My Life: Amusement for Others

Somehow my single life remains quite amusing to my co-workers. I don't have a bad life. I have a pretty good life, but it's certainly not as exciting as married people seem to think it is either.

I've been interrogated by one of the attorneys that I support this week. He enjoys giving me a hard time on a regular basis. You see, he thinks I have a secret life outside of the office that no one knows about, and he is constantly quizzing me on what my plans are, who I have met lately, etc. If I have a migraine, he thinks I'm actually just suffering from a hangover from a party the night before. That's so me...NOT! If I am sick on a Monday or come in late after a doctor appointment, he is convinced that I just got back into town from hanging out with George Clooney all weekend. HA! If only he knew just how quiet this single girl really lives. Maybe too quiet...

Anyway, let me set the scene for this week's investigation into my non-existent love life, which seems to be a popular topic at the office. I'm glad that I can be amusement for others. Hee hee!

THE FACTS: I have 2 small little red marks on my neck. I have had them since Wednesday morning when I burned myself with my curling iron. I got this new curling iron a month ago, and it heats up rapidly and is almost too hot to use safely. This is the 2nd burn I have gotten while using this same piping hot device. I have a fading scar on my right shoulder from an earlier mishap 3 weeks ago. Hmmmm...I'm thinking it might be time to get a new curling iron.

YESTERDAY: Well as you can just imagine, this attorney noticed the red marks first thing on Wednesday morning and was quite sure I had a hickey.

Him: "You want to explain why you have 2 red spots on your neck there, Mel? Is that why you wore a turtleneck yesterday?"

Me: "I burned myself with the curling iron this morning, that's all." [I tried to keep my composure and not burst out laughing, but I can feel the color inching up my neck and across my cheeks. I'm totally blushing.]

Him: "Right. A curling iron. Got it." [He gave me a wink like we were sharing a secret.]

Me: "No really. It WAS a curling iron. I even have a small scar on my shoulder from the same iron where I burned myself before Christmas."

Him: "Sure, Mel." He said with a laugh and walked on down the hall, totally unconvinced.

TODAY: He walked over to my desk and started discussing some of the projects that we are working on, but then the conversation turned again to yesterday's topic.

Him: "OK. Let's see it."

Me: "Huh? See what?" I quickly caught on to what he was talking about and turned to boldly face my accuser. "It's fading and nearly gone today."

Him: "Must have been some fun New Year's Eve you had to last more than a week." [I can feel myself turning a dark shade of red.]

Me: "WHATEVER!! It's a curling iron burn." Just then a second attorney (the newest attorney) walked over to my desk and much to my chagrin he quickly got filled in on the prior conversation.

Him: "She claims that she has a 'curling iron' burn on her neck," he said making the quote signs with his hands as he said the words: curling iron.

Me: "I wish I had a better story for how the marks got there, believe me, but it is what it is. It's a curling iron burn."

The 2nd attorney: "Methinks she doth protest too much."*

Me: "I give up. Now you are using Shakespeare against me. That's cold."

*Actually, he was misquoting the Bard just a wee bit, but I decided to keep that OCD moment to my self.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
Hamlet Act 3, scene 2