The Holiday Blitz

For the first time in a decade, I sang in a Christmas concert again. No solos, thank you very much – I tortured myself and others enough with those in years past. HA! But I did sing with my church choir and loved every minute of it. We had 2 performances last weekend, and now after a break of several days, I’m almost ready to do it all again. ALMOST! It was a thrilling and moving experience, and all the glory and praise goes to GOD.

You would think that my life would be a bit calmer now that the Christmas concerts are over, but the opposite is true. I looked at my calendar this morning and was shocked at the to-dos coming up – choir party, office parties, cookie exchanges, other concerts and programs to attend. YIKES! And somewhere in there, I need to finish my Christmas shopping, write up my Christmas letter and mail out the cards, bake a gazillion cookies and attempt not to over-eat and indulge in sweets every minute.

It’s all good stuff, and I’ll enjoy nearly every minute. BUT I’m trying to reign things in a bit and refocus and center my attention on the “babe in the manger.” HE somehow isn’t the center of my attention amidst the holiday blitz, and yet HE should be. This is CHRIST's season after all, right?

What Happened to November?

I can't believe we are in December already. Yes, I know the calendar says this is the 8th, but I am in denial. I haven't blogged about all of November yet...

In mid-November, my parents came to Indiana for a quick weekend. We had a get-together at my brother Steve's home in Peru with lots of the family. And then that Sunday, Jacob was baptized at his church in Kokomo, and a group of us were there to see it as well.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year! I drove my brother Chuck and his 4 kids up to Michigan in their minivan. Chuck had foot surgery a few weeks back, and so his wife (who was unable to go on the trip due to her work schedule) asked if I could drive her family. It worked out well and was quite fun.

Road trips on my own are often pretty quiet. It’s just me, my favorite tunes and some snacks, and I’m good to go. My stops along the way are quick – 5 or 10 minutes tops. I’m in and out of gas stations or drive-thrus and then back on the road again in a flash. But with a family in tow, it was a different adventure. There was never a dull moment.

I got caught up with my brother Chuck and heard all kinds of stories from the kids – Caleb (16), Caitlynne (14), Carianne (12) and Cera (8) on the drive. We had lots of laughs. Honestly, I just enjoyed the “noise.” And I mean “noise” in a good way. I’m on my own a bit too much sometimes. It was great to experience something else for a few days, and the time spent at my parents was anything but quiet with all 4 of my siblings and their families, including 8 of the 9 nieces and nephews. WOWZERS!

Wednesday: After getting to Croswell around 9 PM, I quickly gave a few hugs, dropped off my luggage and headed out with the “boys” to see a late night showing of the latest Harry Potter film. My oldest nephews, Jordan and Caleb, and my brother-in-law Jonathan wanted to see the movie and asked me to join them. We’re all readers and big HP fans, and it was awesome to spend time with them. Sure, it was a bit tough getting up on Thanksgiving morning, but it was worth it.

Thursday: My Mom always outdoes herself with the cooking, and this year was no exception. It was incredible! After our big meal, my Dad and brothers watched and talked football while the rest of the gang spent hours playing games like Clue, Life, Monopoly, Scotland Yard, etc.

Friday: Half of us went out and braved the Black Friday sales. We stopped at several stores and visited the local mall. Great fun! There was a special 30-minute shopping experience in Bath & Body Works, where even Jonathan and Caleb participated in the “smell” adventure, but I’ll let them share that story on their own. HA! Before heading back home, we visited the Lexington General Store and stocked up on unique Christmas ornaments and 2 cent candy. (This store is a one-of-a-kind family favorite!)

We rushed home from our shopping and bundled all of the other kids up for a trip to visit the Croswell manger scene and see the Christmas parade. My nieces and nephews have been posing with the town manager scene figures and animals since they were quite young, and they are used to their photo-blitzing aunt. HA! It was a chilly November night, but we stayed for the whole 15-minute parade and caught lots of candy. It was fun for all of us except Caleb, who remarked that his dreams were crushed after spotting not 1 but 2 Santa Clauses in the parade. Hee hee!

Saturday: We packed up and headed back to our homes in Indiana. It was time to get back to real life again. (sigh!)

OK, now December can officially begin. I'm caught up on November...

P.S. Pictures of November are available here. WOOHOO!!

I Needed a Laugh Today...

Obsessed with Accents

Confession: I’m obsessed with accents from the United Kingdom or Ireland. It’s true. Whether it be Irish, Scottish, Welsh or English, it all sounds better to these American ears. There is something magical and lyrical in their speech that seems to be missing from every day life here in the States. I can't get enough.

I love Masterpiece Theatre’s British productions in particular. Whether it is a stirring rendition of a Jane Austen novel like Emma, an updated 21st century version of Sherlock or a murder mystery like Inspector Lewis – it’s all charming in a way. I’m hooked. I wait anxiously for the start of every new season.

A lot of British television is quite appealing to me, and I've been catching up on some series courtesy of my friends at Netflix. My current muse has been the Midsomer Murders series. In every episode a murder or two takes place in some quiet little burrow amidst the English countryside, and Detective Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby is sent to investigate. Yes, despite the idyllic landscape of lovely gardens, 17th-century estates and luscious green hills – murders happen. The most charming shopkeeper, whimsical innkeeper or harmonious birdwatcher might be the next evil villain to strike out at a neighbor, the town gossip or the village priest. It’s mesmerizingly delightful.

So yes, I’ve known for quite some time that I was a fan. This isn’t really news to me. But until recently, I had no idea how severe my condition had become. Last night, I watched the BBC evening news on PBS and discovered that even their news sounds “better” dressed in that amazing accent. I caught myself sighing and smiling at the most droll report, and it finally hit me. I need help.

The Expectant Season

OK, before the rumors start to fly, let me state for the record that I am NOT pregnant. No baby is expected in my life within the next 10 months or more honest! AHEM! I am glad to get that little agenda item cleared up.

Actually, I’m using the term “expectant” here in a different line of thought. I heard it on the radio this morning. Normally, I don’t like talkative DJs, especially in the mornings. I listen for music only, and typically I tune the talking out or flip to another station, but today I listened to some DJ chatter for just a couple of moments. K-Love was talking about the term “expectant” and asking what their listeners were expecting this holiday season, and it made me pause and think about it, and I still am. I went straight for my online dictionary this morning...

The term “expectant” means to await something, to anticipate or look forward to an occurrence. It can be something we are looking forward to or even something we are hoping for. I like Merriam-Webster.com’s discussion on the word “expect” and a couple of synonyms:

“EXPECT, HOPE, LOOK mean to await some occurrence or outcome. Expect implies a high degree of certainty and usually involves the idea of preparing or envisioning. Hope implies little certainty but suggests confidence or assurance in the possibility that what one desires or longs for will happen. Look, with to, implies assurance that expectations will be fulfilled; [look] with for it implies less assurance and suggests an attitude of expectancy and watchfulness.”

So what am I expecting this holiday season?
In what am I hoping?
To whom am I looking?

Just Another Manic Monday…

Today has not started off well, and sadly, I haven’t handled it quite as well as I would have liked. I’d like to say that I’ve let optimism rue the day, but that hasn’t happened. I’m running on empty as it is, and my emotions keep waffling between anger, frustration and sadness. I’m hoping my sense of humor will return soon, and I’m attempting to find something to laugh about by writing this down…

I arrived home on Saturday evening and found a completely empty mailbox. It seemed odd. I was expecting 2 DVDs from my Netflix que to be there, and I was pretty sure that I should have received at least one holiday card already. My cousin Julie's card and letter is almost always the first to arrive. So I went to the post office first thing this morning and waited in line to find out what had happened.

The bottom line is that my postal carrier decided that since I didn’t empty my mailbox for 3 days (Wednesday, Friday and Saturday) that I must have moved, and so she had ALL of my mail marked “return to sender” without any notification to me. Yep, she simply emptied my mailbox and sent all of my mail back to the senders because quite clearly I had fled the country since I didn’t empty my mailbox of all those holiday ads while I was away in Michigan.

This has never happened to me before. I didn’t imagine that my mailbox would get full in 3 days, and if it had, I assumed that the process would be that my mail carrier would simply leave me a card indicating that I needed to pick my mail up at the post office. That’s been the process in the past. I’ve never put a HOLD on my mail for 3 days or less. 3 days is the minimum amount of days they will hold your mail anyway, and so I figured it was safe for that amount of time at least. I never assumed that over a 3-day holiday break, my mail carrier would assume I had moved.

So now I’m left wondering…

What mail will I never get? 

Was there something important in the mix like a bill?

Will I really get mail in my mailbox tonight like I was told? At this point, it is anybody’s guess really, but here’s hoping.

