I Am LOST No More...

I got a few hours sleep after last night's 2.5 hour LOST series finale, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I’m on the fence. I didn’t hate it. In fact the first 2 hours and 15 minutes of the finale were an incredible ride. It was like a family reunion of sorts. I was smiling, laughing, sniffling a bit and enjoying a fine farewell to these characters I have watched for 6 years. Yes, it was a bit sentimental, but I can be a sentimental girl!

However, I didn’t love the last 15 minutes of the finale. Somehow I wanted more. I feel like I missed something, like maybe I was so tired from my long weekend that I slept through the most important scene or didn’t pick up on a subtle nuance. But I sure felt alive and wide awake for the entire evening, and if you trust the online buzz, it sounds like I didn’t miss anything. A lot of us were LOST a bit there at the end or wanting something else.

How would I have liked to see it all end? I don’t know.

Could I have written a better ending? I doubt it. It’s done, and we can’t go back now. It’s over.

Do I regret a minute of my viewing pains and pleasures over the past six seasons? No. I’m glad I was there to see it. It’s been quite an epic to follow. No regrets.

So today I would like to say thank you. Thank you for the hours of dramatic entertainment, the brilliant acting, and the unique voice brought to American television. I bid the cast, crew, directors, writers and producers a fond adieu. You brought us to tears more than once, kept us breathless, jarred us from our seats a time or two with some major surprises, got us to laugh at each wry comment or the sheer irony of the moment, and made us feel connected to the characters (fictitious though they may be) and thus connected us to each other. Thank you!

But it is now time to move on and get LOST in something else.

Journey into Your Arms

Have I mentioned that I have a thing for words? OK, so I might have discussed it a time or two already, but just so we are clear, I love words. Adore them. I keep a little book filled with movie or book lines I enjoy reliving. I keep post-its with me at all times just to jot down a line or two or write down a word I want to look up later. I am seriously involved in a tangled affair with language. It’s an often twisted and abused connection, but it is savored all the same.

Over the past year, Netflix has introduced me to many films that I have never heard of before. Some of them have been pathetically horrible, while others have been pleasantly surprising and whimsically delightful. Most films live somewhere in the middle though.

I recently watched Happy Accidents, which had an interesting premise but was never an Oscar or award contender. Despite it’s faults and predictable story line, it did have an incredible line that made me pause the streaming video and run for my notebook...

"I feel like my whole life has been a journey into your arms."

Isn’t that quote amazing? I love it. You might find it a bit sentimental and sappy, but I like it, and so it quickly became my Twitter and Facebook status. I joked about how I’d love to be able to say it to someone special some day. I know, I’m a relentless romantic, a diehard seeker of connection, a passionate dreamer wishing for a love of my own. (Sigh!)

But upon reflection, I started thinking about the significance of those words, and how accurately this simple movie line captured the essence of a relationship I am in right now – the most important one of my life really. Truth is that I can already say this magical line to HE who knows me best and loves me most. THE GOD of the universe chose me for HIS own even before I knew HIM, and my journey here on planet earth is arranged and orchestrated by HIM with one final goal in mind – to draw me into HIS arms. My life really is all about getting there.

The Influence of Twitter

OK, if the Grammys or Dove awards were soliciting my feedback, I’d have a nominee for album of the year with Mercy Me’s The Generous Mr. Lovewell. It is one of those rare albums where I found myself enjoying every song. Not just tracks 1-4 and 11 or 7-9. No, I liked them all. Every one, and I think each song is distinct and different from the others. Yes, I have a couple of favorites: This Life, Call Me Crazy,and Beautiful. This So Called Life is short and sweet but gripping. There isn’t a bad track on the set. Seriously!

Now in the past, I have purchased a few of Mercy Me’s songs from Amazon, but I certainly wouldn’t have called me a big fan of theirs, until now. I don’t have any of their other albums yet, but this one really is awesome. So how did I discover that I was now a fan of Mercy Me? I’m blaming Twitter.

