How to Survive If You Have No One to Kiss on New Year's Eve

One of the attorneys I work with has been sharing his daily "How To Survive" calendar pages with me, and I've shared a couple of them with you along the way this past year. This is the final entry for 2008, and I thought you would enjoy it...

How to Survive If You Have No One to Kiss on New Year's Eve

1. Kiss a pet. Dogs are generally agreeable and have clean mouths. Cats are usually well groomed but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed. Hmmmmm...not sure what to say on this one, but I think for now I'd prefer to forgo the above mentioned kiss entirely. Ask me again if I'm still single at 40.

2. Kiss yourself. Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close and kiss. Keep your lips slightly parted. Do not attempt to use your tongue. Wipe the mirror after you have completed your kiss. You may also try kissing the back of your hand. Hee hee! A little bit of excess self-love, eh?

3. Hug a pillow. Full-body pillows are more satisfying. I love hugging my pillow. Good stuff!

4. Call a friend on the phone. After you wish your a friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses.

Hmmmm...I think I'm just gonna go bed early and skip this ritual altogether. Hee hee!

Happy New Year, my friends! Chat with ya again in 2009.

White Knuckles and Trucking

So much for wishful thinking...my drive to Michigan was a bit more eventful than I would have liked, but the good news is that I did make it to my parents' home in one piece, albeit a couple of hours later than I had planned.

I ran into a winter wonderland on my drive. It was quite beautiful and magical in places with the snow swirling down on top of the 3 foot snow drifts along the road. Apparently, Michigan has already had quite a snow-filled winter, and this latest snowfall just added to their record tally for the year. The exit and entrance ramps were treacherous and looked as if they hadn't been plowed at all. The highway was mostly cleared however, but that howling wind and bitter cold temperatures just made black ice more frequent. The drive was definitely not boring, and when I finally landed in my parents' driveway and fell out of my car and kissed the snow-encrusted ground late that afternoon, I literally had sore palms from gripping the steering wheel so intensely. Pretty wild!

I spend a lot of time on my own generally, but I usually have more distractions like the TV or my laptop, etc. So being alone in my car for 8+ hours with my thoughts was quite curious. I had plenty of time to think, talk to myself, chat on my cell phone a bit, talk over the state of the world with GOD and listen to tunes. My mind was racing in a hundred different directions, and I kept jotting ideas about things I want to write about later or research online. You know me and my post-its. I made good use of them. I had lots to contemplate...

Do you ever wonder about truck drivers? Ever since my oldest brother started driving a delivery truck, I've had more respect for truck drivers. I find them mostly courteous on the roads, and so I return the favor. I'm always getting over into the left lane to let them merge off the ramps, or I'm slowing down to let them get in front of me. Yeah, I'm that car. You probably hate me, but I figure that they need our respect. And I try my hardest not to sneak up on the big rigs when I use the cruise control. My sister once accused me of "sneaking up" on semis, and it's been something I've been conscious of ever since.

Have you wondered at their tireless service to the world of commerce? They are delivering goods all over the country, traveling around the clock sometimes just to get my shampoo to Meijer's shelves or to keep my favorite baked tortilla chips stocked and waiting for me. I wonder how many of them had to make a haul on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Imagine their families waiting for them back home. They put in all those hours helping to keep our cupboards and pantries full, they travel long distances often going the same routes every week, they spend lots of time away from their families and loved ones, they endure the road rage of commuters and the belligerent hand gestures of fellow motorists. And yet I wonder how often they hear a word of thanks? Well, I can't be silent any more...

THANK YOU, Mr. or Ms. Truck Driver, for the countless miles of travel you have clocked for me and my fellow citizens of planet Earth! Thank you for helping me see to it that I never run out of toilet paper, post-its, potatoes, bottled water or ice cream. I might not be able to personally thank you each individually, but I am grateful to you for keeping me stocked up on the staples that my life requires. Thank you and GOD bless!

I'm Back Again...

I spent 6 hours in the car today and had a great day of listening to tunes as I cruised along. No speeding tickets by the way, for those rude enough to ask. Come on, people, it was like 7 or 8 years ago. I think my record has been expunged by now...HA!

