2 AM every week.] I said my goodbyes and walked out the door with that song still playing in my head.
Of course, the tears hit before I made it to my car. And GOD and I had yet another chat about me being single, as if he needed another reminder. It’s me, GOD, Melanie! Don’t know if you noticed or not, but I’m still single down here. Just wanted you to know…
As for the corporate holiday party, will I go again next year? The jury is still out on that one. What I have already decided is that I won’t go alone again! I just won’t do that to myself. I’ll rent a date, ask my sister or beg a friend to come with me. I almost did this year, but I thought I could brave it on my own. I thought I could manage All By Myself. But there are some moments, that are always better in pairs…
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Less Mel-o-drama this holiday season, I hope...
The holidays can be hard on singles, but they don't have to be. And this year I've determined the season will pass quietly into the night without any of my usual Mel-o-drama.
I tend to get strung out around the holidays. I don't know why exactly, but I find myself freaking out from time to time. But I know realistically that the holidays aren't just tough on singles. I mean lots of people have a rough time during the holidays. Many of us are missing loved ones that have passed on or friends and family that live too far away to join in the celebration. Some dread the many holiday get-togethers for work, church, family or other. Some have feuding families that still manage to sit around a tense dinner table during the holidays. Others find themselves alone for the holidays while some of us craze the alone time and want a break from the frenetic pace of life!
For me, it's always been a time of family, and I think that's where the stinging begins...I have a family, but I don't have my OWN family, and I always imagined I would by now. I thought I'd have a husband and the 2.5 kids with the white minivan. (OK, maybe the minivan isn't really my ideal. It's just a practical solution since a Hummer might be over the top. Hmmmm...I don't know. I could make it work!) And so here I am at this bonding time of year, and everywhere I go there are families. Adoring couples deciding on jewelry, giggling boys playing in the snow, darling little girls dressed up in red satin dresses, and excited families waiting to see Santa at the local mall. Plus, I also get lots of time with my own nieces and nephews. Nothing beats an intense game of Clue or a 3-hour match of competitive Monopoly. And who can resist playing Barbies with a 5-year old or racing cars across the floor with a 2-year old? I treasure those moments, and they make me smile even as I write this.
These are all great things. There is nothing wrong with any one of these things, and no one here is plotting to wound me with their happiness. I know it! I just tend to get lost in the moment and get side tracked. I start being disastisfied with my own life and my own "grass" starts looking brown and dried up in comparison to the vividly green grass others seem to have. I tell myself that I'm not happy.
Suddenly my 1-bedroom apartment isn't big enough, and my stupid Christmas tree looks ridiculous. I have nothing to wear to the Christmas party, and I avoid malls because of the happy shoppers. I procrastinate working on my Christmas cards, and I refuse to watch any more Christmas movies. Before I know it I've turned into a Grinch. I mean when you start feeling sorry for Scrooge while watching A Christmas Carol or get gleeful when the Grinch steals all the holiday gifts and decorations from the Whos of Who-ville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know that you need to take a serious look at your own life!
And so this year, I'm making a conscious effort to do things differently, and so far I think it's working. It's not a perfect system, but I'm just thinking before I spin out of control, or perhaps better stated, I'm slapping myself silly before robbing someone else of their joy. And in the process I'm finding it's been easier on myself as well as everyone else around me. I'm stepping outside of my bubble.
I can't avoid interacting with other people. We share a globe here, and they have a right to be happy in public just like I do. I can't afford a house right now, and so maybe my little apartment isn't so little after all! Just when I was thinking this was my last year to use my old Christmas tree, it starts looking brighter and my friends admire it! And someone else asks me if I'm going to do Christmas cards and send out a Christmas letter as usual because they look forward to receiving it...
Suddenly I'm BACK! My joy is rekindled. My twinkle returns. Now I join in as we sing Christmas carols. I find myself smiling at the cute family all holding hands as they march into the church for the Christmas pageant. I can honestly admire and join in with real happiness as my friend shows off her new ring or shares another picture of her new baby. I might not have a family to call my own or have a new piece of jewelry glistening on my finger. BUT I am blessed in other ways. More blessed than I can say...I'm trying to count my blessings this season!
GOD has given me a delightful sister. She listens tirelessly to my rantings and then honestly addresses the issues or complaints with frankness and sensitivity. I love how we can share with one another and lift each other up! She is dear to me, and sometimes I wonder where I would be if it hadn't been for my "big little sister." My sister's husband is one of the most genuinely warm persons I have ever met. And I'm thankful for his giving spirit and his openness! And their son, my youngest nephew, is a source of great joy and laughter.
GOD has blessed me with an awesome network of friends. My growing "family" of compatriots in my singles' group continue to amaze me! They are continually stretching me in positive ways--showing how I can serve better, reach out more, etc. I'm so thankful for them. And my girlfriends through my GiNI group are a continued source of laughs, hope, encouragement and camaraderie! I feel lucky to have them in my life!
GOD continues to abundantly take care of my needs--financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and timely! That last one (timely) always seems to be the hardest to accept, but HIS timing although not at my pace is always perfect. And I'm especially thankful this year for his provision of the new job, awesome new co-workers, etc. HE always seems to take my desires and take them further than I had dreamed up.
GOD has graced me with a charming family--even though I have 3 older brothers. I love my brothers and their families. My oldest brother Mike is single, too, and I love his teasing nature! My middle brother Chuck is married and has 4 lovely children, and I love watching his gentle nature when he is with his children. My youngest brother Steve is married and has 2 children, and I enjoy his friendly nature and his generosity to others. My sister-in-laws are a blessing, too. And I adore my other 4 nieces and 2 nephews to pieces. My Mom's warmth and big heart are an inspiration to more than myself. And my Dad's quick wit and dry sense of humor continue to surprise me!