Right now I’m just trying to count my blessings…

1.  My call to Netflix was quick and easy, and they are going to promptly resend the movies that my postal carrier sent back to them. Awesome! 

2.  I’m so glad that I had all my holiday purchases sent to my work address. YAY! 

3.  I probably won’t ever see those missing Thanksgiving holiday ads that probably over-stuffed my mailbox and prompted my mail carrier to think I had fled the scene. Yep, those MIA ads are probably gone for good. WOOHOO!!

Writing My Own Story

I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day, and she commented that she considered me to be an optimistic and upbeat personality. I thanked her for her kind words, but inside other thoughts were churning. Was that really the case? Wasn’t the opposite more apparent in my life as of late? I certainly didn’t feel like I was a Pollyanna.

OK. So I do try to be positive and see the bright side of life, but lately, I’ve been struggling to do so. My silver lining was tainted. My glass was half full, but there was a serious crack along one side, and there was most definitely a leak. The show tunes normally running through my head were less amiable than usual.

I didn’t feel pessimistic. I didn’t feel depressed. I didn’t feel much of anything really. In fact, I wasn’t participating much in my own life. I was watching from the sidelines again or letting my understudy run the show. I don’t know how that happens, but sometimes, I seem to forget that my life is my own story. I’m not just reading a novel where I have no impact on the outcome. No, I’m a pivotal character here, and I need to step in and intervene, change the tone, and make some drastic revisions to my own character before I forget my course.

Now unfortunately, there isn’t time to do a complete edit and re-write the last couple of weeks. I’m left with those filler pages. I can’t erase them completely, but I also can’t wallow or beat myself up about them either. I need to jump back into my story, savor the highs and lows, seek out new characters without forcing clear definitions, actively interact and engage in the other stories around me, and allow GOD to create an even better story line than I could ever imagine.

Hmmmm? I wonder what will happen next? It's rather exciting. Too bad, I can't read ahead...

Be-Gratitudes II

Today I am choosing to be grateful for...

File Folders. Don't laugh, but I’m obsessed with organizing projects, and file folders help me do just that. I set up tiers of folders to keep me on task or sort through the files. I am just as fixated on organizing my personal files as well. OK, I don’t really function well outside of an organized system, and so I can’t imagine living without those tabbed manila folders, which help provide some measure of sanity amidst the chaos. This girl likes everything filed in the appropriate place, and that includes my email in-box. I have lots of virtual folders set-up to help me wade through my emails, too. Yes, file folders are something I am grateful for today.

My Name Is Khan

I didn’t quite know what to expect with “My Name Is Khan” when I added it to my Netflix list, but after spending last evening viewing the film from the safety of my couch, I can heartily say that the film delivered. It is an incredible film with a powerful and heartfelt message.

SUMMARY (NO SPOILER!): All his life Rizwan Khan has been different from other people, and his mother, brother, teachers and doctors in India have never quite been able to figure him out. Once he immigrates to the USA, he is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, but he doesn’t let it stop him. He takes it all in stride and starts working for his brother’s company as a salesman. While selling beauty products, he meets Mandira, a local hairdresser. Rizwan falls in love and eventually charms his way into Mandira’s heart. Despite their religious differences (he is a Muslim, and she is a Hindu), the couple marry and move to the suburbs of San Francisco with Mandira’s son, Sam.

Their peaceful suburban life is somewhat shattered by 9/11, when the intolerance and racial hatred in their community begins to cause friction and eventually leads to a family tragedy. The couple separate, and Rizwan sets off on a quest to help him woo back his wife.

MY REVIEW: The film has an almost fanciful or fairy tale like presence on the screen. At times, it reminded me of “Forest Gump” in that way, but there were deeper themes at work in “My Name Is Khan.” The film is a bit long at 2 hours and 41 minutes, but I still enjoyed the experience.

I would rate this film at 4.5 stars out of 5. It’s not perfect, but it is definitely worth seeing. It makes you feel, and it makes you think. Both of which are important to this viewer.

Be-Gratitudes

Lately, I've been struggling to enjoy the lulls in my life – the quiet, still moments between the next best thing. I’m restless. I’m fidgety. I’m uncomfortable. But while I fuss and squirm in my present state, I’m missing the magical moments of every day life. I’m failing to acknowledge the beauty and joy of the present while I look ahead to the good stuff – my future adventures and the dreams I have. I'm ungrateful and not realizing how good I have it.

So starting today, I’m gonna try and tackle some be-gratitudes* [pronounced: bee-GRAH-tih-toods] or things I am grateful for that are part of the mundane or average day.

*Disclaimer: someone has probably already coined the term“be-gratitudes.” I confess that I didn’t really research it much. I Googled it and got nothing, and so for now, I’m gonna claim it as a fit of my own creative “genius” and use it. Hee hee!*

Today I am choosing to be grateful for…

Meetings. Yes, I probably have too many of them in a given week. Some of you do as well, I am sure. But whether I agree or disagree with the agenda or content, whether or not I enjoy attending – fact is that in most cases my opinion is being sought, and that is not half bad. It’s nice to have someone seeking out my insight into a particular project area or pulling me in to work as part of the team. It’s a good thing to be needed and to be considered as a contributor to the process. And so today, meetings are something I am thankful for.

Saying Thanks

No sooner does GOD mend one area of my life and fill in the gaps than I catch myself bemoaning another area of my life that needs some attention. Now that I’ve happy with one aspect of my life, I’m ready to move on to the next “project” on my wish list that requires some divine intervention. OK, LORD, you took care of that one. Let’s see what you can do with this one over here!

But did I take the time to say thank you?
Did I praise THE ONE who made it all possible?
Sure, I mumbled a few thanks along the way, but did I really take the time to soak it all in and let it ruminate within my soul?

Well, I need to…

10 weeks ago, I stepped out and away from my comfort zone. I’d been attending the same church for nearly 9 years. I had so desperately tried to find my niche of service and to identify with the rest of the church body, but it just wasn’t happening there. I met with leaders and tried to facilitate the changes from within the church while also taking a hard look at my self. I adjusted my attitude, sought out other modes to get involved, tried new avenues of service and prayed long and hard about it, but something wasn’t right. Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity comes to mind: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That was me! I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I kept trying to hammer myself to fit in where I wasn’t meant to be, when GOD had something else in mind for me.

GOD led me to St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, which shocked some of my family and friends, but I gulped, followed HIS leading and made the switch. I didn’t want to start out in the idle position. I was anxious to just get plugged in, and so I promptly started rehearsing and singing with the Chancel Choir, which spiraled into more opportunities. I got drafted into assisting with a choir fundraiser and then found myself as a co-chair on a committee, which involved a couple of meetings, lots of phone calls and a crop of emails.

I spotted a note in the bulletin for the St. Luke’s 101 course, which provided an introduction to the core beliefs, worship opportunities, outreach ministries, staff members, etc. Honestly, I figured it was too late to get in on the class, but I sent a last minute email anyway, and within hours, I had a voicemail saying that I was enrolled for the class, which began the following day. So off I went into a 6-week course to learn more about the church and other ways I could get involved and join the community of believers HE had brought me into. Each week I have learned more about my new church home and about the numerous ways I can get involved and actively serving. It's been amazing!

I kept meeting more and more people in the church each week as well, whether I was recruiting them to volunteer and sell tickets for our fundraiser, sharing my story of how GOD led me to St. Luke’s with my fellow classmates or mingling with others over donuts between Sunday services. GOD continued to draw me in, and I was overwhelmed with the love and kindness I was experiencing.

And then this past weekend, things all culminated at our choir fundraising event. It was an exhausting, exciting and engaging two evenings, where I had ample time to bond and get to know many other choir members. We talked, laughed, joked and served alongside each other, and I was delighted to be a part of the experience. It was incredible.

I’ve blogged about the family atmosphere within the church choir and how touched I have been by it in the weeks past. But after this weekend, I realized that I am not just watching the family interact from the sidelines any more. I am now a part of that family directly. I’m in. I’m way in, maybe a bit in over my head, but it's all been good. Hee hee!

Yes, I am truly amazed at the transformation GOD has brought into my life in such a short time span. HE has provided for me above and beyond my expectations and continues to surprise me along the journey. And all the glory, honor and praise belong to GOD.

LORD, thank YOU for your timely provision of a new church family, for your abundant grace and mercy in my life, and for your steadfast love and faithful guidance each step of the journey. YOU have blessed me, and I am grateful. 

Do You Know Who You Are?

Tenth Avenue North is one of my favorite Christian groups. I love their lyrics, and You Are More from their latest album The Light Meets the Dark is amazing. I love these words...
 
