Flaming Up

This is courtesy of my daily dose of Hungry Girl (the email was sent 12/22/2008):

"A new cologne called Flame has arrived, courtesy of our pals at Burger King. The scent will have guys smelling like juicy Whoppers with just a single spritz. Soooo, if you want your man to smell flame-broiled and meaty, click here..."

OK, I confess it. I like the smell of flame-broiled burgers just fine. In fact, it's been months since I've indulged in having a real burger, and it sounds pretty darn good right about now, but this ad disturbs me. I know what you’re thinking: Mel, you’ve been disturbed for a while now. I can’t contest that, but the fact is that seeing this site today sent chills up and down my spine. No, REAL chills, people! If you click on the bottle and get “sprayed” several times, you’ll see what I mean. That Burger King head disturbs me anyway, and with him seductively beckoning from the fireplace like that, well, that just tips me over the edge. I’m officially creeped out now.

Nothing smells romance like a flame-broiled burger, right? AHEM! But do you really want your man smelling like a whopper? It’s a rhetorical question. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I mean, is it safe though? What if you are arm-in-arm walking down the street, and you pass someone who is really hungry and that person starts to chase you thinking that one of you has food? OK, maybe I've watched too many zombie movies lately, but it does make one wonder if Burger King has done proper testing on this substance. I see the potential for disaster.

And don’t plan to go to the zoo with that stuff sprayed on your neck, or you just might get attacked by a large cat or a hungry grizzly bear. “Death by Cologne” might seem like a romantic headline now. And you might laugh at one of the following headlines for their pure comedic value: “The Scent of a Whopper Can Kill” or “Meaty Man Falls Prey to the Hungry Lioness.” But, I highly doubt it would be a pleasant experience or the way you would really like to be remembered by those you leave behind.

So I say NO to this scent. Men: it might seem like a good idea at the time, but I think it could be a fatal mistake. DANGER! DANGER! There are lots of thin model-types that are living on 1 potato chip per day, and there are far too many women on diets who have gone for months without a juicy burger, and if you walk into a room with that scent on, things could get really ugly fast. Be careful. It’s a jungle out there.