My brain is churning with ideas on what to write next, but for now, I'm going to just head to bed and catch up on some rest. I'll write more later and share some pictures. I'm exhausticated (to exhaustion and beyond), and I'm ready to dream the night away.

Traveling Through a Snow Globe

I love snow globes. I do. In the last couple of years, I have started my own collection of those whimsical trinkets that make me smile. But while I love looking at snow globes and shaking them up, I don't like driving in snow globe conditions at all. I know, I'm from Michigan, and everyone is always reminding me of that fact and telling me that I should love everything about the snow. Apparently, if you look up a "Michigander" in the dictionary, you are defined as a person who loves to drive in the snow, on ice, through sleet, etc. HA! Don't you believe it! It's just not true. I do love snow, but only if I can stay off the roads during the snowstorm.

I chatted with my parents a couple of times today, and it sounds like I have a little window of time tomorrow to make my way to Michigan before they get dumped on again with more snow, and so I'm heading up to MI a day early. My Mom said they have at least a foot on the ground already and are expecting a few more inches tomorrow and more to come later this week. WOW! Maybe I should take my snow skis! WAIT! I don't have any, and I've never skied in my life. That's another Michigan tale for you...if you are from Michigan, you should know how to ski, ice skate, play hockey, etc. Ommmm...is one and a half out of 3 all right? I can stand upright on ice skates, and glide around a little. That's about it though. I hardly resemble Katarina Witt's graceful figure on the ice. Hee hee! And while I don't play hockey, I do understand it, and so I'm giving myself 1/2 a point there.

Anyway, because of the big storm coming, I'm off to Michigan in the morning, and I will be off line for about a week. I have yet to get my parents online. Although, they did just get cable for the first time, and so who knows what is on the horizon for them next. I think, it will be good for me to be off line. [GULP!] Yes, I will probably miss blogging, googling to my heart's content, looking up new words, chatting online and catching up with friends regularly, but it's all good. A little break from technology will not kill me, and I'm really looking forward to a great visit with my parents and Grandma in person. I'm excited!

Merry Christmas, All, and to All a Good Night!

Flaming Up

This is courtesy of my daily dose of Hungry Girl (the email was sent 12/22/2008):

"A new cologne called Flame has arrived, courtesy of our pals at Burger King. The scent will have guys smelling like juicy Whoppers with just a single spritz. Soooo, if you want your man to smell flame-broiled and meaty, click here..."

OK, I confess it. I like the smell of flame-broiled burgers just fine. In fact, it's been months since I've indulged in having a real burger, and it sounds pretty darn good right about now, but this ad disturbs me. I know what you’re thinking: Mel, you’ve been disturbed for a while now. I can’t contest that, but the fact is that seeing this site today sent chills up and down my spine. No, REAL chills, people! If you click on the bottle and get “sprayed” several times, you’ll see what I mean. That Burger King head disturbs me anyway, and with him seductively beckoning from the fireplace like that, well, that just tips me over the edge. I’m officially creeped out now.

Nothing smells romance like a flame-broiled burger, right? AHEM! But do you really want your man smelling like a whopper? It’s a rhetorical question. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I mean, is it safe though? What if you are arm-in-arm walking down the street, and you pass someone who is really hungry and that person starts to chase you thinking that one of you has food? OK, maybe I've watched too many zombie movies lately, but it does make one wonder if Burger King has done proper testing on this substance. I see the potential for disaster.

And don’t plan to go to the zoo with that stuff sprayed on your neck, or you just might get attacked by a large cat or a hungry grizzly bear. “Death by Cologne” might seem like a romantic headline now. And you might laugh at one of the following headlines for their pure comedic value: “The Scent of a Whopper Can Kill” or “Meaty Man Falls Prey to the Hungry Lioness.” But, I highly doubt it would be a pleasant experience or the way you would really like to be remembered by those you leave behind.

So I say NO to this scent. Men: it might seem like a good idea at the time, but I think it could be a fatal mistake. DANGER! DANGER! There are lots of thin model-types that are living on 1 potato chip per day, and there are far too many women on diets who have gone for months without a juicy burger, and if you walk into a room with that scent on, things could get really ugly fast. Be careful. It’s a jungle out there.

