I just want to go skipping and running around the office this afternoon for some odd reason. I don’t know why really. Where did this surge of inspiration come from anyway? I barely was able to crawl out of bed this morning at 6 AM, but now I’m wide awake and have show tunes running through my head. Seriously, I’m ready to burst into song with the Sound of Music or I Loved You Once in Silence and a few minutes ago, I caught myself before I sang out loud with Meadowlark. I can’t compete with the likes of Julie Andrews or Sarah Brightman, by any stretch of the imagination, but I sure feel like trying today. Watch out American Idol, here I come. HA! OK, truth is that if you know me well, you know my days of church solos are over. AHEM! How did I ever do that anyway? Hey, Sis, do you remember when I did an angel solo in the Christmas program like 3 years in a row? YIKES! Where is that confidence now?
Anyway, maybe I’ll still have some creative inspiration left after my work day, so that I can sit down and write for a while or work on some photo project. We’ll see...the legal realm has a way of draining a person if they aren’t careful. But if I keep the show tunes going on in my head, who knows what I will be able to accomplish!
I must have lit my seventh cigarette at half past two, and at the time I never even noticed I was blue...it’s funny, but I had no sense of living without aim the day before you came. OOPS! The artist, better known as moi, just switched venues, and now I'm singing Abba in my head. But I love this song. [sigh!] It’s good stuff. I’ll leave you to ponder the lyrics now...Happy weekend!
I must have left my house at eight
because I always do
my train, I’m certain
left the station just when it was due
I must have read the morning paper
going into town
and having gotten through the editorial
no doubt I must have frowned
I must have made my desk
around a quarter after nine
with letters to be read
and heaps of papers waiting to be signed
I must have gone to lunch
at half past twelve or so
the usual place, the usual bunch
and still on top of this
I’m pretty sure it must have rained
the day before you came
I must have lit my seventh
cigarette at half past two
and at the time I never
even noticed I was blue
I must have kept on dragging
through the business of the day
without really knowing anything
I hid a part of me away
at five I must have left
there’s no exception to the rule
a matter of routine
I’ve done it ever since I finished school
the train back home again
undoubtedly I must have
read the evening paper then
oh yes, I’m sure my life was
well within its usual frame
the day before you came
I must have opened my front door
at eight o’clock or so
and stopped along the way
to buy some Chinese food to go
I’m sure I had my dinner
watching something on TV
there’s not, I think, a single
episode of Dallas that I didn’t see
I must have gone to bed
around a quarter after ten
I need a lot of sleep and so
I like to be in bed by then
I must have read a while
the latest one by Marilyn French
or something in that style
it’s funny, but I had no sense
of living without aim
the day before you came
And turning out the light
I must have yawned and
cuddled up for yet another night
and rattling on the roof
I must have heard the sound of rain
the day before you came
1st Conversation with An Attorney Here at the Office Today
Him: Hey, by the way, have you lost weight?
Me: Ommm, yeah. 21 pounds.
Him: Good for you. Is there a man in the picture or a wedding I should know about?
Me: No. Why?
Him: Well, when a woman starts to lose weight, there is often a wedding dress to fit into.
Me: (laughing) I wish.
But then I got to thinking...so if a woman is losing weight it's because of a man? I don't think so. Maybe some women are like that, but it isn't like that for me. It's about getting healthier and taking better care of this body GOD gave me. Hmmmmppphhh!!
2nd Conversation with An Attorney Here at the Office Today
Later, another attorney asked me about Weight Watchers and how my diet was going. He likes the Rold Gold tiny pretzel twists, and he was asking how bad they were on the flex points system. I looked them up, and 17 pretzels are 2 points. So, he bought a bag from the vending machine and reported back to me that there were approximately 32pretzels (2 servings) in the bag. It made me laugh. He was doing reconnaissance work for me. It’s nice to find my diet is so fascinating to my co-workers.
You know those small black cylinder rolls you used in your camera a few years back. Well, I miss those. I especially miss the anxious waiting around for the film to come back.
Will that shot turn out?
Will there be red-eyes in the photo?
Did I have something in my teeth?
Did the flash go off?