I know. I’ve become one of those. I resisted the urge to join the Twitter set for months. I was already on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Friendster, etc. Did I really need one more social outlet? REALLY? Well, probably not, but I opted in, and I’m enjoying it. OK, so most of the updates are frivolous, but I find it humorous and interesting to follow some of my friends, celebrities, musicians, writers and other personalities. I like noting how human and connected we all are.

Anyway so what does this have to do with Mercy Me, right? Well, a couple of weeks ago, several of my favorite Christian artists tweeted about the latest Mercy Me album, and somehow I felt compelled to check it out. Yes, it’s true that I let Sara Groves and Brandon Heath (among others) influence me. HA! I followed their example and went to Amazon and checked out Mercy Me’s newest and discovered that I loved it, and now you know the rest of the story.

So this is me giving a plug for Mercy Me’s The Generous Mr. Lovewell. Check it out. [By the way, Sis, I can totally picture Jacob and Grace jamming to this CD. Love it!]

Showing Love

I’m perplexed and a bit muddled.

A Christian musical artist came out of the closet recently, and there has been a flurry of web chatter on the subject within the Christian community. Supporters and name-callers have both emerged, and it has left me both sad and puzzled: LORD, how should I respond? I know what the Bible says about practicing homosexuality. GOD calls it sin, but I am not sure what my response should be to a brother or sister involved in a same-sex relationship.

One of my dearest friends from college is gay. He told me within 6 months after we graduated from our ultra-conservative Christian university, and my response was harsh and condemnatory. I was void of all compassion. I lashed out. I quoted Scripture at him--all of which he knew well. I judged him severely. I was bitter and resentful.

Fact is that at the time I was devastated for personal reasons. He had only chosen to share his secret with me because I had opened up and told him that I was wrestling with a secret of my own – romantic feelings for him. He didn’t want to hurt me. He revealed his secret only out of necessity at the time. He wanted to spare me more pain, and I know it was horribly hard and risky for him to open up to me like he did, but I think that my own personal baggage was what made me react so violently. I was angry with my self. Why did I not know? What was wrong with me? Why hadn’t I realized the truth on my own?

In time, we managed to salvage our friendship. He gave me space, and I needed it. Eventually, I realized that I cared about him too much to just walk away completely. I loved him, and maybe I had gotten confused about the type of love we shared, but the love was real regardless. He was dear to me, and so we repaired some of the breach and moved forward, but our friendship has never quite been the same. It was natural that it changed really. Time and distance will do that, but I’ve often wished that I had responded differently. Even though I’m not sure what the right response should have been, I’m not proud of how I handled the situation at all.

We are all sinners (Romans 3:23), hopelessly lost and in need of a Redeemer. We are all living in sin – every one of us. Some sins appear more blatant or obvious than others, but that doesn’t fool GOD. HE knows our hearts, our inmost thoughts. HE knows well my own wickedness and depravity. So when is it my place to point the finger at another person?

LORD, I am seeking Your face. Guide me. Give me the wisdom and compassion to respond as YOU want me to. Help me to love others as You do. Show me how. Teach me.

John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Wake Up

You know how some days you just wake up, and you feel happy. I mean instantly. You just roll out of bed, stretch a wee bit and start to giggle. OK, maybe you don’t (or maybe I should scratch that giggle part or at least not admit to it anyway), but I just love it when I wake up in joy. Don’t know if I was in the midst of an amazing dream or if GOD was whispering in my ear of HIS love or what, but when I open my eyes, the world looks brighter than the day before. Incredible.

Of course, since I am a split personality (half idealist, half cynic) my cynical side often kicks in and wants to know when the sky is going to fall, but the idealist in me revels in the moment anyway. Savor it, baby!

Today is one of those days. I don’t have anything special planned. No big date. No major excursions. And yet, I feel blissfully happy without an explanation. Delicious. Delightful.

Thank you, LORD!

Update: Facing Facts

An interesting thought occurred to me today in relation to a previous blog post. I haven’t heard from anyone about the fact that I am not wearing glasses this week. Not a peep! I have mentioned it to a couple of people in passing, but I always brought it up in the conversation. Probably because I thought they were looking at me funny because I feel funny without 4 eyes now. PARANOID!!

