Saying Thanks

No sooner does GOD mend one area of my life and fill in the gaps than I catch myself bemoaning another area of my life that needs some attention. Now that I’ve happy with one aspect of my life, I’m ready to move on to the next “project” on my wish list that requires some divine intervention. OK, LORD, you took care of that one. Let’s see what you can do with this one over here!

But did I take the time to say thank you?
Did I praise THE ONE who made it all possible?
Sure, I mumbled a few thanks along the way, but did I really take the time to soak it all in and let it ruminate within my soul?

Well, I need to…

10 weeks ago, I stepped out and away from my comfort zone. I’d been attending the same church for nearly 9 years. I had so desperately tried to find my niche of service and to identify with the rest of the church body, but it just wasn’t happening there. I met with leaders and tried to facilitate the changes from within the church while also taking a hard look at my self. I adjusted my attitude, sought out other modes to get involved, tried new avenues of service and prayed long and hard about it, but something wasn’t right. Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity comes to mind: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That was me! I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I kept trying to hammer myself to fit in where I wasn’t meant to be, when GOD had something else in mind for me.

GOD led me to St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, which shocked some of my family and friends, but I gulped, followed HIS leading and made the switch. I didn’t want to start out in the idle position. I was anxious to just get plugged in, and so I promptly started rehearsing and singing with the Chancel Choir, which spiraled into more opportunities. I got drafted into assisting with a choir fundraiser and then found myself as a co-chair on a committee, which involved a couple of meetings, lots of phone calls and a crop of emails.

I spotted a note in the bulletin for the St. Luke’s 101 course, which provided an introduction to the core beliefs, worship opportunities, outreach ministries, staff members, etc. Honestly, I figured it was too late to get in on the class, but I sent a last minute email anyway, and within hours, I had a voicemail saying that I was enrolled for the class, which began the following day. So off I went into a 6-week course to learn more about the church and other ways I could get involved and join the community of believers HE had brought me into. Each week I have learned more about my new church home and about the numerous ways I can get involved and actively serving. It's been amazing!

I kept meeting more and more people in the church each week as well, whether I was recruiting them to volunteer and sell tickets for our fundraiser, sharing my story of how GOD led me to St. Luke’s with my fellow classmates or mingling with others over donuts between Sunday services. GOD continued to draw me in, and I was overwhelmed with the love and kindness I was experiencing.

And then this past weekend, things all culminated at our choir fundraising event. It was an exhausting, exciting and engaging two evenings, where I had ample time to bond and get to know many other choir members. We talked, laughed, joked and served alongside each other, and I was delighted to be a part of the experience. It was incredible.

I’ve blogged about the family atmosphere within the church choir and how touched I have been by it in the weeks past. But after this weekend, I realized that I am not just watching the family interact from the sidelines any more. I am now a part of that family directly. I’m in. I’m way in, maybe a bit in over my head, but it's all been good. Hee hee!

Yes, I am truly amazed at the transformation GOD has brought into my life in such a short time span. HE has provided for me above and beyond my expectations and continues to surprise me along the journey. And all the glory, honor and praise belong to GOD.

LORD, thank YOU for your timely provision of a new church family, for your abundant grace and mercy in my life, and for your steadfast love and faithful guidance each step of the journey. YOU have blessed me, and I am grateful. 

Do You Know Who You Are?

Tenth Avenue North is one of my favorite Christian groups. I love their lyrics, and You Are More from their latest album The Light Meets the Dark is amazing. I love these words...
 
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Just Regular Guys

My friend Becky is a big Jars of Clay fan and has been for the past 15 years. She actually had tickets to a Jars of Clay concert a few years back, but the event was canceled, much to her disappointment, and so she has been determined to get to one of their concerts ever since.

Well, a few months ago, Becky, Jessica and I heard that the band was coming to Wabash with Brandon Heath, and it became a must-do item on our list. So Becky bought our tickets the day they went on sale and then anxiously waited for the concert.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Jessica had a brilliant idea that she shared with me. With Becky’s birthday coming up on October 19th, Jessica thought there might be a way to make the concert even more special for Becky, and so she suggested that we secretly contact the band, and so we did. Jessica and I drafted and sent an email 5 days before the concert.

