One of my co-workers is HIGHLY intrigued by my single lifestyle. He’s the one that is always asking me if I’ve partied with Bono all weekend again or if I’ve heard from Brad (Pitt) lately. YEAH RIGHT!!! It makes me laugh.
[Truthfully, neither Bono or Brad float my boat, and come on the chances of my mingling in either of their lives…well, those odds just aren’t in my favor, now are they?!?! But it’s all rather comical to talk about in jest.]
Well, this past Thanksgiving, he invited me to join him and his family for their Thanksgiving dinner. Why did he invite me? So that he could arrange to introduce me to a friend of his who was visiting over the holiday. At first, it seemed intriguing. This particular friend sounded like a good guy. For weeks before the holiday, I heard about him, and this guy appeared to have it all—a strong faith, a brilliant mind, a successful career, good looks, a couple of comfortable homes, lots of financial independence and security, the means to travel, and a wife...Yes, you read that correctly. There’s a wife involved. A WIFE??? Yes, it was true. My co-worker was trying to set me up with a married man.
And what was his justification for that, you might ask? After all, my co-worker has been happily married to the same woman for over 20 years. I know he believes in the sanctity of marriage, and so naturally, it didn’t make sense to me.
"Well," says he in response to the look of horror on my face, "my friend is really unhappy in his marriage, Mel. He just needs the right woman to come along and push him to that breaking point."
I gasped. I was speechless! Did he seriously think that I would want to be the other woman? Apparently, this man's wife left him but hasn’t divorced him. They’ve been living apart for a couple of years now, and he hasn’t taken the final steps to divorce her. Instead, he's been trying to reconcile with his wife. And now my co-worker wanted to bring me into the picture so that I would somehow prompt this man to divorce his wife. I was blown away!
I’m not saying that I think divorce is always wrong here. In fact, I’m not quite sure where I stand on the issue. I don't know all the facts in this case, and so I wouldn't even consider advising this man on what he should do. He has to make his own decisions. As for me, the facts were clear. A married man is just that--he’s married! And until he is otherwise, he is off limits--despite other circumstances. I’m not crossing or blurring any lines just because I want a husband of my own.
I opted to spend Thanksgiving with my own family, but I confess that the whole conversation has stuck with me. I’ve replayed it over and over in my mind. As a single woman, I place a very high value on marriage. Sometimes I think I have marriage up on a pedestal above all else, which it shouldn’t be. Yes, it’s vital, but it’s not the end all. It’s not the only relationship I should be seeking, but since I don’t have it yet, it’s a sort of magical union—-a mystifying joint venture that I think about all too often. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have someone else to share my life with—to confide in, to go places with, to love, etc.? It’s only natural to have these desires. After all, my CREATOR gave them to me, and HE placed a great value on the importance of the marriage relationship, too. So, it is important, but maybe I dwell on it too much?
Looking back now, I can see that this situation has made me do some soul searching and has gotten me to ponder exactly how far I’m willing to go. Yes, I want to be married. I do. And even though I have these hopes and dreams to have a husband of my own one day, I don’t want it at ANY cost! As tempting as it might be, I don’t want to be the means of ruining one relationship just to secure my own happiness. I can do better than that or maybe I’m meant to stay single. Either way, there’s a line in the sand there…and I dare not cross it.
1 comment:
Women who date married men have always interested me. Do they really expect, should he divorce and be remarried to them, that he will be faithful? However could you have any kind of expectation of a relationship that would last? You made some very discerning observations - such as not knowing all the information, but recognizing the man your friend wanted to introduce you to is still married, and for whatever reason has not decided to take further action. As a single woman, you are to be commended for your wise and courageous decision.
Post a Comment