How to Annoy Me...*

Call me on a sales call, a pledge drive for the local police widow's fund, or to survey me on my recent TV viewing habits. You're calling asking for my money, my pledge or my input. And then when I politely tell you no thank you or that I'm not able to contribute at this time, proceed to ask if...

1. You can talk to my Mom or an adult in the house, or
2. You can talk to my husband or the head of the household.

I'm not normally impolite on the phone. In fact, I try to use phone etiquette and be as pleasant as possible even when you call during dinner, the latest episode of Lost (after all the DVR is recording it anyway), or a new movie I was just dying to see (because my Pause button on the DVD player does work). I'll do my best to give you my full attention. BUT when you suddenly assume that I am not capable of making the decision or you don't like my answer and want a second opinion from AN ADULT, this is a sure-fire way to get me to either

a) bite your head off,
b) hang up on you, or
c) get so irked that I'll ask to be removed from future call lists.

GASP! I know...it's shocking, isn't it? Such a strong reaction! HA! OK, I don't get angry about much, but when it comes to not being taken seriously because of my voice or the way I look, I just turn from Gidget into something quite horrid. Come on, it's bad enough that I look like I'm 14 or maybe I'm up to 18 now. That would be nice. Yes, I'm short, and I have a round baby face, but I am a responsible human being, and I dress like other adults for the most part. So why am I mistaken for a teen?

OK, so back to the phone thing. I know my voice sounds young. I have heard myself before. I don't like the fact that I sound like a kid, but I can't do much to fix that either. This is the voice GOD gave me. No, I'm not blaming HIM. HE designed me this way for a reason, and I'm just going along with HIS plan.

I've tried to adjust the pitch, tone or accent to sound more grown up at times, but I can't do it all the time and keep a straight face. It's unnatural. Besides, I'm not British, and it doesn't take a Brit to notice that my accent is fake. HA! Now, I suppose I could talk all breathless and go all Marilyn Monroe on the phone, but going all breathy on the phone -- well, it's just plain inappropriate and not me at all. Hee hee!

So, I don't know what the answer is or if there really is a solution out there. I just know that it annoys me that people don't take me seriously on the phone even when I answer with strength, confidence and intelligence. And so today, I'm blogging to vent about this annoyance and clear the air. [sigh!} Now that was therapeutic. I feel better already.

*I'm borrowing from my friend Lauren's blog with this posting by discussing something that annoys me, which she often does. Thank you, Lauren, for indirectly inspiring this posting!*

For the Record: I Am Alive

I just wanted to get that out there. People tend to get a little nervous about me when I don’t blog for a full week or more these days, but I am happy to report that I do have a pulse or did when last I checked.

For about 2 weeks, I have been pretending that I did not have a sinus infection. I figured if I just ignored the symptoms, sooner or later the infection would just call it quits and leave me be. Surprisingly, that never seems to work for me, and it failed again. [sigh!] So earlier this week, I dropped the sham and headed to the doctor. Yep, it was speedily confirmed. I had a doozie of a sinus infection and am now heavily medicated with antibiotics and watching the clock. When you have to take 1 pill every 12 hours, another pill 3 times a day, and still another pill 5 times a day, I’ve found it easier to just make a schedule to follow. Come on, this is me we’re talking about. Organization is the name of the game, and so of course, I’d come up with some way to maintain this strict medication regimen. Hee hee!

There is not much else to report really. Remember, I’ve been medicated, and so the week has been a bit of a blur anyway. HA!

In funny news, my sister Barbara posted the original portraits that her 2 eldest children drew of their Aunt Mel. I'm still not sure if I should feel flattered or not by these unique caricatures that Jacob and Grace drew. HA! But they sure make me laugh. Check them out.

I Am Thankful For Today's Gifts

Some days, it is just easier to complain and miss the silver lining, isn’t it? I haven’t had one of those days this week. I’ve had one of those weeks. Not a good thing.

I got my 2008 bonus last week. Now before you start imagining me on a yacht or living amongst the rich and famous, let’s conduct a quick reality check:

1. I don’t work for AIG here. HA!

2. Remember, I’m the low gal on the totem pole in my company. I'm a peon.

3. My bonus wasn’t huge by any means, but the truth is that I was thrilled to be getting anything extra at all. When so many are struggling to keep or find jobs, I was truly thankful to have anything extra to set aside.

