Everybody's Fine

I caught this Robert De Niro film on Netflix, and I would recommend it. Everybody’s Fine is an honest portayal of real family dynamics – especially between parents and their adult children.

A recently widowed father packs his bags and set off across the country to surprise each of his 3 adult children and their families with a visit. Along the way, he discovers how little he knows his own kids and learns how much his wife and children kept from him over the years. He sets out to change the status quo and create an open, honest sharing relationship with his children. He wants to know them as they are, not as he once thought they were.

The film made me think of both my parents, and I even teared up a bit. In fact, after finishing the film, I opted to call my parents and catch up for a few minutes. I’m much more candid and real with my parents than I used to be. I’ve learned that they can handle hearing the truth. They want me to be honest about where I am, how I’m feeling, what I’m struggling with, etc. They really want to know me.

I remember a few years back, I had a heart-to-heart with my parents about my single status. I described the good, the bad and the ugly. I opened up and was raw and direct with them, and then asked for their insight and feedback because I wanted to know what they thought. I was blown away with their response of compassion and love. They didn’t think less of me because I hadn’t paired off. They didn’t feel that I was letting them down. Those feelings were coming from somewhere else – coming from me. And I might never have realized how much they understood and knew me if I hadn’t opted to share that secret pain and longing I was holding inside. Our relationship has been better ever since.

Sure, there are things I don’t tell my parents or choose not to bring up, but I don’t lie to them. If they ask me a direct question, I answer it as best I can, but sure, there are certain things I choose to keep to myself. Some things are better left unsaid. But gone are the days where everything is always fine. Life is so more than that -- more than existence, more than just routine, more than just survival. It is a miracle, a gift, a journey filled with highs, lows and somewhere in the middle. It is heart-breaking and hopeful, marvelous and horrid, devastating and delightful. So much more than fine.