I Am a Rotic...

I read and re-read classic books about the ongoing quest for love.

I watch romantic films and epic love stories.

I stir with the lyrical voices of the romantic poets.

I listen to love songs and sappy musicals with a heartfelt sigh.

Yes, I’m a rotic. A romantic without a man in my life. I dream, write and hope to find a love of my own one day. I want it deeply. I crave it. I long for it, and yet it has eluded me completely. It baffles me. It frustrates me. It ticks me off. It teases me, and yet, it seems forever a part of me. I find I can’t completely turn it off. I’ve tried.

I can tune it out for a period. I can avoid chic flicks and run from Masterpiece Theatre. I can hide the poetry and lock away my favorite books. I can drown out the sounds of Michael Bublé in my head with some Nickelback.

But it doesn’t change who I am. I’m a passionate thing. I feel deeply, always have. I can run from that desire and pretend the ache does not exist. OR I can simply accept the longing as part of who I am. It doesn’t define me entirely. It’s just another aspect of my personality, my character.

Hello. My name is Melanie, and I’m a rotic/romantic, but it is just a slice of who I am...

Sharing a Little Twilight Magic

Normally, I confess, I’m not big on hype. If everyone gushes over something, I tend to stand back. I guess I assume if everyone likes it, I won’t. However, when I am told that I should not read a book or see a certain film, it’s gonna be an automatic magnetic draw on my very soul to do the exact opposite. I don’t like dogmatic statements being made without any evidence or someone taking a personal stance against a book or a film WITHOUT having seen it for themselves. I don’t believe in just passing along the same message without actual knowledge for myself. I like to make up my own mind about things.

And so it was that I delved into the Harry Potter series several years ago. Someone bashed the books in my presence and called them pure evil. I pointedly asked if they had read the books for themselves, and they had not. They were just spouting what they had heard second or third-hand. I immediately picked up the first book, and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Essentially, the same thing happened with Twilight. I saw the first film on DVD early in 2009 after there was such an outcry against the books and the film from the Christian right. I loved the first film and immediately jumped into the 4-book series by Stephenie Meyer. I was mesmerized with the passionate journey of Bella and Edward from the get-go. I own all of the films and am eagerly awaiting the 4th and 5th film installations, which will split the final book in the series between them. WOOHOO!!

Well, it has been nearly 2 years since my own Twilight infection, and I guess it was time I spread my affliction and corrupted others. About a month ago, my sister Barbara and my friend Lisa came to my place for a girls’ weekend. On Sunday morning, I was in the living room flipping channels, and as luck would have it, the first Twilight film was playing on cable. I watched a few minutes before Lisa and Barbara joined me on the couch. It was one of my favorite scenes, where Bella first spots the Cullen family, and so the 3 of us watched the film for a few moments before dashing off to church. After that brief introduction, both Lisa and Barbara said that they were curious to see the film for themselves, and so we talked about watching it later after church. So, you guessed it. That afternoon we watched the first film, and they liked it.

THEY REALLY LIKED IT!

Barbara had to head home after the first film, but Lisa stayed to watch the 2nd and 3rd films that night before driving back to Cincinnati. And from there, it all began. Both of them eagerly got right into the books and subsequently devoured everything on Twilight within days. They have read the books, have seen all the films (more than once), have bought all the soundtracks, have poked around Twilight sights online, etc.

Yes, I believe they have now surpassed my own obsession. Maybe. I've just had 2 years to work on keeping my cool. HA!

Red Riding Hood

I made it to see Red Riding Hood this weekend and found the scenery, setting and storyline familiar like an old friend. This is not the fairy tale I grew up with; although cleverly, there were scenes and dialogue thrown in for that nostalgia affect. It wasn’t completely brand new.

This was a fresh take on an old story, and yet it was familiar somehow, like catching up with an old friend. A lot of that has to do with the director. This is after all a Catherine Hardwicke film, who is best-known as the director of Twilight. And this her latest film also left me breathless.

Red Riding Hood is not Twilight, but it has a similar style, landscape and even a lover’s triangle. It is not an Oscar contender. It is not perfect and was more than slightly predictable, and yet, I liked it frivolous though it may be. I loved seeing a familiar actor in quite a different father role this time around. Oh yes, I enjoyed the ride, the intensity and chemistry between characters! And the end left me wishing for more because I knew the story was really just beginning.

No, fairy tales aren’t just for Disney any more...I'm glad.

Needing a Do-Over

I’d like to go back in the recent past and re-do a “getting to know you” moment. I’d like another crack at that conversation, a second chance to make a first impression.

I didn’t say anything I regret. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t unkind. I wasn’t much of anything really. I clammed up. I was quiet and a bit reserved without trying to be. I listened and responded appropriately, but I was not myself at all.

I was more Jane than Lizzie.

Call it nerves of attraction, I guess. I was intrigued. I was curious. Very curious. But I’m not sure I portrayed that what with my catatonic pose and serene demeanor. I shut down and retreated into my head out of angst. I did little to contribute to the conversation other than a nod or two, a trance-like smile and a couple of yes or no answers. I gulped and seemingly swallowed my personality.

I’m laughing at myself. I am. And while I don’t know if I’ll ever get a do-over with this particular person, I’d like to imagine I could…

Aching for Beauty

I think each of us ache for beauty. Sometimes we catch a glimpse of it, and it is more than we can handle here in the present. It doesn’t resonate with the other things in our lives – the chaos, the hatred, the pain, the struggles. Somehow just a peek at something pure or less tainted creates a dissonance within. It leaves us longing for that something else. Longing for more! We long for something else perhaps less defined. I think most of us - Christian or non-Christian – hope for more. We crave something we can’t always identify.

