I Need to Remind Myself...

I’ve caught myself focusing far too much lately on the not so blissful moments of being a singleton--usually when I just need to cuddle and my plants don’t seem interested or when I watch a chic flick and start crying because I suddenly start to feel lonely even though 5 minutes earlier I was thrilled to have no one to fight for the remote with. Now granted, most of these moments are, upon reflection, either during my monthly cycle or around my birthday or Christmas. It seems like those are the occasions where I tend to focus more on what I don’t have.

But today is NOT one of those days. Today I’m just happy. It could have something to do with my copious amounts of ice cream (the Founder’s Favorite at Cold Stone Creamery) after lunch. Yep, I’m feeling pretty good right about now. Or maybe because it’s Friday and sleeping in sounds like a wonderful dream about to come true tomorrow. Or maybe I’m just delighted because it is pay day. But for whatever reason, I’m having a good moment just now, and I’m planning to enjoy it.

I am going to explore Blockbuster on my way home and rent some new DVDs. One perk of being single is that I don’t need to consult a husband or significant other on what to select. My plants don’t seem to have a preference, and they just might enjoy that new vampire movie. I know I’m looking forward to it.

And then as a rather last minute whim, I read about a performance of Verdi’s Requiem for tomorrow evening, and so I emailed Becky, and now we’re planning to catch some dinner and go. I don’t know anything about Verdi or his Requiem, but I’m in the mood for some culture, and FREE culture is always desirable. Truth is that I couldn’t so easily make these last minute adventures if I were married.

Now I’m not sharing these singleton perks to make any of my married friends jealous. I’m really not. I’m posting this so that on one of those blue days when I’m feeling a twinge of sadness about my marital state, I can re-read this post and remember that I don’t have it all that bad. In fact, it’s pretty good...

How to Stop a Wedding

At my desk this morning, I found a list of 7 ways to “Stop a Wedding.” It was taken from the daily survival guide calendar for 2008, and one of my attorneys thought it would be funny to pass along to me. Here they are…

1. Make your feelings known before the service. [Ommm…yeah!]

2. If you cannot stop the ceremony beforehand, wait until the ceremony. Stand up and say “I do” when the officiator asks for objections. [This would take some major courage!]

3. Ask the officiator if you can present your concerns in private. [Hmmmm…]

4. If you do not have the courage to speak up during the ceremony, feign illness or a seizure. [With my luck, I’d hit the floor and get a concussion.]

5. If you cannot fake illness, pull the fire alarm. [Now that would cause mass panic on the bride’s big day, but would it really stop the wedding completely?]

6. If the ceremony has been completed, prevent the signing of the wedding license. [What? Are you supposed to pick up the license and run out with it?]

7. If the license has been signed, try to prevent the marriage from being consummated. [Ommm…this might take a bit of creativity!]

I found it humorous, but I’ve never really had cause to STOP a wedding, and so I’m not sure why this attorney though the list would come into play in my life. I mean, maybe there have been a couple of weddings I’ve attended where I’ve sighed a little bit during the ceremony and played the “what if” game in my head, but it’s not like I’ve ever had cause to stand up and say: “Stop! Please don’t marry my baby’s daddy,” or “Back off! He’s mine!”

But I guess I’ll keep it handy just in case. I mean, you never know...

**UPDATED: Happy Belated Birthday to Me!!

My 34th Birthday passed without too much drama. I think it does get easier after 29 and 30 as long as I can quit playing the “expectation game” in my head and eat lots of good stuff...

I forgot to mention...Four days before my bday, my parents took me to Olive Garden for their fabulous Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo dish, which I love. Can't get enough of gorgonzola cheese really!! And then afterwards, my sister and family treated me to a huge DQ ice cream cake, which perfectly ended my day. Nothing quite like an ice cream cake. YUM!!

Two days before my bday, my attorneys took me out for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, which I love. If you have not tried their orange chicken, it is delicious and highly recommended by me. Any of their cheesecake selections are divine as well. I tried the new white chocolate macadamia nut, and I was not disappointed. It was wonderful!

Then the day before my bday, my office had a treat table in my honor. And then after work, a co-worker called and asked if she could treat me for dinner at Cracker Barrel. I love Cracker Barrel’s home cooking, and so I was all in. WOOHOO!!!