Now I think I look like a completely different person. I’m sure of it. So I’m trying to get reacquainted with the stranger in the mirror. But I guess in reality, there isn’t much of a change at all. The glasses are basically an accessory on a face they already know. HA! I'm the only one with issues here, and for some reason, this just makes me laugh!

Is it Dr. Phil who says that we would be surprised to discover how little people are thinking of us? Meaning that people aren't obsessing about me and my glasses. A bit disheartening but there it is. Hee hee!

What a Lack of Priorities Has Done...

Not sure what has happened to me. I’m not the same person I was. Something is different. I’m hoping it is just a phase, a brief few months of reprieve. Perhaps this is just a period of my life that I will look back on in year to come with just a shrug of my shoulders and a slight twinge of regret. I don’t know what has come over me or who I am becoming. I wish I understood myself a little bit better. I wish I had the stamina in me, the time, the resolve to change and take things back to where they were.

I know things aren’t right. Things can’t be. I’m not watching much TV at all. GASP! I know, this is huge, shocking and hard to grasp for some of you who know my addiction to crime drama, Thursday night comedy and mind-boggling serials like Lost and Heroes. But it’s true, my friends. It’s a fact. My DVR is nearly full, and I’m not doing anything about it. I’m simply going about the other avenues of my life as my little gray box magically continues to record the life and times of my once dear loved ones, even though I’ve actively stopped participating in their lives.

What’s more perplexing is that I have only watched 2 episodes of this the final season of Lost. There, there. Take a deep breath! I know, it’s rather hard to believe, but I’ve a had a few months to adjust to this change, and you haven’t. Come back to me. Feel better now?

What is even more puzzling is that I’m still sleeping at night. Isn’t it a wonder? I’m still able to rest without the guilt weighing me down, gnawing at my very soul. What kind of fan, am I? Was I ever really as devoted as I once thought? The survival of my friends on the island once mattered to me. I used to care. For years, I suffered along with them as they fought off “the others” and chased each other around this time-shifting island. I laughed at Hurley’s comments. I drooled over Desmond’s accent. I sighed as Jack did yet another noble deed. People, I was there.

But now despite our joint ventures of the past and quite without cause, I seem to have abandoned them. I'm numb. I've become oblivious to their gut-wrenching pain, their twisted angst, their countless struggles to get along. I’ve walked away without a knowing look, a long confusing explanation or a flashback scene. I’ve left them to figure things out on their own. I didn't plan it. It just happened.

Somehow though, I think it is starting to catch up with me. It could be a coincidence or perhaps karma or fate, but I seem to be facing consequences of my own. I seem to have lost my self. I’m questioning my very existence. Are these my fingers? Am I only a figment of my own imagination? Maybe I’m on my own “island” right now. Is anyone else there? HELLO??

Facing Facts

I’m trying disposable contacts for the first time in a couple of years, and so I’m trying to get used to my face again.

I’ve worn glasses since the 2nd grade, I think. It started with the specs for reading only. Little Miss Bookworm needed them a lot as I read every Trixie Belden, Nancy Drew, and Hardy Boys book at the local library. I would wear them in school as needed, but I would whip them off as soon as I could. I didn’t want to be teased or known as four eyes.

In junior high and high school, I wore glasses more frequently but rarely for pictures and certainly not when a cute guy was around. By the time, I reached college, I wore them all the time for safety reasons. It was suddenly more important to see where I was going, be able to take notes in lectures, see who I was conversing with, etc., and so vanity got kicked to the curb. I’ve worn glasses steadily ever since. Well, I did wear contacts for about a year, but that was 4 years ago. And I tried a sample pair 2 years ago, but opted not to fill my prescription.

But now I think I’ve come full circle. I feel funny without glasses now. I’m not used to seeing my face without them. In a way, glasses have become a crutch, another way to hide, and so without sporting them, my confidence fizzles a bit. Suddenly, I don’t know that girl in the mirror, and I’m not crazy about the face she has either.