So on Monday, I dropped my car off for a scheduled tune-up. Now I admit, I suspected that this $900 visit to replace the timing belt, water pump, etc. might get more expensive since they were going to be checking everything out under the hood, but I was still hopeful that all would be well. Well, you know what’s coming next, right? I got that dreaded phone call on my lunch break. The car battery was reading “at death’s door” and there was something about the suspension failing. They explained it in great detail, but they lost me at the price tag. The bottom line had nearly doubled: $1740 in total for the scheduled repairs plus the additional finds. OUCH! So, I thought about it for all of 30 seconds. After all, I do need my car, and I told the service manager to proceed with those additional fixes, but inside, the grumbling had begun.

My sister and I have talked about this before. Every time we seem to have a little bit extra come our way, something comes up and swallows those funds right away. You’ve already mentally been planning what you could do with that money – like buy a new laptop, TV, clothes, a trip or whatever; but then, the water heater breaks, the furnace dies or your car is in need of extra repairs and suddenly that extra money you thought you had is gone.

So naturally, I was not a happy camper. Gone was the sunshine. Gone was the prospect of saving money. Gone was my joy. I was doom and gloom for a few minutes as I sat mumbling to myself at my desk, and then it dawned on me. A light bulb started flickering above my head. WAIT A MINUTE! HE had done it again. HE had supplied for a need before I knew I needed it. I didn’t have to scramble and try to come up with the funds for major car repairs on my own. No, GOD had provided the money. HE had earmarked those funds for a need I was going to have that only HE knew about. No accident. There was nothing random or coincidental about it. HE had provided again.

Philippians 4:19-20 (The Message) You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity.

Matthew 6:34 (NASB) So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Yes, it would be nice to be able to save more money for the future. Yes, it was a bit shocking to watch my bank account deplete so rapidly. BUT I was blessed to watch my Heavenly FATHER provide for my every need once again. HE is so very good. And if I kept on wallowing in misery about the lost funds, which were never really mine in the first place, I would be missing the obvious signs of HIS ever-present provision in my life. I needed to recapture that attitude of gratitude.

LORD, thank you for providing for my every need. I am thankful that YOU know what is ahead and that I can rest in YOU to see me through. Forgive my ungrateful heart.

Who Am I?

I have a new obsession, and it’s a healthy one to boot. I’m just crazy about fruits and vegetables. I can’t get enough of them. I have grown particularly fond of green beans lately. The fresh or frozen variety are best. I use the microwave or stovetop to heat them up, remove the dish or pan from the heat while the beans are still crunchy, melt some no-fat butter substitute on top, sprinkle in a little salt, and I am good to go. I’m still in a deep and meaningful relationship with the Yukon Gold potato, too. Who can resist? [sigh!] And as for the other veggies like corn, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, snap peas, cucumbers, peppers, etc.--we’re bonding as well. It’s a beautiful thing--a girl’s love affair with produce.

When it comes to fruit, I don’t think there is a fruit I don’t enjoy these days. Grapes are still a strong favorite of mine, but the citrusy-goodness of the orange is making it’s way up the charts as well. I adore grape tomatoes for a snack just about every day. Tomatoes are part of the fruit family, right? And in a startling twist, I’m even starting to like cantaloupe and honeydew. I’ve never been a fan of these mild melon varieties, but I’m starting to appreciate them now, especially in combination with other fruits. Kinda shocking, isn’t it?

Today for the second time this week, I ordered the vegetable platter while eating out. Yep, you heard me right. I chose to order vegetables ONLY. WOW! OK, I know how this sounds. Who am I and what did I do with the breaded and deep-fried version of myself? I get it. It’s hard to swallow (no pun intended). This is a pretty big change. Truly, I know that this doesn’t sound like the Mel or Melanie you all know, but it really is. Honest. I’m just a girl continuing to transition into a healthier version of her self. See, it’s a good thing.

Celebrating With Saint Patrick

Both the Catholics and the Protestants in Ireland claim Saint Patrick. Truth be told, he wasn’t really either. He was a Christian. He was an uneducated Welsh missionary who zealously spread the Good News of Christ in the emerald isle, his adopted home. So whether you are adamant about wearing green (Catholic), orange (Protestant) or white (seeking peace between the other 2) today OR whether you wore yellow because you totally spaced what day it was (AHEM), it doesn’t matter. Patrick was clearly a man of flesh and bones, who was sold out for Christ, and I strongly believe that he is in Heaven today, probably irritated that this day is named after him and not set aside in reverence for his LORD and MASTER.

