WANTED: More Male Friends

My friend Becky and I have talked twice recently about how we miss having more male friends. We both really do.

Now I have many incredible friendships with the women in my life. I have an amazing Mom that I cherish. I have a dear sister, who is my confidante and best friend. I have encouraging coworkers and awesome local girlfriends (like Becky). In addition, I have quite a few life-long girlfriends scattered around the country that I keep in touch with from my youth, college and post-college days. Truly, I’m blessed to have such kindred spirits to work, shop, walk, chat, share and just bond with.

But there is still something missing. I miss having more interaction with the opposite sex, and I’m not just talking romance here. I miss having more male friends period. I still have a few. I’ve not boycotted my male friends by any means, but something has changed. I’ve lost touch with the majority of my male friends. I still have a couple of guys that I interact with more frequently than the others, but the rest are in different places with their lives. They started dating, got married, had children, moved out of town, or just disappeared. We might keep up with each other on Facebook, My Space or via email, but the deeper interaction is gone, and I miss that.

1. Men see things differently. I’m glad they do. Fact is that apparently my male friends have rubbed off on me a bit. I’ve been accused more than once of always taking the guy’s side or seeing the male point of view too much. Ironic, isn’t it!

2. Men can offer great advice. I like their practical take on things. They are able to leave emotion out and just get to the root of the matter. It’s great. They just need the facts. It is refreshing to have a conversation about what actually happened rather than debating over whether someone did or did not make a funny look or scrutinizing the way that someone said something. Why do we women have to over-analyze everything? I’m guilty. Lock me up.

3. Men can make us laugh at ourselves. Usually I have ample room for laughter in my life, but sometimes I take myself far too seriously. I’m thankful for my B-I-L (brother-in-law) and other male friends, who always seem able to distract me and get me to laugh at my own silliness.

There are oodles of other reasons I could list out here. I'm just scratching the surface here. I am thankful for the friendships I have. I am truly grateful. But somehow, I am also open to exploring new avenues and making my friendship circle a bit deeper in the coming months. How am I going to make this happen? I don’t know yet, but I’m certainly open to suggestions. However, I’m thinking a personal ad is NOT the way to go. HA!

5 Years of Blogging

This week I am celebrating 5 years of blogging. WOOHOO!!! What a ride it has been! Thanks for coming along!

Freaky Friday

Here in the office this morning, we suddenly lost power for about 20 minutes. We were all busy working away on our laptops, conducting meetings, or participating in conference calls, when the lights went out, computer screens went dead and all was suddenly quiet and dark.

Of course, instantly there was a lot of office chatter and groans. A group gathered under the emergency lights down the hall. I came out and joined them with my safety first flashlight in hand (Hee Hee!). I commented that it looked like the group was ready to do a team cheer or something as they huddled together. We celebrate Blue Fridays in support of the Colts, and so they all have their team jerseys and Colts gear on. Of course, yours truly does not own anything Colts at all, but I still get to wear jeans on Friday. WOOHOO!!

Anyway, so the “emergency light group” was holding a rather interesting discussion. Here in large corporate America, we seem to have plans, procedures and committees for just about everything. We have our emergency plans and procedures for tornadoes, storms, fire, etc. and safety committees that develop those necessary plans. But as we discovered today, no one seems to have developed any plans about what an employee should do in the middle of a black out. So our eclectic group of legal assistants, paralegals and attorneys decided to create an agenda for such a discussion and began talking through the procedures that should be put in place. It was a hoot. How long should we stay on the premises? Should we all work from home instead? Should we all just go shopping?

Then there was the conversation about rationing food. One of the attorneys was munching on a snack as he joined us, and a couple of people were eying him suspiciously. “We don’t know how long we are going to be here after all. Do you really think you should be eating that and not sharing with the rest of us?” Another person suggested that we just raid the refrigerator. She hated to see all that food go to waste. HA!

Then there was a conversation about walking around in the dark. We heard a noise from the floor above us, and there was talk about going to investigate. I laughed. “Have you guys learned nothing from horror movies? You never go UP the stairs. Just run!” Just about then, someone else mentioned that this was Friday the 13th after all, and we all burst out laughing. Ironic, isn’t it? [I can hear the Twilight show theme playing in the background, can’t you?]

