What Would You Do?

For as long as I can remember, I have been interested in history. I love history and learning about the past. I love stories, and every life is full of stories if you just pause to listen.

World War II history confounds me. My grandfather died in the war, and naturally, I think that drives my thirst for knowledge to know more about that time period. His parents, my great grandparents, both emigrated to the United States separately from Germany. They met here in the States, married and had 4 children in Michigan. Their one son, my grandfather, was drafted into the army and left behind my grandmother and his 2 very young daughters to fight against his parent's homeland and ultimately give his life.

I've watched countless documentaries and films about the war. I've spent hours researching the subject online, reading books, studying articles about those years. And the one question that also emerges for me is what would have I done if I had been there? Would I have been one of many who turned in my Jewish neighbors? Or would I have stood against the barbarity? Would I have helped to save the lives of those around me? Or would I have considered my own well being above that of others?

I'm not Jewish, but I have long been interested in the chosen people of GOD--their heritage, their culture, their plight, their survival. I grew up in a Christian home, loving the stories of the Children of Israel throughout the Old Testament. I envy their ability to look back at history and see their heritage not just over decades or centuries but over thousands of years. These are the descendants of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and they certainly haven't had it easy. They have endured so much over the centuries, and yet here they are still with us, still living amongst us, and whether they acknowledge it or not, GOD is still watching over them even now.

This morning I watched a Netflix selection on my laptop, The Children of Chabannes. It is a documentary about a village in France that integrated hundreds of Jewish refugee children from Germany into their local public schools at the beginning of the war. Truthfully, I don't often hear good things about France during World War II. Most see the French as giving early concessions to Hitler. They did give him half of France without too much trouble, and the other half, lead by the Vichy government, did little to stop the atrocities affecting Europe or their own region. So in my limited study, I haven't really heard many positive stories about France in the war, but this story was different.

This Creuse region in southern France, which was part of unoccupied France under the Vichy government, protected these children in their remote country setting, educated them, fed and clothed them, and ultimately helped the children escape into safe zones where a great many of them emigrated to the United States and other parts of the globe. Towards the end of the war, the safe haven came under attack, and the Vichy government feeling more pressure from Germany, started rounding up more and more Jewish refugees and sending them to internment camps throughout Europe – even children.

Only 12 children were successfully removed from the Chateau de Chabannes, and of those only 4 died in the concentration camps. But as one of the French teachers stated in the documentary, “That was four too many.” That statement burns in my brains. It reminds me of that scene at the end of Schindler's List where he looks back at his life and feels he could have done more. He, who had saved so many, still saw little windows of opportunity where he might have done more. That is so convicting!

My story is still being written. I don't live in war-torn France in the middle of the twentieth century. I don't have an opportunity to hide or protect young Jewish children. But am I doing what I can to help those around me now? Or am I one of the many who would just look the other way?

LORD, I don't know where these thoughts are leading, and I don't know exactly why this story is tugging at my heart like it is. I don't exactly know where to start here, but I do know that there is always opportunity to do more. Please lead me. Please direct my steps. Please...

Open the eyes of my heart, LORD.
Open the eyes of my heart.
I want to see YOU.
I want to see YOU.*

*By Paul Baloche

Difficult People: I Think I Am One...

We all know, work with, are related to or have some interaction with difficult people. People that frustrate us. The acquaintance that just knows which button to push. The coworker that likes to lay the blame on our door for every error. The relative that always reminds us of something in our past we would like left forgotten.

Yes, people aren’t perfect. We are, each of us, hopelessly flawed. Truth is that most of us probably ARE that difficult person in someone else's life, whether we know it or not. We’re selfish beings who want the best for ourselves and don’t always recognize or care how something will affect someone else. We have a difficult encounter with someone, and we’re so quick to defend ourselves or prove the other person wrong. We’ve got to get out the facts, set the record straight. At least I am that way. I get frustrated and want to correct the wrong at all costs, and today, I’m more than a bit convicted of it.

I can’t always control the circumstances. I can’t set the tone for every meeting. I can’t prevent people from speaking their minds or taking a conversation down a negative path. And I certainly cannot control how others in the discussion respond either. BUT I can control my own response. My reaction, my response to the situation or conversation is what I am culpable for. I am held accountable for my own actions and thoughts, and my response is exactly what I need to master or rather turn over to THE MASTER and get HIS guidance with daily.

LORD, help my response to always be one of love and not disgust, of compassion rather than debate. Help me to turn to YOU in my frustration and to seek YOUR counsel above all else.