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Just Regular Guys

My friend Becky is a big Jars of Clay fan and has been for the past 15 years. She actually had tickets to a Jars of Clay concert a few years back, but the event was canceled, much to her disappointment, and so she has been determined to get to one of their concerts ever since.

Well, a few months ago, Becky, Jessica and I heard that the band was coming to Wabash with Brandon Heath, and it became a must-do item on our list. So Becky bought our tickets the day they went on sale and then anxiously waited for the concert.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Jessica had a brilliant idea that she shared with me. With Becky’s birthday coming up on October 19th, Jessica thought there might be a way to make the concert even more special for Becky, and so she suggested that we secretly contact the band, and so we did. Jessica and I drafted and sent an email 5 days before the concert.

Honestly, I think both Jessica and I were not expecting much if anything to come of it. The email was to the Jars of Clay management and promotion people, and so I thought maybe I’d hear from someone in a week or so. I imagined that perhaps someone would offer to send an autographed poster to Becky, but it would be some time after the concert. Our request was rather late after all.

But on Sunday afternoon as we drove to Wabash together, I got an email on my phone from the tour manager wanting to arrange to get Becky in to meet the band at the concert. So I slid my phone up to Jessica in the front seat. She read the message and handed it back to me, and then she said, "Well, I guess we need to make a decision, don’t we?"

At which point, Becky’s curiosity was piqued, and she asked what was going on. So we relayed the full story to her, and WOW! was she ever surprised! I could tell she was excited but also nervous. We gave her an out and told her that she didn’t have to go through with it. We explained that we wanted to make the evening special for her and not embarrass her or cause her stress. She thought it over and said she was in, and so I sent an email back to my contact.

We got to the Honeywell Center 2 hours before the concert, got into the restaurant there on site with our reservations, and then waited for the meet/greet time. We finally met up with Nathan, the tour manager, who took us backstage, where we waited outside the room for a few minutes. Soon after, Nathan came out to ask if we were all right with meeting Brandon Heath as well. Of course, we were just fine with that! So we were ushered in and met 3 of the guys from Jars of Clay along with Brandon Heath, and there were handshakes all around.

The guys were just like anybody else, like someone else’s brothers. The Tennessee Titans football game was on the TV, and Brandon especially was hyped up about the game. They were pleasant and gracious in our few minutes together. They genuinely seemed appreciative that we were fans of their music, and honestly, I think the experience of meeting them and glimpsing their kindness and sincerity in person, made me like them that much more.

Now Becky is a pretty shy person, and so I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to meeting her favorite musical group of all time. In fact on the drive, she had commented: "You know, I'm not gonna do any talking, right?" But when she met Jars of Clay, she was amazing! She answered questions and shared how she became a fan. I was blown away with her candor and how calm and natural she was. I was proud of her because I knew she was completely outside her comfort zone.

One of the tour team members was on hand to take photos, and so she took a picture of Becky with Jars of Clay and then a group shot of all of us, including Brandon. Soon after, we said our thank-yous and headed back into the lobby area with big smiles on our faces.

The concert started a few minutes later, and it was wonderful! I loved it, and I know that my friends did, too. We got to hear some old and new songs from both Brandon Heath and Jars of Clay. I could sense the worshipful heart of the performers in their music and was inspired by their dedication to helping those less fortunate than themselves as they promoted both Feed the Hungry and Blood Water Mission, too.

It was a fun and exhilarating experience, and I’m so glad that GOD worked out the details. I believe that HE does care about the details and delights in our happiness. HE truly blessed us with a perfect evening!

Going to a concert – Fabulous!
Meeting Brandon Heath and Jars of Clay – Amazing!
Surprising my friend Becky (and seeing the smile on her face) – PRICELESS!!!

Pumpkin Time

OK, I’ve been rather serious on my blog as of late. I re-read the last few posts and started to laugh. WOW! Nothing wrong with being sober and trying to go deep, but life has it’s share of fun and playful periods as well. So I thought I’d start this week by blogging about some lighter moments in the life of Mel...

Last Friday, I went up to Kokomo to hang with my sister and her family. Loved seeing the little peeps!

I played Strawberry Shortcake with Grace. Yes, the berry people are back with a vengeance in updated styles, but this is not the Strawberry Shortcake I grew up with. She looks more grown up and teeny-bopperish. Hmmmm...I'm not quite sure what to make of her really.

I colored for hours with Harrison, Grace and Jacob. Love to color with the kiddos! We then proudly displayed our creations on the family art wall. Harrison showcased how he remembered how I taught him to make an “H” with “2 sticks and then make a bridge.” He’s growing up too fast!

I went to the pumpkin patch to help the family pick out their pumpkins. Two-year-old Harrison bonded with a pumpkin quickly, and he started carrying it around with him. It was probably a smart move on his part since his sister Grace wanted his pumpkin as well. Grace struggled to find another pumpkin to select, but she finally agreed to go with a second choice. Jacob wanted a big pumpkin, and he found one with character.

I watched and took pics of the family as they colored their pumpkins. Coloring pumpkins with Sharpies is much safer than cutting into them, believe me! My sister was very proud of her free-hand drawing of Larry Boy from Veggie Tales, and I have to admit it was pretty awesome! Jonathan drew a spider web on his pumpkin and a funny face on the other side. Jacob drew a zombie football player, copied his Mom’s Larry Boy picture and created several other designs on his pumpkin. Grace drew a scary cat and a princess tiara and then practiced her letters by writing out BOO and HALLOWEEN. Harrison drew a smiley face and then scribbled some other creations on his little pumpkin.

On Saturday, I got to catch Jacob’s last regular season game of fall soccer. He was awesome out there, despite the 80+ heat. The two teams were evenly matched, and the game ended in a tie 0-0. I had some lunch with the fam and then headed back to Indy.

It was an awesome start to my weekend!

I’m One of Those People…

If you tell me something about myself, I’m gonna internalize it and think on it for hours and days. Good or bad. Right or wrong. I’m gonna ponder. I'm gonna dig deep. I’m an analytical.

If you say let’s meet at 5, I’ll be there at 4:45, and I’ll sit there patiently waiting for you. I won’t give you a hard time about being late when you show up at half past. I’ll just be glad that the tables aren’t turned. I hate being late and having people wait on me.

If you are my friend, I’m gonna want to keep your friendship. I’m a very loyal person, and I like to keep connected with my friends. If I sense some distance growing, I’ll try to “fix” it and get back in touch. I'm not clingy, but I don't like losing friendships either. 

If I say I’m gonna do something, I will. Keeping my word is very important to me. I try not to break plans or make promises I can’t keep. I want people to be able to count on me.

If I want to communicate, I’m probably gonna put it in writing. I’m a perfectionist and a lover of language. I like ruminating on every phrase and precisely saying the words in an email, a letter, etc. Face-to-face or on the phone, I tend to stumble along.

If I get quiet or retreat away on my own, I'm fine. I'm not upset, depressed or in a funk. I'm not ignoring you. I just need space. I love people, but I often need to unplug from the social scene to mentally recharge my batteries.

Yep, I’m one of those.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better…

I’m not a big fan of competition normally.

I really don’t like watching sports on TV, unless it is the Olympics, an occasional baseball game or hockey championship. Can’t handle watching football, basketball or golf at all. Although my sister-in-law tells me that I just need the right guy in my life, and I’ll change my tune. We’ll see.

I don’t really care for game shows or so-called reality TV. Over the years, I’ve watched only 1 or 2 episodes of Survivor, America’s Got Talent, Dancing with the Stars or American Idol. And I’m guessing that I was bored, out of options, or not feeling well at the time of said viewing. It’s just not my thing.

I’m not regularly competitive with anyone. OK, so my friend Becky and I joke about competing, but that is just a game. So I really don’t consider myself as a competitive person at all.

However, once in a while, I catch myself comparing my talents with that of another. I’m competing or trying to out-do someone else. I’m measuring up my abilities against their own.

I don’t have a lot of readers on my blog. (hint, hint)
I don’t take inspiring photos like that photographer online.
I don’t have half the talent of the gifted voice behind me in choir.

Who cares? Why do I feel the need to track myself against another? It seems a frivolous task, a complete waste of time. Honestly, I have to laugh at my own pettiness and vanity.

GOD made us each so different from one another. Your gifts and range of abilities is different from mine, and I need to accept that. I need to marvel at the gifts HE has given me and embrace and hone in on those talents I have been blessed with.

Not so I can compete with others.
Not so I can toot my own horn.
Not so I can prove I am better than you

No, GOD wants me to be the best me possible because I belong to HIM. HE wants all of us to excel and utilize what HE has given us. We are HIS creation, HIS work of art, if you will, and HE wants us to reflect the brilliance and creative genius of the artist. HE wants the glory.

