No More Michelanie...

For the last few months, I have been working 2 different jobs in the same department while my colleague was out of the office on maternity leave. And since I've been doing my job and Michele's job, my nickname has been Michelanie. HA! (Like I need any more nicknames...)

1. The hours have been long. TOO LONG! I don’t recommend 12 hour work days. I like my job, and I'm thankful to have a job, but I don't think your job should become your life. There has to be a balance there, and I lost the battle with that one for a while.

2. The stress has been building. I actually started feeling a tic in my eye a few weeks back. Drama girl emerged from the shadows, and I was sure I was coming down with Bell’s palsy or had Tourette’s syndrome. AHEM! Fortunately, no additional symptoms developed, and I think it was just the stress.

3. The exhaustion has threatened to undo me at times. I would often get home around 8 or 8:30 PM at night and just sit there on my couch, drained of all energy and not wanting to move.

4. I haven’t been eating right. Even though I haven't gained weight, Diet Girl was disappointed to lose some momentum. I’ve been exercising less than I should be as well.

5. And don’t even get me started on the state of my apartment. To the casual eye, it may look clean, but this girl knows how long it’s been since those floors have been vacuumed. It’s truly shameful.

So while I certainly struggled under the heavy load, GOD got me through it, and HE kept me going. It was all HIS doing, not mine. There were days when I considered running away, but HE was my rock. There were moments when I was sure the sky was falling, but HE would always bring me some comic relief and make me laugh at myself.

Now I always knew this wasn’t a permanent situation, and that eventually my schedule would return to more regular business hours like before. Well, my friends (drum roll please...thank you!) THAT DAY has arrived. WOOHOO!!

Today I handed off the 2nd job back to my co-worker, who returned to the office last week and has now completed her new systems training. This afternoon, I got to move projects from my desk over to her desk. I started spring cleaning my space--rearranging piles, going through some paperwork, getting organized to do the tasks at hand, etc. I got out the Mr. Clean disinfecting wipes and tidied up my office, too. WHAT A FEELING! I’m elated. I’m relieved. I’m blissed out. [BIG SIGH!]

I only have one more work day this week, and then I’m off for the week. I’ll return back into the office next Monday. I know there will be plenty of projects waiting for me at my own desk: legal documents to prepare, inventors to meet with, drafts to finish, databases to update, etc.; but I’m actually looking forward to a fresh start, to a new beginning for July. It will be wonderful to fully concentrate on my own job and do it to the best of my ability!

Thank you, LORD! Thank you for seeing me through these past few months. Thank you for letting me lean on YOU and in your strength! YOU are awesome!

Call Me Old-Fashioned...

But some Sundays, I miss hymnals. I really do. Recently, we learned a new song in the morning service. The worship team and praise band sang it through once, and then the congregation joined in. The lyrics were deep and meaningful, and since I'm all about the lyrics, I was excited to learn a new song. There was just one problem: the harmony outweighed the melody, and I struggled to follow.

Now I'm not my sister -- the gifted musician, perfect pitch girl, who hears a song once and can jump onto the piano and play it for you. Yeah, that's not me. AHEM! But, I can read music and do a bit of sight reading. I started out as a soprano with the church solos, spent 10 years or so as an alto, and I think I've finally settled down as a mezzo soprano--able to be either a soprano or an alto. But I definitely need to know the melody before I can get the harmony right. So in this case, since we don't use hymnals any more, I didn't have the music and with the harmony being so dominant, the melody was lost on me. I was a bit sad, and so now, I'm determined to learn the song on my own.

Don't get me wrong here. I love worship songs and choruses. Love them. I enjoy the beautiful nature scenes with the lyrics displayed on the flat-panel screens on the walls. I love the worship band and the praise teams. The whole service is all wonderfully orchestrated and framed together to lead the congregation as a whole into the heart of worship. For instance, today we sang 2 of Lincoln Brewster's songs, and my heart stirred within me as the congregation proclaimed again and again GOD YOU REIGN! I was struck with an overwhelming sense of my own insignificance as we sang about our CREATOR, REDEEMER and SAVIOR. I am deeply touched by music like that. And then we finished out the worship service with a melding of 2 old familiar favorite hymns. I loved that blending of the old and new all in one service. It's a bit like life...

