Needing a Do-Over

I’d like to go back in the recent past and re-do a “getting to know you” moment. I’d like another crack at that conversation, a second chance to make a first impression.

I didn’t say anything I regret. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t unkind. I wasn’t much of anything really. I clammed up. I was quiet and a bit reserved without trying to be. I listened and responded appropriately, but I was not myself at all.

I was more Jane than Lizzie.

Call it nerves of attraction, I guess. I was intrigued. I was curious. Very curious. But I’m not sure I portrayed that what with my catatonic pose and serene demeanor. I shut down and retreated into my head out of angst. I did little to contribute to the conversation other than a nod or two, a trance-like smile and a couple of yes or no answers. I gulped and seemingly swallowed my personality.

I’m laughing at myself. I am. And while I don’t know if I’ll ever get a do-over with this particular person, I’d like to imagine I could…

Aching for Beauty

I think each of us ache for beauty. Sometimes we catch a glimpse of it, and it is more than we can handle here in the present. It doesn’t resonate with the other things in our lives – the chaos, the hatred, the pain, the struggles. Somehow just a peek at something pure or less tainted creates a dissonance within. It leaves us longing for that something else. Longing for more! We long for something else perhaps less defined. I think most of us - Christian or non-Christian – hope for more. We crave something we can’t always identify.

I think certain longings or desires aren’t meant to be over-ridden or ignored. I think these are the outcry of our souls, searching for something we can’t find within. We long for something else – a deeper communion, a perfect harmony with something outside ourselves.

It is magical.

It is mystical.

And yet it is real.

C.S. Lewis said it best: “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

It is a dissatisfaction with our current status, and yet, I believe it is all good...

Thoughts on Aging

Another year has gone by again, but I refuse to mope about my age. In fact, from now on, I will be choosing to embrace it. After all, I can’t stop the clock from ticking. OK, so a vampire could bite me and grant me immortality instantly, but I’m not counting on it. How many Edward Cullens could there possibly be out there? HA!

So, here I am at 37. I’m not gonna panic at that next decade marker, which is swiftly approaching. I am not afraid of you, big “4-0.” You don’t scare me any more. You are just a number after all.

“Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever. You just have to live.” ~from Tuck Everlasting~

Missing My Peeps

Introverts get fueled or re-charged by spending time alone. That is me to a tee. BUT I’ve got an extroverted side, too, and I’m trying to let my extrovert, social-butterfly-self free a bit more often. Recently I let loose just a bit, and my extroverted side reemerged from her cocoon ready to fly off and socially mingle as much as possible. HA! Apparently, I’ve been holding in my extroverted self far too long.

Last week I attended a new Bible study for singles only, and I really enjoyed it. The Bible study, which is based on The Story (the Bible in a narrative format), seems like it will be interesting. So that’s great.

However, it was there in the midst of the 140+ other area singles that I realized just how much I’ve missed people. All right, so I’ve not exactly been holed up in a cave somewhere. I’ve been going to work, church and family gatherings. I’ve been meeting friends for lunch and dinners. I’ve been social, but something has been missing. I’ve missed that interaction with people with whom I have so much in common, too. You know, others who know what it’s like to be single and approaching 40 or beyond. GULP! I've been out of that mix for a while, and somehow, it was refreshing to jump back in.

That evening, in the span of less than two hours, I got caught up with some old friends – hugs and chatter all around. I also got acquainted with some new friends – people I could identify with, names I am trying to remember, etc. So while I might be an introvert to my very core, I do love people and thoroughly enjoy making new friends, building friendships, connecting one person to another, etc. It was awesome! Got to do more of that!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

Sure is hard to believe, but we are already in the 2nd week of 2011. I’m in denial I guess because I’m still wanting to recap 2010 one more time, and so in line with Julie Andrews, I made a list of my favorite things…

FAVORITE GOD-STORY: My home invasion: GOD kept me safe and provided for my needs!

FAVORITE NEW FRIENDS: My Chancel choir friends

FAVORITE SPECIAL EVENT: Janet (my niece) and Chris’s wedding day

FAVORITE MOMENT: Being there to experience Becky’s sheer delight at meeting Jars of Clay (and Brandon Heath) in person

FAVORITE ALBUM: Mercy Me’s The Generous Mr. Lovewell

FAVORITE MOVIE: on TV Masterpiece Theatre’s Emma + in theatres The A-Team (hey, I love it when a plan comes together!)

FAVORITE NEW TOY: My DROID phone (aka home to my “Angry Birds” game)

FAVORITE ADVENTURE: Rediscovering Dawes Arboretum on my own one sunny Friday 

FAVORITE BIG NEWS: Learning that my parents were ready to go with me to Europe in 2011 - WOOHOO!!

The Brits Do It Again

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I just lay there with a silly grin on my face, my mind a million miles away. I was in love. In love with yet another British series, Downton Abbey. The first episode aired last night on PBS’s Masterpiece Theatre, and I was immediately captivated by the twisting story lines, the 1912-1913 era, the English country house setting, and the riveting characters. It was pure magic.

Now I have confessed more than once that I am a period film junkie, and if it’s British, all the better. Yes, I do have a weakness for all things British, and my travels “across the pond” have done anything but cure me of my obsession. Truly, my affliction is even greater. A film shot using the English landscape now causes me to reminisce and sigh with a near-homesick tingle in my throat. Even if I didn’t visit that house, walk those gardens or photograph those particular sheep, they still seem familiar to me.

Fact is that I’m a lost cause, and this series has left me incorrigible. SIGH! Oh well! This is who I am, and this girl is eagerly anticipating the next installment on Sunday, January 16th and until then will dreamily linger with bated breath...

