Last year for the first time in my 30 years, I spent Christmas on my own alone—yep, just me and my plants hanging out. I talked to my family on the phone for a few minutes, watched a couple of favorite movies and ate one of my favorite foods—fried chicken! It was a great day! I had no stress, no worries. I had peace and quiet and amused myself. It was all good to me.
But to some of my family and friends, my independence and decision to stay home alone on Christmas Day spelled trouble:
Is she depressed?
Is she suicidal?
Was this really just a desperate cry for help?
Did someone need to intervene?
[Nope. None of the above.]
Then there were the other questions:
Is she secretly dating someone?
Is there a guy staying at her place?
[Alas, no, but don't I wish…]
Somehow by choosing to remain on my own on Christmas Day, I scared people. They seemed to think that something had to be wrong because I chose solitude.
Ah, but nothing was wrong. I wasn’t going crazy or losing my edge. I wasn’t cutting myself with a knife or sobbing hysterically. There was no crime or heinous act being committed. I was simply enjoying the day on my own. [GASP!]
Since becoming an adult, I’ve been like a window shopper at Christmas. I’m peering through the glass at others’ celebrations, but I’m not an active participant myself. I’ve spent past Christmases watching my nieces and nephews open gifts, and it’s been marvelous to watch their eyes light up with sheer delight at what was inside each package. I’ve hung out with other friends for a large family style dinner, and I’ve felt blessed to be right where I was at that time. But while everyone always does their best to make me feel welcome at their holiday celebrations, I always feel like something is missing. IT IS. I’m the one who’s missing. I’m not celebrating. I’m observing.
I want to have my own Christmas traditions—special moments that entirely belong to me (and maybe my family of 10 houseplants). I can’t help but wish for something more personal that belongs to me—for my own way of celebrating the day that the Savior of the world was born! I don’t feel that the holiday is any less simply because I spend it on my own.
And this Christmas, I’m feeling more of the same. I’ve spent days and weeks leading up to the holidays with lots of friends and family. We’ve watched Christmas movies together, we’ve spent a day baking Christmas cookies, we’ve had gift exchanges and attended holiday parties, and we’ve shopped till we’ve dropped. So now, I’m ready to celebrate…on my own!
This holiday season, for the first time, I’m planning to attend one of the Christmas Eve services at my church. I’ve heard that it’s a very special service, and I’m looking forward to it with great anticipation. So I’ve got my own plans on Christmas Eve now.
And after that? I don’t know yet. I haven’t made any definite plans. I’m sure I’ll make the trip North to spend time with my sister and her family. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. And closer to the New Year, my parents and 4 siblings and their families will all get together and exchange gifts and have a meal together at my brother’s house. It will be a fun-filled, busy day of gifts, games and food. Highly enjoyable!
Yes, I’m looking forward to celebrating Christmas this year. Alone or with family and friends, I won’t be lonely! It will all be good...
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Cookie Time!
There are moments of pure delight with my nephew Jacob that make me forget any of my current worries or problems and just remind me again of the simple amazements that make life a blessing! I visited him and his family this weekend and together, we made and decorated lots of cookies. He totally got into rolling out the sugar cookie dough and making the cut-outs, and then when it came to frosting them, he had his own unique style. I could have sat there and watched him all day as he savored each moment.
I think sometimes we forget the simple joys, the childhood delights...but when we see them again in the face of another 3-year-old, it rekindles again some of those old feelings. Life is good!
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
My Own Personal Snow Globe
I’m totally thrilled it’s winter. I don’t enjoy driving in snow or on ice. I can do without that, thank you very much. But I do love the colder temps and seeing my breath when I walk outside. It’s sweater weather, turtleneck season, hot cocoa time. There is something magical about winter. I just caught myself staring out the window here at work, just watching the snowflakes whimsically dance along as they drift downward.
It reminds me of 20 years ago when I loved tramping around outside in the snow and staying outdoors in just about kind of weather. There my sister and I would stay all day when we could. We’d bundle up and go sledding in the ditch. Our ditch was our own private kingdom. It was a small city-owned drainage ditch that ran along our property, and we loved to explore it. There was a creek at the bottom, of course, and so we’d slide down into the ditch and break the ice in the small creek or attempt to cross the icy terrain.
And of course, playing outside is always better when you have a vivid imagination, and the Bradley sisters always had that! One day we’d be Indiana Jones exploring a frozen jungle, and then next day we’d be the next greatest figure skater as we glided along the ice in our moon boots. We’d stay out in the cold until we’d hear “Mel-anie! Barb-bra!” echoing across the neighborhood as my Mom would call us home for dinner from our own back door. That was a bit embarrassing at the time, but it’s a rather fond memory now.
Four years in South Carolina didn’t change this Midwestern girl. I still like having a real winter and enjoying 4 distinct seasons. Yes, as an adult, snow now requires more work, but I am still quite content with winter. And somewhere deep inside me there is still a little girl just dying to head back home to Michigan and go exploring through the snow-covered ditch again.
It reminds me of 20 years ago when I loved tramping around outside in the snow and staying outdoors in just about kind of weather. There my sister and I would stay all day when we could. We’d bundle up and go sledding in the ditch. Our ditch was our own private kingdom. It was a small city-owned drainage ditch that ran along our property, and we loved to explore it. There was a creek at the bottom, of course, and so we’d slide down into the ditch and break the ice in the small creek or attempt to cross the icy terrain.
