The Generous Listener

I know I’m not a perfect communicator. I’m flawed. I make mistakes. I say the wrong thing or circle the point instead of hitting it. But I do try. I try rather hard to make sure I am precise when communicating, especially via written words. In person or on the phone, I can get flustered or mixed up. My brain will go faster than my lips, and I never quite know what just got said. But when writing an email message or letter, I’m a chronic editor. I write and re-write even the simplest of messages just to make sure my words are saying what I want them to. [Believe me, I’ll edit this piece 10 times before I publish.] I take great pains to select my words carefully. I scrutinize each phrase, agonize over the meaning, consult my online dictionary and thesaurus. I want to get it right.

So my pride stings just a wee bit when someone misunderstands something I wrote them. After all I took the trouble to hand-pick each word and delicately phrase each line, and yet somehow, the reader read something else and missed my point. I spent all that time deliberating, obsessing over the right phrasing, making sure my message was clear and precise, and yet despite my best efforts, my intended meaning was missed by the receiving party.

Fact is that we can’t control how someone else will take our words. All of us can find different meaning in the same words. In essence we are each at the mercy of another's interpretation. We each have our own internal dictionary, our own experiences that taint our view, our own defenses and walls that keep us from the truth. We will hear what we want to hear, read what we expected to read, and often miss what the author tried to say. We’re human, selfish beings, focused on how the words affect us. We are so focused on ourselves that we often miss the author’s words entirely.

There is such possibility, such promise, such overwhelming opportunity in language. So much of our existence and our future depends on our communication, and I think we all have room for improvement. (I know I do.) We need to embrace the listener inside of us. We need to read what is written, accept the words at face value and not over-analyze the meaning. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt and not seek out offenses wherever we look. We need to be precise and clear with our language and learn to listen even more carefully and generously.