Again, that new take on the Serenity Prayer comes to mind...

GOD grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change,
The courage to change the one I can,
And the wisdom to know it's ME!

I’m Going to Michigan in the Morning. Ding Dong, the Bells Are Gonna Chime...

Not sure why My Fair Lady tunes (or at least my own rendition of songs like I’m Getting Married in the Morning) are dancing around in my head today, but there you have it. I’m in a show tunes mood, I guess. HA!

I’m off to my beloved home state tomorrow for a long weekend with family. Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve totally waffled back and forth as to whether or not I should make this trip. Should I take the time off from work so soon after being out for 2 weeks to go to England? Should I have the AC in my car looked at since it just stops working whenever it feels like it? Should I stay home and take care of stuff around my place -- like cleaning? Somehow though, I kept coming back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine over a year ago. She and I were discussing our vacation hours, and I was debating whether or not to take some time off. My friend piped up with a direct response that has played over and over in my head since.

"Mel, no one ever gets to the end of their life and says, ‘I wish I would have spent more time at the office.’ No. People most often regret not spending enough time with family and friends while they are here. Don’t forget that."

My friend had just been diagnosed with cancer, and her words made quite a deep impression on me and even now, they still play over in my head. So, I’ve decided to take the time off...off to bond with my nieces and nephews, off to play games with my Mom, off to laugh with my Dad, off to chat with my Grandma, off to share England photos and stories, off to stroll along the beach with my sister, off to catch up with my brothers and sister-in-laws, off to be harassed by my brother-in-law, off to enjoy the fireworks over the lake and maybe enjoy a real grilled hamburger again...

Yep, this is Melanie, and I’m signing off now for Michigan. WOOHOO!!

Have a blessed and safe Fourth of July, All!

Smile

I heard this Chris Rice song again recently. OK, the truth is that I listen to this song A LOT, but don’t tell Chris, he’ll get a big head. Once again, I was struck with these lyrics. I’m single, and like a lot of singles out there, I struggle with that status. Not all the time, mind you, but more often than I’d like. It is part of being human and having a sinful nature. GOD has blessed me in so many ways, and yet I still want that something more. I long for it, and I’m constantly sharing these thoughts with GOD.

The first time I heard this song, I started crying. Yes, Chris Rice has made me cry on more than one occasion, but it’s a good thing--honest. I heard the song as a love song, and I thought it was so sweet. Then suddenly, I got it. This wasn’t just another love song. This was a love song to GOD.

Here I am longing for a love of my own. I’m aching for that one thing that seems always just out of reach. I’m stuck, as it were. I’m frustrated. I’m struggling with the discontentment. Well, along comes this Chris Rice song about aching to be with THE ONE, the same ONE who should be the REAL love of my life, and these lyrics just bowled me over.

I'm a dreamer. My head is always off in the clouds somewhere. But instead of thinking and dreaming of THE ONE, I'm pining for another lover. I’m whining down here because I went to another party alone, or I just got invited to another bridal or baby shower. How selfish, am I? The GOD of the universe loves me, has given me the very best (HIS SON), provides for my every need, and desires my soul. HE wants me. HE wants me. I already have HIS love. I didn’t earn it. I can’t earn it, but there it is...the only love that will ever truly endure, and HE has given it to me as a gift.

So where is my desire to be with HIM?
Why don’t I ache to be in HIS presence?
Why don’t I ponder Heaven more?
Where is my passion for HIM?

Am I tossing aside the LOVER of my soul in hopes of something else? What am I thinking? That other love will never compare to HIS. It can’t compete.

OH LORD, teach me to make this song my daily prayer to YOU: “I just want to be with YOU. I just want this waiting to be over...” Yes, it would be nice to have a someone special here to smile for and with, but should that day not come, LORD, teach me how to wait for YOUR smile.

Smile
by Chris Rice

How far are you, how close am I
I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside
Still I believe you'll never leave
So where are you now

You're all I have, You're all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am gasping, aching, asking
Where are you now

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There
So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare
Our destiny, til You come back for me
Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

No More Michelanie...

For the last few months, I have been working 2 different jobs in the same department while my colleague was out of the office on maternity leave. And since I've been doing my job and Michele's job, my nickname has been Michelanie. HA! (Like I need any more nicknames...)

1. The hours have been long. TOO LONG! I don’t recommend 12 hour work days. I like my job, and I'm thankful to have a job, but I don't think your job should become your life. There has to be a balance there, and I lost the battle with that one for a while.