As most of you know, I've grown to really enjoy modern Christian music the past 16 months or so. It took me a while to get there, to embrace the "beat" if you will. I'm still picky about my favorites. I don't always like the trendy tunes, but sometimes I do, and these days I'm not often found without my MP3 player in my possession. It travels with me, ever ready. Whenever I start to feel distressed, down-hearted, bored, lethargic or lonely, I plug in my favorite ear buds (SkullCandy is the best) and within minutes, I can't help but feel my spirit lift. Right now I have a playlist entitled "Mood Changes," which as you can guess is to help me get back to focusing on what is real and true. I listen to those songs that remind me that I am not in this alone, that I have THE GOD of the universe within me, urging me on and beckoning me to trust.

Yes, GOD has really brought me full circle the past few months with my musical choices. HE has opened my ears (as it were) and revealed HIMSELF in contemporary song. I will always love the hymns and choruses I grew up with, but I have a growing passion for the music of my own generation as well. I am blessed with both.

LORD, thank YOU for changing my heart, for broadening my horizons! It really is ALL ABOUT YOU...

Hey, I Was There...

When I was 16, my parents took my sister Barbara and I on a 2-week vacation up through Canada and over to Prince Edward Island. It was a dream vacation for my sister and I. We loved everything about Anne of Green Gables. We had read the books, seen the movies a dozen times or more, and this was an experience of a lifetime. We visited all the Anne sites we could find, strolled along the red cliffs like Anne and Diana, and absorbed the beauty of that magical green island.

Upon our return to the States, we shared photos (evidence) of our adventures and recounted our tales again and again with friends and family. Months after our trip, we had another Anne of Green Gables marathon/slumber party with a bunch of girlfriends. Only this time the viewing was different. Having been to several of the locations where they filmed the movies, I couldn't help myself. I was overtaken with the need to interrupt the movie every few minutes to point out some little-known fact or to comment on the scene.

"Hey, we were there. We really were. See that fishing village. I took pictures of it. Wanna see?"

I was pretty pathetic. I kept interrupting the movie to tell them location details. Yeah! I was THAT person, and I'm sure I was pretty annoying to be around. I can see that now.

Skip ahead almost 20 years...

Six weeks ago, I went to England for 2 weeks on another dream vacation. It was amazing, life-changing and just highly enjoyable, and YES, I will eventually share the "best of" shots rather than bore you with every architectural detail I zoomed in on. AHEM!

Anyway, recently, I sat down and watched the HBO miniseries John Adams. There is a scene where Ambassador Adams goes to pay a diplomatic visit to the current monarch of England, King George III, at St. James's Palace. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it would be except for one minute detail. The place they were portraying as St. James's Palace was NOT indeed St. James's Palace. It was quite clearly Hampton Court Palace to this recent visitor, and I knew it. I paused the movie and started arguing with my television set.

"No way. I was there. You can't fool me. That's not St. James's Palace. I know those columns..."

I ranted for a full 30 seconds there and then just started laughing. I'm insufferable. I'm back to that annoying place. I visit a place once, and suddenly I'm a location expert. HA! Luckily, there were no guests over to witness my bout of insanity, but it sure made me laugh.

My friend Becky came over the next day, and I made her watch the same scene, and she, being one of my co-travelers to England, confirmed that the location was DEFINITELY Hampton Court Palace. So I was right, but who the heck cares. HA! It was just a movie... Silly rabbit!

Office Chatter

A colleague was writing a letter to some outside counsel this week, and she misspelled the word inconvenience on the draft. Spell check immediately caught the error and gave her several suggestions.

However, the first suggestion was not the word inconvenience. No, actually, Microsoft Word suggested the word “incontinence” as the first choice. She laughed and had to share the story with the rest of us, and so for the rest of the day, we joked about that almost slip of the tongue.

Can you imagine if she had accidentally chosen that first suggestion from spell check and sent the letter?

Dear Sirs:

We apologize for any incontinence...

Hmmmmm...a bit too personal, isn't it? Hee hee!

Random Update...

1. I have slowly but surely found myself falling back into a former addictive habit. I know there are worse addictions out there, but still I don’t like having this habit, this need, if you will, in my life. I’ve got to cut myself off somehow and let go of this addictive influence. But the truth is that Diet Mountain Dew is getting me through the day right now, and I’m not ready for rehab or quitting cold turkey quite yet. Hey, do they make a caffeine patch? If not, someone should look into it.