I found this piece attributed to him online. It is an inspiring reminder of WHO this day and every day belongs to.

LORICA OF SAINT PATRICK
attributed to Saint Patrick (ca. 377)

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and evil,
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

Do You Know What Tomorrow Is?

No? Well, let me fill you in. Tomorrow will mark 8 weeks before our departure for England. Can I get a whopping big WOOHOO please? Come on, do it for me. Pretty please?

I know some of you may be tiring of my ongoing obsession with everything British, but this is a trip that I have been dreaming of my whole life. And as the money leaves my bank account to pre-pay for things and as the days tick by, it is becoming more and more a reality: Melanie Sue is really going to England, my friends.

Here at work, I get asked about my travel plans at least 3 times a day, and we’ve started discussing deadlines and project in terms of my British rendezvous.

Mel, is that patent filing due P.E. or A.E.?

Translation: Is that patent application due to be filed PRE-England or AFTER-England.

My co-workers, friends and family have all been so supportive. I think some of them are just as excited as I am. Everyone wants a copy of the itinerary so they know exactly what I will be seeing and doing each day. Don’t roll your eyes! Of course, we have an itinerary. This is me we're talking about, and I need to account for every moment of every day. It’s a necessity. Doesn’t everyone travel with a typed-up schedule of what they will be doing each moment on their dream vacation? No? Hmmmm...how much you all miss. I'm rather sad for you actually. Hee hee!

Love of Language or Love Language

Melanie likes words.
Melanie likes learning new words.
Learning new words makes Melanie smile.

I’ve always liked words and expanding my vocabulary. I think that love of language was inherited through both of my avid-reading parents. One of my Dad’s first jobs with Gannett was in the editing department, and even later while he worked in the printing department, he was forever finding typos and grammatical errors in the local papers and the USA Today.

As for my Mom, she does daily crossword puzzles and has for as long as I can remember. She loves looking up new words, and a dictionary is never far out of reach. She received a new crossword puzzle dictionary for Christmas a few years ago, but she still can’t part with the old, more familiar, tattered one, and so she uses both regularly. She and my Dad have been known to photo-copy the morning paper crossword and then both work on the same one to see which one will finish first. Makes me chuckle.

My parents love word games. Growing up, we played a lot of Boggle and Scrabble. I personally loathed Scrabble for years, probably because my parents are so good at the game, and I was often forced to participate in such a family-bonding ritual. Today, I enjoy the game and can hold my own, but my parents continue to whip me most of time. Thankfully, I’m much less likely to burst into tears over Scrabble tiles these days. AHEM! This is a big plus for all involved, believe me.

The other night I called my retired parents in Michigan just to check in and see how they were doing, and I caught them in the middle of a Scrabble game debate. Hey, Mel, can your Mom count both of the double word squares? My Mom had the word “fearing” and both the “f” and the “g” were on a double word square. I told them to look it up in the rules, but I didn’t see why it wouldn’t count. It made sense to me, which of course, was NOT the answer my Dad wanted to hear. Some help you are, kid.

I do love words, and lately, I’ve been getting my daily fix from word calendars or A.Word.A.Day (AWAD) emails. I love trying to use a new word in random conversation, which is sometimes a bit of a challenge. Today’s word made me laugh.

infundibuliform (in-fuhn-DIB-yuh-luh-form) [adjective]: funnel-shaped.

Ommmm...I love big words, and this would be a great Scrabble selection if one could remember how to spell it. Fabulous! But in conversation, wouldn’t it be just as effective and perhaps less formal for one to say “funnel-shaped”? Using it in a sentence is quite a chore...

I recently discovered that my favorite flower, the infundibuliform calla lily, was more commonly seen in funeral arrangements rather than wedding bouquets in the past century. However, today this refined and elegant species is enjoying a surge in matrimonial popularity as well.

My tongue is tied in knots now. HA! Get it? "Tied in knots" like tying the knot refers to a wedding. Completely an accidental pun. Go figure!

Practicing England Hair

Today, I’m rehearsing England hair. I wasn’t planning to do so. It just sorta happened.

