I mean, I’m not into casual get-to-you-know sex, that’s for sure. I don’t have a job where there is a risk of me scattering down a fire pole and showing my bum to the entire viewing area. I don’t chain smoke or drink heavily. And I’m rarely given the opportunity to choose between dating Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, which is sad because they just don’t know what they are missing.
But aside from those minor distinguishing details, I can sometimes identify with Bridget more than I’d like to admit. I catch myself constantly saying the wrong thing and sticking my foot in my mouth. My hair is almost always atrocious. I wear underwear that helps me hide my stomach because I too am a double digit size in a size 4 world! [Yes, I confess, I wear granny panties!] And sometimes I too run into situations that remind me that I live in a married world and am part of a dying minority of non-breeding singletons.
My first corporate holiday party is now behind me. It was this past Friday evening. When I arrived, I had no idea what to expect. I work in a thousand person facility, and I had heard that 670 people had RSVPed. And so when you know 40 people tops in a company that large, you’re definitely curious how things will go. I arrived early, which is my habit, and hoped to see some familiar faces.
Well, the first person I spotted was another newbie with the company. She greeted me, introduced her husband and then said, “You came all by yourself?” And she asked it with that delicious emphasis on ALL and YOURSELF as if it was shocking that I came alone. [Ah yes. That’s one of those fun questions that single people like to hear…thanks for asking!] I grimaced inwardly, nodded and started asking her husband what he did for a living. (Now in her defense, she doesn’t know me all that well, and for all I know, she may have assumed that I was married or what have you. But it just reminded me of the inquisitive glances I get when I tell the waiter I only need a table for 1...)
Anyway, I made small talk with them for a few moments, and then opted to get away from the crowded entry way and get a table. I chose a table near the door so that I would hopefully spot my friend and her husband who had offered to sit with me. She arrived soon after, and introductions were made. Her husband was very friendly and both of them made a lot of effort to include me in on their conversations. I met other co-workers’ spouses and enjoyed my meal as I listened to the vivid discussions at our table. Eventually the band started playing and it became more like a shouting match across the table, which was rather comical.
After dinner, we walked around a bit and chatted with some people. It was then that I spotted him…Mr. Just Glancing Over (or JGO for short). [See previous blog entries in November for the details…] And yes, you guessed it—he was there with a date. And upon second glance, she was more than a date. She had a rock on her finger. [BIG SIGH!]
Well, he saw me and even glanced my direction a couple of times, which just really ticked me off. I mean it’s one thing to admire someone who you think is single and free, but when you make the discovery that there is ANOTHER in there life already, it’s immediately over for me. No chance of anything! So stop looking!
We returned to our table for some dessert, and I confess I was winding down and was more than a little bit pensive at this point. Maybe I had imagined Mr. JGO’s attention? It wouldn’t have been the first time I had misinterpreted signals. I suddenly wished to have asked George Clooney to be my escort after all… I mean what else would he have to do on a Friday evening in Hollywood. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere but there in the middle of a crowded ballroom sitting at a table with several beaming couples.
But I remembered my holiday goal to have less Mel-o-drama this season and just enjoy where I’m at as I am! So I snapped out of my funk and was once again determined that I could still have a good time at this party. I was with new friends, and it was all good. Besides I had some awesome cheesecake in front of me, and it would make everything better.
So we sat there listening to the music. It was still a bit loud for conversation, but the tempo had decreased and people had taken to the dance floor. I told myself this isn’t so bad. You can do this. And then it happened.
The band began to play and sing another song, and suddenly I understood Bridget Jones more than ever. I knew what had led her to drinking, chain smoking and singing loudly to music in her apartment. I knew why she could eat a box of donuts in one setting or why she jumped at the first man that threw attention her way. Everything was vividly clear as I sat there in silence choking back tears as All By Myself rang in my ears.
One couple at our table immediately smiled at each other and headed for the dance floor. And I could tell that Barb and Lee wanted to be out there, too. In fact I saw her husband lean over and gesture that they go out for a spin on the floor, but Barb motioned no. And I could tell that Barb just didn’t want to leave me alone at the table. She was sitting there just for me. She’s a Mom of two single daughters. She knows what it’s like.
And that was when I knew I needed to leave. So I politely excused myself, keeping my composure the entire time. I think I said something about needing to get home and get to bed—a complete lie. [On Friday nights, I’m up until 1 or 2 AM every week.] I said my goodbyes and walked out the door with that song still playing in my head.
Of course, the tears hit before I made it to my car. And GOD and I had yet another chat about me being single, as if he needed another reminder. It’s me, GOD, Melanie! Don’t know if you noticed or not, but I’m still single down here. Just wanted you to know…
As for the corporate holiday party, will I go again next year? The jury is still out on that one. What I have already decided is that I won’t go alone again! I just won’t do that to myself. I’ll rent a date, ask my sister or beg a friend to come with me. I almost did this year, but I thought I could brave it on my own. I thought I could manage All By Myself. But there are some moments, that are always better in pairs…
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