2. The stress has been building. I actually started feeling a tic in my eye a few weeks back. Drama girl emerged from the shadows, and I was sure I was coming down with Bell’s palsy or had Tourette’s syndrome. AHEM! Fortunately, no additional symptoms developed, and I think it was just the stress.

3. The exhaustion has threatened to undo me at times. I would often get home around 8 or 8:30 PM at night and just sit there on my couch, drained of all energy and not wanting to move.

4. I haven’t been eating right. Even though I haven't gained weight, Diet Girl was disappointed to lose some momentum. I’ve been exercising less than I should be as well.

5. And don’t even get me started on the state of my apartment. To the casual eye, it may look clean, but this girl knows how long it’s been since those floors have been vacuumed. It’s truly shameful.

So while I certainly struggled under the heavy load, GOD got me through it, and HE kept me going. It was all HIS doing, not mine. There were days when I considered running away, but HE was my rock. There were moments when I was sure the sky was falling, but HE would always bring me some comic relief and make me laugh at myself.

Now I always knew this wasn’t a permanent situation, and that eventually my schedule would return to more regular business hours like before. Well, my friends (drum roll please...thank you!) THAT DAY has arrived. WOOHOO!!

Today I handed off the 2nd job back to my co-worker, who returned to the office last week and has now completed her new systems training. This afternoon, I got to move projects from my desk over to her desk. I started spring cleaning my space--rearranging piles, going through some paperwork, getting organized to do the tasks at hand, etc. I got out the Mr. Clean disinfecting wipes and tidied up my office, too. WHAT A FEELING! I’m elated. I’m relieved. I’m blissed out. [BIG SIGH!]

I only have one more work day this week, and then I’m off for the week. I’ll return back into the office next Monday. I know there will be plenty of projects waiting for me at my own desk: legal documents to prepare, inventors to meet with, drafts to finish, databases to update, etc.; but I’m actually looking forward to a fresh start, to a new beginning for July. It will be wonderful to fully concentrate on my own job and do it to the best of my ability!

Thank you, LORD! Thank you for seeing me through these past few months. Thank you for letting me lean on YOU and in your strength! YOU are awesome!

Call Me Old-Fashioned...

But some Sundays, I miss hymnals. I really do. Recently, we learned a new song in the morning service. The worship team and praise band sang it through once, and then the congregation joined in. The lyrics were deep and meaningful, and since I'm all about the lyrics, I was excited to learn a new song. There was just one problem: the harmony outweighed the melody, and I struggled to follow.

Now I'm not my sister -- the gifted musician, perfect pitch girl, who hears a song once and can jump onto the piano and play it for you. Yeah, that's not me. AHEM! But, I can read music and do a bit of sight reading. I started out as a soprano with the church solos, spent 10 years or so as an alto, and I think I've finally settled down as a mezzo soprano--able to be either a soprano or an alto. But I definitely need to know the melody before I can get the harmony right. So in this case, since we don't use hymnals any more, I didn't have the music and with the harmony being so dominant, the melody was lost on me. I was a bit sad, and so now, I'm determined to learn the song on my own.

Don't get me wrong here. I love worship songs and choruses. Love them. I enjoy the beautiful nature scenes with the lyrics displayed on the flat-panel screens on the walls. I love the worship band and the praise teams. The whole service is all wonderfully orchestrated and framed together to lead the congregation as a whole into the heart of worship. For instance, today we sang 2 of Lincoln Brewster's songs, and my heart stirred within me as the congregation proclaimed again and again GOD YOU REIGN! I was struck with an overwhelming sense of my own insignificance as we sang about our CREATOR, REDEEMER and SAVIOR. I am deeply touched by music like that. And then we finished out the worship service with a melding of 2 old familiar favorite hymns. I loved that blending of the old and new all in one service. It's a bit like life...

As most of you know, I've grown to really enjoy modern Christian music the past 16 months or so. It took me a while to get there, to embrace the "beat" if you will. I'm still picky about my favorites. I don't always like the trendy tunes, but sometimes I do, and these days I'm not often found without my MP3 player in my possession. It travels with me, ever ready. Whenever I start to feel distressed, down-hearted, bored, lethargic or lonely, I plug in my favorite ear buds (SkullCandy is the best) and within minutes, I can't help but feel my spirit lift. Right now I have a playlist entitled "Mood Changes," which as you can guess is to help me get back to focusing on what is real and true. I listen to those songs that remind me that I am not in this alone, that I have THE GOD of the universe within me, urging me on and beckoning me to trust.