So perhaps, I do need a healthy dose of competition in my life – not against others but competition with my self. Not to prove that I can do it or to attempt to meet someone else’s standard. Rather, my aim and hope would be to continually demonstrate the ongoing impact and radical change HE has had upon my life as I reflect HIS grace from my own life into the lives of those around me. Now that's a competitive challenge that intrigues me with endless work to be done, too.  

I often return to Thomas Merton's prayer...

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

.

I Sing a New Song

I’m extremely grateful for my new church choir family. I am. I can’t quite express enough what a difference the last few weeks have made in my life.

I feel loved, accepted and wanted. I feel like I belong.

REHEARSALS: I actually look forward to choir rehearsal on Thursday nights. Seriously, that’s amazing. Thursdays are my last work day of the week, and by Thursday late afternoon, I’m usually pretty tired and ready to crash. My 10-hour work days are catching up with me, and exhaustion is ready to claim me. And yet, I find myself psyched about going to choir and the chance to sing for a couple of hours. I head out the door eager to get there and see my new friends. I feel real joy in singing again.

CO-CHAIR: My co-chair responsibilities for one of our fundraiser teams are going pretty well. Of course, I feel like I’m bumbling along most of the time, but I’m having fun, and I love the spirited personalities around me. I’ve discovered someone who likes details even more than I do, and I love that. I’m in an environment where I can serve, and I can get as active as I feel called to be. I’m a Martha, a doer. I am at my happiest when I can act out my faith in love and service.

RETREAT: We had our annual choir retreat this past Saturday, and it was an incredible experience for this first-timer. I loved singing through the upcoming Christmas program repertoire for the first time. Sure, there is admittedly a lot of work for us over the next couple of months, but it was also exciting to hear and sing new music. Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting more of the choir members and socializing with them. And then at the end of the day, we had a time of worship and communion, which was an incredible way to end our special time together. It was awesome to hear the hearts of my fellow singing family as we shared a time of community around the bread and cup.

All in all, I’m making friends and stepping out of my comfort zone once again. Seriously, I was laughing at myself the other night on my drive home. I was mentally noting how I’m gradually coming out of my shell and letting the real Mel emerge and come out to play. Starting over in a new place isn’t easy, but it’s been much easier than the months before I made this decision and switched churches. Yes, I truly believe that GOD paved the way ahead of time and brought me to St. Luke’s at just the right moment, and HE’s been with me every step of the way – guiding me, coaxing me and, yes, kicking me in the butt just when I needed it the most. HE has me in HIS hands.

I’ve Never Met Someone I Couldn’t Live Without

I’ve always considered myself a romantic, but I’m not sure I fit that classification any more.

I love to read classic novels by Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, Elizabeth Gaskell and E.M.Forster. I marvel at the deep connections forged between characters and am struck with the monumental, often selfless love I see housed within those yellowed pages. I can’t get enough of romantic, period films, often based on novels by the same authors above. I smile, dream and sigh viewing my kindred spirit heroine on the screen as she seeks a love to call her own.

And while I’ve loved before, once or twice, it was never like it is in the novels or in films. It wasn't meant to be, but my life continued on, and my wounded heart always recovered. Fact is that I don’t know if I want that burning kind of love that the great romantic poets wrote about. I love to read their magical rhythmic lines, but I don’t know if I want to taste the kind of love I can’t live without.

You’d think the romantic in me would want it, even if it was just for a moment. I could write about it for years to come – discussing what once was and what might have been. But the realist in me is more alive than when I was young. I’ll always have a flare for the dramatic, that much is true, but reality reigns me in more often than not. Stories like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet are no longer romantic tales to me. Taking your own life because you can’t be with the one you love is not the kind of love I want to experience. Is that really love or an obsession?

I’ve never met someone I couldn’t live without. That might seem shocking, but I mean it sincerely and kindly. I’ve met and known some incredible people that I’d miss dearly if they weren’t here on this earth with me. I consider myself blessed to have them in my life for as long as GOD allows, but I’m not ready to throw myself on the sword should they depart this life. I will mourn their passing, but continue on, I must.

Maybe I’ve grown too practical, too no-nonsense in my mid-thirties. I imagine that my younger self would find me harsh, unsentimental and cold, and above all, unromantic. But I’m not dead inside. I’m not without feeling. I still yearn for a love of my own. I do. Honestly, I don’t know how to stop wanting that something more, and I probably always will, but I have learned to live without it. Life has gone on, day by day and moment by moment despite the lack of a potential mate, and I'm finding my own happy purpose along the way. Life isn't all romance, and my life certainly isn't like any novel I've read or movie I've watched. Real life is so much more.

While love has eluded me, life has not. I embrace it passionately as I am gripped by the MAKER of life and the ONE who defined love in the most incredible way possible.

So in truth, I need to rephrase my earlier statement about how "I’ve never met someone I couldn’t live without." I have met someone.

JESUS CHRIST is the ONE -- the only one I can’t live without.

Bonding With St. Louis

There is some debate amongst my family and friends as to whether or not a person can take too many photos. I heartily believe that it is not possible to take too many. In fact, the more pics, the better, and I regularly practice this aforementioned theory.

This weekend was no exception. I came back from my 4-day weekend to St. Louis with 1,180+ photos to upload from my digital camera. WOOHOO!! Maybe that seems like a lot, but I'd rather have too many than too few. I love visiting St. Louis. There is just something magical about that city that calls me back time and time again. I’m crazy about it.

Forest Park is the most amazing city park I have ever visited. Truly it is! The park is full of meandering walks and inspiring views. The setting is incredible – filled with trees, lakes, picturesque bridges, etc. – and the architecture of the buildings is spectacular as well. Personally, I never get tired of the St. Louis Art Museum matched against the lovely Grand Basin lake below it. It’s a photographer’s dream.

There is a seemingly endless supply of things to do in Forest Park – tour the art museum, visit the animals at the zoo, walk up the steps to the 1904 World’s Fair Pavilion, explore the Science Center and Planetarium, jet back in time via the History Museum, climb onto a giant turtle’s back in Turtle Park, and so much more.

The Missouri Botanical Gardens are breathtaking. Each visit I discover something “new” that I hadn’t noticed before. The gardens are large and plentiful with amazing blooms and vivid foliage. I particularly enjoy the water lilies growing in the many ponds strewn about the property. The rose gardens are spectacular, and I could spend hours walking amidst the colorful and fragrant displays of GOD’s handiwork there. Yes, the Missouri Botanical Gardens are a favorite haunt of mine.

The Gateway Arch is a must-see stop for a visitor to St. Louis. The riverside park offers majestic views of the monument as well as riverboat tours, helicopter rides and other tourist offerings. Every guest must take the tram ride to the top of the arch at least once. I’ve ridden to the top several times in the past, and so it’s not a requirement on every visit any more, but it is worth doing at least once.

The City Museum is incredibly hard to describe. It’s unlike any museum I’ve ever visited. Housed in 600,000 square feet, the museum is like a giant playground/funhouse for adults and children alike. There are man-made caves to explore, giant slides to descend on, tree houses to climb, etc. It’s a whimsical, magical place that kind of reminds me of a Tim Burton movie -- more like The Nightmare Before Christmas rather than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's a bit dark, a tad bit spooky and full of surprises.

The big WOW! factor for me was the the outdoor playground complete with 2 salvaged planes, an old fire truck, giant wrought-iron slinkies, a castle turret, etc., and all of this 2-5 stories off the ground. As touted on the website, it is “the most monumental, monolithic, monstrous montage of monkey bars in the world.” Yes, that it is. All I can say is that I was glad I didn’t have any young kids with me. If I were a parent, I might have been a nervous wreck, but as it stands right now, I’m ready to go back again any time.

Yes, St. Louis is pretty awesome. It’s a fabulous place to explore. I’d highly recommend you plan your own adventure to this incredible city.

P.S. I realize, it might seem a tad bit strange that I did not post any photos of my weekend in St. Lou yet.  Well, I do have my work cut out for me -- what with 1,180 photos to review, etc. I hope to get some posted in the near future.

DISCLAIMER: The author of said blog did not receive any financial incentives or kick-backs for the above posting that highlights some of the attractions in the St. Louis area. However, said author may be willing to discuss such options in the future should an offer come along.

What to Do With the Lemons?

We all know the saying: “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

But what if you aren’t crazy about lemonade at all? I’m not. I have friends that are crazy about it. Their first stop at the state fair is to get a lemon shake-up or a lemon freeze. Personally, I don’t get their obsession with lemon drinks, but I’m happy for them. I prefer water to lemonade, and that is saying a lot since I'm not a big water drinker.