Baby, It's Cold Outside...

Friday night for no apparent reason, I lost power for a couple of hours at my place. It all happened while I was making my 3rd trip from the car up to my apartment with my arms full of groceries and final gift purchases. You know I must have had to buy a lot of stuff if I couldn't make them all fit in one trip. I'm rather known for my attempts at making grocery bag hauling an Olympic sport. I think my current record is 13 bags in one trip, but my arms were sore for a week after that. AHEM! Anyway as I opened my door on this third and final trip, the lights went out. Naturally I thought they would pop right back on again, but alas, that didn't happen.

I hastily dropped the last set of bags and went in search of candles. Tripping over a couple of bags as I found my way into the kitchen. I lit some candles. I think I had about 10 candles lit within 5 minutes, and so it was a nice and cozy moment, but I wasn't all that amused by the romantic scene at the time. I was more concerned about getting the food put away while the fridge and freezer were still relatively cold. So, I tucked things away promptly and then just sorta sat there waiting for the power to come back on. I waited and waited...for like 5 whole minutes. And then eventually, I called my friend Becky on my cell phone, and she invited me over to eat my dinner and just hang out until I got power again. So I packed a bag of food and carried my little battery-lit LED snowman with me down the stairs to my car so that I had some light. I didn't have a flashlight, and I needed to be able to see, and so my little snowman came in handy. I'm sure it looked a bit funny, but hey, it worked.

I had dinner at Becky's, got lectured about not having a flashlight, watched some TV with her, and then called my home phone and got my answering machine. WOOHOO! I had electricity again. I drove home with a brand new flashlight courtesy of Becky, who insisted I keep it for future use [Thanks, Becky!], and once I was home I settled in for the night with a sigh, basking in the glow of my twinkling Christmas lights.

Saturday afternoon was spent at the new Indianapolis International Airport with my family. We were all waiting for my oldest niece Janet to arrive home for her college Christmas break from North Carolina. Her flight was delayed, and so I spent a lot of time with Janet's cousin Grace, my youngest niece. Grace is 3 and highly entertaining. She and I went shopping at one of the stores, played with her new bear, and posed for some photos with the large Christmas tree on display. I like the new airport a lot. It's open and more inviting or something, and there sure is a lot of entertainment if you know where to look.

While we were waiting we were all rather fascinated at this young woman dressed in an elf or Santa's helper costume. She was wearing a very short little red and green dress complete with ruffly bloomers and white and red candy cane stockings, etc. We weren't quite sure what she was up to. She was standing by the large Christmas tree for the longest time looking over toward the other concourse. Eventually a flight arrived, and she seemed to be ducking down and hiding from the passengers. What was she doing? My sister Barbara wondered if she were a mime or something. She wasn't moving, she wasn't talking to anyone, but she was just standing there waiting.

Grace was particularly intrigued with her. Grace told me that she was probably waiting for her Mom, and while I thought it could be a possibility, I suspected that something else was up. But what? Soon over the loud speakers we heard, “Would Santa please report to the Christmas tree?” Right after that a male passenger walked over towards the tree and was surprised to find his wife dressed up for him. Awwww...OK, it was a bit cheesy, but hey, they are in love, and it's Christmas time, and I can excuse some PDA around the holidays.

Janet arrived safe and sound, and the whole gang headed out for some dinner to celebrate. It was a fun evening. Janet brought lots of books to study over her break, tales of class and apartment life, and a few photos of her first boyfriend named Chris. Yes, my 18 year old niece is now dating. Now that's scary!

So that brings us to today. It's Sunday, and let me just say, Baby, it's cold outside. It's frigid here in Indiana. I nearly froze running to and from my car on the way into church this morning. I came home to a hot meal, and I'm currently tucked in, cocooned in a blanket on my couch with my laptop at arm's length. I can still hear the wind howling outside my patio door. Brrrrrr... Stay warm, my friends!