I'm very fortunate indeed. And I'm encouraged as I remind myself during this season, that I have a holy FATHER that loves me enough to send HIS only SON to save me--an undeserving, ungrateful, spoiled child. I'm blessed beyond belief...
I tend to get strung out around the holidays. I don't know why exactly, but I find myself freaking out from time to time. But I know realistically that the holidays aren't just tough on singles. I mean lots of people have a rough time during the holidays. Many of us are missing loved ones that have passed on or friends and family that live too far away to join in the celebration. Some dread the many holiday get-togethers for work, church, family or other. Some have feuding families that still manage to sit around a tense dinner table during the holidays. Others find themselves alone for the holidays while some of us craze the alone time and want a break from the frenetic pace of life!
For me, it's always been a time of family, and I think that's where the stinging begins...I have a family, but I don't have my OWN family, and I always imagined I would by now. I thought I'd have a husband and the 2.5 kids with the white minivan. (OK, maybe the minivan isn't really my ideal. It's just a practical solution since a Hummer might be over the top. Hmmmm...I don't know. I could make it work!) And so here I am at this bonding time of year, and everywhere I go there are families. Adoring couples deciding on jewelry, giggling boys playing in the snow, darling little girls dressed up in red satin dresses, and excited families waiting to see Santa at the local mall. Plus, I also get lots of time with my own nieces and nephews. Nothing beats an intense game of Clue or a 3-hour match of competitive Monopoly. And who can resist playing Barbies with a 5-year old or racing cars across the floor with a 2-year old? I treasure those moments, and they make me smile even as I write this.
These are all great things. There is nothing wrong with any one of these things, and no one here is plotting to wound me with their happiness. I know it! I just tend to get lost in the moment and get side tracked. I start being disastisfied with my own life and my own "grass" starts looking brown and dried up in comparison to the vividly green grass others seem to have. I tell myself that I'm not happy.
Suddenly my 1-bedroom apartment isn't big enough, and my stupid Christmas tree looks ridiculous. I have nothing to wear to the Christmas party, and I avoid malls because of the happy shoppers. I procrastinate working on my Christmas cards, and I refuse to watch any more Christmas movies. Before I know it I've turned into a Grinch. I mean when you start feeling sorry for Scrooge while watching A Christmas Carol or get gleeful when the Grinch steals all the holiday gifts and decorations from the Whos of Who-ville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know that you need to take a serious look at your own life!
And so this year, I'm making a conscious effort to do things differently, and so far I think it's working. It's not a perfect system, but I'm just thinking before I spin out of control, or perhaps better stated, I'm slapping myself silly before robbing someone else of their joy. And in the process I'm finding it's been easier on myself as well as everyone else around me. I'm stepping outside of my bubble.
I can't avoid interacting with other people. We share a globe here, and they have a right to be happy in public just like I do. I can't afford a house right now, and so maybe my little apartment isn't so little after all! Just when I was thinking this was my last year to use my old Christmas tree, it starts looking brighter and my friends admire it! And someone else asks me if I'm going to do Christmas cards and send out a Christmas letter as usual because they look forward to receiving it...
Suddenly I'm BACK! My joy is rekindled. My twinkle returns. Now I join in as we sing Christmas carols. I find myself smiling at the cute family all holding hands as they march into the church for the Christmas pageant. I can honestly admire and join in with real happiness as my friend shows off her new ring or shares another picture of her new baby. I might not have a family to call my own or have a new piece of jewelry glistening on my finger. BUT I am blessed in other ways. More blessed than I can say...I'm trying to count my blessings this season!
GOD has given me a delightful sister. She listens tirelessly to my rantings and then honestly addresses the issues or complaints with frankness and sensitivity. I love how we can share with one another and lift each other up! She is dear to me, and sometimes I wonder where I would be if it hadn't been for my "big little sister." My sister's husband is one of the most genuinely warm persons I have ever met. And I'm thankful for his giving spirit and his openness! And their son, my youngest nephew, is a source of great joy and laughter.
GOD has blessed me with an awesome network of friends. My growing "family" of compatriots in my singles' group continue to amaze me! They are continually stretching me in positive ways--showing how I can serve better, reach out more, etc. I'm so thankful for them. And my girlfriends through my GiNI group are a continued source of laughs, hope, encouragement and camaraderie! I feel lucky to have them in my life!
GOD continues to abundantly take care of my needs--financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and timely! That last one (timely) always seems to be the hardest to accept, but HIS timing although not at my pace is always perfect. And I'm especially thankful this year for his provision of the new job, awesome new co-workers, etc. HE always seems to take my desires and take them further than I had dreamed up.
GOD has graced me with a charming family--even though I have 3 older brothers. I love my brothers and their families. My oldest brother Mike is single, too, and I love his teasing nature! My middle brother Chuck is married and has 4 lovely children, and I love watching his gentle nature when he is with his children. My youngest brother Steve is married and has 2 children, and I enjoy his friendly nature and his generosity to others. My sister-in-laws are a blessing, too. And I adore my other 4 nieces and 2 nephews to pieces. My Mom's warmth and big heart are an inspiration to more than myself. And my Dad's quick wit and dry sense of humor continue to surprise me!
I'm very fortunate indeed. And I'm encouraged as I remind myself during this season, that I have a holy FATHER that loves me enough to send HIS only SON to save me--an undeserving, ungrateful, spoiled child. I'm blessed beyond belief...
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