The Elusive Will of GOD

I've been struggling lately with the concept of true Christian service. I've been wanting to do more, be more active, feel like I'm making a difference. So I waited on GOD's leadership for a couple of months, praying about it, reading about it, and eventually drumming my fingers on the table with impatience. Come on, LORD, where are you? What do you want me to do? I'm just waiting here, waiting for you to move me, waiting for you to tell me what you want from me.

As the weeks went by, I got more frustrated, irritated and disheartened. LORD, I've got this burning desire to be actively serving you. Why aren't you guiding me? Where are you? I need your direction. No answer.

So finally, I decided to be proactive and look for opportunities myself. I followed up on a local ministry through another church that I've been curious about for years now. I sent out an email to a leader at my church asking how I could help. I got up and got moving--thinking at the time that I was probably being too hasty and rushing in without consulting HIM. Seriously, I actually was expecting HIM to slap my hands and put me in time out.

But now, looking back over the last few weeks, I think that was GOD's plan all along. HE was waiting for me to jump in. I was the one stalling the entire time. It wasn't HIM holding me back. I was holding myself back. HE wanted me to stop whining about unanswered prayers, stop making excuses for my lack of involvement, stop waiting for some big sign in the sky about where and what to do, and just find a place of need and fill it. That's what I'm supposed to be doing.

I still have plenty of misconceptions in my head about the call of GOD in my life that I'm still working through. There have been numerous times lately where GOD has brought opportunities my way, and I hesitated just waiting for HIM to direct me forward. HE was directing. HIS fingerprints were all over those moments, those chances HE had orchestrated, and there I was wanting some bold neon signs to follow. I wouldn't budge without HIM signing my permission slip.

I think I have been carrying around this idea in my head that unless I was miserable I couldn't truly be serving HIM. Unless I was off in the Amazon jungle fighting off mosquitoes and spiders the size of dinner plates to spread the love of CHRIST, I couldn't truly be serving GOD. Unless I was making incredible larger-than-life sacrifices, I wasn't really in Christian service at all. When will I learn that GOD doesn't work in each of us the same way? HE doesn't call all of us to be a George Mueller, an Amy Carmichael, or an Elisabeth Elliott. HIS will for my life and your life is unique, one-of-a-kind as well.

I love to edit and write, and I love to take photos and document events, but I didn't think that GOD would give me an opportunity like that because I'd enjoy it too much. And yet, those are some of the opportunities GOD has brought my way lately. When I should have been excited about them and jumping at the chances, there I was stumbling along, sure that there had to be a mistake because it just seemed too perfect. But why wouldn't GOD use the abilities HE has given me? Why am I surprised when HE chooses to use them for HIS service?

LORD, I marvel at the way you choose to work. Forgive me for hesitating, for wavering when these opportunities have clearly been designed by YOUR hand. Forgive my childish ideas about your will. Broaden my scope, LORD. Help me to see with your eyes and to move forward trusting in the hand holding my own.