I’m trying to eat healthier options as a way of life. I’ve become a lover of salads and fruit. Whole grains are yummy, and lite versions of just about everything line my fridge shelves and kitchen cupboards. I’ve been able to revise some of my habits, but I’m still probably never gonna be an I’m-sorry-I-just-can’t-finish-my-burger-girl. I just don’t think I’ll get there. I’m quite capable of optimism, but I don’t believe in painting a rosy picture that doesn’t match my reality. I’m learning to embrace the real me – the girl who still has an enduring relationship with food.
Yes, food and I are still arduously bonded. Whether I’m craving a Boca burger or a plate of nachos, I’m still fixated on satisfying that urge, that desire to feed. Gum helps. Chewing a piece of gum often halts a craving, but it’s just covering up my symptoms. The hunger is still there, under the surface. A baked potato or a plate of cooked broccoli fills me up for a time. The hunger is displaced, but it always returns, sooner than you would think.
Food and I have a love-hate relationship. I love how it tastes going down, but I hate how tightly I am hinged to it. I love how it fills me, but I hate how I allow it to control how I feel. I want to be that person who merely eats because it’s necessary to refuel the body, and not because food feels good, but I’m not there yet, and sometimes I wonder if that is really possible for me. I don’t want to make excuses for the path I’ve taken, but I also know we are all wired differently.
So what has really changed after nearly 29 months off and on Weight Watchers? I’ve lost weight, gained some back, lost some more, gained some back, etc. I still weigh quite a bit less than when I started on this journey, but I haven’t reached my goal, and I’ve spent a great deal of time plateauing. I feel better than when I began this adventure, but I think a more fit me is attainable. I’ve changed some bad eating habits, but I still love food, and it still has a tight grip on me.
Today I’m starting back on Weight Watchers again with energy and determination mixed with a dose of reality. I’m gonna count my points and stick to them. I’m gonna step on the scale less than before and stop obsessing about some magic number that might not be possible for me. I’m gonna try to throw more exercise into my routine and keep my pace up. But I’m also gonna face facts: while a slimmer me is quite possible, a paper-thin me might not genetically be in my cards. Oh I can do better than where I am. I know that, but I still might not be able to alter my body shape into someone else’s ideal. We are certainly NOT all molded the same way, and that's a good thing.
Current Weight: None of your business
Goal: To work hard at it and yet NOT beat myself up
Attitude: Sassy
2 comments:
I love this! I feel you. I think I am the same way. Sure, I would love to be skinny or even at a normal weight like the women I see, but I don't think I will ever have more of a passion for exercise or less of an interest in tasty food. I wish our society was better about letting women know that they should embrace who they are, no matter how much they weigh or what their body looks like.
Exactly...I'm gonna post a link to a Jonny Diaz song that I LOVE, which just reinforces this. :)
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