So can we choose to do something else with our surplus of lemons in lieu of making lemonade? I think so. I mean, you have lemons to spare, and you don't want them to go to waste, right? So why couldn't you do something else with them? I could make lemon squares instead. I like those. A lemon meringue pie sounds pretty good right about now, too.

So, while I like the whole sour-to-sweet truth behind the lemons-to-lemonade thing, I really want to paraphrase the jingle for me and all those other non-lemonade-drinkers out there. I feel we need a voice, too.

How about…

When life hands you lemons, make lemon squares.

OR

When life hands you lemons, be grateful. Not everyone has lemons, but now you do.

Did You Know…

That we lose 1,000 U.S. World War II veterans every day?

I sure didn’t, but now I do.

I called my 85-year-old Uncle Gilbert (aka Gib) this week to catch up with him. I am going to be traveling to St. Louis this weekend, and I’m hoping to connect with him. He’s a charming gentleman, and I could listen to his stories for hours. We got to talking about his service in the Navy during WWII, and he shared his recent excursion with the Honor Flight, which involved an all-expenses-paid day trip to our nation’s Capitol to visit the monuments and spend time with fellow WWII veterans. I was intrigued and eager to find more about it.

“Honor Flight Network is a non-profit organization created solely to honor America's veterans for all their sacrifices. We transport our heroes to Washington, D.C. to visit and reflect at their memorials. Top priority is given to the senior veterans – World War II survivors, along with those other veterans who may be terminally ill. Of all of the wars in recent memory, it was World War II that truly threatened our very existence as a nation—and as a culturally diverse, free society. Now, with over one thousand World War II veterans dying each day, our time to express our thanks to these brave men and women is running out.”

I had never heard of the Honor Flight Network, and so I wanted to pass along the knowledge. If you get the opportunity to donate to this cause, please do so. It sounds like a wonderful way to express our gratitude to these brave men and women who risked their lives for future generations (that’s us).

A Warm Welcome to Autumn

Autumn begins later today, and I’m ready for it. Yes, I think I blog about this every year…how I start to smell caramel apples and burning leaves, start craving candy corn and turkey (not in the same bite, mind you), and start breathing better and enjoying the great outdoors more. So the temps are still higher in the Hoosier state than I think they should be right now -- I acknowledge that, but I choose to be optimistic and cling to the idea that crisp, cooler air is coming in the weeks ahead. Yes, I am in love with fall.

And while we're on the subject of fall and love, I've decided that if I ever fall in love with an actual human being (rather than a character in a film or novel), I want it to be in autumn. If I meet a guy in the spring that I sense I’m falling for, I’ll just tell him to give me a call in October. I don’t want to be rude about it, but autumn is just better for me all around.

Great! Now I’ve got this sentimental song from Camelot in my head… (sigh!) Happy Fall, Everybody!

If Ever I Would Leave You

by Frederick Loewe (sung here by Robert Goulet)

If ever I would leave you

It wouldn't be in summer.

Seeing you in summer I never would go.

Your hair streaked with sun-light,

Your lips red as flame,

Your face with a lustre

that puts gold to shame!

But if I'd ever leave you,

It couldn't be in autumn.

How I'd leave in autumn I never will know.

I've seen how you sparkle

When fall nips the air.

I know you in autumn

And I must be there.

And could I leave you

running merrily through the snow?

Or on a wintry evening

when you catch the fire's glow?

If ever I would leave you,

how could it be in spring-time?

Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?

Oh, no! not in spring-time!

Summer, winter or fall!

No, never could I leave you at all!

Choir Initiation: I'm In

A few weeks ago, I finally made the decision to leave my former church and branch out into another church. Five weeks later, I’m so grateful to GOD for HIS direction and sense of timing. I can say with confidence in HIM that I am where I am supposed to be right now. The Chancel Choir at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church has welcomed in this former Baptist, former Grace Brethren, former non-denominational fundamentalist with open arms and an incredible amount of warmth, grace and kindness.

I love my new choir family. The second sopranos have been an incredible source of encouragement and friendship to this newbie, and the rest of the choir members that I have met thus far have been more of the same. Our choir is 160+ members strong, but it feels like a family, a big extended family.

I love the heart and worshipful atmosphere in our rehearsals and our Sunday mornings together. We end our rehearsals holding hands and joining in prayer together, as we seek our MAKER, CREATOR and SAVIOR. Sunday mornings are a flurry of activity as we dress in our robes, do a final rehearsal and prepare for the worship service, but our director always brings us back to the object of our worship, our GOD, before we make our way to the platform. I’ve never experienced such a worshipful atmosphere in any choir I have ever sung with.

I love the action and the drive to serve together, both within the choir members and the heart of the church itself. There are so many opportunities to get involved and serve within the church community that it’s hard to just pick something and dig in. I was feeling a bit intimidated. I told my friend Barb that I needed to get involved on one of the teams or committees within the choir. Next thing I knew, I was being recruited to serve on a committee for a special project. And thus, yours truly is now a co-chair on a program/promotion/ticket committee for a fundraising event in October. Talk about ironic. For years, I've been struggling about using the spiritual gifts that GOD has given me, and so it's very humbling to see HIM bring HIS plans forward and specifically place me where HE can use my talents for HIS glory.

Yes, I’m enjoying my new experiences, friends and service at St. Luke’s UMC, and I’m excited to see what GOD will do next.

Pest Me No More

I love those “smile” boxes that arrive in the mail, don’t you? Amazon.com rocks!

Today, my new shipment of Black&Decker “Ultrasonic Pest Repellers” arrived in the mail. I’m using an earlier version of these plug-in repellers at present, and I figured I was due for an upgrade. Fact is that I’ve had to resort to killing a few spiders that had made their way indoors recently, and I seem to remember something in the product manual about decreasing effectiveness over time, and so I’ve reinvested (less than $12 for a pack of 3).

Now admittedly, I don’t quite understand how these gadgets work exactly. I’m not an engineer or a scientist. I just work with brilliant people like that in an attempt to absorb their knowledge. HA! But somehow, these small devices emit ultrasonic “noise” that continually fluctuates and disrupts pests (such as large bugs, spiders, mice, etc.) and drives them out. The Black&Decker theory is that, “Pests are repelled because they cannot adapt to the constantly changing array of complex ultrasonic and sonic sounds.” In essence, the pests go crazy, and so they move out or choose to set up residence elsewhere. Sounds great, right?

Well, since my first purchase of this product more than 2 years ago, I’ve read the online reviews, most of which are not positive. Apparently this product does not work for everyone or every pest situation, but it has suited my needs just fine. OK, so it is not 100% effective at keeping the invading arachnids from entering my domain, but I have encountered fewer spiders since I installed the gadgets, and this is a clear case where less is more, in my world.

Truthfully, I don’t care about actual percentages or how the device may or may not keep elephant-sized rats at bay. This is rather unscientific of me, I realize. But somehow I feel better having the little white boxes plugged into my wall outlets, and that, my friends, makes it worthwhile to me. Sure, I recognize that I am relying on my feelings vs. actual scientific data, and perhaps this peace of mind I am feeling is all just in my head. I know that, but it doesn’t matter. I FEEL BETTER with my little friends plugged into my walls, and that is all the proof I need.

Have I Mentioned…

I love having my Fridays OFF. Love it. Love it. Love it. Seriously, I highly enjoy having my Fridays to play with. My Monday through Thursday schedule is often jam-packed, and so my Fridays are a sublime retreat from the frenetic pace of life.

• Catch-up on sleep: Sometimes, I confess, I sleep the better part of the morning away. I often struggle going to bed by 10 PM during the week despite knowing that I have a 4:50 AM wake-up coming the next morning. I know, that’s crazy, but it’s a fact. So on Fridays, I often need to get caught up on my rest.

• Roadtrips: I have taken a couple of roadtrips to Ohio to see the sites and have also spent some extra time with my sister and her family up in Kokomo. Plus, I’ve enjoyed having the time for my drive to LDM SonRise Retreats or for long weekends in Michigan.

• Gardens and Parks: I’ve gotten better acquainted with several city parks. There is something so soothing about a stroll through nature. It’s been a bit too hot at times this summer, but I’ve still enjoyed my walks and jogs. In addition, I’ve spent countless hours rambling through the gardens at the IMA and exploring the new 100 Acres Nature Park there as well.

• Catching up with friends: I’ve enjoyed having lunch or getting together with friends that I don’t often get to see. It’s been a lot of fun!

• Downtown Indianapolis: I have missed downtown Indy more than I realized. This summer, I’ve been making regular treks downtown to explore the canal, the buildings, the museums, and the monuments again. This past Friday, I took advantage of the pleasant temps and visited the State Capitol Building, the Indiana State Library and the Scottish Rite Cathedral. It was a pretty awesome day, and I was in my element, snapping photos like crazy.