I think certain longings or desires aren’t meant to be over-ridden or ignored. I think these are the outcry of our souls, searching for something we can’t find within. We long for something else – a deeper communion, a perfect harmony with something outside ourselves.

It is magical.

It is mystical.

And yet it is real.

C.S. Lewis said it best: “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

It is a dissatisfaction with our current status, and yet, I believe it is all good...

Thoughts on Aging

Another year has gone by again, but I refuse to mope about my age. In fact, from now on, I will be choosing to embrace it. After all, I can’t stop the clock from ticking. OK, so a vampire could bite me and grant me immortality instantly, but I’m not counting on it. How many Edward Cullens could there possibly be out there? HA!

So, here I am at 37. I’m not gonna panic at that next decade marker, which is swiftly approaching. I am not afraid of you, big “4-0.” You don’t scare me any more. You are just a number after all.

“Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever. You just have to live.” ~from Tuck Everlasting~

Missing My Peeps

Introverts get fueled or re-charged by spending time alone. That is me to a tee. BUT I’ve got an extroverted side, too, and I’m trying to let my extrovert, social-butterfly-self free a bit more often. Recently I let loose just a bit, and my extroverted side reemerged from her cocoon ready to fly off and socially mingle as much as possible. HA! Apparently, I’ve been holding in my extroverted self far too long.

Last week I attended a new Bible study for singles only, and I really enjoyed it. The Bible study, which is based on The Story (the Bible in a narrative format), seems like it will be interesting. So that’s great.

However, it was there in the midst of the 140+ other area singles that I realized just how much I’ve missed people. All right, so I’ve not exactly been holed up in a cave somewhere. I’ve been going to work, church and family gatherings. I’ve been meeting friends for lunch and dinners. I’ve been social, but something has been missing. I’ve missed that interaction with people with whom I have so much in common, too. You know, others who know what it’s like to be single and approaching 40 or beyond. GULP! I've been out of that mix for a while, and somehow, it was refreshing to jump back in.

That evening, in the span of less than two hours, I got caught up with some old friends – hugs and chatter all around. I also got acquainted with some new friends – people I could identify with, names I am trying to remember, etc. So while I might be an introvert to my very core, I do love people and thoroughly enjoy making new friends, building friendships, connecting one person to another, etc. It was awesome! Got to do more of that!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

Sure is hard to believe, but we are already in the 2nd week of 2011. I’m in denial I guess because I’m still wanting to recap 2010 one more time, and so in line with Julie Andrews, I made a list of my favorite things…

FAVORITE GOD-STORY: My home invasion: GOD kept me safe and provided for my needs!

FAVORITE NEW FRIENDS: My Chancel choir friends

FAVORITE SPECIAL EVENT: Janet (my niece) and Chris’s wedding day

FAVORITE MOMENT: Being there to experience Becky’s sheer delight at meeting Jars of Clay (and Brandon Heath) in person

FAVORITE ALBUM: Mercy Me’s The Generous Mr. Lovewell

FAVORITE MOVIE: on TV Masterpiece Theatre’s Emma + in theatres The A-Team (hey, I love it when a plan comes together!)

FAVORITE NEW TOY: My DROID phone (aka home to my “Angry Birds” game)

FAVORITE ADVENTURE: Rediscovering Dawes Arboretum on my own one sunny Friday 

FAVORITE BIG NEWS: Learning that my parents were ready to go with me to Europe in 2011 - WOOHOO!!

The Brits Do It Again

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I just lay there with a silly grin on my face, my mind a million miles away. I was in love. In love with yet another British series, Downton Abbey. The first episode aired last night on PBS’s Masterpiece Theatre, and I was immediately captivated by the twisting story lines, the 1912-1913 era, the English country house setting, and the riveting characters. It was pure magic.

Now I have confessed more than once that I am a period film junkie, and if it’s British, all the better. Yes, I do have a weakness for all things British, and my travels “across the pond” have done anything but cure me of my obsession. Truly, my affliction is even greater. A film shot using the English landscape now causes me to reminisce and sigh with a near-homesick tingle in my throat. Even if I didn’t visit that house, walk those gardens or photograph those particular sheep, they still seem familiar to me.

Fact is that I’m a lost cause, and this series has left me incorrigible. SIGH! Oh well! This is who I am, and this girl is eagerly anticipating the next installment on Sunday, January 16th and until then will dreamily linger with bated breath...

Just My Opinion...

I recognize that the Times They Are A-Changin’. Sure, fads and fashion trends come and go, modesty standards adjust, and things continue to evolve. Over the centuries, standards of decency have fluctuated back and forth. I get that, but sometimes, I really don’t like what I’m seeing out there.

I find myself shocked to discover what young women are wearing today and what pictures of themselves they are willing to post on Facebook and other sites. I KNOW, this officially classifies me as old, but I can’t help it. I’m concerned about them, I’m curious where their parents are, and I’m even a little bit embarrassed for them.

I don’t consider myself a prude. I have my limits on what I would personally wear in public – enough said! And no, I don’t want us to go back to the era where it was indecent for women to show their ankles and 10 layers of clothing was deemed standard attire even in the middle of summer. I love the freedom to choose my own style and be my own person. BUT, sometimes I think we females take our liberties too far…

On the flip side, I CANNOT and WILL NOT excuse men who look, touch or take more serious advantage of these same young women who believe it is their right to have maximum skin exposure. But I am also a realist, too, and I believe that you get results (just perhaps not what you wanted) when you dangle meat in front of a hungry predator. Don’t set yourself up as bait! Be smart!