On my bday, my 18-year-old niece Janet and her friend Mallory met me for lunch at Champps. We also did some shopping afterwards, where Janet graciously helped me spend my Crate & Barrel giftcard from Christmas. AHEM!

The day after my bday, the girls (my 4 single girlfriends I hang out with a lot) met me for lunch at Stone Creek. Another fabulous meal was had complete with an incredible slice of carrot cake!

So I guess with all those sweets and tasty delights, there was no cause to be down-hearted on my birthday! Almost! I had a moment or two where a slight shadow fell across my day, but it all had to do with those nagging unmet expectations we all put on ourselves. It was just another reminder of how another year has gone by, and there is nothing new to report. Not much fun travel occurred, far too much work happened, and no dating activity whatsoever…

Hmmmmm...I’m feeling the need for more chocolate now. HA!

Forgetting V-Day!

I forgot about Valentines’ Day this year. I got up, showered, got dressed like normal and headed into work. About 2 minutes from the office, I had an overwhelmingly feeling of dread and panic hit me. Did I really do that? Did I? Sure enough, I glanced in the rearview mirror and confirmed my suspicions.

Yes, I had really done it. I had worn RED on Valentine’s Day.

I hadn’t meant to. This day was like any other day to me. I don’t really dread Valentine’s Day, but I don’t get all psyched either, and I certainly didn’t plan to celebrate the day wearing the color of the day. How frustrating! I almost turned right around and drove back home to change outfits because I knew what would happen. And sure enough, my co-workers started right in when they saw me… Ahhh! You wore red today. How sweet! OR So you must have a date tonight, right? OR Looking good in the color of love today, eh, Mel?

RIGHT!! I didn’t have a date, and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. Celebrate what? This is a just another day...no cause to celebrate.

I mean, when you are single and live alone with your houseplants, you don’t find yourself waking up to a surprise bouquet of flowers, a Tiffany’s box or some scrumptious chocolates on V-day. Instead the day starts out and continues pretty much like any other day--only on this day, this glorious day, the whole world is reminding you that you live alone--with your houseplants. The whole world joins in a joyful chorus celebrating what they have, and you don’t. It’s truly a Single Awareness Day! I don’t think people mean to be so smug about their happiness, but nevertheless you feel it, and a trickle of bitterness starts to ooze from your soul, and you wonder if maybe tonight you will take up drinking hard liquor. But then you remember that you don’t really like the taste of alcohol and that Mountain Dew would probably do the trick instead, but then again, you probably wouldn’t sleep for a month since it has been over 2 years since you touched the stuff! (sigh!) So, you just try to survive the day.

You send Valentine’s to your single friends. You buy yourself chocolates or flowers. You plan a girls’ night for the upcoming weekend with your single gal pals to celebrate being partner-free. You try to smile and politely listen as your co-workers share their romantic plans for the evening with you or tell you about how their spouses really surprised them with something special this year.

And then at the end of the day, you drive home, pick up take-out from your favorite Chinese place, and snuggle up on your couch with a double feature of some of your delightful horror films. You thought I was going to say chic flick, didn’t you? Never on V-day! And you slyly smile to yourself with glee as you watch the adorably cute couple being chased by a psychotic madman on the screen...Ahh! Now that’s good stuff, and why would you want to share this moment with any one else!

Serenity now.

Miss Austen Regrets...but did she?

This past Sunday, a new imaginative look at the final years of Jane Austen's life, Miss Austen Regrets, aired on PBS.

I've not read much about Jane's life, and so I wasn't quite sure what to expect in comparison to the 2007 movie, Becoming Jane, which was more about Jane's early romance with the Irishman, Tom Lefroy. However, in this 2008 PBS rendition, Jane is nearly forty and trying to guide her young niece Fanny in the ways of love. Jane is portrayed as feisty, loud and a bit bolder than I imagined her to be.

Now, I knew that Jane had a smart and quick mind. It is quite obvious by the vivid and lively conversations she created between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. She used sarcasm and wit well. Yet as you read her novels, she doesn't mock her characters as the voice of the narrator in the books, and she doesn't critique them. She reveals them to you in the dialogue, their actions, etc., but she doesn't judge them. She lets their lives speak for themselves, and I like that about her. And so somehow, seeing this new imagined picture of Jane as a mocking cynic was a bit of a stretch for me. In this film Jane had a slightly bitter tone to her, was always brazenly speaking her mind and even acting out a bit and putting aside the propriety of a clergyman's daughter. Somehow, it doesn't quite match the picture I had imagined of this creative authoress.