Did I capture the baby’s smile?
Gone are those worries these days. Today, you just point, shoot, click and instantly preview it to see if you need to take another. You can even zoom in on your shot and determine if someone blinked (that would be Becky). Yes, I like that. It’s nice and easy and saves the hassle and wondering if it was a good shot or not.
However, I still miss film. Back in the day (3+ years ago), I would get all excited about getting a roll of film developed. I’d flip open the packages in the store and quickly scan through them. I’d laugh at a wacky shot or grimace at another bad shot. I kind of miss that eager anticipation, that 24 hour delay or 1-hour photo period where I had to wait and see. It was something to look forward to.
Strangely enough, I also miss the smell of a fresh roll of film. Is that weird?
Come on, if you are a camera person, you know what I mean...that was some good stuff.
As Janet and I were riding along back to Indiana after our Michigan adventure, we had a bit of an episode. A spider dropped in for a visit. Janet promptly shut it up in the cup holder. And then she guarded it with both eyes as she calmly called my brother-in-law Jonathan to beg for assistance.
The caravan pulled over at the next exit and Jonathan (our hero) eradicated the enemy with one blow, and we were spider free for the rest of the ride. As the driver, I was impressed that both Janet and I kept our cool. We both hate spiders, and it's a wonder that there wasn't an accident!
Grandma's chair and I both made it safely back to Indianapolis in one piece. I borrowed a co-worker's minivan and brought the rocking chair to Indiana along with some furniture for my oldest niece and her first apartment.
This was a wonderful weekend with family and friends. Seriously, it was fabulous. My Mom's sister from Indiana and her brother and his wife from North Carolina all traveled up to Michigan for the estate sale and auction, and so my parents had 15 of us staying with them. Things were a little tight, but we managed. My brother Steve and his family camped in the side yard in their popup trailer, while the rest of us bunked up in the 4 bedrooms and on the living room floor. My middle brother Chuck and his family of 6 were not able to make the trip from Warsaw, IN or things might have been even more packed in. HA! Things were quite interesting. I love family time. I just wish we could all be together more like that, but maybe it wouldn't be quite as special if it happened every other week.
The estate sale and auction was on Saturday, and all went well. Almost everything sold, including the house and 14 acres of farmland. I think all of us had mixed emotions as we watched Grandma's prized possessions go to the highest bidder. Some items went for a pittance, and other items surprised everyone as true collectors bid higher and higher. It was a fascinating thing to watch. I walked around and took photos of the estate and farmland. The property was full of memories for all of us, but for me, the hardest part of the day was walking through the nearly empty home. Grandma's stuff was all gone, all in carts and boxes out front. Gone were her craft projects, her canning items, and the clutter in the kitchen. No more of her collectibles, her antiques, and the miscellaneous photos every where. It was just an empty house.
But in retrospect, the greatest legacy is still with us. My Grandma is 92 and doing pretty well after surviving several strokes and losing three husbands. She doesn't talk much, but she can still walk a bit and get around at my parents' home. We all got to spend time with her and enjoy her company this weekend, too. So actually, we are truly blessed.
On Sunday and Monday, we all said our goodbyes and headed back to our own homes. My 18-year-old niece Janet rode the 6+ hours back with me, and we talked about the past and then discussed the future as well. She leaves for the Nascar Institute in North Carolina in just a few short weeks, and so as one door swings shut, GOD opens another one and life continues on in another direction. Yes, I'm a bit sentimental right now, but I'm also thankful...thankful for a GODly family to call my own. It's one of the greatest inheritances of all.
I was amused by this week’s single column that I get emailed from Christianity Today. Frankly, I like to hear that other Christian singles struggle with their go-it-alone lifestyles, too. Hmmmm...that came out wrong! It sounds like I am a dreary pessimist because I want to hear that someone else is suffering, too. HA! I’m not really like that. I'm not. It’s just encouraging to know that I’m not the only one tired of hearing the old adages...things like how I need only be perfectly content with GOD alone and then Mr. Right will finally make an appearance in my life.