2. I am quite captivated by the John Adams series that HBO made a couple of years ago. A co-worker recommended I try it on Netflix, and I have, and 2 episodes in, I am blown away. The personal sacrifices, the seemingly treasonous acts that our forefathers committed all in the name of freedom has me shocked and humbled. It was only through GOD’s grace that such a rag-taggle bunch of men formed a Continental Congress, built up a Continental Army, debated the issues in secret meetings and then finally agreed on going forward to seek independence from England. WOW! They did not take any step lightly. They weighed the cost, agonized over the decision, and it was only after months of discussion and further hostility by the British that the cause for independence gained ground and the Declaration of Independence was born. Now, I feel the need to do some more research on the subject. I’ll just add it to my list of “things to do.”

3. I went to hear St. Luke’s United Methodist Church Chancel Choir concert yesterday, and it was a fabulous, worship-filled performance. The chancel choir leaves at the end of this week for a European tour, where they will be performing their selections in various cathedrals throughout Austria and the Czech Republic. My friends, Barb and Lee, are in the choir, and I can’t wait to hear all their stories upon their return. Barb is going to scout out some touristy stuff for me, which will hopefully help me and my parents make some decisions for our own European excursion in 2010. We are currently looking into a river cruise down the Danube or the Rhine Rivers, etc. I like the idea of the luggage staying put and NOT having to change hotels every other night. Sounds like a good plan to me!

4. My 2 fellow England travelers are both potentially buying homes this summer. I am excited for them, but it has made for some interesting conversations. Everyone wants to know when I will be doing the same. Is it bad that I don’t have any desire to buy my own home right now? Because I just don’t. I asked my sister if I was crazy not to pursue a mortgage of my very own, and she reminded me that only in America is their a push for buying property. People all over the globe rent or lease space while home ownership is more rare, reserved for the upper class members of society. It was a good reminder for me. I know that renting may not seem like the wisest choice to some, but it is where GOD has me for the present, and hey, maybe it will keep me humble. Let us hope. Hee hee!

A Return to Life as We Know It

I confess: It has been pretty hard getting back to normal life after 2 weeks abroad. After a fortnight of savoring Great Britain's architectural delights, strolling through century-old gardens, surveying the incredible beauty of the English country estates, and stepping back into the well-worn pages of history, I came back to my neat and tidy life in my 1-bedroom apartment in Indianapolis.[sigh!] It has been an adjustment.

I go to work each day, come home about 12 hours later (exhausted), heat up something for dinner around 8 (or microwave a frozen entrée at work around 6), force myself to unwind and go to bed around 11 PM and get up the next morning before 6 to start the cycle all over again. Charming, isn't it? I've been more than a little disheartened. I didn't want to return to this old life I once was so fond of. It has been too quiet, too serene. Nothing adventurous about it. I was captivated by the land across the pond and longed to go back once more.

But now that I've been back in the States for a few more days, I think I'm starting to rebound and recover from the extravagances of my delightful English holiday. Maybe my life has been a little too quiet of late, but I think it's all a state of mind. I seem to have forgotten how to suck the marrow out of life. It doesn't matter where I am really. I need to be living each moment to the fullest. I need to return to that simple principle and enjoy each nanosecond.

Yesterday afternoon I went house/condo hunting with one of my fellow England travelers, Becky, and we had some laughs reminiscing about our adventures. Afterwards, I headed to Plainfield to attend the annual Reistad Ribfest. My coworker Heidi and her family host a fabulous picnic on the first Saturday in June every year. They serve the best ribs ever, and I'm not a big rib-eater, but Diet Girl had seconds last night because they were just incredible. In fact the whole evening was delightful--a smorgasbord of tasty treats, lots of wonderful conversation and boundless laughter. My kind of perfect evening!

Today I arrived at the IMA about 30 minutes before my volunteer shift, and so I popped my MP3 player in my pocket and took a stroll through the gardens. I was literally hopping down the steps of the formal gardens with Chris Rice's “Kids Again” resounding in my ears. I was in my element. I didn't care who was watching or wondering why a 35-year-old was so cheerfully giggling to herself as she revisited familiar haunts. But with the beautiful sky beckoning above me, the brilliant garden colors around me, and punch-happy tunes playing in my head, I couldn't help but be happy! And yet, I am remembering that happiness is always an option, always there as a choice.

Yes, it's nice to be back home. I miss things about England. I miss the cooler temperatures, the old buildings, the fine architecture, the incredible landscapes and gardens, the tasty puddings and desserts, the romance of being abroad. Those were delights I will carry with me for years to come. But I'm also glad to get back to my own circle, worshiping with familiar faces, eating out with the old lunch crowds, catching up with friends on email and over dinner, sharing stories with family, etc. I'm back, and this is where HE has me for now, and I want to consciously choose to be happy in this moment and any others that follow. Life is a gift, and I don't want to waste it.