One character (the handsome young doctor) made a comment in this film to Jane that struck me. He said something to the effect that all of Jane's heroines didn't have to make a choice between marrying for love or marrying for money/security. They got both. I've been thinking about that comment ever since. Lizzie got her Mr. Darcy with his 10,000 a year, Anne got her Captain Wentworth along with his privateer money, and Emma captivated the heart of wealthy landowner, Mr. Knightley.

Now, I don't think there is quite the same pattern in the other 3 books as the 3 remaining heroines all marry clergymen, but even there, they are granted a comfortable living. Fanny Price marries the lesser of the Bertram sons in Edmund, the humble clergyman, but even Edmund has money and the security of the parish on his father's estate. Catherine Morland finds love with Mr. Henry Tilney, who has his own property and eventually reconciles to his wealthy father. Only Elinor chooses to love Edward Ferrars despite his lack of a fortune. As the first son of a wealthy widow, he is disinherited by his choice to marry beneath him, but then the wealthy Colonel Brandon swoops in and offers him the parish on his own estate.

Did Jane regret not marrying for money? Did she have regrets in choosing independence over security? I'm sure she had regrets of some kind. Who doesn't! In that era, where women were not really able to seek employment or given opportunity to earn their own bread respectfully, maybe Jane did regret her choices, and yet I don't sense any bitterness in her pen. Without her choices, maybe she wouldn't have been so equipped to write such delightful prose about love lost and found, love discovered amidst disdain or love blooming out of a friendship or brotherly-like affection. Personally, I'd regret not having her books as comforting friends beside me. Thanks, Jane!

Mansfield Park

The third in the Jane Austen complete series on PBS's Masterpiece, Mansfield Park, aired last Sunday, and I was not impressed. Staying true to my plan, I had re-read the book prior to viewing the new movie, and it lead to great disappointment.

Fanny Price is not my favorite heroine, but I do see a lot of good qualities in her. She's strong, resolute and doesn't put aside her personal convictions to satisfy anyone even to benefit herself. I respect that. She is pursued by the elegant Mr. Crawford, whom everyone else admires. And yet Fanny will not yield to him. She just doesn't trust him, and as later revealed in the story, she is right not to do so. Fanny secretly pines for her cousin Edmund, who has hastily thrown his affections on the undeserving Mary Crawford. And so, Fanny just waits--at times in agony and desperation-- and eventually her darling Edmund realizes his folly, sees Fanny's worth and the lovers are united.

I don't like Edmund on screen or in the book. In my estimation, his character is weak. He spends a good portion of the book whining to Fanny about his love for Mary Crawford...does she love me, does she love me not, etc. Maybe it's just my prejudice against men who always fall for the fluff...you know how that is. But I am glad that Fanny and Edmund get together in the end, and yet somehow I find it hard to believe that he deserves her. WOW! I'm rather a feminist today.

In 1999, most Jane Austen fans were disappointed with Patricia Rozema's Mansfield Park. I confess that I was one of those disappointed fans at first. The director chose to give the film a sensual edgy quality that was lacking in the book. But after re-reading the book and playing over the film in my mind as a comparison, the 1999 version doesn't stray terribly far from Austen's prose. They add in some things, overstate some other aspects and take a great deal of creative license with the characters, but the storyline is still there. And I find that I like it better now, after experiencing this latest version which I disliked so much.

In the 2008 rendition, Fanny has blonde hair that is kept down and in her face, rather than pinned back like the style of the day. I don't know if the directors wanted to give Fanny a wild country appearance in comparison to the looks of her cousins or what, but in my opinion, Sir Thomas Bertram would never have allowed a niece living under his roof to look so disheveled. But that was just the beginning of my dislike, the characters are just all wrong, the acting was less than best, major scenes of the book were cut, the scenes were rushed, etc. It was distressing to see one of Austen's complex love stories appear so different on the screen.

So will I buy this version? I'm thinking NOT. I now prefer the 1999 version to all others, and that's saying a lot since I was initially disgusted with it. It's grown on me, I guess.