Part 2: Admitting Flaws

OK, I admit that I’m not perfect. I’m completely and heartily flawed, and some of the loneliness I have experienced in church is my own doing. I got burned a couple of times and simply stopped trying. I gave up. Plus, I had my own baggage, and that was probably the root of my problem.

I was jealous of what those paired off people had. I wanted to belong to another person myself. Most singles do. Most of us aren’t single by choice. Fact is that I have yet to turn down a marriage proposal. HA!

I didn’t like the fact that a whole month of services was dedicated to marriage and the family. I didn’t have a family or the marriage, and so I sat through the sermons for a year or two, but then I bailed out each year afterwards. It didn’t apply to me. After all, where were the sermons on singleness or sexual purity? Fact is I didn’t want to spend a whole month studying something I wanted and didn’t have. It sounded like torture!

I was distracted and ticked off when I would sit behind a couple that were massaging each other in the service. I was irritated with their inappropriate behavior, and I struggled to concentrate on the message. Fact is that I wanted someone rubbing my back, too.

I got tired of answering the same questions all over again: why aren’t you married, have you ever been married, aren’t you dating? So I started getting creative with my responses. Sarcasm became my ally, and I let bitterness take over at times. Fact is that I was annoyed with my single status, annoyed that no one had my back, annoyed that GOD didn’t write me a personal letter explaining my single status so that I could hand out copies when asked.

I secretly envied the newly engaged couples and the wives with their sparkly anniversary rings. I struggled to relate to the housewives and soccer moms. I didn’t understand spouses complaining over dirty laundry on the floor, home improvement projects, or lack of alone time. Fact is that my desire for marriage and my idolatry of the same tainted my views of their situations, and I wasn’t always good friend material.

I can readily admit that part of my church issues and struggles have been my own self. AND I CAN DO BETTER. I know I can. I still can. I wasn't content with the status quo then and I'm not now either, something’s gotta give...