The Trouble with Birds

I have a friend who is terrified of birds, chickens, etc. If something has wings, she doesn't like them. Now me -- I've never been scared of birds. Not really. I mean I wouldn't call me a bird fanatic or bird watcher really at all, but I guess I like birds. For the most part, birds are just sweet little creatures that bless my windshield from above, sing delightfully at early hours outside my bedroom window, or on rare occasions attempt to come through my patio door. OK, so they can be annoying, but these are still GOD's creatures, and if HE cares about them, shouldn't I? Well, despite my attempts with that tranquil mantra, trouble is brewing, and there may soon be a conflict between a pair of birds and I.

Earlier this spring, I noted that there was a happy chirping pair that seemed to be hanging out in my carport. Sure enough, a few days later, they started building a nest. I'm not opposed to sharing my partially covered outdoor space that I'm renting with GOD's creatures, but I just didn't have a good experience a couple of years back with my co-rent team. These earlier co-inhabitants made an unsanitary mess of my car and squawked noisely at me daily. I didn't want to deal with that again, and so I called the apartment complex office and asked them to remove the nest right away before they laid their eggs. I know, I'm just too cruel. But in my defense, I was trying to have this all taken care of before my squatters had a family they were burdened with.

But that never happened. For whatever reason, the nest stayed put, and I pretty much forgot about it until this past weekend. After all, my new non-rent-paying-commuters had not made much of a mess yet or squawked at me really, and so it seemed to this concerned party that we had worked out our difficulties and learned to share the space. But alas, I cannot report that with certainty. Let me explain...

I step out of my apartment building and walk towards the carport with my key fob in hand. Before I get to my car, I unlock my car three times (a signal I worked up of my own initiative) to make noise and indicate that I am coming. I figure that this gives them fair warning that I am approaching. For the first couple of days, this seemed to work. The birds would fly off, and I could safely get into my Civic and drive away without a fuss.

Well, apparently my new co-residents didn't get the memo that this was the way things were going to be because Mrs. Bird (as we'll call her) does not want to leave her eggs (since she no doubt has eggs now). So when I unlock my car doors repeatedly from a distance, she no longer budges until I arrive, and THEN she flies off. However, she doesn't fly off and just return after I am gone. OH NO! The brave mother-to-be now comes right back into the carport and swoops down in my direction trying to fend me off. It is official. I am now the enemy. I am now being dive bombed by my squatters. Doesn't matter that I was there first, that I am the one paying for the space, that I have a written contract with the complex. None of that matters now because to her, I am quite clearly trying to attack her nest and future offspring. This whole time I thought I was being a bird advocate, but not to hear Mr. and Mrs. Bird tell the story. STRANGER, DANGER!!! STRANGER, DANGER!!!

OK, so it's not quite like Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock's classic, The Birds. I mean, so far I haven't been nipped, had my eye gouged out or any other random acts of violence committed on my person. And yes, it's not quite the phone booth scene here, but you get the idea. There is potential here for a real standoff or confrontation. I thought about carrying my tennis racket in my work bag every day, but I thought that might be a sign of aggression on my part, and I certainly don't want to make matters worse. The truth is that I don't want to injure either of these new parents that I am trying to live in peace and harmony with. I'd hate to break up a happy home, but that being said, why did they have to pick my carport? There are plenty of empty carports in our complex. I could move, but I was there first, and if you haven't noticed, I can be stubborn when I want to be.

Hmmmm...stay tuned for further developments!