Honestly, I think both Jessica and I were not expecting much if anything to come of it. The email was to the Jars of Clay management and promotion people, and so I thought maybe I’d hear from someone in a week or so. I imagined that perhaps someone would offer to send an autographed poster to Becky, but it would be some time after the concert. Our request was rather late after all.

But on Sunday afternoon as we drove to Wabash together, I got an email on my phone from the tour manager wanting to arrange to get Becky in to meet the band at the concert. So I slid my phone up to Jessica in the front seat. She read the message and handed it back to me, and then she said, "Well, I guess we need to make a decision, don’t we?"

At which point, Becky’s curiosity was piqued, and she asked what was going on. So we relayed the full story to her, and WOW! was she ever surprised! I could tell she was excited but also nervous. We gave her an out and told her that she didn’t have to go through with it. We explained that we wanted to make the evening special for her and not embarrass her or cause her stress. She thought it over and said she was in, and so I sent an email back to my contact.

We got to the Honeywell Center 2 hours before the concert, got into the restaurant there on site with our reservations, and then waited for the meet/greet time. We finally met up with Nathan, the tour manager, who took us backstage, where we waited outside the room for a few minutes. Soon after, Nathan came out to ask if we were all right with meeting Brandon Heath as well. Of course, we were just fine with that! So we were ushered in and met 3 of the guys from Jars of Clay along with Brandon Heath, and there were handshakes all around.

The guys were just like anybody else, like someone else’s brothers. The Tennessee Titans football game was on the TV, and Brandon especially was hyped up about the game. They were pleasant and gracious in our few minutes together. They genuinely seemed appreciative that we were fans of their music, and honestly, I think the experience of meeting them and glimpsing their kindness and sincerity in person, made me like them that much more.

Now Becky is a pretty shy person, and so I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to meeting her favorite musical group of all time. In fact on the drive, she had commented: "You know, I'm not gonna do any talking, right?" But when she met Jars of Clay, she was amazing! She answered questions and shared how she became a fan. I was blown away with her candor and how calm and natural she was. I was proud of her because I knew she was completely outside her comfort zone.

One of the tour team members was on hand to take photos, and so she took a picture of Becky with Jars of Clay and then a group shot of all of us, including Brandon. Soon after, we said our thank-yous and headed back into the lobby area with big smiles on our faces.

The concert started a few minutes later, and it was wonderful! I loved it, and I know that my friends did, too. We got to hear some old and new songs from both Brandon Heath and Jars of Clay. I could sense the worshipful heart of the performers in their music and was inspired by their dedication to helping those less fortunate than themselves as they promoted both Feed the Hungry and Blood Water Mission, too.

It was a fun and exhilarating experience, and I’m so glad that GOD worked out the details. I believe that HE does care about the details and delights in our happiness. HE truly blessed us with a perfect evening!

Going to a concert – Fabulous!
Meeting Brandon Heath and Jars of Clay – Amazing!
Surprising my friend Becky (and seeing the smile on her face) – PRICELESS!!!

Pumpkin Time

OK, I’ve been rather serious on my blog as of late. I re-read the last few posts and started to laugh. WOW! Nothing wrong with being sober and trying to go deep, but life has it’s share of fun and playful periods as well. So I thought I’d start this week by blogging about some lighter moments in the life of Mel...

Last Friday, I went up to Kokomo to hang with my sister and her family. Loved seeing the little peeps!

I played Strawberry Shortcake with Grace. Yes, the berry people are back with a vengeance in updated styles, but this is not the Strawberry Shortcake I grew up with. She looks more grown up and teeny-bopperish. Hmmmm...I'm not quite sure what to make of her really.

I colored for hours with Harrison, Grace and Jacob. Love to color with the kiddos! We then proudly displayed our creations on the family art wall. Harrison showcased how he remembered how I taught him to make an “H” with “2 sticks and then make a bridge.” He’s growing up too fast!

I went to the pumpkin patch to help the family pick out their pumpkins. Two-year-old Harrison bonded with a pumpkin quickly, and he started carrying it around with him. It was probably a smart move on his part since his sister Grace wanted his pumpkin as well. Grace struggled to find another pumpkin to select, but she finally agreed to go with a second choice. Jacob wanted a big pumpkin, and he found one with character.

