My co-worker Dena has a saying about me: Don’t tell Mel. She will crack like an egg. So why does she say this about me? Well, a couple of times she has tried to play some practical jokes here in the office, and she has told me about it. I’ve kept the secret, but when I was questioned about who was responsible for the joke, I wasn’t able to lie. I didn’t reveal my source or the offender, but I couldn’t fib. A yes or no question was too much for me.
Him: Mel, do you know who put this in my desk?
Me: Maybe.
Him: Was it Dena?
Me: I’m not able to respond to any further questions at this time.
See?? I just can't lie. Plus I’m pretty sure my face gave it away. I blushed. I always do when I am being interrogated or get embarrassed. I can’t help it. I’m not good at lying. And I’m not good at concealing my true feelings either. I don’t have a poker face.
I guess I’m an open book. But I don’t reveal everything to just anyone, and so I guess I am on the reserve shelf. In some social situations, I will just sit back and watch other people interact on the sidelines, and this even in the midst of friends or family that have known me for years. In other social environments, I become a social butterfly and flit from flower to flower. WAIT! That sounds wrong—let me explain. What I mean is that I try to assess the situation as soon as I enter a room, and if there are new people or people standing outside a group, I like to bring them into a conversation or strike up another conversation of my own with them. I don’t like seeing people outside a circle, being left out, whether intentional or not.
A former pastor once said, We all need more love than we deserve. That statement has stuck with me.
When I was active in a singles ministry, I remember going home exhausted at the end of most of our Bible study evenings because I felt like I all I did that night was meet new people and talk small talk. Sure, I would much rather sit and have a deep one-on-one conversation with someone on my own, but I just couldn’t ignore the new person who just walked in and was looking lost. I’m actually a bit shy, but I would force myself to approach the newbie and welcome them in, and after a while, it became more natural. It got easier to strike up conversations and mingle with fresh faces. I guess I could easily remember what it was like the first time I walked into that crowd, and if someone hadn’t talked to me or made me feel welcome, things might have turned out differently. Sometimes you just have to push yourself and take that first step.
However, I struggle with talking to people that I am attracted to. I get nervous, and when I'm nervous, I tend to ramble on a bit and make a complete goof of myself as I gush on and on. It’s a mystery why I am still single, isn’t it? I’m baffled by it personally. Who doesn’t want someone who becomes a basket case around them? Hee hee!
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