Deep inside, I sense that while my blossoming adventurous spirit may be resting for the moment, it has come fully alive again. This time, a new chronic virus has attached itself to me. It's official. I've got the international travel bug now.

LOST in Austen

I have an affliction or perhaps better stated, I have a chronic need to see every production of a Jane Austen or Austen-esque film. Tonight I watched Lost in Austen courtesy of Netflix, and I was sadly disappointed. To tell you the truth, I think dear Jane would have been horrified and is perhaps even now rolling over in her grave.

I'm all for creative license, but this story got rather twisted in a hurry and never really settled back down. Basically by some freaky hidden door between the fictional Lizzie Bennett's house and the flat of a modern woman named Amanda Price, the 2 manage to switch places. With Lizzie gone from the Bennett household, Amanda tries to keep the Pride & Prejudice story line going. After all, she knows it by heart, but things go all awry. Mr. Bingley finds himself captivated with Amanda rather than with sweet Jane. To save her family's claim on Longbourn, Jane sacrifices herself in marriage to the horrid Mr. Collins. Caroline Bingley turns out to be a lesbian and makes a pass at Amanda. Whitcomb turns out to be less of a rake than we all thought and actually helps Amanda along. Darcy is, well, not Colin Firth or Matthew MacFayden, but he is still Darcy. He finds himself falling in love with Amanda, and Amanda is conflicted. Isn't he meant for Elizabeth? What's a girl to do when her favorite fictional character falls head over heels in love with her? SPOILER ALERT: He chooses Amanda over Elizabeth, and the 2 characters decide to switch places permanently. Sounds like every Austen fan's dream come true, right? WRONG!

Basically, I watched 3 hours of complete nonsense, and to cleanse my mental pallet, I need to watch the classic 1995 version of P&P as re-preparation for my trip to Great Britain in 13 days. I just feel I need more classic images of one of the greatest love stories in my head before I travel. I need to forget all the insanity rambling through my head and get recaptivated by this story once again.

In less than a fortnight, I shall be in the land of Darcy and Elizabeth for myself. I shall be touring the stately homes of the British aristocracy and the National Trust. I shall be meandering through gardens not unlike those of Pemberley or Rosings Park. Yes, I know that England is a modern country. I'm not expecting Bingley and Darcy to ride up to meet me on horseback any more than I will be expected to take the floor with a waltz at Netherfield. But I can't help but be captivated by an era long gone by...

I'm NOT a Trendsetter...

I do NOT consider myself a trendy person at all. My contributions to society at large have been few in number. Perhaps the only one I could name is my over-zealous use of the word "WOOHOO!" and how a lot of my friends use it excessively now as well. HA! Not much to speak of, is it?

I usually discover something MONTHS AFTER others have enjoyed it, i.e., Facebook, My Space, Twilight, etc. And when it comes to fashion, no one would ever dare call me trendy. I scoff at trends, and name brands or designer fashions are a hoot to me. I couldn't care less. In fact for years, I have secretly laughed at people who cared about such things. I just didn't care much for fashion. If I liked it and it fit well enough, I would buy it...some times in multiples. As in, I would often buy 3 or 4 of the same style sweater or top in an array of colors. It was easier that way.

Recently though something has changed. I still wouldn't call myself a fashionista, by any means, but I am starting to admit my love of beautiful things, and I'm starting to care a bit more than I used to. No, I've not become snobby about styles or buying things with the attitude that I've-got-to-have-that-because-so-and-so-made-it, etc. I'm just starting to let go some of that old tomboy practicality.

I love color, bright magnetic colors, and I'm learning to branch out and try new shades. I love fabrics. I'm obsessed with how things feel against my skin. And I like to feel feminine. I AM A WOMAN! Not that there was any doubt really, but I'm starting to spread my wings and embrace the beauty...the magic that is in beauty.

Whether or not I admit it or acknowledge it, I am a masterpiece made by the ultimate CREATOR of good and beautiful things, and SO ARE YOU. My GOD designed me just as I am, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This isn't news. It's a fact. Every one of us were created in HIS image, and HE is the ultimate beauty. The SOURCE of true beauty.

Psalm 139:13-16 [The Message]
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
You formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration--what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
You know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
How I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
All the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

*Oh Lord, You're beautiful
Your face is all I seek.
For when Your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.*

*Taken from Oh Lord, You're Beautiful by Ray Boltz*

Just A Wee Bit Stressed

I've been one excessive workaholic lately, and there has been little time for else. My pregnant co-worker got put on bed rest 2 weeks ago, and ever since, I've been doing both of our jobs. (Read: beaucoup over time; breakfast, lunch and dinner at the office; piles of work to get through; trying to maintain a sense of humor; etc.)