I watched and took pics of the family as they colored their pumpkins. Coloring pumpkins with Sharpies is much safer than cutting into them, believe me! My sister was very proud of her free-hand drawing of Larry Boy from Veggie Tales, and I have to admit it was pretty awesome! Jonathan drew a spider web on his pumpkin and a funny face on the other side. Jacob drew a zombie football player, copied his Mom’s Larry Boy picture and created several other designs on his pumpkin. Grace drew a scary cat and a princess tiara and then practiced her letters by writing out BOO and HALLOWEEN. Harrison drew a smiley face and then scribbled some other creations on his little pumpkin.

On Saturday, I got to catch Jacob’s last regular season game of fall soccer. He was awesome out there, despite the 80+ heat. The two teams were evenly matched, and the game ended in a tie 0-0. I had some lunch with the fam and then headed back to Indy.

It was an awesome start to my weekend!

I’m One of Those People…

If you tell me something about myself, I’m gonna internalize it and think on it for hours and days. Good or bad. Right or wrong. I’m gonna ponder. I'm gonna dig deep. I’m an analytical.

If you say let’s meet at 5, I’ll be there at 4:45, and I’ll sit there patiently waiting for you. I won’t give you a hard time about being late when you show up at half past. I’ll just be glad that the tables aren’t turned. I hate being late and having people wait on me.

If you are my friend, I’m gonna want to keep your friendship. I’m a very loyal person, and I like to keep connected with my friends. If I sense some distance growing, I’ll try to “fix” it and get back in touch. I'm not clingy, but I don't like losing friendships either. 

If I say I’m gonna do something, I will. Keeping my word is very important to me. I try not to break plans or make promises I can’t keep. I want people to be able to count on me.

If I want to communicate, I’m probably gonna put it in writing. I’m a perfectionist and a lover of language. I like ruminating on every phrase and precisely saying the words in an email, a letter, etc. Face-to-face or on the phone, I tend to stumble along.

If I get quiet or retreat away on my own, I'm fine. I'm not upset, depressed or in a funk. I'm not ignoring you. I just need space. I love people, but I often need to unplug from the social scene to mentally recharge my batteries.

Yep, I’m one of those.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better…

I’m not a big fan of competition normally.

I really don’t like watching sports on TV, unless it is the Olympics, an occasional baseball game or hockey championship. Can’t handle watching football, basketball or golf at all. Although my sister-in-law tells me that I just need the right guy in my life, and I’ll change my tune. We’ll see.

I don’t really care for game shows or so-called reality TV. Over the years, I’ve watched only 1 or 2 episodes of Survivor, America’s Got Talent, Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. And I’m guessing that I was bored, out of options, or not feeling well at the time of said viewing. It’s just not my thing.

I’m not regularly competitive with anyone. OK, so my friend Becky and I joke about competing, but that is just a game. So I really don’t consider myself as a competitive person at all.

However, once in a while, I catch myself comparing my talents with that of another. I’m competing or trying to out-do someone else. I’m measuring up my abilities against their own.

I don’t have a lot of readers on my blog. (hint, hint)
I don’t take inspiring photos like that photographer online.
I don’t have half the talent of the gifted voice behind me in choir.

Who cares? Why do I feel the need to track myself against another? It seems a frivolous task, a complete waste of time. Honestly, I have to laugh at my own pettiness and vanity.

GOD made us each so different from one another. Your gifts and range of abilities is different from mine, and I need to accept that. I need to marvel at the gifts HE has given me and embrace and hone in on those talents I have been blessed with.

Not so I can compete with others.
Not so I can toot my own horn.
Not so I can prove I am better than you

No, GOD wants me to be the best me possible because I belong to HIM. HE wants all of us to excel and utilize what HE has given us. We are HIS creation, HIS work of art, if you will, and HE wants us to reflect the brilliance and creative genius of the artist. HE wants the glory.

So perhaps, I do need a healthy dose of competition in my life – not against others but competition with my self. Not to prove that I can do it or to attempt to meet someone else’s standard. Rather, my aim and hope would be to continually demonstrate the ongoing impact and radical change HE has had upon my life as I reflect HIS grace from my own life into the lives of those around me. Now that's a competitive challenge that intrigues me with endless work to be done, too.  

I often return to Thomas Merton's prayer...

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

.

I Sing a New Song

I’m extremely grateful for my new church choir family. I am. I can’t quite express enough what a difference the last few weeks have made in my life.

I feel loved, accepted and wanted. I feel like I belong.

