Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

I found the Single newsletter article from Christianity Today interesting this week.

Yes, this dreaded question still does get asked of singletons. I don’t get asked about it as much as I used to, and when I think about THAT fact too long in a pensive moment or two, it starts to bother me...Do they not ask me about that stuff any more because they see me as a lost cause? Can they tell WHY I’m not married just by looking at me? Is it something they can share with me? Is it something I can fix?

But lately, it’s been my nieces and nephews that have asked the question, and I’m never quite sure what to say to them. I don’t want to sound bitter or angry, although I have felt those emotions in my single life. And yet I don’t want to give a trite answer or just say what I’m supposed to say either. I usually respond with something like, “Well, GOD hasn’t brought along the right man for Aunt Mel yet.” And then I add with a smile, “But hey, I’d appreciate it if you’d start praying for an uncle.” They always smile, nod their heads and give me a hug, and that does it for me...that just breaks my heart.

They don’t know how badly I want them to have an uncle. I can picture him playing games with them, laughing and having a good time.

They don’t know how I long to walk into a room and introduce this man to my family. I have imagined that scene in my head so many times. I can see the smile on my Mom’s face and in her eyes. She can’t hide her joy at all, and it will radiate from within.

They don’t know how I have these deep desires for something more. GOD and I talk about this almost daily.

They don’t know how lonely it gets sometimes. FATHER, I don’t think I can do another 34 years of this on my own. Help me!

Maybe it’s not healthy to think about these things, but honestly, it’s always there just under the surface, and so maybe hiding it or pretending that it isn’t there is NOT the answer either. I'm a romantic. I’ve been in love with love, ready to find a love of my own for as long as I can remember, and I don’t know how to change that, and I’m not sure I’m supposed to. It’s part of who I am.

I don't know how singles should answer questions about their marital status. What I do know is that I think we need to be more honest! We especially need to be honest with GOD about our desires, our struggles, our feelings. If you want it, say so. Don't pretend you don't care about it, but don't let it consume you either. I'm still trying to find and keep that balance in my life. Sometimes I'm all right with things, and sometimes, the scale is all out of whack again. But I know that GOD wants to hear from the real me, not the person I wish I was. Of all the people in my life, HE is the one I can be the most transparent with. HE knows me better than I do...

Just Toss It Here

I was at a beautiful wedding this past weekend. The bride was glamorous in her gorgeous white dress complete with a fur-trimmed cape, and the groom gazed at her with a radiant intensity. They were just adorable.

I was enjoying the day, catching up with old friends, eating carrot cake and savoring each rich bite, playing with my niece and nephew, snapping photos, etc. It was a really perfect day.

And then along came that dreaded moment that I always agonize over – the bouquet toss. The panic hit me. Where can I hide? Maybe they won’t see me? Will they notice if I head nonchalantly for the exit? WAIT! What did I do with my coat?

Then along came Angie (the bride’s sister-in-law), “Mel, you better get out there. Nick is looking for you.” Nick is the bride’s brother, whom I have known forever, and he was seriously going through the church trying to find me. I begged Angie to keep quiet about my whereabouts, and she honored my request, for which I am grateful. The bouquet was tossed, and the day went on without further opportunity for humiliation. Of course, Nick caught up with me later and gave me a hard time about it, but I was all right with that.

So why does this single girl hate the bouquet toss?

Maybe it’s the fact that I prefer to be at the back of a crowd and not in front of everyone. I’m kind of a wallflower unless I have to be otherwise. I like blending in and not being put on the spot or on display.

Maybe it’s the fact that I get to stand there in a huddle with girls half my age and younger. One time the bride turned to me and said, “It’s coming your way, Mel,” because she probably felt sorry for me battling it out for a bouquet with 10 year-olds.

Maybe because it’s just a stupid superstition thing anyway. If I believed in it desperately enough, I would just walk forward, force the bride to hand over the bouquet, and march off triumphantly. Hee hee! YEAH! I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

Cookie-Free Zone

Every year the legal department throws a BIG holiday luncheon pitch-in. We all sign up to bring in something to share, and we spend the afternoon eating goodies, nibbling on this and that and socializing with our co-workers and the visiting retirees. It is usually pretty fun, and the food is awesome.

However, while Diet Girl has managed to build up her resistance to donuts and her will power against pints of ice cream, she isn't a saint. If you put me in a room filled with delicate pastries, a Dairy Queen cake, cheesy potatoes, sourdough bread, a Hardee's Frisco Thickburger, and a nice garden salad...I'm not going to be craving the salad, believe me! Yes, I like salads, and I no longer drown them in dressing, but given the choice between healthy and calorie-laden, I'm gonna be bad. So to resist temptation, I just run the other way most of the time. I don't give myself the option to cheat.

