How to Perform a Tracheotomy

I love the interesting conversations that swirl around the office first thing in the morning. Today, Carl’s survival calendar gave how-to instructions for a tracheotomy. He left them on my desk to tackle first thing. I read the directions squeamishly, and then honestly confessed to both of my attorneys that I didn't think I could do it. They were very disappointed to hear that I would not be able to administer this life-saving technique, but I just don’t know if I could make that first incision. YIKES!!

One of them said: You mean, you’d just let me die?

Me: Ommmm...no, I’d run for help and find someone else to do it. I just don’t think I have it in me to cut open someone's neck.

Him: I don't like hearing that.

Me: Well, maybe it’s a good thing we are having this conversation then. At least you know ahead of time that I can’t do it.

Then we started talking about whether or not a person could do it to themselves. I said I’d hold a mirror up so that Carl could see to make his own incision, and then we realized that he’d probably be unconscious, and that could pose some problems for this self-surgical procedure. Hmmmm...

OK, so maybe I could do it if I had to, but I certainly wouldn’t like it. It’s not like CPR. I doubt they have practice dummies that I can rehearse this on. OOPS! You just cut a major artery! Your patient has 2 minutes to live. See, there’s a reason that I didn’t go to medical school or become a nurse.

So what about you--could you do this procedure to save a life?
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

1. Find the person’s Adam’s apple (thyroid cartilage). Move your finger about one inch down the neck until you feel another bulge, the cricoid cartilage. The indentation between the two is the cricothyroid membrane, where the incision will be made.

2. Using a razor blade or knife, make a horizontal incision about half an inch across and half an inch deep.

3. Pinch the incision open or place your finger inside the slit to open it.

4. Insert a tube in the incision, roughly between ½ and 1 inch deep.

5. Breathe into the tube with two quick breaths. Pause five seconds, then give one breath every five seconds. You will see the chest rise and the person should regain consciousness if you have performed the procedure correctly.