Divulging Past Wrongs

Getting your college degree should be an exciting momentous occasion. Mine was. I attended Bob Jones University [BJU] and graduated in 1996 with my PR Journalism degree. I enjoyed my college years, especially the last 2 as I was totally immersed in Camp Spearhead and Special Olympics. When I stepped off that stage with my diploma in hand, I was ready to emerge into the world around me.

Well, it wasn't long after graduation that I learned just how differently the rest of the world viewed BJU. First there were the rules. Was there really a light bell? Yes, that one was true. Were women always in skirts? Yep. Did you really have to get permission at 22 years of age to leave campus in your own car? Right again.

Then there were the dating regulations. Everyone wanted to know if the sidewalks were really painted pink for girls and blue for boys. Nah--that one's not true. Was there really a place called the Dating Parlor? Sadly, that is affirmative as well. Not that I ever visited much. AHEM! Was there really such a thing as the six-inch rule? Quite true. Again, I didn't have any experience with that one either.

I was peppered with questions everywhere I went, and it got a bit old, but most of the time I didn't mind too much. However, sometimes those questions turned more poignant. People wanted to ask about race. Was interracial dating allowed? Did the university promote discrimination? Those questions were harder to answer, and they bothered me.

I'm Caucasian. I'm blonde with pale skin and green eyes. Yeah, I'm really white. It's genetics in action. Growing up, I was never taught that one race was better than another, but I do recall being taught that the races shouldn't mix. My pastor's wife even went so far as to lecture me about a crush I had on a boy named Dominic. He was full-blooded Italian, and my pastor's wife considered him a different race and off limits. Even then I thought that was completely ridiculous, and I remember my sister and I discussing it at length with some of our friends.

I went to college, and the same rules applied. I couldn't date outside my race. Well, dating at BJU was pretty much non-existent for me, and so I didn't mind the rule much at all. Sure, I thought it was over-the-top and had nothing to do with Scripture, but it was what I had gotten used to growing up after all, and it didn't personally affect me, and therein lies the key. It should have...

After college, I was challenged again and again about that rule from my non-BJU friends. They wanted to know how I could attend a school where there were such racial issues. Did you know about the rule? Yes, I told them, I did, but it didn't affect me personally, and it was then that I started thinking about my answer more in depth...

What if I had attended a college where I was one of only a few minority students, and I was told from day one that I could only date those of my own race? What if I had been told my options for love were limited? If I were Korean, I would need to find another Korean to see. If I were Indian, I would need to find a fellow Indian to date and so on. And not only that, but if I were bi-racial, I would need to select my race on day one and stick to those people in my racial dating pool, so to speak. That disgusts me now, and yet that was actually happening to some of my dear friends at BJU, and I had no idea what they were facing.

A few months ago, someone forward me a link to check out, and it got me thinking about this topic again. The site was started by some former BJU students who wrote a petition to the school president to ask BJU to publicly acknowledge the university's past of racial discrimination and then apologize for those wrongs done in the name of Christianity. It took me just a few moments to determine without any doubt that I personally needed to sign the petition, and so I did.

A couple of months later on November 20th, BJU issued a statement about race, complete with the following:

BJU’s history has been chiefly characterized by striving to achieve those goals; but like any human institution, we have failures as well. For almost two centuries American Christianity, including BJU in its early stages, was characterized by the segregationist ethos of American culture. Consequently, for far too long, we allowed institutional policies regarding race to be shaped more directly by that ethos than by the principles and precepts of the Scriptures. We conformed to the culture rather than provide a clear Christian counterpoint to it.

In so doing, we failed to accurately represent the Lord and to fulfill the commandment to love others as ourselves. For these failures we are profoundly sorry. Though no known antagonism toward minorities or expressions of racism on a personal level have ever been tolerated on our campus, we allowed institutional policies to remain in place that were racially hurtful.

I was glad to see the university own up to the past mistakes, which paves the way for a more harmonious future. I think that was primarily "our" objective at collecting the signatures on the petition: apologize for the past so we can move forward. But personally, this has still been plaguing me, and so I think I need to do the same...