And of course, playing outside is always better when you have a vivid imagination, and the Bradley sisters always had that! One day we’d be Indiana Jones exploring a frozen jungle, and then next day we’d be the next greatest figure skater as we glided along the ice in our moon boots. We’d stay out in the cold until we’d hear “Mel-anie! Barb-bra!” echoing across the neighborhood as my Mom would call us home for dinner from our own back door. That was a bit embarrassing at the time, but it’s a rather fond memory now.
Four years in South Carolina didn’t change this Midwestern girl. I still like having a real winter and enjoying 4 distinct seasons. Yes, as an adult, snow now requires more work, but I am still quite content with winter. And somewhere deep inside me there is still a little girl just dying to head back home to Michigan and go exploring through the snow-covered ditch again.
Monday, December 5, 2005
Every year it’s the same...
I languish long and hard over what to put into my Christmas newsletter, better known as Mel’s Monologue. Do I include this or that? Do I pretend that all is rosy or do I go with gutsy honesty? How should my tone read—sanguine or sarcastic? Who will my letter offend this year? Such worthy dilemmas…
The truth is that I don’t consider my life all that significant to anyone else other than myself. I mean, I’m happy I’m alive and still kicking. I like my life personally, and I find it exciting enough for me. It's a full life to me, but I wonder what is worth sharing each year with others. And it all comes back to comparison. In comparison to the lives of those around me, I think my life must appear to be rather dull and not worth reading about…
I didn’t buy a house this year or make a big move. I’m still living in my one-bedroom apartment—killing every spider or bug I find. But you know what—I love my apartment. It’s just right for me. So what that I’ve been here for 5 years now! This is home!
No big news this year about my having a baby (miraculous conception indeed) or finding myself a man! Yeah, the baby really would be more than a surprise! And OK, so John Cusack is the only man I’ve been seeing of late. But that’s just because I’ve been re-watching all of his movies and once again loving his ability to play quirky characters and wondering where are all the good men gone…
I spent a lot of my time on my own this year at home (in my one-bedroom apartment). I opted to pull out of a singles group at my church that seemed to be dying off and decided to back off some other social activities as well. I wouldn’t quite say I am a total recluse yet, but I’m definitely enjoying life alone. But I did add myself back as a volunteer at the IMA, one of my favorite places in the city, and so that should be another point in my favor. OK, so I still watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books and write a lot—all on my own. But if I’m happy and content with the way things are, who am I hurting? Am I supposed to pretend that there is more to life than what GOD has already given me? YEAH! I’m done with that. This is as good as it gets for me…at this time. I'm not complaining, and so why should anyone else complain about it?
I’ve made lots of cards and scrapbooked a great deal this year. Truth is that I probably made well over 500 cards this year, and I’ve loved it. I’ve given lots of them away, and that’s part of the joy of making them. And as for scrapbooking, I still have my own personal style. I’m not into fluffy or pretty scrapbooking. For me it’s still about the story behind each picture and not the pretty paper or specialty items to coordinate the scene. It’s still about the story behind each smile…
And so as I start to compose yet another newsletter, I smile a wry smile and savor the delights of being alive. [JUST BREATHE!!!] Yes, this is enough… Maybe it's not enough in the mind of someone else, but my CREATOR and I are the only ones that it should matter to. They have their own lives. GOD gave me this one. I'm grateful, and I'm sticking to it.
The truth is that I don’t consider my life all that significant to anyone else other than myself. I mean, I’m happy I’m alive and still kicking. I like my life personally, and I find it exciting enough for me. It's a full life to me, but I wonder what is worth sharing each year with others. And it all comes back to comparison. In comparison to the lives of those around me, I think my life must appear to be rather dull and not worth reading about…
I didn’t buy a house this year or make a big move. I’m still living in my one-bedroom apartment—killing every spider or bug I find. But you know what—I love my apartment. It’s just right for me. So what that I’ve been here for 5 years now! This is home!
No big news this year about my having a baby (miraculous conception indeed) or finding myself a man! Yeah, the baby really would be more than a surprise! And OK, so John Cusack is the only man I’ve been seeing of late. But that’s just because I’ve been re-watching all of his movies and once again loving his ability to play quirky characters and wondering where are all the good men gone…
I spent a lot of my time on my own this year at home (in my one-bedroom apartment). I opted to pull out of a singles group at my church that seemed to be dying off and decided to back off some other social activities as well. I wouldn’t quite say I am a total recluse yet, but I’m definitely enjoying life alone. But I did add myself back as a volunteer at the IMA, one of my favorite places in the city, and so that should be another point in my favor. OK, so I still watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books and write a lot—all on my own. But if I’m happy and content with the way things are, who am I hurting? Am I supposed to pretend that there is more to life than what GOD has already given me? YEAH! I’m done with that. This is as good as it gets for me…at this time. I'm not complaining, and so why should anyone else complain about it?
I’ve made lots of cards and scrapbooked a great deal this year. Truth is that I probably made well over 500 cards this year, and I’ve loved it. I’ve given lots of them away, and that’s part of the joy of making them. And as for scrapbooking, I still have my own personal style. I’m not into fluffy or pretty scrapbooking. For me it’s still about the story behind each picture and not the pretty paper or specialty items to coordinate the scene. It’s still about the story behind each smile…
And so as I start to compose yet another newsletter, I smile a wry smile and savor the delights of being alive. [JUST BREATHE!!!] Yes, this is enough… Maybe it's not enough in the mind of someone else, but my CREATOR and I are the only ones that it should matter to. They have their own lives. GOD gave me this one. I'm grateful, and I'm sticking to it.
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