Yeah, I’m loving my Fridays a lot.

What a Great Sunday Looks Like

Two momentous things happened on Sunday.

1. In the morning, I sang in the St. Luke’s United Methodist Church Chancel Choir for 2 services without tripping on the stage or bursting into song out of turn. For weeks, I had envisioned myself tripping on the stage as we walked up or down the stairs there, but I had a successful “premiere,” as it were, and am pleased that there was no reportable incident to relate. And while I can read music just fine, I was also worried that I would over-zealously sing out before it was time for the second soprano’s cue, and so I was relieved that didn’t happen either. YES. It was a success. I am really enjoying my choir adventures. At first it was a bit overwhelming that our choir is 160+ people strong. That is bigger than the church I grew up in, in total, but I am loving the family atmosphere, generous spirit and encouragement that I have encountered in every rehearsal and this our first Sunday together. I’m curious what GOD has in store next.

2. Becky and I proved once and for all that we were correct in not pursuing our tween year fantasies of taking Wimbledon by storm. Boris Becker has no idea how he fueled our dreams once upon a time. (sigh!) Anyway, we spent an exhausting hour on the courts Sunday evening, and while Becky was rather brilliant in comparison to yours truly, neither of us are bound for tennis stardom. We had one decent volley of 8 or 9 shots, I think. After which, Becky asked if we should start keeping score, and I declared a hearty, “No way, unless you want to keep track of all the balls we are hitting outside of the gated court.” Naturally, I would have won that competition since I am known for my lack of control when hitting the ball, and I was up about 9 to 1 at that time. HA! So we’re not going pro any time soon, but we still got a good workout, and most importantly, we had fun out there.

More Beautiful You

I really like this video/song, which just reinforces what I was trying to say in my blog earlier today. Good stuff! Thank you, Jonny Diaz!

Diet Girl Starts a New Chapter

I’m trying to eat healthier options as a way of life. I’ve become a lover of salads and fruit. Whole grains are yummy, and lite versions of just about everything line my fridge shelves and kitchen cupboards. I’ve been able to revise some of my habits, but I’m still probably never gonna be an I’m-sorry-I-just-can’t-finish-my-burger-girl. I just don’t think I’ll get there. I’m quite capable of optimism, but I don’t believe in painting a rosy picture that doesn’t match my reality. I’m learning to embrace the real me – the girl who still has an enduring relationship with food.

Yes, food and I are still arduously bonded. Whether I’m craving a Boca burger or a plate of nachos, I’m still fixated on satisfying that urge, that desire to feed. Gum helps. Chewing a piece of gum often halts a craving, but it’s just covering up my symptoms. The hunger is still there, under the surface. A baked potato or a plate of cooked broccoli fills me up for a time. The hunger is displaced, but it always returns, sooner than you would think.

Food and I have a love-hate relationship. I love how it tastes going down, but I hate how tightly I am hinged to it. I love how it fills me, but I hate how I allow it to control how I feel. I want to be that person who merely eats because it’s necessary to refuel the body, and not because food feels good, but I’m not there yet, and sometimes I wonder if that is really possible for me. I don’t want to make excuses for the path I’ve taken, but I also know we are all wired differently.

So what has really changed after nearly 29 months off and on Weight Watchers? I’ve lost weight, gained some back, lost some more, gained some back, etc. I still weigh quite a bit less than when I started on this journey, but I haven’t reached my goal, and I’ve spent a great deal of time plateauing. I feel better than when I began this adventure, but I think a more fit me is attainable. I’ve changed some bad eating habits, but I still love food, and it still has a tight grip on me.

Today I’m starting back on Weight Watchers again with energy and determination mixed with a dose of reality. I’m gonna count my points and stick to them. I’m gonna step on the scale less than before and stop obsessing about some magic number that might not be possible for me. I’m gonna try to throw more exercise into my routine and keep my pace up. But I’m also gonna face facts: while a slimmer me is quite possible, a paper-thin me might not genetically be in my cards. Oh I can do better than where I am. I know that, but I still might not be able to alter my body shape into someone else’s ideal. We are certainly NOT all molded the same way, and that's a good thing.

Current Weight: None of your business
Goal: To work hard at it and yet NOT beat myself up
Attitude: Sassy

Too Much TV

I was home sick yesterday. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything, other than laying around all day in my jammies. Yep, I was curled up on my couch for most of the day. I ignored Facebook. I didn’t write a darn thing. And late in the day, I craved toast, scrambled eggs and Sprite like you wouldn’t believe.

On a positive note, I got a lot of TV-watching in – thanks to Netflix. I’m a third of the way through “30 Rock” season 2 now, and I finished The Pillars of the Earth, a TV miniseries based on Ken Follett’s novel of the same name. So glad that the entire day was not a waste. HA!

I could tell I was starting to feel better about 7 PM when the urge hit me to clean my place up. Some people might consider that a sickness in itself, but Miss Little Neat-n-Tidy had been a slug for too long, and I could sit idle no more. It was killing me.

Today, I’m back to work and feeling much better. Well, mostly. OK, the truth is that I'm pushing myself to feel better. I'm tired of being sick, and so I'm thinking positive and trying to alter the status quo. Sure, I’m still wishing for more sleep and pining for my pillow, but that's normal, right?

Classic ISTJ

Last Friday, I attended an all-day team building event that involved getting a copy of my results from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality profile. I didn’t know quite what to expect at all, but I found myself enjoying the day.

Three weeks ago, I completed the paperwork with more than a slight suspicion of how in the world my personality was going to be assessed based on whether I preferred one word over another. So admittedly I was skeptical as I opened my assessment packet on Friday, but as I read the report, I discovered a lot of truth within. I was an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking and Judging or better known as someone who is most often "doing what should be done." (NOT my words here, but the definition of my profile type. AHEM!)

INTROVERT: not really a huge surprise here, but I was curious where I would fall on the scale between 1 and 30. I was a 5. The basic premise at the heart of the introvert vs. extrovert question is where a person gets recharged. Some of us get refueled by spending time with others while others prefer to slip away on their own to recover from the blur of the day. I fall into that latter category. Yes, I enjoy being with people and can actually be a social butterfly if the occasion calls for it, but the truth is that at my core, I enjoy the solitude just as well.

SENSING: this one was not a surprise either. I ranked in as a 9 on sensing vs. intuition but it was interesting to see my wide range on the breakdown of this dichotomy. Yes, I definitely prefer more concrete ideas to the abstract, and while I have a vivid imagination, I do live in the real world on most accounts. However, I ranked high on the “conceptual” side for intuition vs. the “practical” side on sensing, and I also had a preference for “original” (intuition) vs. the “traditional” (sensing).

THINKING: this one was another curiosity for me. I was not exactly sure where I would find myself in the thinking vs. feeling realm. I was a 3 on the scale, and so this is a slight preference for me. Honestly, I think this is a newer trend for me in my adult life. I think I’m harder on myself and others than I used to be. I’m more cynical and less likely to base a decision on feelings vs. the facts. I guess I would rather be logical than follow my heart sometimes, which is perhaps not always the most compassionate route. See, even here I am waffling. HA!

JUDGING: now this one made me laugh, even though this "judging" is not quite what my sister and I joke about all the time. AHEM! Sure, I knew that judging would be my diagnosis here vs. perceiving, but I didn’t know exactly where I would pan out on the scale. Well, I was a 28 out of 30. HA! My personality preference is very clear on this score. I definitely prefer decisiveness and closure, and while I can be a bit flexible and am able to adapt as I go, I am hard-wired for a more planned and scheduled routine vs. spontaneity. Yeah, this is certainly not news to anyone.

One final thought, I loved the ISTJ prayer that was shared with me at our event: GOD, help me to begin relaxing about the little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 AM. That is classic me, and I know my sister would agree with that! Hee hee!

HE Just Said, "Follow ME"

I have switched gears officially now and am attending a completely new church for me, not to mention a new denomination. It’s all rather exciting and intriguing for me, albeit a bit shocking for my parents. I think they are concerned I’ll lose all of my fundamentalist upbringing, but these dear people I am now worshiping with are ALSO part of the body of Christ, and I feel very strongly that GOD led me there.

Yesterday’s message was on how JESUS called HIS disciples by simply telling them to follow HIM. There was no formal process of church membership, no charter or constitution to wade through, no 5-bullet points, no lists of do's or don'ts, no debate on modes of baptism or how to do communion. JESUS just sought HIS disciples out and said, “Follow ME," and they did.