So a fellow legal assistant and I have already worked out our plan for that day. We are going to sneak out on our lunch hour, enjoy a healthy meal at a local restaurant and then come back after our lunch break and join in the festivities and socialize with the rest of the gang. The party goes on until mid-afternoon anyway, and so we wouldn't be missing out on much at all. For us, it is our attempt to have the best of both worlds. Sounds like a great plan, right?

Well, then today we got an email from the planning committee about a holiday cookie exchange during the luncheon as well. Each person is being asked to bring a couple dozen homemade cookies to share, etc. I read that email and just starting laughing. I couldn't hold myself back. I said out loud: "Asking me to bring cookies is like asking a recovering alcoholic to bring the wine! NO WAY!" So I went and talked to my friend on the committee, and told her just that, and she laughed and totally understood. I'm all for sharing, but I don't have any business making cookies or having cookies in my house at all!

Other co-workers have different opinions...Just take a day off from your diet. Live a little and don't be so hard on yourself.

But I can't do that. I've lived for 34+ years -- all the while giving myself allowances, indulging bad eating habits, overeating, emotional eating, etc. And THAT is all part of how I got to a seriously unhealthy place. I have to be strong. I have to be disciplined. I have to live in a cookie-free zone. It's all for the best right now.

Sentimental Journey**

This is starting off to be quiet a sappy week. I just got an Amazon package in the mail and ripped into a CD I had purchased. Of course, I always have to read the “Thank Yous” from the artist first, and as I did, I started crying. Yes, picture me sitting here in my cubicle, eating my Lean Cuisine and sobbing over a short and sweet CD thank you list.

1. No, it wasn’t a thank you to me.
2. And no, I don’t always read them just because I’m expecting an artist to someday make such a public declaration to me...although that would be lovely. A bit random but wonderful just the same!

I was in tears because the artist (also known as Chris Rice) said the following thank you to:

"Elizabeth Barrett Browning for letting the words escape.”

[OK, this is sad. I’m tearing up again.]

Not all of you may know this, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote incredible poems of the Victorian Era. She had poor health most of her life and was confined to a bed for years, and yet her poems are filled with such passion, such vivid expressions of feeling and life. I'm a big fan.

Another writer of that time, Robert Browning, loved her work so much that he started corresponding with the authoress. They courted in secret due to the irrational views of her father, who basically disinherited his children one by one as they married. Eventually, the couple eloped and moved to Italy. I love that story. Elizabeth later wrote the Sonnets from the Portuguese and dedicated it her husband Robert Browning, and those are my favorites. Here is one of them, which is also one of the most famous, Sonnet 44...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Isn't that just amazing?

So today as I was reading the CD insert, I was touched that there actually exists another man out there (besides Robert Browning) who loved her work. [sigh!] So touched that I started crying and then laughing about my tears.

Crying because I didn’t know that such a man existed.
Laughing because I turn to mush over one line.
Crying because I don’t know this man.
Laughing because I'm even thinking about this.
Crying because I feel pathetic.
Laughing because this is what hope looks like these days.

It's all good, Mel. Just breathe.

**I didn't dare listen to the CD at work. I was already a basketcase. So tonight, I listened on my laptop as I caught up with my emails and did some writing. And I was fine until track number 9 got me. TOTALLY got me sobbing. It (Let the Words Escape) was inspired by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. WOW! Good stuff for this obviously-sentimental-girl today. Thanks, Chris!

The Lion King

Yesterday, I got to see the Broadway production of The Lion King at the Murat with my co-worker Barb and her husband Lee. What a wonderful afternoon! The performance was wonderful, magical, amazing. The voices were delightful. The costumes were incredible. The choreography was breathtaking. I can't describe it adequately, and so I'm not even going to try.

The performance brought back a flood of memories for me--memories of my oldest nephew, Jordan. He is 14 and stands in at 6 feet tall now. I got to see him (or rather look up to him) on Saturday at a friend's wedding. But when he was quite young, I lived with his family, and so Auntie M spent a lot of time with Jordan (or Squdge as I called him then) and his older sister Janet (now 18). The Lion King was one of Jordan's favorite movies. We'd watch it again and again. We even named our family cats after the characters in the film. We had both a Simba and a Pumba for a while, I believe. Well, that was 12+ years ago, but it seems just like yesterday. [sigh!]

OK, this is a sentimental start to the week, isn't it? HA!

My advice: if you get a chance to see it, don't let it pass you by.

No More Wallowing Now, I Mean It

I confess, I’ve been less than my best the last couple of days. I’ve been grumpy, irritated, emotional and angry. It all started on Tuesday evening after finding that someone had committed a hit and run on my car. It really irked me, and it still does, but bitterness is never beautiful, as my friend Kristen says. So true!

