I thought I should clarify something after re-reading my last post…Just because I am struggling with my single status, does not mean that I am depressed. I’m far from it. I’m simply attempting to “keep it real” with GOD and others. Like the Psalmist in the Bible, I sometimes need to just get things out of my system and own up to where I am and what I am feeling. So that is what I do.
Most of the time, I’m quite content in my life. I imagine that some people would find my life rather dull, but that doesn’t matter to me. I love being me! I love being the crazy Aunt. I love traveling and planning events with friends and family. I love taking pictures and obsessing about them. I love making cards and scrapbooking. And quite frankly, most of the time I am quite content with the fact that I have lots of time to do those things I enjoy so very much. And what affords me such luxuries? The fact that I don’t have another someone clamoring for my attention and competing for my time! It’s a nice freedom to have, and I enjoy it about 90% of the time.
And yes, sometimes that other 10% haunts me. It’s those uncomfortable moments in my life as a singleton—moments where I long for more just like happily married couples long for more in their lives, too. I’m human, and I’m not always satisfied, and so I struggle with it—sometimes in anger and bitterness, sometimes in tears and rants with GOD, and sometimes in silence and withdrawal.
But for the most part, my moments of discomfort are just that—moments! They pass, and soon I’m back to my self again. These moments don’t make me a depressive or psychotic person. They make me human. After years of thinking that wanting more was a bad thing, I’ve come to terms with it. I think it’s just a reality that we all face.
Some of us don’t own up to it and feign perfect bliss. We attempt to fool ourselves into thinking that we are the last content being on this earth. Others of us tend to let that 10% dominate the other 90% as we wallow in our discontent. I’ve tried both paths and neither is healthy. I think the key is finding balance, which is easier said than done. I don’t have the answer or the 5 steps to get you there. I’ve had the balance in my life before, but I couldn’t tell you specifically how I got there. What I do know is—that it’s always best to start being honest—especially with yourself! Honesty is a good place to start.
The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always visible—you might lose sight of it or barely catch a glimpse of it on the path ahead. But it’s still there. It’s still just ahead of you. Grab onto a friend’s hand and don’t let go…you’ll reclaim joy yet!
No comments:
Post a Comment