WOA!! So, I calmly started freaking out. Wait a minute...can you calmly get freaked out? I mean if compatibility is really this easy then what is my problem? Shouldn’t I be married with 2.5 kids already? So, I did what I was planning to do anyway. It was Mother’s Day, and so I called my Mom and decided to bring it up randomly in the conversation. OK, so maybe it wasn't quite so random, but I made an attempt. I already knew what she would say, but sometimes you need that affirmation anyway, and I got it.
I don’t think eharmony or other sites like this are for me. OK, so if I am still single at 40, ask me again, and I'll re-evaluate where I am. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want a computer program to match me up with another human being based on my answers to some questions--questions that I was told to answer truthfully, but honestly, how objective could I be? If I wanted someone objective to complete my profile, I should have hired my sister to complete it on my behalf. She always tells it like it is, and that is why I value her friendship so very much!
Communication is key for me. I already know this about myself. I’m a sucker for a man that communicates deeply. A man that shares his intimate thoughts with me, his hopes, his dreams, his failures--that’s all it takes. This has happened a few times in the past. I meet someone, he is candid and shares his deepest secrets with me, I mistake it for a meaningful depth, and before I know it, I’m interested in getting to know him better, but in reality there isn’t that mutual connection. It turns out that he is “Mr. I-bare-my-soul-to-just-about-everyone,” and that I totally misunderstood his candor. See, I don’t share my heart with just anyone, and so it’s no wonder that I get confused. I’m transparent with a couple of friends and a few family members, but I’m very selective who I share my whole self with. Maybe that is a flaw I need to address, but I don't think GOD made all of us the same in that regard. I'm more reserved and apt to just listen to the thoughts of others rather than share my heart with someone I just met.
So imagine me with a medium that is all about communication, where someone can be anything they want to be. I think it could be disastrous, and my Mom, who knows me better than most, agreed. She didn’t put it in so many words. Her response was more that I should leave it in GOD’s hands, and while some would counter that response with the old “God helps those, who help themselves” motif, I would have to say that I agree with Mom on this one.
See, I know me, and I know my motives. Fact is that I keep giving my desires for marriage over to GOD, but then I get tired of waiting (after like 5 minutes), and so I jump back in and try to “help.” So again, this is me needing to let go of this area and give it back to GOD, and I need to do this daily, hourly if need be. Not just commit it once and walk away expecting results instantly. I'm human, and this area of trusting GOD with my future is something I really struggle with, and so I need to daily lay this struggle at my LORD's feet.
A roommate in college shared this poem with me. I don't know the author, and most sites list it as "author unkown," but it describes the impatient nature of my heart.
As children bring their broken toys,
With tears for us to mend;
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because he was my friend.
But then instead of leaving him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried
"How could you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go..."
2 comments:
The Poem "Broken Dreams" was likely written by Robert Jones Burdette (1844-1914), a minister, author, and poet. He is the most cited author of this text. See: http://frjcmaximilian.stblogs.com/2007/12/08/christ-makes-himself-dependent-on-our-trust/
He also wrote the following:
God's Days
There are two days in the week upon which and about which I never worry -- two carefree days kept sacredly free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday. Yesterday, with its cares and frets and pains and aches, all its faults, its mistakes and blunders, has passed forever beyond my recall. It was mine; it is God's.
The other day that I do not worry about is Tomorrow. Tomorrow, with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its perils, its large promise and performance, its failures and mistakes, is as far beyond my mastery as its dead sister, Yesterday. Tomorrow is God's day; it will be mine.
There is left, then, for myself but one day in the week - Today. Any man can fight the battles of today. Any woman can carry the burdens of just one day; any man can resist the temptation of today. It is only when we willfully add the burdens of these two awful eternities - Yesterday and Tomorrow - such burdens as only the Mighty God can sustain - that we break down.
It isn't the experience of Today that drives men mad. It is the remorse of what happened Yesterday and fear of what Tomorrow might bring. These are God's Days ... Leave them to Him.
John R.
Thanks, John!
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