Mel, it’s time to let it go.

I have so much to be thankful for:

1. The appraiser called and asked if he could meet me this morning instead of tomorrow because he was in the area, and so I am ahead of schedule. WOOHOO!!

2. I should get an estimate today or tomorrow for the damage, and I can plan from there. So far everyone I have talked to at the insurance company has been very attentive and helpful.

3. I have money in my England fund so I should be able to meet my deductible without a problem. I don’t like robbing from that fund to get this taken care of, but the money is available. GOD has provided in the past, and I believe HE will continue to do so. LORD, keep me trusting in YOU.

4. It doesn’t appear that there is any internal damage to my darling car, and so Maddy should only need some cosmetic attention--like plastic surgery for cars.

5. My car was parked at the time of the said incident, and I wasn’t in it. This could have been so much worse if I had been out on the road. No whiplash, no medical bills, etc. Thank you, LORD!

6. Hopefully the low-impact hit means that the other driver is not suffering any injuries either. I admit that I have pictured the “offender” languishing in pain or at least unable to get a good night’s sleep due to the guilt, but I’m not proud of those thoughts. It’s not what GOD wants me thinking about. Sorry, LORD!

7. My car still runs and is totally drivable. This single girl really depends on her car A LOT. So I’m especially glad of safe and reliable transportation today as the temperatures dip into the teens. Brrrrr... Thank you for a properly working car radiator, LORD!

8. Only 3 weeks until Christmas! Can you believe it? Hopefully Maddy will be able to get her repairs done before then, so that she and I can buzz up to Michigan for the holidays.

9. There are so many nearby that are experiencing greater trials and struggles right now. LORD, forgive me for being so needy and ungrateful when I should be reaching out to others instead of wallowing in self-pity over my car.

10. GOD does care about our lives...even these little inconveniences that pop up. HE is the ultimate healer and the best friend we could ask for. HE knows our weaknesses, HE knows our needs, and HE is with us every step of the journey.

Yes, GOD is good--ALL THE TIME! Even when we don’t feel like acknowledging it, even when life seems unfair, even though we don't deserve anything good, HE is good, and HIS love endures forever...

Revisiting the Crime

The latest news is that an insurance appraiser is coming out to meet me and survey the damage done to my beloved Madison on Friday. After that, I should be able to determine what course of action to take next. [sigh!]

It's not really all that bad.
I have lots to be thankful for.
I'm just not feeling up to it yet...

The Scene of the Crime

Last night, I headed out to my car after a long day at work. As I approached my midnight plum Honda Civic, I thought that the front bumper looked funny, and as I got closer, it became quite apparent that I had been hit by another vehicle.

I’m no mechanic, but I wanted to make sure my car was drivable, and so I checked things out more thoroughly. [Read: I just walked around my car a bit with a puzzled expression.] The left front bumper was cracked and had taken quite a crunch. But other than that, my car (Madison or Maddy for short) seemed fine. I got in, and she started right up. So I just sat there for a minute. I’ve never been hit before. I’ve never been in an accident period. What was I supposed to do? I tried calling 2 of my co-workers that I thought were still in the building, but no one answered, and so a bit flustered I started on my drive home.

As I was driving, I made a call to my sister’s house, and her husband answered and suggested that I call my insurance and office security. I called security first:

1. The plan is that Security will review the security camera footage from my parking lot and get back to me. Maybe just maybe the crime was captured on film.

2. I was told that I probably should call the police and get a police report.

3. I need to complete an incident report at the office.

When I got home, I called my insurance company. My first call for anything like this, but Melissa was very kind and patient and walked me right through the whole process. I was told that:

1. I didn’t have to call the police in this instance. Often the police will not write up a report for minor damage such as mine.

2. My policy won’t be adjusted simply because I have a claim. I would need to talk directly with my agent about my numbers if there is a payout made.

3. Photographs could be helpful. Naturally, I had already taken them. It was the first thing I did once I got home.

4. I would be contacted my someone in the claims department within 24 hours.

I got off the phone and started fixing myself dinner, but then the emotions and the drama swept over me:

1. STUPIDITY: How come I don’t know what to do in this situation? Why don’t they have pamphlets on this stuff like "What to do at the scene of a crime"? I feel like an idiot.

2. FRUSTRATION: I’m saving for my England trip, and I really don’t want to have to pay off some high deductible especially since I was completely not at fault here. Someone else hit my car, but I’m probably going to have to pay for the damages out of my own pocket. UGH! That's so annoying!

3. DISAPPOINTMENT: One of my co-workers that works in my building hit my car and didn’t even have the courtesy to leave a note. So now I know that I work with someone who doesn’t seem to care that they just banged up a fellow co-worker’s car. Someone doesn’t believe in taking personal responsibility for their actions.