Soon after, the lights came back on, and we resumed our daily routines without delay, but what an interesting start to the work day. Never a dull moment around here. Happy Friday the 13th!!

Filling the Void

I tend to fill every moment, too much. So much so that sometimes I forget to just be. My chronic symptoms include: excessive personal projects (always coming up with more before I’m done with the 30 I’m working on – read over-achiever), exorbitant planning of my time (read control freak), getting antsy or restless if I’m not contemplating something big (as if the fate of the world rests in my hands - read god-complex), etc.

I always feel I need to be doing something or pursuing some other project or purpose to give meaning to my life. I realize that it is not necessarily a bad push, per se. I think motivation can be a good thing. Believe me, I’ve been a bump on a log for periods of my life, and I may or may not have wallowed a time or two. I certainly don’t want a repeat performance of those low moments in my life, and I highly doubt that is at all what GOD intends for me either. And so to counter those melancholy possibilities, I keep myself excessively busy. I don’t want to have too much time on my hands, and so I plan out each moment, seizing it and in my own way attempting to follow Thoreau and suck the marrow out of life. But lately, I’ve started to wonder if I’m missing something. Missing something big. Like maybe I’m sucking the life out of my life? I’ve had a few DUH moments (or D/H moments as my niece Janet says).

Perhaps GOD is wanting me to enjoy the still quiet moments I have on my own (and with HIM) instead of filling every possible moment with some activity, plan or project. My reasons for those pursuits are good and sound. You know what they say about idle hands. But maybe, just maybe, I’m meant for less and not for more. [That sounds funny, doesn’t it?] Or better stated: maybe the less is more! [Yeah, that sounds better.]

Maybe those quiet moments without a whir of activity or planning should not cause me guilt but rather fuel my very existence. Maybe the void is meant to be savored, not hurried along like the climactic ending of a good book. I always have to go back and read the end of a good read because I missed half of it the first time in my rush to get to the very end. Maybe this void I am feeling is like that, and I need to relax in it just a bit and enjoy it for what it is.

Maybe I need to stop seeking my purpose like the elusive golden snitch that is always just out of reach for Harry Potter in Quidditch. Maybe I need to embrace the purpose I already have. I exist. I belong to GOD. My purpose is to bring glory to HIM. Maybe that means activity for a cause, maybe that means engaging in conversations with others, and maybe that also means resting in HIM and enjoying the quiet moments of solace without buzzing around like a worker bee all the time.

So I have a lot going on in my mind today. My mind is churning and still processing my thoughts. The bottom line is that I think I’m going to try and learn how to BE, how to just exist and stop DOING for a second or two every day. OK, I know that isn’t much, but it’s a start, a rather slow beginning at attempting to unravel by linear, rigid persona. HA! [My sister called me both linear and rigid in the same half hour conversation this week, and I’ve been obsessing about it ever since, and a lot of those thoughts have led me to this moment. Come on, you can’t tell a passionate, intense personality that they are linear and expect them not to simmer on those very words for days afterwards. Her words are still haunting me.]

Well, pardon me while I step away and just BE for a moment. Well, all right, I can’t really just BE at work. My lunch break is almost over after all, and so I have to be the worker bee right now on the clock. But I’m scheduling a few minutes to just BE this evening. [Get it. I'm going to schedule time to BE. Hee hee!] Oh well! It's all a work in progress...

SonRise Retreat Part II

It was great to meet new campers and mingle with my fellow companions, but one thing I noted rather early on is that I’m OLD. GASP! I know. I need to face up to it. It’s been 13 years since my last Camp Spearhead adventures, and I’m not as young as I think I am especially considering that most of the other volunteers were in high school or college. YIKES!

