Just Wondering...

Does watching 3/4 of an Indianapolis Colts game mean that I am a football fan now?

THE FACTS: I watched the Colts game on Sunday for almost 2 hours. I said it was in support of the city, and the fact that I am trying to embrace my adopted Hoosierness. Sounds legitimate, right? But what if I secretly enjoyed it? I could sense that I was starting to get into it when I was mumbling about how they needed more of a points spread before I would relax. HELLO! That is crazy talk. I am concerned for my sanity and well-being here. This is not the Melanie I would like to be.

THE HISTORY: What about my years of hating football, boycotting it, attempting to hide the remote controls minutes before the games? I'm perplexed. I can't become a football fan. I've been an avid anti-football person for too long now. I can't turn my back on all of those years of prejudicial hate on everything pigskin. I just can't start down this path. I can't enjoy football. It's a travesty.

What will my Dad and my 3 older brothers say? I thought of them the other night--how none of them would believe that I was really watching the game. I always ignored them while they were watching football, discussing the plays, arguing over the calls on the field, yelling at the TV, telling me to get out of the way of the screen, etc. I tried to block it all out. I did, but it appears that some of what they taught me seeped into my cranium anyway. Much to my shock and dismay the other night, I discovered that I understood the game. GASP!

All along, I've been campaigning to end the game, to free the air waves of such brutal pollution because let's face it, the game is brutal and causes serious spinal cord injuries and even brain damage. Plus, THAT GAME took up too much time around the holidays when I wanted to do other things with our family like play games, frost cookies or watch a Christmas special on TV in our 1-television home. (sniffle, sniffle) Apparently, I'm still scarred from those encounters, and I can't let it go. Becoming a football fan would mean turning my back on all those painful memories. Was my suffering in vain? Say it's not so.

FUTURE OUTLOOK: I don't know where this wave of enthusiasm for football is leading. I think it is just a phase, just a slight corruption from living in football country, and perhaps I just need some fresh air and a good dose of watching sports I have always enjoyed like on the upcoming Olympics. Perhaps taking these additional measures will cure me of this heavy-hearted burden weighing on my soul. But for now, I'm going to keep these revelations private and only share them with my readers. Whatever you do, DON'T tell my brothers.

SUMMING UP: I watched 3/4 of an entire NFL game. It's not a big deal, people. It was just a one time mishap. I am not wearing blue, I have not colored my hair blue and white, I don't own a football jersey, my Honda is not sporting a Colts bumper sticker, and in fact, I don't have any Colts propaganda at all. I liken this recent football muddle to my encounters with so-called reality TV shows, which I dislike with a passion. I might not watch them avidly or care anything about them or the crazy people on them, but I might from time to time pop in and view a minute or two so that I can discuss the characters and scenes intelligently with friends and colleagues. It's part of staying relevant in our culture.

So one might say that in reality, I am simply trying to stay educated on current events, and like it or not, football is a current event. Yep. Yep. That's what I'm doing. That is what I am telling myself...

GO COLTS!!!