I think all the will power and self-discipline in the world is not going to make me perfectly content this side of Heaven, and I have yet to meet anyone else who is perfectly content either. I have wonderful days where I feel loved and accepted by family and friends or days of pure joy as I travel or go exploring something new. I love to laugh and get the most out of each and every day. But contentment isn’t a constant companion. She’s a fickle friend, and I don’t think it’s always a sin to be discontent. Sometimes I think GOD uses that discontentment to get us moving, searching, and making changes in our lives. It’s another reminder that there is more to life than this life we are in now.
So while I typically enjoy my life, my thoughts and desires for a mate travel with me, and there is not a switch in my head that I can flip off to change that. Sure, I can go for days without talking about my desire for marriage, but just under the surface, there is still a little clock ticking away. There is still that desire that GOD gave me for marriage. It’s there just like my desire to know GOD better, my desire to travel, my desire to be a Mom someday, etc. In the past, I’ve fought it off or pretended it wasn’t there. I’ve been Miss Independent (or at least played the part), but it hasn’t changed the fact that I’ve still been wanting something more. So today, I’m embracing it. I'm accepting it.
I WANT TO MARRY ONE DAY! [GASP!] There I said it, and I feel so much better getting it out.
I daydream about meeting someone. What will he be like? I’m eager to hear his thoughts and his dreams. What will his story be? I want to know where GOD has led him, and how he got to where he is now. I’m aching to share things with him, too. After all, I have 30+ years of stories to catch him up on. I ponder the deep and the trivial alike. Will he drink coffee? I’m starting to be more flexible on that point. Will he kill spiders for me? Pretty please!! Will he be obsessed with sports? Will he be a Coke or a Pepsi person?
I don’t think it’s wrong to desire more...but it can become an obsession, and that’s what I need to avoid. Marriage can’t become an idol in my life. I can survive without it. I am surviving without it. Yes, I will be disappointed if I don’t marry, but somehow, I think GOD will take care of that and ease my disappointment, too. I have to trust HIM. What does the future hold? I don’t know, but GOD has already given me so much, and today finds me thankful in my less than perfect contented state right where I am.
This weekend, my siblings and their families and I are all traveling up to Michigan for my Grandmother’s estate auction. I think we all make this journey with mixed emotions. On one hand, it will be nice to have Grandma's estate all taken care of. The burden will be lifted from our parents’ shoulders. No more 2-hour trips to check up on Grandma’s place or to do more maintenance. On the other hand, this is goodbye: goodbye to a place with so many memories, to furniture and artifacts that have been in the family for decades, goodbye to a farm that has withstood the test of time.
Each of us grandkids was asked if there were particular items we wanted to keep for our own. I didn’t have to think very long and hard about that one at all. I have always been fascinated by the rocking chair that sat in Grandma’s living room. I remember that chair in the attic bedroom at my great grandparents’ home in southern Illinois. There it sat in the attic, facing the door near the old pump organ. I had to sleep in that attic bedroom once, and I vaguely remember hearing a story about how someone had died in that chair and how if you were really quick and careful, you could still catch the chair rocking back and forth on its own.
When I was young and my Great Grandpa died, that chair moved to Michigan to my Grandma’s house, and my fascination with it only grew. I tried to sketch it a few times, but I couldn't capture it well in my notebooks. It has a dragon carved into the back and a few other ornate details, but other than that, it just looks like a typical rocking chair to me.
And so when my Mom asked me if there was anything I would like, I put in a request for that rocking chair, and since no one else wanted it, it will be coming home with me on this trip. I don’t know how old it is. I don’t know that it is valuable or worth much at all, but to me it is a sentimental favorite.
After describing the chair to some friends and co-workers, I wondered if there were any photos of the chair, and then I recalled that I had a picture of a relative in that chair. I couldn't remember who exactly, and so I dug around through my scans this morning and found this old worn photo. It is my Grandma’s grandparents, Jane and James Dexter. I know, they are deliciously frightening and don’t look like the most charming of folks, but everybody had a scowl in photographs back in the day. And yes, if you will note, my Great, Great Grandfather is sitting in the chair--the chair that will soon be moving to Indianapolis. I’m very excited to have a little piece of family history moving in with me. As for the haunting scenario, I’ll keep you posted...