It was a bit disconcerting at first. I didn’t know anyone, and it was hard to just jump into this completely new environment, but I did it once and told myself I could do it again, and I survived just fine. But I confess that I sure missed my Spearhead alum like Jamie, Jeanette, Bobbie Jo, Matt O., Snoozer, Moldy, Ben, BJ, Frankie, Nancy, etc. I could almost hear Jeanette’s laugh at my latest drama and Bobbie Jo’s antics from the kitchen. I could almost picture Jamie shaking his head in disbelief and saying, “What are we gonna do with you, Mel?” They were such a big part of my Spearhead life, and I wanted them there with me to share in the experience. But in a way, they will always be a part of me...

Ironically, there were some similarities between some of the campers from my past and the new faces I met this weekend. I discovered new versions of Kerry Kelly and Henry Howard, and I was tickled pink to meet another Eric Grissom minus his sidekick, Michael B. I chuckled more than once to myself at my “familiar” encounters. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever meet another Michael Brooks or Myra Chandler, and I think the world can only contain one Bobbie Jo at a time. [Love ya, BBJ!] Those dear ones are not to be replaced! Instead, I discovered new friends and another place for GOD to teach and mold me.

It wasn’t Spearhead. It was pretty different actually, but it was delightful in its own way as well. Over all, it was awesome to be active again, building relationships with those who have special needs, sharing GOD’s love with them, and seeing HIS love pour out of them at every turn. I have so much more to learn...

SonRise Retreat Part I

I returned back home yesterday afternoon from my first SonRise Retreat with LDM (Lutheran Disability Ministries). I had a blast! I came home more than a wee bit exhausted but excited to see what GOD will do next.

Friday night was spent mingling with the campers and getting to know the other companions. With LDM, each camper is assigned to a “companion” in a one-to-one ratio, and so there is optimal chance to really get to know each other. There was a lot of karaoke, coloring, beading and games as well as lots of hugs and conversation that first night.

On Saturday we had a couple of Bible studies, nature walks, games, puzzles, some exciting basketball games, BINGO, lots of singing, and bedtime movies. It was a fun-filled day, and I enjoyed watching my camper Kathy emerge from her shell.

On Sunday morning, we had a final Bible study followed by a worship service before we all said our goodbyes and headed home. It was a whirlwind of activities, but I really enjoyed it all.

I think the prayers were what impacted me the most. The campers love to pray before meals and during our Bible study time, and I loved hearing what GOD has placed on their hearts. The next retreat is in December, and I’m already looking forward to it.

PRAISES:

1. I didn’t get lost and didn’t even miss a turn on my first-time drive to and from Trafalgar, Indiana. WOOHOO!!

2. My camper Kathy was just awesome. I loved her sense of humor, her basketball skills which completely put me to shame, and her stories about her family and friends. I’m so thankful for Kathy. I learned a lot from her.

3. The food was rather delicious, and Diet Girl didn’t get too far off track. There were usually some healthy options available for every meal.

4. I mingled with some awesome campers and came away refreshed. I love their honesty, their patience and their ability to love.

5. I met some rather amazing fellow companions, most of whom have been involved with the ministry for a while. They all had such love and compassion to share, and I discovered that I can still learn from those younger than myself.

Candy Break Time

I’m having a moment. Just me and a Nestlē Baby Ruth bar. I’m at work sitting in my corporate-issued cubicle with people buzzing around me, but when I close my eyes and fade for a moment, I’m at home curled up in my comfy chair with a soft blanket and a good read, AND I’m enjoying every tantalizing morsel of this chocolatey delight.

Never mind that I am consuming 7 Weight Watchers points to get a quick fix. Don't lecture me. Yes, I know just how many Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches I could be eating instead, but it doesn't matter. This is my first REAL candy bar in a long time, and I’m savoring this decadent pause in the hustle and bustle of life.

This candy break moment was brought to you by Nestlē.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Rekindled Passion

I’m Intense. I know everyone who knows me well is in shock with that statement. Who you, Mel? NO! Hee hee! OK, so I’m a little intense (and by little, I mean a lot). I feel things passionately. When I’m down, I’m down deep, buried by the weights of the world, but it rarely lasts for long. I usually just need a good night’s sleep, and the next day, I rebound and the twinkle in my eye returns. When I’m up, I’m pretty high on life, blissed out to the extreme. I can hear music in the air, and I see magic everywhere (and all this without the aid of narcotics or other illegal substances). That’s me. I feel deeply, and I’m always feeling something. I’m exhausting. I know this about myself.