4. SADNESS: My poor car! Madison has been a great car since I got her brand new in 2001, and I’m very sad that someone crunched her bumper and felt no guilt at doing so. That wasn't very nice at all.

5. ANGER: I wish I had seen the crime. I would have...well, I would have talked severely to them or at least glared at them and chased them down. Maybe I would have gone all Tae-Bo on them.

6. GRATITUDE: Well, I guess I should be glad that I wasn't in the car, LORD. I don't even have whiplash to complain about. I'm trying to take comfort in that. And maybe it's best that I don't know who did it. It annoys me, but knowing would probably irritate me more.

Thanks for watching out for me once again, LORD, and thank you that the damage to my car doesn't seem too bad.

Today I returned to the scene of the crime. We don’t have assigned parking, but I tend to park in the same general area every day. I pulled into a similar spot, but I backed up a bit leaving a LOT of room around me. I don’t want to take any chances. There is a criminal in our midst, you know. I'm considering starting my own internal investigation...checking out each and every vehicle in the lot this morning, hanging up some posters of my car's front bumper at each entry way with the caption "Did you do this or know who did?," etc. Hmmmmm...

We Gather Together...

I had a fabulous Thanksgiving. I spent the day with my sister and her family at her in-laws, who also had some friends over. The food was delicious, the conversation interesting, the entertainment (my Sister’s kids) whimsical, and the games new and challenging.

Yes, Diet Girl did have some pumpkin pie, lots of turkey and all the fixings, and so I was quite happy. Maybe a bit too happy...once you start down the road of extra calories, it is hard to get back on the straight and narrow again. GULP! But when I weighed in this morning, I had maintained last week’s weight. I’m content with that, believe me. I’m quite pleased that I didn't gain.

On Friday, I started off the day with Tae-Bo. My nephew Jacob (6) and my niece Grace (3) joined me for part of my workout. Jacob thought of it as a karate and did his kicks and added in some chops with the sound effects. Made me laugh! It was not my typical workout session. HA!

Later on Friday morning, I headed out shopping with my brother-in-law Jonathan. He and I both like Best Buy, and so we had fun checking out the sales there before heading to Sam’s Club. I came home empty-handed on that first trip. I didn’t find anything I couldn’t live without. After lunch, my sister and I headed out to visit a couple of stores on Black Friday as well. We went to one Kokomo consignment shop, and both found pants and tops. Ah sweet successs! Then we headed to JCPenneys for their sales. I lucked out and left with 7 new tops and sweaters for around $45. Then back at my sister's house, we decorated their Christmas tree. Grace and Jacob kept me in stitches with their Christmas-ornament-placement techniques. Grace was color-coordinating the balls. Reds all together, blues over here, greens down below, etc. Yeah, it was a really good day!

On Saturday, we made gingerbread cookie men, played a game, watched a movie and just hung out before I headed back to Indy. I love spending time with those little ones. There is never a dull moment at my sister’s house, that is for sure. I really enjoy hanging out with my sister and her husband, too. I wish they lived closer. I know I’m a bit of a recluse, and I sure do like my space, but sometimes my life is just a little bit too quiet.

Sunday I slept in (shame on me), but at least I missed the new members introduction at College Park. I confess that I really did not want to be up on that stage. I’m a behind-the- scenes-girl, and I don’t like being in front of people at all. Just not my thing. Anyway, when I did finally wake up, I got to witness Indianapolis’ first snowfall this season. It sure was pretty, but I’m ready for spring now. HA!

The Gift of Time

I love buying gifts for my 9 nieces and nephews, and then I get far too eager to see their little faces light up with surprise and joy at their stash. Actually, I’m usually the one begging for the kids’ right to open up a couple of gifts early on Christmas Eve. Come on.

Christmas is going to be different this year. My siblings and I have all agreed that we aren’t exchanging gifts this year, and we mean it this time. Normally we draw names or say that we’ll just buy for the kids, but somehow we all end up buying for everyone anyway. But, it’s a bit more serious than that right now, and Auntie M isn’t the only one feeling the economic crunch. Times are tight and budgets are stretched.

So, we’ll get together for a celebration without presents.
1. I hope we'll read the Christmas story aloud together.
2. I'm sure there will be plenty of munchies to enjoy all day.
3. Perhaps we’ll get a rousing 4-hour game of Monopoly going.
4. Maybe we’ll investigate the crime and follow each Clue to determine who killed Mr Body and was it the candlestick or the rope that Miss Scarlett used to kill him in the ballroom.
5. There also might be a stirring game of Uno with a twist.

Whatever we end up doing, it will be as always FUN and enjoyable, and we'll be together. I can't wait!