I collected a bunch of good packing boxes to take up to my sister’s place this weekend, and my cohort Jennifer and I ran outside this morning to pack up my car. It was so muggy out there. WOW! Totally balmy. No sign of rain, but I felt like I needed a yellow slicker and galoshes anyway. [Don’t you just love that word galoshes? It’s such a strange word.]

Anyway, so I came back inside and a couple of people quickly commented on my appearance. Are you feeling all right? I could tell I was flushed.

What’s the weather like out there? I figured I was probably all windblown, and I had just rushed around outside. You all know how I am. I’m short, and to keep up with all the giants among us, I tend to scurry. I just don’t have a slow speed when it comes to getting from point A to point B. I’m working on it, and trying to slow my pace down, but it’s a hard habit to break.

Incidentally, I blame it all on those 4 years at BJU. Four steady years of RUNNING to class, RUNNING to chapel, RUNNING to Sunday morning services, RUNNING to my job at the dining common. And why was I running, you may ask? Because you got demerits if you were late for class, late to chapel, late to Sunday services, late to your job, etc. OK, I need to save that for another therapy session. Let’s move on...

So finally after feeling like there had to be something wrong, I ran to the restroom to check it out for myself, and I literally laughed at my reflection. My hair had grown about 3 inches bigger due to the humidity and perhaps some help from the wind. Some of you may not known, but this girl has thick, naturally wavy hair that she pulls straight every day. There is a good reason for the daily straightening. I don’t like the wave in my hair. One side is wavier than the other, and it’s getting frizzier with each passing year. URGH! So after running around outdoors, my hair was completely out of control again, and like I had suspected my cheeks were nice and rosy.

And now I’m just picturing me in England later this spring (in 67 days to be exact). My two dear friends will have the joy of watching me transform into someone else as the days go on. I'll be like Monica in that awesome Friends episode where her hair keeps getting bigger and bigger in the humidity on Barbados. Now I don’t know how England’s humidity compares to the USA, and so maybe it won’t be quite that bad. All I know is that we’re being told NOT to expect warm weather in the UK and that their springs are often quite wet. In fact, when I tell people I’m going to England for 2 weeks, they almost always talk about the rain or remind me to take several umbrellas.

So...I’m just calling this a practice-run for England hair, and it’s kinda scary, my friend. There may not be any photos to proudly display or prove that Melanie Sue was ever in England. Well, those photos may exist, but they might not get shared. HA!

AHEM!

OK, I wasn't going to do this and quote yet another Chris Rice song, but it has gotten to be quite a habit for me, hasn't it? Oh well, this song is in my head, and I just have to let it out. Besides, I think it goes along well with the blog I just posted.

PARDON MY DUST
by Chris Rice

Pardon my dust, excuse the mess
we're making somethin' new out of all of this
I'm saying my prayers, and I'm trying to change
so give me some time, 'cause I'm still finding my way

Why are you lookin' at me this way?
pointing your finger, shakin' your head
how 'bout some love along the way, instead

Pardon my dust, excuse this mess
I've left a trail of debris, so you've gotta be
very careful where you step
I've made some mistakes, so what?
Done quite a few things wrong
Could you roll up your tidy sleeves and help a brother along?

Pardon my dust, excuse the mess
Please don't be another judge I need to try to impress
Stop calling me names, stop casting your stones
let the good Lord sort this all out when we are all at home

Pardon my dust, excuse my mess
help me believe there's gonna be something beautiful on the other side of this
have patience with me, I'm still sweeping floors
so pardon my dust, I'll pardon yours

Give Me What I Deserve

I’ve often remarked that some people (not yours truly) seem to have a charmed life. Come on, you know who I’m talking about. These people seem to get away with things that you or I would get caught doing. If they are late to work, no one seems to notice. If they skip a meeting, no one mentions it at all. But if you or I do the same, we’re busted. No excuses accepted. You're caught.

These people just seem to have found the elusive Willy Wonka golden ticket through life. Their life seems easy by comparison. If they have financial struggles, a family member bails them out of debt. If they want 3 kids, a dashing husband and a 2.5 car garage, they get it in no time flat. If they want the latest gadget, they soon are showing it off to everyone they meet. If they are seeking an answer to prayer, GOD just seems to wrap it all up in a neat and tidy bow for them. To sum it up, these people just don’t seem to hear the word NO enough and THAT just irks me. It doesn't seem right.