Well, I have a new passion, a new drive. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I have plenty of other things I should be, could be doing or working on. I have books to read, scrapbooks to fill, people to meet, photos to take, Christmas shopping to do, words ready to fly off my fingertips onto my laptop screen. Hey, wasn’t I supposed to have written my first best selling novel by now? HA! RIGHT!

So what is this new passion that is consuming me? What fixation has gripped my very soul? What thing has me bewitched, bothered and bewildered? BEJEWELED!

Say it’s not so!! But I confess it all, my friends. It’s true. I’m not proud of it. I realize that there are much larger things I could be devoting myself to, causes I could be furthering, lives I could be changing. I know...it’s not like I’m deeply consumed with the meaning of life at present or arguing the merits of caffeine in our frenetic paced society. No, I’m obsessed with a GAME involving the rotation of colorful jewels on a screen. My precious!

I’m cursed. This is not my first trek down the slippery slope and into the tentacled clutches of BEJEWELED. I thought I had conquered this addiction years ago. After all, I was the one that walked away from our prior relationship, but somehow, it wormed its way back into my affections, demanding my attention, creating a need. I find myself hooked once again, and I’m blaming Facebook. They have a special BEJEWELED BLITZ application you can play in one minute bursts, and it fueled my desire for those sparkly gems. It overwhelmed me with memories of happier days and reliving those good times. SIGH!

I confess I could have walked away and not looked back, but instead, I purchased a BEJEWELED game package last night. GASP! Oh the sheer horror and embarrassment of it all! Yes, it’s true. I plucked down an undisclosed amount of my budgeted allowance to rekindle my relationship with this GAME. I’m in deep now. SIGH!

OK, we're back on, baby! BRING IT!

I Miss Arguing With You…

“I’d rather argue with you than make love to someone else.”

I’ve heard a take on this line in several movies, and I heard it again last night as I was channel surfing U-verse. (Yes, I’m still using my blog to subtly plug this optimal product. Call 1-800-ATT-2020 now.) Anyway, that line gets to me every time, more so than sappy sentimental dribble. I love it. It makes me smile. It feels real.

Relationships are work.
Commitment is tough.
Marriage isn’t easy.

I hear all this from friends and family quite often, and I don’t think they are sending me subliminal messages (Run, Mel, run!) or trying to discourage me from pursuing others options away from the single life (Head for a convent, Mel).

However, I believe they are reminding me that marriage is not the perfect life I have pictured in my head. It’s more like what happens after the movie is over, and it goes on for years and years. When the honeymoon is over, all the flaws and quirks come out in full force to play. And the "players," if you will, are stuck in their roles by contract. They can't get out without great loss, usually on both sides. It can’t be easy living with another person day in, day out. Even I know that; hence my choice to be roommate free (well, except for the house plants).

And yet, most people in a relationship say it’s worth it, and I confess I still want it, however much it kills me to admit it. So in another time or place, I hope to bump into a man, a real man not just someone in my head or the books I've read. But a real live person I can argue and discuss life with. Someone who will be honest with me and call me on my crap. Someone who will challenge me, not just adore me. Adoration would be nice, but I don’t need a yes man. I need a Honey-I-love-you-but-get-over-yourself-man.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for...*

[Thanks, U2*! It might be a bit old school, but I still love this song.]

I'm Just Not Feeling It This Week...

Ever had one of those weeks? This is my second one in a row. ARGH! I've got to snap out of it. My life isn't bad. I've got a lot of good things going for me, but right now my rose-colored glasses lie smashed to bits on the floor, and I refuse to get them mended. I'm normally an idealist with a trace of a cynic mixed in (OK, "a trace" might be a slight understatement), but I'm just not feeling like myself this week. Something is off. WAY OFF!

Celebrity Quote (that only my sister and Lisa will probably recognize)
"But like if you're not yourself, then like who are ya?"

I'm still pondering...