Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Put yourself out there, why don'tcha?

I hear it a lot...you need to get out more. Put yourself out there, and you'll find him. Stop burying yourself away, etc. How do you expect "it" to happen if you never go out? It's not like GOD is just going to drop him in your lap! Get out there!

But what I can't quite comprehend is that people are asking me to be less than my self in order to snag a man! I don't get that. I mean what if you are really the type of person that is OK with staying home a lot? What if you prefer being at home curled up with a good book or snuggling with your favorite comforter alone while you watch an interesting movie? What if that is who I am? Because that's me in a nutshell.

Yes, I'm more extroverted than I used to be. I do have a wide circle of friends, and I spend quite a bit of time out with them. Usually not a week goes by when we don't do something, and I enjoy those experiences, but the truth is that I still love being alone, too. In fact, sometimes there is too much social activity, and I get burnt out by always going here and there, and so I'll pull back for a couple of weeks and just enjoy the solitude.

Recently, an opportunity came up, and I tried the other side of the coin. I did something that I don't do much of. I went to a bar and played pool with another girlfriend. OK, let's rephrase that...I did something I never do! I played pool, and I went to a bar! I've played pool only one other time in my lifetime, and that was with my 10-year-old nephew. [Probably doesn't count, does it?] And as far as going to a bar...I'm out with friends a lot, and we typically are at a grill and bar or something like that, and so that's not really new. But I'm usually out with a crowd of people I know, and this night was different. I felt more self-conscious, more on display or something like that, and it was a funny feeling. Normally, I'm oblivious to who else is in the bar, but this time was different. I was really out of my element. And all in all, I think it was a good experience.

I opted to forget that there were 40 other people standing around in the room. I just pretended that I was there alone with my friend, and it made me less self conscious.

I KNOW...I'm warped. I'm weird that way, but believe it or not, I'm less of a reclusive spinster than ever before. I am OUT there far more than I used to be. I just don't do the act of looking very well. I don't believe that I should pretend to be someone I'm not just to get people to like me or to get someone to take notice of me. I am who I am, and eventually, he's gonna have to like me -- the person I am -- unless I consider faking my personality for the rest of my life, which would be completely unbearable. HA!

So to my critics who claim I am far too withdrawn, I AM OUT THERE! I just prefer to remain under the radar, away from the blaring lights...but if you look closely, I'm there!

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