Just My Opinion...

I recognize that the Times They Are A-Changin’. Sure, fads and fashion trends come and go, modesty standards adjust, and things continue to evolve. Over the centuries, standards of decency have fluctuated back and forth. I get that, but sometimes, I really don’t like what I’m seeing out there.

I find myself shocked to discover what young women are wearing today and what pictures of themselves they are willing to post on Facebook and other sites. I KNOW, this officially classifies me as old, but I can’t help it. I’m concerned about them, I’m curious where their parents are, and I’m even a little bit embarrassed for them.

I don’t consider myself a prude. I have my limits on what I would personally wear in public – enough said! And no, I don’t want us to go back to the era where it was indecent for women to show their ankles and 10 layers of clothing was deemed standard attire even in the middle of summer. I love the freedom to choose my own style and be my own person. BUT, sometimes I think we females take our liberties too far…

On the flip side, I CANNOT and WILL NOT excuse men who look, touch or take more serious advantage of these same young women who believe it is their right to have maximum skin exposure. But I am also a realist, too, and I believe that you get results (just perhaps not what you wanted) when you dangle meat in front of a hungry predator. Don’t set yourself up as bait! Be smart!

The Holiday Blitz

For the first time in a decade, I sang in a Christmas concert again. No solos, thank you very much – I tortured myself and others enough with those in years past. HA! But I did sing with my church choir and loved every minute of it. We had 2 performances last weekend, and now after a break of several days, I’m almost ready to do it all again. ALMOST! It was a thrilling and moving experience, and all the glory and praise goes to GOD.

You would think that my life would be a bit calmer now that the Christmas concerts are over, but the opposite is true. I looked at my calendar this morning and was shocked at the to-dos coming up – choir party, office parties, cookie exchanges, other concerts and programs to attend. YIKES! And somewhere in there, I need to finish my Christmas shopping, write up my Christmas letter and mail out the cards, bake a gazillion cookies and attempt not to over-eat and indulge in sweets every minute.

It’s all good stuff, and I’ll enjoy nearly every minute. BUT I’m trying to reign things in a bit and refocus and center my attention on the “babe in the manger.” HE somehow isn’t the center of my attention amidst the holiday blitz, and yet HE should be. This is CHRIST's season after all, right?

What Happened to November?

I can't believe we are in December already. Yes, I know the calendar says this is the 8th, but I am in denial. I haven't blogged about all of November yet...

In mid-November, my parents came to Indiana for a quick weekend. We had a get-together at my brother Steve's home in Peru with lots of the family. And then that Sunday, Jacob was baptized at his church in Kokomo, and a group of us were there to see it as well.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year! I drove my brother Chuck and his 4 kids up to Michigan in their minivan. Chuck had foot surgery a few weeks back, and so his wife (who was unable to go on the trip due to her work schedule) asked if I could drive her family. It worked out well and was quite fun.

Road trips on my own are often pretty quiet. It’s just me, my favorite tunes and some snacks, and I’m good to go. My stops along the way are quick – 5 or 10 minutes tops. I’m in and out of gas stations or drive-thrus and then back on the road again in a flash. But with a family in tow, it was a different adventure. There was never a dull moment.

I got caught up with my brother Chuck and heard all kinds of stories from the kids – Caleb (16), Caitlynne (14), Carianne (12) and Cera (8) on the drive. We had lots of laughs. Honestly, I just enjoyed the “noise.” And I mean “noise” in a good way. I’m on my own a bit too much sometimes. It was great to experience something else for a few days, and the time spent at my parents was anything but quiet with all 4 of my siblings and their families, including 8 of the 9 nieces and nephews. WOWZERS!

Wednesday: After getting to Croswell around 9 PM, I quickly gave a few hugs, dropped off my luggage and headed out with the “boys” to see a late night showing of the latest Harry Potter film. My oldest nephews, Jordan and Caleb, and my brother-in-law Jonathan wanted to see the movie and asked me to join them. We’re all readers and big HP fans, and it was awesome to spend time with them. Sure, it was a bit tough getting up on Thanksgiving morning, but it was worth it.

Thursday: My Mom always outdoes herself with the cooking, and this year was no exception. It was incredible! After our big meal, my Dad and brothers watched and talked football while the rest of the gang spent hours playing games like Clue, Life, Monopoly, Scotland Yard, etc.

Friday: Half of us went out and braved the Black Friday sales. We stopped at several stores and visited the local mall. Great fun! There was a special 30-minute shopping experience in Bath & Body Works, where even Jonathan and Caleb participated in the “smell” adventure, but I’ll let them share that story on their own. HA! Before heading back home, we visited the Lexington General Store and stocked up on unique Christmas ornaments and 2 cent candy. (This store is a one-of-a-kind family favorite!)

We rushed home from our shopping and bundled all of the other kids up for a trip to visit the Croswell manger scene and see the Christmas parade. My nieces and nephews have been posing with the town manager scene figures and animals since they were quite young, and they are used to their photo-blitzing aunt. HA! It was a chilly November night, but we stayed for the whole 15-minute parade and caught lots of candy. It was fun for all of us except Caleb, who remarked that his dreams were crushed after spotting not 1 but 2 Santa Clauses in the parade. Hee hee!

Saturday: We packed up and headed back to our homes in Indiana. It was time to get back to real life again. (sigh!)

OK, now December can officially begin. I'm caught up on November...

P.S. Pictures of November are available here. WOOHOO!!

I Needed a Laugh Today...