Why don’t we do more of THAT?
Why don’t we simply follow HIM, the MASTER and TEACHER?

I love how the majority of the first apostles were NOT elitist or part of the upper echelon of society. They were common folk, less educated and rough. They were hardy fishermen and blue-collar workers, and yet look at how GOD used them to ignite our world. WOW! It’s rather humbling and perhaps a little bit scary to realize that HE wants the same of each one of us. HE just says, “Follow ME.”

How would our current world change if more of us did just what HE asked?

Restoring Harmony

The balance between good and evil has been brought back into alliance if only for a brief few seconds, as I hastily ended the chances of a larger spider to gain entrance into my domain. We were NOT mean to coexist in this little space. It just wasn't gonna happen. One of us had to go, and it wasn't gonna be me.

I know that my arachnid loving friends will be disappointed to learn of yet another violent turn on my part. But I highly doubt that I ended the entire species of *ruby gargantuan grotesqua* by spraying and then smashing to bits the remains of my eight-legged villain with my shoe. Overkill is probably a good description of our encounter, but it was entirely necessary for the sanity of this present inmate.

There will be others. There always are. The battle will continue, and I won't always come out on top of the creepy, fang-bearing arthropods, but I must savor this small victory and revel in the moment. DEEP CLEANSING BREATH! Yes,it feels right. All is right with the world again. SIGH!

*Yes, I'm now coming up with my own variations of spider identification terminology.*

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! !

10 days ago, I was privileged to be a bridesmaid in my niece Janet’s wedding. It was an amazing day! Congratulations to Chris and Janet!! I love you guys!

People Fascinate Me

I am fascinated with people. I love people. It’s a good thing really. GOD has called us to love others as ourselves, and I think a healthy interest in other people is part of just that. I love connecting with people, and the social media blitz of today is all about making those connections. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Friendster and others allow us instant access to people near and far, celebrities and close friends, relatives and co-workers, etc. So it’s all good, right?

Hmmmm…I’m not sure. Like anything, I think moderation is key. Too much of a good thing can be bad for us just like large quantities of chocolate, donuts and ice cream, and I think I’ve reached that point. Over the last few months, I’ve been noting an alarming personal trend. I’ve experienced more loneliness, more utter dissatisfaction and unrest in my life. And all of this angst while I’ve been more “plugged” into the lives of others via social media than ever before.

I think my life has somewhat become a “keeping up with the Joneses” scenario. I’m struggling to keep up on the lives of 400+ of my “closest friends.” HA! I’m following several authors on Twitter and learning about their lives and projects. I’m laughing at the antics of my friends on Facebook. It’s fun. It’s enjoyable, but it’s not always healthy or at least, I’m finding it less so. I’m too preoccupied and pulled into too many different directions, and I feel like my “live” relationships are suffering.

Social media should NOT replace actual face-time with friends or catch-up phone calls with relatives across the country. It shouldn’t be a substitute for actually giving of my time to get to know someone better in person. Just knowing a factoid about them or where they had breakfast doesn’t usurp my friendship responsibility to take a more active interest in their lives and have a real one-on-one conversation.

Social media in a way allows us to disengage from people’s lives. We might know more about a person’s daily activities and in some cases, how they are feeling, but somehow, we’re reaching out even less to our “neighbor.” At least, I feel like I am. That’s sad. I don’t need to call my friend to check on them because they seemed just fine on Facebook, and no one would lie on Facebook or tell less than the complete truth, right? I don’t need to schedule dinner with my friend because I got caught up on his life via Twitter, and so we're good for a while, right? Not really!

So while in theory, it seems like I should feel more connected than before, the opposite is true. My relationships feel more fractured, more disjointed. Almost as if I’m experiencing information overload, but it’s not quality stuff. I know more details about someone else’s life, but I know less of the real them. I’m giving less of myself really.

So what does it all mean? I don’t know. Am I bailing out from Facebook? Not yet. Am I done with Twitter? I don’t think so. I did recently opt to close MySpace account though for good reason. It was my least favorite outlet, and I grew tried of the trash-talking and cheesy come-ons. No thank you!! And honestly, I’m just trying to re-think how I use these social media outlets. I like them. I really do, but I think I need to more thoughtfully weigh and pursue my time options…

Alaska Is Sounding Better And Better…

It’s hot out there. I walked to my car in sauna-like temperatures and humidity this morning just before 6:30 AM. That’s craziness! This girl doesn't handle high humidity well at all.

1. Have you seen my hair lately? WOA! I ran into a friend the other day, and he was like: "Hey, Mel, is that you under all that hair?" NOT a pretty sight.
2. My skin is naturally oily anyway, but all this humidity is giving me more than a healthy glow. Southern girls might glisten, but up here, we Yankee girls sweat. Again, it's not quite the charming visual one would hope for.
3. I can't breathe. Seriously, it's like you want to hold your breath on the way to the car because the air feels toxic and unbearable. It's not that attractive to always be gasping for breath really.

All this Midwest heat and humidity madness is making me think about moving across the country. Alaska sounds pretty good. I like nature (minus the spiders and bugs). I could survive in the wilderness, right? Although, I might be somewhat intimidated by the idea of running into a bear. Hmmmm...it’s not sounding like a very good story to me. Thrilling and more than a bit exciting, but I might not survive to tell the grandkids.

Bears or humidity? I'm still pondering the choice...is there an option B?

The Countdown

We are now at T minus 12 days before my oldest niece gets married at the age of 20. I’m psyched and giddy with excitement for Janet and Chris. It’s really big news for my family since it has been a few years since we have had a wedding to celebrate. It will be like a family reunion of sorts as two lives merge into one. I can’t wait.

However, as the single, never-been-married, never-been-close-to-marriage aunt of the bride, I confess that I have some personal concerns that I feel the need to get off my chest.

• When you get lapped by the next generation, are you down for the count?
• Are your chances of matrimonial bliss gone for good?
• Should you just get 5 house cats and call it a day?

I hope not. I mean, for one, I’m more of a dog person really, and secondly, this “old maid” with romantic inclinations doesn’t want to stop dreaming of the possibility. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. In fact, I am currently willing to review any and all applicants and referrals that present themselves as eligible candidates.

My requirements are not too rigid, I don’t think:

1. Single: I am no home-wrecker, and polygamy doesn’t really appeal to me either. 
2. Male: Non-negotiable. Sorry, ladies, I’m just not that into you.
3. Human: I’ve considered the android idea, but I don’t think I’m there yet.
4. Mortal: Vampires relationships might make for great fiction, but I’d prefer that my spouse and I grow old together. And then there is that whole “will he or won’t he bite me” thing that would nag at my very soul.  

Look at how broad-minded I am. I've left lots of room for potential options. :)

So, yes, it might be a little weird watching my niece get married before me, but, hey, I’ll have a great view of the whole event since I am one of her bridesmaids, which is pretty special. Fact is, I’m one lucky aunt really.

The Blur That Has Been July

WOA! Where has July gone? It’s been a busy few weeks.

Michigan Weekend: Over July 4th, I joined my sister and her family for a long weekend in Michigan. We had a blast, even though Michigan was experiencing unseasonably HIGH temperatures. YIKES! It rarely gets above 100 degrees F, but it did while we were there. HA! We caught fireworks along Lake Huron, shopped at the Croswell Stockyards, played games, had our own fireworks show in the side yard, and just had a great weekend together with my parents and my Grandma. I also got to catch up with my friend Melissa over lunch at Junction Buoy. We hadn’t seen each other in years (too many to count really). It was great to reconnect and enjoy laughing together again.

Newport Aquarium: My friend Becky and I drove to Newport, Kentucky to take in the amazing aquarium there. Tickets are a bit pricey ($22 for adult tickets), but it is worth it for an occasional visit, in my book. If I visited more frequently, a membership would be the way to go. They have lots of shark and tropical fish. Of course, I especially liked their turtles, but that's just me. I'm a turtle girl! I’m also crazy about the jellyfish exhibit. I think jellyfish are beautiful creatures...deadly but beautiful!

Weekend with Jacob: My 7-year-old nephew Jacob came to visit me last weekend on his own. We bowled together on Saturday morning, where Aunt Mel won both games but not by much. Yes, I confess, we both used the bumper rails. I'm rather fond of the bumper rails myself. HA! Saturday afternoon, we toured the IMA's contemporary collection. He liked the Untitled exhibit by Tara Donovan, which was one of the reasons I wanted him to visit the IMA. But in truth, he loved the Jeppe Hein's Distance more. It's an amazing "indoor rollercoaster track for a series of white, plastic balls." You can follow the balls as they make their way along the track, and it is fascinating to say the least. [By the way, both of those exhibits close soon, and so check them out.] We did walk through part 100 Acres as well, but the heat soon sent us heading back to the car for some needed AC. On Sunday, we saw Toy Story 3 in 3D, which is one of the best films of the year, I believe. It was a great end to our incredible weekend of bonding. OK, so I spoiled him a little bit. He got to eat the foods he wanted and watch lots of Scooby Doo movies on Netflix, too. But, hey, I think it is an aunt's right to spoil nieces and nephews! I think of it as my job really...