I went to one of Jacob’s first soccer games this weekend. His first was actually on Saturday, and I was there Sunday afternoon for game 2. He did a great job, chasing the ball down the field, helping defend the goal, and even got several kicks in there, too. It was fun to watch. I love kids’ sports at this age. There is not the bitter rivalry yet, no verbal warfare or ball-hogging either. It’s just FUN!
He proudly posed when we got back to his house. This kid is just too cute!
As some of you may already know, I am currently seeking a new home church. I was very active with College Park Church, especially with the Singles Ministry for over 5 years, but once the singles group disbanded, I struggled to find where I belonged in the church. It just didn’t seem enough to sit in the congregation, to attend every Sunday, to feel like I wasn’t fellowshipping with the body. I tried to find a way to volunteer, but no one would return my calls or my emails when I would sign-up to help or ask how I could serve. And when I tried the other singles classes in the church, I didn’t feel I had much in common with those attending. I was at a different stage in my life. I wanted to be challenged and pushed outside my comfort zone. I wanted to use my mind and be stretched rather than entertained. There were really good people in the mix, and I wouldn’t want to offend them for the world, but we were just wanting different things. Perhaps they were getting the bulk of their teaching from the pulpit, while I had been getting mine from my singles Bible study. Truthfully, it was the Bible study teaching that had been the bulk of my influence, and I missed the teaching of both Rich Vincent and Shane Fuller from my Bible study. I missed the whirlwind of contemplation after one of their studies. I guess in retrospect, I had been attending College Park simply because it was the church affiliated with my Bible study. It was the easy choice maybe.
So for a few months, I waffled on what to do. I tried a couple of other churches for a few weeks, but no place really felt like home to me. I’d go back to attending College Park again for a few more weeks, but once again, I would end up feeling the need to go somewhere else. I’d have these long drawn out conversations with GOD on my way home from a service...I’m miserable there. You know I am. I just don’t fit in. How long can I keep this up? Maybe you are trying to teach me something in my discomfort? LORD, please reveal yourself to me...So I’d pray about it again and ask for GOD’s guidance week after week. I’d work on my attitude and try to start each service out differently, but things continued to go downhill. Until at last, GOD made HIMSELF very clear. I’m not supposed to be at College Park right now, and once I said those words out loud, I had peace. Sure, it would be too easy to just go back to what I know and to get comfortable again in the same place, but that’s the old Mel talking. That’s the whole “do the same thing and expect different results” routine. You’ve been there, you’ve done that, and you know how things will end up! It’s time to make a move.
Hence, I am starting over (again) and looking for a new church home. Last week, was my first week back out there. I visited a Grace Brethren Church on the West side. I wasn’t raised in the GBC, but I did attend a GBC for 4 years or so right after college. The people were friendly, the teaching was doctrinally sound, and it was altogether a pretty positive experience. However, I believe I was the only single in attendance (male or female), and while I don’t believe GOD wants me to attend church to find a mate, I think I would miss the company of fellow singletons altogether. So that was a bit disconcerting. I mean, not having another single person to catch some dinner with after the morning service – that scenario would be a little hard, I think. But, I have resolved to visit them again because I don’t think 1 week is a long enough time for a review in this case.
I am still trying to draft up a list of what is key to finding the right home church. I found some resources online, and so I have my homework cut out for me, but I'm not doing this alone this time. HE is with me, and we're in this together.
Today is my sister’s birthday. No, we’re not going to discuss how old she is. Suffice it to say that I am the older sister by 2 years. AHEM!
My sister is just the best. She is a wonderful friend and confidante, an excellent Mom to her 3 super kids, a superb wife to her husband Jonathan (well, at least from my standpoint, she is superb! HA!),and I am so glad that she is part of my family. I wish we didn't live an hour away from one another, but then again, I am blesed that she is ONLY an hour away. We see each other often and talk almost daily by phone or email. She is the nearest and dearest friend and family in the world to me.
Happy Birthday, Sis! I hope you enjoy your day! I hope to help celebrate with you in Michigan next weekend. WOOHOO!!! Love ya!
