The holidays can be hard on singles, but they don't have to be. And this year I've determined the season will pass quietly into the night without any of my usual Mel-o-drama.
I tend to get strung out around the holidays. I don't know why exactly, but I find myself freaking out from time to time. But I know realistically that the holidays aren't just tough on singles. I mean lots of people have a rough time during the holidays. Many of us are missing loved ones that have passed on or friends and family that live too far away to join in the celebration. Some dread the many holiday get-togethers for work, church, family or other. Some have feuding families that still manage to sit around a tense dinner table during the holidays. Others find themselves alone for the holidays while some of us craze the alone time and want a break from the frenetic pace of life!
For me, it's always been a time of family, and I think that's where the stinging begins...I have a family, but I don't have my OWN family, and I always imagined I would by now. I thought I'd have a husband and the 2.5 kids with the white minivan. (OK, maybe the minivan isn't really my ideal. It's just a practical solution since a Hummer might be over the top. Hmmmm...I don't know. I could make it work!) And so here I am at this bonding time of year, and everywhere I go there are families. Adoring couples deciding on jewelry, giggling boys playing in the snow, darling little girls dressed up in red satin dresses, and excited families waiting to see Santa at the local mall. Plus, I also get lots of time with my own nieces and nephews. Nothing beats an intense game of Clue or a 3-hour match of competitive Monopoly. And who can resist playing Barbies with a 5-year old or racing cars across the floor with a 2-year old? I treasure those moments, and they make me smile even as I write this.
These are all great things. There is nothing wrong with any one of these things, and no one here is plotting to wound me with their happiness. I know it! I just tend to get lost in the moment and get side tracked. I start being disastisfied with my own life and my own "grass" starts looking brown and dried up in comparison to the vividly green grass others seem to have. I tell myself that I'm not happy.
Suddenly my 1-bedroom apartment isn't big enough, and my stupid Christmas tree looks ridiculous. I have nothing to wear to the Christmas party, and I avoid malls because of the happy shoppers. I procrastinate working on my Christmas cards, and I refuse to watch any more Christmas movies. Before I know it I've turned into a Grinch. I mean when you start feeling sorry for Scrooge while watching A Christmas Carol or get gleeful when the Grinch steals all the holiday gifts and decorations from the Whos of Who-ville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know that you need to take a serious look at your own life!
And so this year, I'm making a conscious effort to do things differently, and so far I think it's working. It's not a perfect system, but I'm just thinking before I spin out of control, or perhaps better stated, I'm slapping myself silly before robbing someone else of their joy. And in the process I'm finding it's been easier on myself as well as everyone else around me. I'm stepping outside of my bubble.
I can't avoid interacting with other people. We share a globe here, and they have a right to be happy in public just like I do. I can't afford a house right now, and so maybe my little apartment isn't so little after all! Just when I was thinking this was my last year to use my old Christmas tree, it starts looking brighter and my friends admire it! And someone else asks me if I'm going to do Christmas cards and send out a Christmas letter as usual because they look forward to receiving it...
Suddenly I'm BACK! My joy is rekindled. My twinkle returns. Now I join in as we sing Christmas carols. I find myself smiling at the cute family all holding hands as they march into the church for the Christmas pageant. I can honestly admire and join in with real happiness as my friend shows off her new ring or shares another picture of her new baby. I might not have a family to call my own or have a new piece of jewelry glistening on my finger. BUT I am blessed in other ways. More blessed than I can say...I'm trying to count my blessings this season!
GOD has given me a delightful sister. She listens tirelessly to my rantings and then honestly addresses the issues or complaints with frankness and sensitivity. I love how we can share with one another and lift each other up! She is dear to me, and sometimes I wonder where I would be if it hadn't been for my "big little sister." My sister's husband is one of the most genuinely warm persons I have ever met. And I'm thankful for his giving spirit and his openness! And their son, my youngest nephew, is a source of great joy and laughter.
GOD has blessed me with an awesome network of friends. My growing "family" of compatriots in my singles' group continue to amaze me! They are continually stretching me in positive ways--showing how I can serve better, reach out more, etc. I'm so thankful for them. And my girlfriends through my GiNI group are a continued source of laughs, hope, encouragement and camaraderie! I feel lucky to have them in my life!
GOD continues to abundantly take care of my needs--financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and timely! That last one (timely) always seems to be the hardest to accept, but HIS timing although not at my pace is always perfect. And I'm especially thankful this year for his provision of the new job, awesome new co-workers, etc. HE always seems to take my desires and take them further than I had dreamed up.
GOD has graced me with a charming family--even though I have 3 older brothers. I love my brothers and their families. My oldest brother Mike is single, too, and I love his teasing nature! My middle brother Chuck is married and has 4 lovely children, and I love watching his gentle nature when he is with his children. My youngest brother Steve is married and has 2 children, and I enjoy his friendly nature and his generosity to others. My sister-in-laws are a blessing, too. And I adore my other 4 nieces and 2 nephews to pieces. My Mom's warmth and big heart are an inspiration to more than myself. And my Dad's quick wit and dry sense of humor continue to surprise me!
I'm very fortunate indeed. And I'm encouraged as I remind myself during this season, that I have a holy FATHER that loves me enough to send HIS only SON to save me--an undeserving, ungrateful, spoiled child. I'm blessed beyond belief...
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