Dear Friends:

I wish I had known then what I know now...Hindsight being 20/20 and all. Back then I went along with the tide, afraid to rock the boat or upset the status quo. I chose to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. Looking back, I'm quite sure there have been many students over the years that felt discriminated against while attending BJU and that breaks my heart. I am so sorry. Please forgive me for going along with things as they were and not speaking out. Please forgive me for not showing more of Christ's unconditional, non-discriminatory love. I'm sorry if any of my actions or lack of response to what was going on caused any pain or hurt to anyone.

We're all members of the same race, humanity. We are brothers and sisters, and as Christians we are really all part of the same family. Sadly, we are a highly disfunctional family at times, but in HIM, in our Heavenly FATHER, we truly are united and will one day become the family HE wants us to be. So this is your sister speaking, and I want you to know that I love you. I really truly do. GOD bless!

Diet Girl Is Still a Kid

Diet Girl did something this week that she hasn't done in a very long time ago. I ordered off the kid's menu, and it felt good. And no, I wasn't at McDonald's eating a happy meal. I was at Ted's Montana Grill for lunch with my co-worker Dena, and I opted to order from the kid's menu. No chicken tenders or macaroni and cheese for me, although that was tempting. I ordered the kid's pot roast with mashed potatoes and green beans, and it was pretty healthy actually.

Here's the scoop. I've been noticing that when I eat out, I'm over-eating. Not intentionally and definitely not planned that way, but it still happens. Maybe part of it is that they always seem to bring out too much food, and I've still got that "gotta clean my plate" thing going on in my head. But I don't need all that food. It's too much of a good thing.

The kid's pot roast meal the other day was just a smaller portion of the adult plate, and to quote Goldilocks here, "it was just right." It was perfect. I felt good after eating my meal, and I knew I hadn't overdone it.

It's funny how things have changed over the last 8 months. Gone is the girl that thought she could eat whatever she wanted without a care in the world. My stomach is smaller, and I just can't put away the food like I used to be able to. So much has changed. I've lost 67 pounds since April 1st, and I'm just not the same person I was. Well, yes, I'm still Mel, and my personality is quite the same (whether you think that is a good or bad thing I leave up to you). I'm still rather wacky from time to time, a bit OCD, warped and sarcastic. But health-wise I'm moving in a different direction, and it is definitely all for the best.

Off in Dream World...

Mel loves words. You all know this about me, right? I'm a sucker for a well-turned phrase, an amusing anecdote, a romantic couplet, a brilliant comeback, or a delicious line in a movie or book. I keep a small little journal of my favorite movie lines and quotes so that I can whip them out at any minute for inspiration. Hey, you never know! And when it comes to music, I can't just listen to the words of a song. Actually, I prefer to read the lyrics completely first just to make sure I have captured the essence of a song BEFORE I hear it.

I'm a longtime AWAD [A.Word.A.Day] subscriber. Every weekday morning there is a gift waiting for me in my email inbox at work, a new word to chew over. It's wonderful. My favorite word this week is "doolally."

I'm an editor by nature. I can't leave things well enough alone. I have to tweak each line and attempt to get the phrase perfected before I can move on. Trust me, the editor in me has completely revised this posting at least twice already, and I'm not done yet.

I keep post-its with me all the time to jot down ideas, a phrase to blog about or something silly someone told me. Words are my life! I enjoy them, they enthrall me, and I tend to obsess about them.

Now, I don't know if you all remember having to diagram sentences in school, but it's something I recall. Subject on the left, verb on the right with a straight line dividing them... It wasn't my favorite part of English class, but I didn't really dread it either. I certainly haven't thought about it in ages, and yet somehow it has been haunting me.

The other night I woke up from a dream in a cold sweat. I was completely in a panic and glad to find myself tucked away in my bed and that it was all just a dream. Why you may ask? Well, because I was obviously having a terrible nightmare in which I had no memory of how to diagram a particular sentence. Horror of horrors, right? I mean, can you imagine the embarrassment that I was feeling and the relief that it was just a dream?

