To Love is to be Vulnerable

I think we all crave connection. It drives us, pushes us to look outside ourselves for that something else. I don't think we're meant to be solitary creatures at all. We need each other.

For years now, I've had this quote by C. S. Lewis hanging up in my cubicle at work...

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Re-reading this quote today reminded me of where I've been and who I've become over the last couple of years. Since I'm wide awake now, I'm realizing just how selfish I have become. Sure I connected with a few friends regularly, but I wasn't reaching out at all like before. I was tucking myself away in safety with my movies, my books, my own thoughts. I was obsessed with my hobbies and burying myself away in my quiet little apartment. But I don't think we're meant to be our own best friend. To have your self as your own one true companion is unwise, unhealthy and pathetic.

This line from the movie An Ideal Husband always made me sad: "To love one's self is the beginning of a lifelong romance." That's no good. I don't want to live like that...