But with or without glasses, it is still the same face, and it’s time to face that fact. (Pun intended!) So now in essence, I’m vainly wanting to wear my glasses because they hide my face. Even I don’t understand me at this point! I’m such a goober sometimes.

Anyway, I'm pleased to report that I've worn my contacts for 4 days straight now -- wearing them longer each day, and so far, I have survived. I'm still not quite sure about the girl in the mirror, but that's another issue to tackle some other day. Hee hee!

My New Terms

I love new words or coined phrases, and I especially like making up my own. You all remember, slogging, right?

slogging = (verb) to move at a slow jog pace

Use in a sentence: While slogging this morning on the trail, I met 2 beautiful dogs and their handsome owner.

Unfortunately, I recently discovered from a friend that SLOG is not a new word. GASP! I know, I was a bit devastated, too, when I found out. I suppose I should have done my homework before trying to “claim” a new word of my own, but it was so tempting.

According to Merriam-Webster.com, slog is an 1824 verb:

transitive verb
1 : to hit hard : BEAT
2 : to plod (one's way) perseveringly especially against difficulty

intransitive verb
1 : to plod heavily : TRAMP
2 : to work hard and steadily : PLUG

I guess my newly coined definition wasn’t too far off from the original really. But I think I’m gonna keep using it my way. It seems a proper new use for this nearly 200-year-old term. Hey, I’m just trying to keep the English language fresh, you know!

And I’m still gonna claim “spidar” as a Mel Dictionary original. I researched it today, and yes, it appears that there are other uses of the term out there, but mine is completely my own. Spidar...

1. the ability to sense the presence of an arachnid (aka spider) in the vicinity, often sight unseen
2. an almost innate detection of arachnids within a 10-15 foot radius*; possibly associated with arachnophobia

Use in a sentence (OK, it’s a paragraph really): As I entered the kitchen, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and a chill rushed through my body. It was soon quite clear what had occurred. Out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed a black dime-shaped mass conceal itself under the toaster. Yes, my spidar went into action as soon as I entered the room, and I knew the dreadful arachnid was in my presence before I saw his vile form.

Hmmmm...I wonder what new words I will discover today? Hee hee!

*DISCLAIMER: these range limits have not been officially tested, nor am I willing to be a test subject for such a purpose.

Quilt Time

Last weekend, I spent in Kokomo with my sister and her family and our friend Lisa, who was in town for the weekend. We had lots of laughs and a bit of drama, too.

On Friday, Lisa surprised my sister and I with special quilts her friend Elayne made for us. Barbara has a thing for flip-flops, though I can’t think why. Those things are just so uncomfortable! I can’t wear them, but she loves them, and we saw a quilt with flip flops on it last year at the Indiana State Fair last year, and she fell in love with it, and her new quilt is similar to that one.

My quilt is like an English country garden with the floral motif and the tea cups. I love it. I’m just afraid to use it. Hee hee! Amazing work, Elayne!

Friday night, we headed to Taco Bell for a cheap dinner with the kids, and 2-year-old Harrison toppled backwards in his chair – hitting his head and biting down hard on his tongue. An hour-long visit to the ER proved that he was fine, not in need of stitches and without a concussion; however, the large quantities of blood lost and the trauma of the event will not soon be forgotten by his Mom (or Aunt Mel, for that matter).

On Saturday, we headed out to Jacob’s mid-day soccer game. His team didn’t win, but the “Kickers” still had fun, and isn’t that the most important part of it all?! Of course, I think the after-game-snack is always the big hit regardless. Who cares if they lost by 5 or 10 points—just look at this awesome juice drink and the cheesy popcorn to snack on! I love that about kids. It doesn’t really take much.

My oldest niece Janet, who was home from North Carolina for a couple of weeks, came over and watched the kids while Lisa, Barbara and I headed out for a girls night on the town, which consisted of some consignment shopping, a trip to Kohl’s and then dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. HA! We are quite the party animals, are we not?

It was a fun weekend, and I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep ever since. Maybe this past weekend in combination of the sleepless weekend before at the retreat, are helping me test my stamina limits. HA! It’s all good.