Part 3: Stretching Out

Three years ago, after months of praying and struggling, I left my church and went out searching for something more. I wallowed a wee bit (I confess), visited other churches, and 12+ months later, came back to my former church determined to make a fresh start.

I immediately tried to get busy serving and doing. I’m a doer, one of those people that can’t just sit still. I’m a Martha. I had struggled to get involved in the church ministries in the past and thought that the church membership class might help me get more involved. I enrolled and took a spiritual gift surveys. I guess I should NOT have been surprised at the results, but I was disheartened to discover my gifts nonetheless. My top 2 gifts were leadership and administration. Not missions or evangelism. Not teaching or serving. No. GOD didn’t make me that way. Fact is that GOD made me to lead, organize and direct. Those are my gifts, and I’ve struggled to embrace them as a woman, especially in church.

Armed with the spiritual gift knowledge, I tried to get involved in the church ministries again, but alas with the same results as before. So I decided to look elsewhere and get actively serving outside the church. I joined up with LDM (Lutheran Disability Ministries) for 5 weekend SonRise Retreats from November through April and loved it. My spirit soared as I rediscovered what “church” should look like – a community, a family of believers coming together out of the bonds of sin and into the arms of Christ to serve together and spread the light of the Gospel in both word and deed. I experienced more community in those weekends working mostly with high schoolers and college age adults than I had encountered in years of attending church.

Then a friend suggested I join her and some of her fellow choir members for monthly hymn sing-a-longs at an area senior living center, and I decided to try it out once and loved it and kept going back for more. Again, here was community in action - a community of senior citizen saints that included me! I was blown away by what GOD was revealing to me and teaching me outside my own concept of church.

I was glad to be actively serving again, but I was struggling with my own church again, and I found myself right back where I started 2 years ago. If I couldn’t find ways to serve at my church and couldn’t find avenues of fellowship there, was worship truly reason enough to keep going? What's that saying about trying the same thing over and over, hoping to get new results? AHEM!

I debated for months and wrestled with GOD about it, but HE just wouldn’t let it go. My friends thoughtfully listened to me and encouraged me. My parents lovingly counseled and prayed with me. And finally, I faced facts. For whatever reason, I have not been able to settle down in my current church assembly, and it is time to move on. I believe that GOD wants to use me elsewhere.

My friend encouraged me to join her church choir and sing with them on a regular basis. This is the same friend that got me singing at the senior center. It sounded great, but I wasn’t sure I could make the switch. I was raised Baptist and was going to a conservative non-denominational church that was once aligned with Baptists, and so attending a Methodist church seemed like a pretty big stretch.

One day my sister shared her own family’s struggles with finding a church and said: “Attending church isn’t like a marriage, Mel. You aren’t committed for life.” I thought long and hard about what my sister said and about all the ways GOD had been leading me over the past few years in such unconventional styles. HE has stretched me, broadened my horizons and broken down my reserves. It’s been quite an adventure, and now I feel HE is leading me into another one.

I don’t know what the future holds, but this is just one step along the path. I'm just following the LEADER, and we'll see where HE takes me. Here I go…

Part 2: Admitting Flaws

OK, I admit that I’m not perfect. I’m completely and heartily flawed, and some of the loneliness I have experienced in church is my own doing. I got burned a couple of times and simply stopped trying. I gave up. Plus, I had my own baggage, and that was probably the root of my problem.

I was jealous of what those paired off people had. I wanted to belong to another person myself. Most singles do. Most of us aren’t single by choice. Fact is that I have yet to turn down a marriage proposal. HA!

I didn’t like the fact that a whole month of services was dedicated to marriage and the family. I didn’t have a family or the marriage, and so I sat through the sermons for a year or two, but then I bailed out each year afterwards. It didn’t apply to me. After all, where were the sermons on singleness or sexual purity? Fact is I didn’t want to spend a whole month studying something I wanted and didn’t have. It sounded like torture!

I was distracted and ticked off when I would sit behind a couple that were massaging each other in the service. I was irritated with their inappropriate behavior, and I struggled to concentrate on the message. Fact is that I wanted someone rubbing my back, too.

I got tired of answering the same questions all over again: why aren’t you married, have you ever been married, aren’t you dating? So I started getting creative with my responses. Sarcasm became my ally, and I let bitterness take over at times. Fact is that I was annoyed with my single status, annoyed that no one had my back, annoyed that GOD didn’t write me a personal letter explaining my single status so that I could hand out copies when asked.

I secretly envied the newly engaged couples and the wives with their sparkly anniversary rings. I struggled to relate to the housewives and soccer moms. I didn’t understand spouses complaining over dirty laundry on the floor, home improvement projects, or lack of alone time. Fact is that my desire for marriage and my idolatry of the same tainted my views of their situations, and I wasn’t always good friend material.

I can readily admit that part of my church issues and struggles have been my own self. AND I CAN DO BETTER. I know I can. I still can. I wasn't content with the status quo then and I'm not now either, something’s gotta give...

Part 1: Churching Singles

My friend Stephanie once shared a quote with me, and those words have stuck with me over the years: “Church is the loneliest place for a single woman.” I don’t know who originated those words, but I believe them to be true with all my heart.

I’ve battled the loneliness myself. It takes a lot out of a person to attend week after week alone. I pump myself up on the drive to church with worship tunes and arrive in the sanctuary with my spirits high. I search out a familiar face, in hopes of sitting with a friend and often do, but I also long to meet other people and expand my circle of friends. I seek out more accountability not less. I want to build on my connections and mingle with other singles and married couples alike.

I’m a pretty friendly person, and I love meeting new people. Normally, I don’t mind starting conversations with complete strangers, but over the years, I’ve become intimidated to do so in my own church. I’ve had people shut down the conversation and look for someone else (anyone else) to talk to when they found out I was single. Literally, I’ve seen the light go out of their eyes and watched them scan the horizon for someone else to talk to. It is as if upon learning that my marital status was at empty, meant that the conversation or burgeoning friendship could go no further. FULL STOP! She’s single, hence we have nothing in common – walk away quickly. HA!

I attended a singles Sunday school class, but it was not for me. It felt more like a college age class, and I felt too old and grown up there. Yet somehow, I didn’t feel gutsy enough to try the other class for singles or newly singles where the median age was about 15-20 years older than I was either.

I volunteered in the nursery and child care ministries for a while, but unfortunately, I’d usually end up missing all of 3 services because of a lack of workers, or I’d make it to the last service after the worship had ended. It was discouraging.

I joined a small group Bible study for a few months. Here I thought I could really get to know the people in my church, but it didn’t work out that way. I was too different. I tried to get to know the couples in our group through conversations, but no one would really talk to me. In fact, I’d often feel like everyone was talking around me. I was the odd ball out. I didn’t come as part of a matching pair, and apparently this party was for complete sets only.

I tried some of the ladies only events at church. We are all women after all, and so it should be easy to make conversation, right? Oddly enough, it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. The singles and married women didn’t mingle all that much at those functions, and when I tried to start a conversation, that “shut down” mode thing happened again when I explained that I wasn’t married, didn’t have kids, didn’t drive a mini van, etc. Suddenly, they saw their dear friend so-and-so across the room and needed to go catch up with her. It was frustrating because deep down I knew that we might have much more in common if both of us could just stop getting hung up on my empty ring finger.

As for the single men, well, it’s hard to meet them at church when most of the Christian men of my acquaintance that are my age or older have dropped out of church altogether. Sadly, I know so many great single guys that are absent from the church. Perhaps they found it a lonely place to be, too, and opted for other outlets to meet their social and spiritual needs.

Personally, I have found it hard to acknowledge how lonely it can be out there in the church without sounding like I am complaining or whining, but I’ve encountered other singles that have felt the same, and so I know I’m not alone. There are more of us puzzle pieces longing to fill in the blanks, but we find that we don’t fit into the bigger picture. In a way, we’re aliens living in a sea of matching units. We’re not wired the same way. We’re not part of a matching set or even a clique. Yep, we’re broken and incomplete, but in fact, aren’t we all?

Now I know that there is no church here that will ever be a perfect fit. I’m just not gonna find it this side of Heaven, but I firmly believe…WAIT! Let me rephrase that: I KNOW WE (as the CHURCH) CAN DO BETTER!