In certain social situations, I’ll jump in and try to get people interacting, but normally that social butterfly aspects kicks in only because others aren’t talking or someone isn't joining in on the conversation. It is always my goal to get those outside the circle to join in. I don’t like anyone left out. I like drawing shy people out.
In other settings, I’ll freeze up and have nothing to say, but typically that happens when someone else is dominating the conversation. I just go quiet and retreat into my own thoughts or start mentally composing my blog. I do that a lot. So at times, I guess I can seem a bit withdrawn.
You know that saying about how “there is strength in numbers...” Well, I feel safe and secure when I am alone. I’m actually quite cozy on my own in my neat and tidy world with my music, movies, books, writing, photos, etc. I surround myself with those things and immerse myself completely into them, which isn't a bad thing in itself. However, I tend to get too comfortable with my slightly reclusive tendencies and this leads to isolation. I start to like my own company best, but somehow I'm quite sure that THAT is not what GOD intended at all. And every once in a while, I think GOD likes to remind me that I need people in my life.
Over the holidays, I spent nearly a week with my parents and Grandma. We had 6 awesome days together, just spending time in the same room, playing games, talking, teasing, sharing stories, shopping, etc. It was priceless. But when I got back home to my 1-bedroom flat which is 400 miles from those loving connections, everything seemed off. Suddenly I didn’t like being alone all the time. I was bored with my own company, and that just doesn't happen to me very often. I can always find something to do on my own. There is always a project I need to work on like making greeting cards, working on a scrapbook, editing photos, etc. Or if I need to get out of my apartment, I'll stroll through the IMA gardens or take an excursion through the art galleries. I'll drive downtown and tour a museum or walk along the canal. I'll just grab my camera and off I'll go exploring the city. But lately, that hasn't been effective. I find that I'm needing interaction with people, and for the first time in a long time, I'm struggling with adjusting to the solitude. It's too quiet, and I'm suffocating in the silence.
So I've made some recent efforts to get out of the Mel zone more often. I spent a couple of days with my sister and her family. I had lunch with a couple of friends. I celebrated the New Year with family. I had some single girlfriends over for dinner and a movie. And after all that, I discovered that being with people is like taking a drug, and this girl doesn't want to quit this habit. I’ve missed being around people more. We were not created to be alone all the time. Everyone needs a bit of solitude, but too much of a good thing can be hazardous to one's health. I need people. There I said it--I'm needy. [GASP!] WOW! That was therapeutic.
Let me say it again: Melanie is needy.
LORD, thank you that we need each other. Help me to seek out more opportunities to serve and be used in the lives of those around me. LORD, please help me to love people as YOU do!
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -- C.S. Lewis
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