This was a first for me, not that I couldn't diagram a sentence, but that I was dreaming about it. I mean why can't I dream about falling or flying or something everyone else dreams about? Why was I dreaming about forgetting how to diagram sentences correctly? Most of my dreams are insane or rather incoherent. That's nothing new, but usually when I wake myself up in a panic it's because I'm afraid I'm being attacked by a spider the size of a bear or that I slept through light bell or was late for chapel and was going to get demerits. [OK, so most of my nightmares have to do with spiders or Bob Jones University. Well, apparently, BJU left quite a mark on my psyche because I have a dream like that at least once a month. HA! Hmmmm...what could it mean. OK, don't overanalyze it, Mel! Just let it go.]

So ever since my diagramming dream, I've been trying to recall all the rules for it just so that I'd be ready for my next nightmare. I googled "diagramming sentences" this morning, and some of it came back to mind pretty quickly. So it wasn't completely lost from my memory. But then I found this link, which made me laugh. It is a sentence diagram of the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution. You can also find the rest of the U.S. Constitution diagrammed for you as well as the Declaration of Independence, President Lincoln's Gettysburg address, etc. WOW! Feel free to check it out but not if you are afraid of having a bad dream. HA!

Getting Ready for the Holidays

Half of my Christmas present to myself arrived today. Yes, I spoiled myself just a wee bit this season. I didn't go too crazy, but I did splurge a little and get something I've been wanting for a while now. Plus, this is totally an England expense. I can use it on the flight to London and back. AHEM! Can you guess what it is yet?

Anyway, I ripped into the package just to check it out, and then I started laughing. You see, I wanted the other gift to arrive first, but that's just not the way it happened. My car charger thing-a-ma-bob for my new not-yet-shipped MP3 player came in the mail today. So, I'm hopeful that my new MP3 player (the other half of my gift) will arrive some time before Christmas (fingers crossed!) because me and my car (aka Madison) are ready! Have tunes will travel...to Michigan!

I'm really looking forward to 5 or 6 days on my own with my parents and my Grandma. I enjoyed last Christmas with them on my own, and I plan to make more incredible memories with them this year. It will just be the 4 of us, and I'm sure we'll play lots of games, watch a few movies and just catch up. I'm looking forward to some mellow down time away from patent filings and legal paperwork. Bring it on!

I finished wrapping Christmas gifts last night. Of course in the midst of all the tape, bows and tissue wrap, I realized that I had overdone it on gifts for my Mom and didn't have quite the same stash for my Dad. Mom is so much easier to shop for, and I guess I got carried away. So, I'll probably pick up a couple more things for my Dad. He deserves a great Christmas, too. Any ideas? I'm open to suggestions. Why are men so much harder to buy for? They say that women are difficult, and yes, on the rarest of occasions, I suppose we can be, but truth be told, we're just easier to buy for, I think, and we're so very easy to please. OK, I'm sure plenty of men are going to disagree with that one, and now I'm going to get some glaring emails from my male friends after this post. HA! So, let me just clarify...I wasn't talking about YOU GUYS! I was talking about those other males. So I wasn't completely over-generalizing my statement to your whole sex. AHEM!

OK, moving on...I sent out my Christmas cards and newsletter yesterday, and it felt nice getting them out more than a week before Christmas. WOOHOO!! But my moment of sublime happiness and bliss ended all too quickly. I heard from my friend Becky tonight (after she got the card and newsletter in today's mail). She called to report a glaring error that I had made. Just my luck! She's right. I made a major goof. OOPS! I'm sure it's not the only error. I'm a perfectionist, but I'm far from perfect. I'm fatally flawed, and you can quote me on that!

So, if you get a copy in the mail, see if you can catch my complete goober moment...or perhaps several of them. WAIT A MINUTE! Hold on! I take that back! I don't want to know if you find more than one error. I do have some semblance of pride here. So just let me know about one or less that you perhaps find... Anyway, the good news is that I can still revise it before I send out my newsletters to my email list, which means that I will only look like an idiot to half of my "subscribers." HA! Life is good!

[I'm using the term "subscribers" loosely here. AHEM! They aren't so much subscribers, if you will, as they are dear patient souls that tolerate my insanity and desire to communicate. You know who you are, and the management sincerely wishes to thank you!]

Well, a week from tomorrow and Christmas will be here. If you haven't finished up your shopping, you better get to it. Stay safe, All!