I'm a bit exhausted right now, but other than that, I am doing well. I know that I will make it through this, and thankfully, I am not alone. I have co-workers that are trying to help me out as much as possible, and others that give me extra moral support. And besides all that, I know that GOD is right in the thick of things with me, and I have so much to be thankful for.

1. I have a job, and GOD continues to provide for my every need.
2. This over time business isn't forever, and July will be here before I know it.
3. I have only 26 days until I fly internationally for the first time and get that first stamp in my passport. WOOHOO!! OK, I'm totally ready to count down the hours now...
4. The sun was shining brilliantly out there today, and I got out of the office around 7 PM just in time to admire it for a few. Lovely!
5. Tomorrow starts the weekend, and I am determined not to come into the office this weekend. [Fingers crossed]

Yes, I am blessed. I have much to praise HIM for. I'm sure there are lots of other things I could name off right now, but I'm about to fade out here.

Good night! Sweet Dreams, my friend!

Twilight-Crazed

I didn’t mean for it to happen. I had no intention of becoming obsessed with another book series, but I was captivated from the first scene of the movie Twilight. I rented it one night, watched it once and promptly ran to Wal-mart to purchase a copy the next day because I knew I needed to add it to my collection. And that brief introduction to this fiction series has led me straight into my comfy chair reading the books well into the wee hours of the morning for several days straight this past week.

Don’t grimace, groan or roll your eyes. Yes, I’ve crossed over and gone to the dark side, but this is nothing new really. Those who know me well knew that I already had a vampire fetish. Have had one since I was a kid really. Vampires, werewolves, magic, superheroes, immortals -- it all fascinates me. Always has.

Stephenie Meyer's teen fiction series wasn't quite what I was expecting. A friend suggested I try the first book, and so I picked it up months ago and left it there on my bookshelf collecting dust until this week. I think I imagined that I'd make it through the first book, but I wouldn't need to read any further. I'd be bored or find the series mindless, but that wasn't the case at all. I found myself hooked by the passion, the love that existed between the 2 main characters, and I couldn't tear myself away from their hormonal angst. I had to see it through to the finale. [Spoiler Alert: OK, I knew they'd end up together, but still I had to make sure it all worked out.] I picked up book 2 the next day and less than 24 hours I was back in Books-A-Million plopping down over $40 for the final 2 books in the series, which are still only available in hardcover.

Stephenie Meyer is NOT Jane Austen, E. M. Forster, or Charlotte Bronte--3 of my favorites. She is also not Elizabeth Kostova who wrote The Historian (my favorite vampire book of all time), which is a compellingly deep novel that takes the reader on a swirling journey into mystery, history and legend. And just to be clear here, Stephenie Meyer is not really like J. K. Rowling either, to whom she is often compared. I'm a big fan of J. K. Rowling, who also lead me to the dark side on a previous spiral a few years ago. But while both series are character-driven, I see the 2 authors as quite distinct from each other. I like them both. Enough said.

The Twilight books have a certain amount of formulaic predictability to them but then again, not quite. The author misleads her readers quite often, and things don't always turn out the way you think they will. This reader was definitely caught off guard with book 4, and I appreciated those mental twists and turns. BRAVO!

The Twilight series is more than just a vampire blood lust story. Yes, it's passionate, maybe a bit too heated and steamy for the teenage audience it was supposedly written for although I guess you could technically describe it as an abstinence story, too, but I wouldn't advertise it that way. Still at the heart of the story is a tantalizing quest to pursue and settle for nothing less than the deepest love, to love another so much more than yourself that you are willing to give them up to keep them safe, to protect them from yourself if necessary. Maybe it's a bit twisted thrown in with the vampire and werewolf bit, but it's still a series with love at the core.

Funny, but Stephenie Meyer quotes Heathcliff and Cathy from Wuthering Heights several times in the books, but truthfully, I thought her characters reminded me more of Edward Fairfax Rochester [Edward] and Jane Eyre [Bella]. I bet Charlotte Bronte just rolled over in her grave. HA! Sorry, Charlotte! But perhaps, that is the appeal, the mysterious hold these books have on me. I'm still hung up on the Bronte sisters and their passionate pens. Yes, I'm a romantic sap...and somehow I still believe in true love even now.