Yes, GOD has really brought me full circle the past few months with my musical choices. HE has opened my ears (as it were) and revealed HIMSELF in contemporary song. I will always love the hymns and choruses I grew up with, but I have a growing passion for the music of my own generation as well. I am blessed with both.

LORD, thank YOU for changing my heart, for broadening my horizons! It really is ALL ABOUT YOU...

Hey, I Was There...

When I was 16, my parents took my sister Barbara and I on a 2-week vacation up through Canada and over to Prince Edward Island. It was a dream vacation for my sister and I. We loved everything about Anne of Green Gables. We had read the books, seen the movies a dozen times or more, and this was an experience of a lifetime. We visited all the Anne sites we could find, strolled along the red cliffs like Anne and Diana, and absorbed the beauty of that magical green island.

Upon our return to the States, we shared photos (evidence) of our adventures and recounted our tales again and again with friends and family. Months after our trip, we had another Anne of Green Gables marathon/slumber party with a bunch of girlfriends. Only this time the viewing was different. Having been to several of the locations where they filmed the movies, I couldn't help myself. I was overtaken with the need to interrupt the movie every few minutes to point out some little-known fact or to comment on the scene.

"Hey, we were there. We really were. See that fishing village. I took pictures of it. Wanna see?"

I was pretty pathetic. I kept interrupting the movie to tell them location details. Yeah! I was THAT person, and I'm sure I was pretty annoying to be around. I can see that now.

Skip ahead almost 20 years...

Six weeks ago, I went to England for 2 weeks on another dream vacation. It was amazing, life-changing and just highly enjoyable, and YES, I will eventually share the "best of" shots rather than bore you with every architectural detail I zoomed in on. AHEM!

Anyway, recently, I sat down and watched the HBO miniseries John Adams. There is a scene where Ambassador Adams goes to pay a diplomatic visit to the current monarch of England, King George III, at St. James's Palace. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it would be except for one minute detail. The place they were portraying as St. James's Palace was NOT indeed St. James's Palace. It was quite clearly Hampton Court Palace to this recent visitor, and I knew it. I paused the movie and started arguing with my television set.

"No way. I was there. You can't fool me. That's not St. James's Palace. I know those columns..."

I ranted for a full 30 seconds there and then just started laughing. I'm insufferable. I'm back to that annoying place. I visit a place once, and suddenly I'm a location expert. HA! Luckily, there were no guests over to witness my bout of insanity, but it sure made me laugh.

My friend Becky came over the next day, and I made her watch the same scene, and she, being one of my co-travelers to England, confirmed that the location was DEFINITELY Hampton Court Palace. So I was right, but who the heck cares. HA! It was just a movie... Silly rabbit!

Office Chatter

A colleague was writing a letter to some outside counsel this week, and she misspelled the word inconvenience on the draft. Spell check immediately caught the error and gave her several suggestions.

However, the first suggestion was not the word inconvenience. No, actually, Microsoft Word suggested the word “incontinence” as the first choice. She laughed and had to share the story with the rest of us, and so for the rest of the day, we joked about that almost slip of the tongue.

Can you imagine if she had accidentally chosen that first suggestion from spell check and sent the letter?

Dear Sirs:

We apologize for any incontinence...

Hmmmmm...a bit too personal, isn't it? Hee hee!

Random Update...

1. I have slowly but surely found myself falling back into a former addictive habit. I know there are worse addictions out there, but still I don’t like having this habit, this need, if you will, in my life. I’ve got to cut myself off somehow and let go of this addictive influence. But the truth is that Diet Mountain Dew is getting me through the day right now, and I’m not ready for rehab or quitting cold turkey quite yet. Hey, do they make a caffeine patch? If not, someone should look into it.

2. I am quite captivated by the John Adams series that HBO made a couple of years ago. A co-worker recommended I try it on Netflix, and I have, and 2 episodes in, I am blown away. The personal sacrifices, the seemingly treasonous acts that our forefathers committed all in the name of freedom has me shocked and humbled. It was only through GOD’s grace that such a rag-taggle bunch of men formed a Continental Congress, built up a Continental Army, debated the issues in secret meetings and then finally agreed on going forward to seek independence from England. WOW! They did not take any step lightly. They weighed the cost, agonized over the decision, and it was only after months of discussion and further hostility by the British that the cause for independence gained ground and the Declaration of Independence was born. Now, I feel the need to do some more research on the subject. I’ll just add it to my list of “things to do.”

