How to Stop a Wedding

At my desk this morning, I found a list of 7 ways to “Stop a Wedding.” It was taken from the daily survival guide calendar for 2008, and one of my attorneys thought it would be funny to pass along to me. Here they are…

1. Make your feelings known before the service. [Ommm…yeah!]

2. If you cannot stop the ceremony beforehand, wait until the ceremony. Stand up and say “I do” when the officiator asks for objections. [This would take some major courage!]

3. Ask the officiator if you can present your concerns in private. [Hmmmm…]

4. If you do not have the courage to speak up during the ceremony, feign illness or a seizure. [With my luck, I’d hit the floor and get a concussion.]

5. If you cannot fake illness, pull the fire alarm. [Now that would cause mass panic on the bride’s big day, but would it really stop the wedding completely?]

6. If the ceremony has been completed, prevent the signing of the wedding license. [What? Are you supposed to pick up the license and run out with it?]

7. If the license has been signed, try to prevent the marriage from being consummated. [Ommm…this might take a bit of creativity!]

I found it humorous, but I’ve never really had cause to STOP a wedding, and so I’m not sure why this attorney though the list would come into play in my life. I mean, maybe there have been a couple of weddings I’ve attended where I’ve sighed a little bit during the ceremony and played the “what if” game in my head, but it’s not like I’ve ever had cause to stand up and say: “Stop! Please don’t marry my baby’s daddy,” or “Back off! He’s mine!”

But I guess I’ll keep it handy just in case. I mean, you never know...