REHEARSALS: I actually look forward to choir rehearsal on Thursday nights. Seriously, that’s amazing. Thursdays are my last work day of the week, and by Thursday late afternoon, I’m usually pretty tired and ready to crash. My 10-hour work days are catching up with me, and exhaustion is ready to claim me. And yet, I find myself psyched about going to choir and the chance to sing for a couple of hours. I head out the door eager to get there and see my new friends. I feel real joy in singing again.

CO-CHAIR: My co-chair responsibilities for one of our fundraiser teams are going pretty well. Of course, I feel like I’m bumbling along most of the time, but I’m having fun, and I love the spirited personalities around me. I’ve discovered someone who likes details even more than I do, and I love that. I’m in an environment where I can serve, and I can get as active as I feel called to be. I’m a Martha, a doer. I am at my happiest when I can act out my faith in love and service.

RETREAT: We had our annual choir retreat this past Saturday, and it was an incredible experience for this first-timer. I loved singing through the upcoming Christmas program repertoire for the first time. Sure, there is admittedly a lot of work for us over the next couple of months, but it was also exciting to hear and sing new music. Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting more of the choir members and socializing with them. And then at the end of the day, we had a time of worship and communion, which was an incredible way to end our special time together. It was awesome to hear the hearts of my fellow singing family as we shared a time of community around the bread and cup.

All in all, I’m making friends and stepping out of my comfort zone once again. Seriously, I was laughing at myself the other night on my drive home. I was mentally noting how I’m gradually coming out of my shell and letting the real Mel emerge and come out to play. Starting over in a new place isn’t easy, but it’s been much easier than the months before I made this decision and switched churches. Yes, I truly believe that GOD paved the way ahead of time and brought me to St. Luke’s at just the right moment, and HE’s been with me every step of the way – guiding me, coaxing me and, yes, kicking me in the butt just when I needed it the most. HE has me in HIS hands.

I’ve Never Met Someone I Couldn’t Live Without

I’ve always considered myself a romantic, but I’m not sure I fit that classification any more.

I love to read classic novels by Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, Elizabeth Gaskell and E.M.Forster. I marvel at the deep connections forged between characters and am struck with the monumental, often selfless love I see housed within those yellowed pages. I can’t get enough of romantic, period films, often based on novels by the same authors above. I smile, dream and sigh viewing my kindred spirit heroine on the screen as she seeks a love to call her own.

And while I’ve loved before, once or twice, it was never like it is in the novels or in films. It wasn't meant to be, but my life continued on, and my wounded heart always recovered. Fact is that I don’t know if I want that burning kind of love that the great romantic poets wrote about. I love to read their magical rhythmic lines, but I don’t know if I want to taste the kind of love I can’t live without.

You’d think the romantic in me would want it, even if it was just for a moment. I could write about it for years to come – discussing what once was and what might have been. But the realist in me is more alive than when I was young. I’ll always have a flare for the dramatic, that much is true, but reality reigns me in more often than not. Stories like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet are no longer romantic tales to me. Taking your own life because you can’t be with the one you love is not the kind of love I want to experience. Is that really love or an obsession?

I’ve never met someone I couldn’t live without. That might seem shocking, but I mean it sincerely and kindly. I’ve met and known some incredible people that I’d miss dearly if they weren’t here on this earth with me. I consider myself blessed to have them in my life for as long as GOD allows, but I’m not ready to throw myself on the sword should they depart this life. I will mourn their passing, but continue on, I must.

Maybe I’ve grown too practical, too no-nonsense in my mid-thirties. I imagine that my younger self would find me harsh, unsentimental and cold, and above all, unromantic. But I’m not dead inside. I’m not without feeling. I still yearn for a love of my own. I do. Honestly, I don’t know how to stop wanting that something more, and I probably always will, but I have learned to live without it. Life has gone on, day by day and moment by moment despite the lack of a potential mate, and I'm finding my own happy purpose along the way. Life isn't all romance, and my life certainly isn't like any novel I've read or movie I've watched. Real life is so much more.

While love has eluded me, life has not. I embrace it passionately as I am gripped by the MAKER of life and the ONE who defined love in the most incredible way possible.

So in truth, I need to rephrase my earlier statement about how "I’ve never met someone I couldn’t live without." I have met someone.

JESUS CHRIST is the ONE -- the only one I can’t live without.