Now ordinarily, I wouldn’t consider myself a jealous or envious person by nature. I like sharing in others’ joy along with them most of the time, and I certainly try not to make a habit of wishing ill on people in general. But for some reason, these golden ticket people seem to have it all, and that really gets under my skin and frustrates me. Over the last couple of months GOD has brought several of these people into my life with a certain amount of frequency. It has irritated me to no end. I would head home after meeting up with one of these people, mumbling to myself the whole drive home about how easy they had it.

It’s just not fair, LORD, I’d whine. I’m over here working my tail off and barely scraping by. Why do they just seem to always catch the elevator to the top, and they don’t have my work ethic? Where is the justice in that?

This has been going on for weeks in my head. I’d pray about it, confess my sins, but a couple of days later, I’d have another encounter with a charmed one, and I’d be right back in that envious mindset again. If I had just a little bit of what they had, LORD, I’d be utterly happy. Why can’t things be more fair and even?

Well, you know how GOD just doesn't let go sometimes. How he tends to keep things fresh in our heads and basically hammer things in until we get it. I’d like time to heal from the last incident, but sometimes, HE knows I still don’t have it down yet, and so he reopens that wound to keep me pondering and seeking HIM, which is exactly what HE did here.

Earlier this week in a fit of rage, I called him on the carpet again about this very thing--more of the same ranting and raving about the disparity between me and someone else. I was frustrated, angry and hurt. Why can’t someone have my back like that, LORD? It’s completely unfair.

In a rage, I said, LORD, I just want people to get what they deserve. And instantly I wanted to take those words back. I audibly gasped. Get what we deserve? Do I really want that? I deserve eternal damnation in Hell. We all do. I deserve to carry the weight and shame of my own sin, and yet ANOTHER ONE carries it for me. In fact, HE gave HIS life to atone for my sins. I deserve nothing, and yet HE has given me everything. Soon the tears were running down my cheeks, and things were quite clear to me. No, I didn’t really want people to get what they deserved. I just wanted more for myself. I didn’t want someone else to have it, I wanted it. And I was holding envy in my heart and feeling bitterness toward GOD because I felt HE was holding out on me.

Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Forgive me for my bitter and envious spirit, FATHER. I don’t deserve You. You have already done far more for me than I deserve, and there is nothing I can do to earn Your grace and Your love. Tattoo that thought on my heart and mind, LORD. Don’t let me forget to WHOM I owe my life, my breath, my everything. And thank YOU for NOT giving me exactly what I deserve!

I had a long night ahead of me, but I wasn’t alone. I had THE ONE I needed right alongside me--guiding me, peeling back the layers of selfishness, conceit and pride. There is still a lot of work to be done, but HE isn’t finished with me yet, and for that I am ever grateful.

No Good With Naps

Sleep is eluding me tonight. I came home from work early Wednesday afternoon around 2 PM and headed straight for bed. I was feeling achy and awful. So I took a 3-hour nap, and woke up revived and felt much better. I had a quiet evening at home, caught up on Lost, watched some MI-5 courtesy of Netflix and finally headed into bed around 12:45 AM. Now, I knew I was going to have to stay up late to counteract that nap, and so I did. I'm a high energy person, and basically a 30-minute nap can revive me for hours. So just imagine what 3 hours does to me. HA! You guessed it. It's 2 AM, and I'm wide awake still. YIKES!

You know how some people get wimpy and needy when they don't feel well. That's not me. I get feisty when I'm sick. It's actually best if I'm alone. Just ask my sister. No one knows that better than her. If I'm injured or feeling ill, this recluse needs even more space than usual. No babying or special attention. Mel needs to be on her own. I get cranky and the zingers fly. In fact, I joked with a co-worker as I was leaving the building yesterday. I told her I was leaving before I bit someone's head off. She laughed and said half-serious, “Yes, by all means, GO HOME!” She recalls all to well those 10 days that I was on steroids to cure a nasty sinus infection a couple of years ago. Those days when I was convinced that I worked with idiots, and that I was the only person getting any work done in the office. Yes, it was as if I were on speed. NOT that I would know what that feels like, but hey, I've watched a few movies in my time, and I have a vivid imagination. I guess I was quite comical.

Well, here's to you. I hope you are feeling well and ready for another beautiful day! Hmmmm...I think I feel a yawn coming. Maybe I'll try to catch some zzz's now.