3. I went to hear St. Luke’s United Methodist Church Chancel Choir concert yesterday, and it was a fabulous, worship-filled performance. The chancel choir leaves at the end of this week for a European tour, where they will be performing their selections in various cathedrals throughout Austria and the Czech Republic. My friends, Barb and Lee, are in the choir, and I can’t wait to hear all their stories upon their return. Barb is going to scout out some touristy stuff for me, which will hopefully help me and my parents make some decisions for our own European excursion in 2010. We are currently looking into a river cruise down the Danube or the Rhine Rivers, etc. I like the idea of the luggage staying put and NOT having to change hotels every other night. Sounds like a good plan to me!

4. My 2 fellow England travelers are both potentially buying homes this summer. I am excited for them, but it has made for some interesting conversations. Everyone wants to know when I will be doing the same. Is it bad that I don’t have any desire to buy my own home right now? Because I just don’t. I asked my sister if I was crazy not to pursue a mortgage of my very own, and she reminded me that only in America is their a push for buying property. People all over the globe rent or lease space while home ownership is more rare, reserved for the upper class members of society. It was a good reminder for me. I know that renting may not seem like the wisest choice to some, but it is where GOD has me for the present, and hey, maybe it will keep me humble. Let us hope. Hee hee!

A Return to Life as We Know It

I confess: It has been pretty hard getting back to normal life after 2 weeks abroad. After a fortnight of savoring Great Britain's architectural delights, strolling through century-old gardens, surveying the incredible beauty of the English country estates, and stepping back into the well-worn pages of history, I came back to my neat and tidy life in my 1-bedroom apartment in Indianapolis.[sigh!] It has been an adjustment.

I go to work each day, come home about 12 hours later (exhausted), heat up something for dinner around 8 (or microwave a frozen entrée at work around 6), force myself to unwind and go to bed around 11 PM and get up the next morning before 6 to start the cycle all over again. Charming, isn't it? I've been more than a little disheartened. I didn't want to return to this old life I once was so fond of. It has been too quiet, too serene. Nothing adventurous about it. I was captivated by the land across the pond and longed to go back once more.

But now that I've been back in the States for a few more days, I think I'm starting to rebound and recover from the extravagances of my delightful English holiday. Maybe my life has been a little too quiet of late, but I think it's all a state of mind. I seem to have forgotten how to suck the marrow out of life. It doesn't matter where I am really. I need to be living each moment to the fullest. I need to return to that simple principle and enjoy each nanosecond.

Yesterday afternoon I went house/condo hunting with one of my fellow England travelers, Becky, and we had some laughs reminiscing about our adventures. Afterwards, I headed to Plainfield to attend the annual Reistad Ribfest. My coworker Heidi and her family host a fabulous picnic on the first Saturday in June every year. They serve the best ribs ever, and I'm not a big rib-eater, but Diet Girl had seconds last night because they were just incredible. In fact the whole evening was delightful--a smorgasbord of tasty treats, lots of wonderful conversation and boundless laughter. My kind of perfect evening!

Today I arrived at the IMA about 30 minutes before my volunteer shift, and so I popped my MP3 player in my pocket and took a stroll through the gardens. I was literally hopping down the steps of the formal gardens with Chris Rice's “Kids Again” resounding in my ears. I was in my element. I didn't care who was watching or wondering why a 35-year-old was so cheerfully giggling to herself as she revisited familiar haunts. But with the beautiful sky beckoning above me, the brilliant garden colors around me, and punch-happy tunes playing in my head, I couldn't help but be happy! And yet, I am remembering that happiness is always an option, always there as a choice.

Yes, it's nice to be back home. I miss things about England. I miss the cooler temperatures, the old buildings, the fine architecture, the incredible landscapes and gardens, the tasty puddings and desserts, the romance of being abroad. Those were delights I will carry with me for years to come. But I'm also glad to get back to my own circle, worshiping with familiar faces, eating out with the old lunch crowds, catching up with friends on email and over dinner, sharing stories with family, etc. I'm back, and this is where HE has me for now, and I want to consciously choose to be happy in this moment and any others that follow. Life is a gift, and I don't want to waste it.

Deep inside, I sense that while my blossoming adventurous spirit may be resting for the moment, it has come fully alive again. This time, a new chronic virus has attached itself to me. It's official. I've got the international travel bug now.